by Celeste Raye
“Because we did more than we were supposed to, and it is unforgivable. I get that you don't understand why, but in the end, reason doesn't matter. We can never do that again.”
“Hmmm, that so?”
He nodded his head. “Yeah, that is so.”
Donovan was saying the words, but he was shaking inside. How was he going to go on feeling this way? He knew that it shouldn’t happen, but his body wanted it.
“I don't want to give up what this is between us. I know that we shouldn’t, but I don’t care, Donovan. I don’t seem to have as much to lose as you do, but I would make that leap with you. It doesn’t have to be everything that you say it is. It can just be both of us feeling good.”
He hissed in between his teeth because he didn't want to give it up either. Whatever was happening between them, he wanted to keep it going.
Donovan knew that it was best to leave it alone. Until he figured out what to do with her, all he was supposed to do was keep her safe.
It might be better if he took her back sooner than later. The tension between them was only getting worse, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it. Donovan felt pulled in multiple directions. She had really messed with his head and messed with his mind.
Claire turned around so that she had to look at him. “You have to understand this, Claire. This can never happen again. It was a mistake, and I think you know that. What we need to do now is decide how we want to move forward.”
“I told you what I want to do, Donovan. You’re just not listening.”
He frowned.
“I told you that can't happen.”
Her frown was bigger, and her bottom lip poked out. How badly did he want to kiss her lips? Donovan had to shake himself free of the thought, physically as well as mentally.
“Why don't we take you home then?”
“Are you so afraid of me that you would send me away? You said that I could travel with you for a while.”
Donovan had said as much, but he hadn't realized she was going to have such an effect on him. Donovan did not want to be one of those people. He wanted Claire to understand that it was all he could do not to lose himself.
If she knew how badly he wanted her, the thoughts that were going through his mind, maybe she would back off. He looked around for a moment and saw nobody close. He pulled her in and pressed his lips against hers. His world fell around him as the woman in his arms swayed.
Donovan wasn't sure what his plan was when he started. He was now shaking even harder than before, and if he was ever going to rid himself of her, that was not the way to do it. Somehow, that one kiss, had cemented her in his heart. Maybe forever.
The problem was it hadn't changed reality. Whether Claire was in his heart or not, she could never be in his life, and certainly not in his bed.
Chapter Fourteen
Donovan kept telling himself that he was doing the right thing. He knew that they couldn't be together, so distancing himself seemed like the only way to go about it. He knew the rules, grew up with the rules and nothing would change. He was already on the outs with his clan. The last thing he needed to do was push the boundaries any further. Jake would not be lenient with this; he was sure of it.
Claire did not take it the right way, though. She became sullen, and she made a few comments at the next clan meeting that he didn't approve of. The Smites were anti-human and very vocal about it. It was a lot like how it had been at the Bennigans, and he wished more than once that she wasn't with him. It made things harder, when he was trying to broker a peace.
The way that she was acting didn't make things easier. A few times, Donovan had talked to other women that were leaders, and she had gotten jealous, making it clear to everyone that was there. It was hard for Donovan to explain, and they were certainly asking questions.
They did not stay to celebrate with the Smites. He did not think that it was a good idea, and considering the way Claire was acting while sober, he couldn't imagine it would be any better if she got some liquor into her.
He stopped and got off of the bike when they were a ways away. Donovan wanted some answers, and he wasn’t going to rest until he got them.
“What the hell was that?”
A look of false offense. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you just jeopardized a truce with the Smites. Why would you do that? You know how important this working out is to me. I thought you were here as a travel companion. You’re messing me up.”
She scoffed at him, and he tightened his grip on her shoulders. He’d had to grab her, shake her practically, just to get her to look at him. She was acting like an impetuous child.
“I am not trying to mess anything up, but I am sick of hearing how bad humans are. I can’t take this hate without saying something. They say it right in front of me, knowing what I am. What is that?”
“Domination.”
He sighed and once again tried to explain that it had nothing to do with hate.
“It’s just this way for a reason. We’re very different, even if we look the same. That’s why it’s better for us to stay apart.”
“You say that, yet as soon as we are alone together, you want to play with me and my emotions. Then the next day, you’re taking the high road?”
Donovan knew that she was right. He had taken advantage of the situation, and even though he was already regretting it, he would have taken it further. He’d thought about that very thing just moments before.
“I told you that it was a mistake. I am really sorry about it.”
He was trying to make her feel better about it, to explain to her that there was nothing else that could be done, but that just seemed to make her even madder.
“It's wrong that you did that, Donovan, made me fall for you, and now you're backing out of it, telling me that there's no way we can be together. If that were true, then we wouldn't have done what we did. It doesn't have to be this way. That's the choice you're making.”
While in some ways, he had to agree with her, in others, he didn’t. He could physically do it, but she didn't seem to grasp what kind of problems it would cause. Just because they could do it didn't mean that they should.
“It is the choice I am making. It is what is best for everyone involved. Do you really think they would just leave us be?”
She shrugged and told him that she didn't care, which was another indication that she had no idea what she was talking about. If she did, Claire would care just as much as Donovan did. It was just not done, and he was not mature enough to be the one to break that rule.
“I don't care about any of it, Donovan. I just want some more of what happened between us the other night. Don't you want that too? Your body says so, even if your mouth doesn’t.”
Of course, he did, though he wasn't going to say that out loud. He was trying to keep her under wraps. She was more focused on the now, and for once, Donovan was trying to focus on the future. It was as plain as day to him that they didn't have a future together.
He made her look him in the eyes.
“I'm only going to say this one more time, Claire: it can never happen. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart about what happened between us, and I wish you understood that. I shouldn't have done it, and there is no excuse for it, but you have to forget about it. We have to forget about it.”
Donovan was being so serious and he was trying desperately to get through to her. He wanted to say, without saying, what all could happen if they didn't drop it. There was a long list, and he did not want her to get caught in the middle of it. Donovan knew that it would not end well.
Instead of taking him seriously, though, she moved to her tiptoes and pulled him down for a kiss. It was urgent and needy, and her arms wrapped around his neck about the time her legs wrapped around his waist. She was now clinging to him, and he was holding her up while their lips danced and played together. It was a shock to the system, and before he could stop himself, he was kissing her back and pulling her closer
.
It took Donovan a minute to realize what he was doing and to drag himself away from her. It was the last thing he wanted to do, breaking the connection that she had made, but it had to be done. Donovan was worried that he had lost his head. She was never going to listen to him now, and it was becoming harder for him to listen to his own words.
Their lips were somehow entangled again, and he pulled back, breathing hard, rock-solid everywhere else.
“I'm serious, Claire. We can't do this.”
She pouted and asked him why he was fighting it so much. Donovan ignored the question because he didn't want to answer it again. It was sheer will that was keeping him away from her and it was not making him happy. He did not want to be making a point. He wanted to be touching and tasting her.
He got back on the bike, waiting for her to get on behind him, then ignoring the soft body clinging to him. Her breasts pushed against his back, and he groaned. It was going to be a long ride.
Usually, they would stay with their new allies, but he wanted to get some distance between them. They had not been very courteous to Claire, and she had made it quite clear that she did not want to be there any longer than she had to be.
He would have never thought anything about it before. Hating humans was not uncommon. The dislike was felt by most of the people that had to deal with them. Only recently would he have ever considered their plight for more than a moment. Donovan just never thought about them, not even enough to hate them.
They stopped after a while at a hotel. Donovan wanted two rooms, but only one was available. When they got into the room they were to share, he made it a point to label his bed and her bed. He didn't want to give Claire the idea that he had changed his mind.
Claire didn't say much to him that evening while they ate dinner together in the room. Donovan almost regretted that he had stopped what would have happened between them.
The worst thing for Donovan was telling himself this over and over again to convince himself as well. Just because his brain knew that it was the right thing to do didn't mean that it was all that easy to accomplish.
That evening, she made another move towards him, and he tried his best to stay away from her. There was no telling her no without making her mad.
Instead of trying to explain himself one more time, he just laid down on the bed and pretended to be asleep when the questions started to roll in. He heard her but didn’t answer. He made some snoring sounds, and eventually, she stopped asking questions.
It was something he could worry about tomorrow. That sounded a whole lot better than dealing with her when he was hard and full of desire.
Chapter Fifteen
As unhappy as Claire was about getting turned down, she tried to be okay with it. If Donovan didn’t want to be with her, she couldn’t force him. She hadn’t been turned down before, and it didn’t sit well with her.
Trying to sleep, knowing that he was right next to her, was hard. Lying next to him a few feet away, when her body was on fire, felt impossible. His breathing evened out after a while, and Claire hoped that he was asleep. She was left tossing and turning, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness.
After a while, the throbbing between her legs wasn’t going away. She was never going to get to sleep. Not if she didn’t get off.
Her heart was beating in her chest as she slipped her hand into her panties and pressed on the button that made her jerk. She closed her eyes and imagined that it was Donovan touching her again. It wasn’t the same, but she had to muffle a couple of whimpers that were legit. Just the idea of him next to her, trying to hide what she was doing, was enough to send her over the edge.
“How the hell am I going to sleep when you’re over there doing that?”
Her eyes popped open because of how loud his voice was. He was right next to her, and Claire jumped. She’d never been so embarrassed in all of her life. She didn’t want to say anything, but obviously she was going to have to say something, after being caught doing such a thing.
“You won’t do it for me, so what am I supposed to do? You got me all jacked up…”
Claire was going to keep going with her words, but his lips were pressing down on hers, and she suddenly had nothing to say. Nothing that mattered anyway. His body slid on top of hers and smooshed her into the mattress. She made a small mewling sound that was replaced by a growl from him.
Since he had changed his mind before, Claire wasn’t going to let it happen again. She was convinced that once he felt how much need she had for him; he would give her what she desired. She just wanted him, all of him, and nothing else was on her mind.
“Please, Donovan, don’t make me beg for it.”
He shook his head, and she could see darkness taking over. It unsettled her, knowing what he was, but Claire wasn’t able to turn away. She didn’t want to. Claire whimpered and pulled him closer, her hips rising to meet him.
All she was wearing were some panties and a shirt that she’d borrowed from him. The panties were already wet, sticking to her, and his fingers helped it all along. It nudged her core for a moment, and she jerked again like he’d scared her.
“You said this is what you wanted.”
“Yeah.”
“I hope you’re not having second thoughts, Claire. I won’t be able to stop this time.”
She shivered underneath him and was thankful for that. Claire wanted him, needed it more precisely, and she wasn’t going to be able to sleep and think straight until it happened.
Her hips rose to meet his, trying to answer him without words. When he ripped her panties down hard enough to make them tear, she figured that was a good enough answer for them both. His hands were magic and fast on her body, awakening every bit of her before she really knew what was happening. Whatever it was that he was doing with his fingers was amazing, and she wanted more.
The more came not too long after she thought it. Claire could feel pressure to open her legs as Donovan wedged between her thighs. She hoped that he was ready, because she was. Then she felt the blunt end pushing against her weeping opening, and Claire was having second thoughts, lots of them.
She pushed back against his body, trying to give a little more room between the two of them. She knew what he was going to do next, but the sight of him pushing her lips to either side of the thick shaft made her mouth go dry. Maybe she had bit off more than she could chew.
Her hands were on his hips and then his chest.
“What are you doing, Claire? I want to be inside of you. Isn’t that what you want as well?”
It was, and she tried to let her thighs go to either side of him, opening up for him. It was hard, though. It wasn’t because she didn’t want him, Claire still did, but she was uncertain if she could handle him.
“You’re not going to hurt me, are you?”
His eyes were black with need in the dark room, and he agreed that he wouldn’t, but she wasn’t sure. He was too big.
“How do you know that humans and shifters can even have sex? I mean, you say that it isn’t done.”
Donovan chuckled. “I will make sure that it’s possible. Nothing could keep me from getting inside of you, Claire.”
“What if I said no?”
He stopped and stared down at her. He had a serious expression on his face.
“Say it now, then, Claire. I can’t keep playing these games with you.”
The frustration was clear on his face, but as he started to back away, her thighs opened, and she pulled him back.
“I am just afraid it won’t fit. I don’t want you to go away. I still want this, Donovan, really, I do. I just…I don’t know if it’s possible to take all of you.”
Her mind was running a mile a minute, and he assured her that he would make it fit. Donovan likely said it to make her feel better, but she felt worse.
Claire closed her eyes, feeling the hard length pressed up against her again. Her first reaction was to clench, but she knew that wouldn’t do her any good. The only w
ay that he was going to fit was if Claire let him in. That was going to take a lot, and she tried to clear her mind, closing her eyes and waiting.
“Are you going to look like that the whole time?”
She giggled nervously, looking between their bodies and the hard length that was poised to push deep. “I doubt it, not once that thing is in me.”
“I don’t want you to be afraid, Claire. That’s not going to do.”
She tried to say that she wasn’t scared, but he called her out on the blatant lie. Of course, she was afraid. It was huge. He was a bear, and now they were going to have sex. What was normal about any of it?
He got off of her, and she whimpered in protest.
“Don’t stop, please. Just stick it in and get it over with.”
Donovan said that he couldn’t agree to such terms. “I want to make it last, enjoy every minute of my sin. I can’t do that if you’re afraid.”
He laid down next to her, inviting her over. It was supposed to put her in power of it, so she wouldn’t be afraid, but that idea backfired terribly. Once she got an unadulterated view of his length, it scared her even more. It was huge, and she was shaking, her hand moving to stroke him.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
Donovan looked alarmed and he said that she wanted to.
“I know, I do, but…”
The last part of the sentence was a scream. He’d picked her up and set her down on top of him. Gravity did the rest, and he was ripping through her quickly. Once she fell all the way, he was wedged deep inside of her, pressing against all of her walls and making her crazy.
She called out loudly, unable to stop the sound. Claire was breathing fast, trying not to relax because he would go deeper, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
He was overwhelming, as she knew he would be, but she was taking him all.
“Oh my. You’re so…”
His hips raised and she gasped. He chuckled, and Claire cursed under her breath.
“Why are you messing with me?”