by Alina Jacobs
I checked my watch. I was supposed to be home seven minutes ago. I sat in my car, at the intersection in front of the bakery, mentally recalculating my evening when the back passenger door was wrenched open and someone crawled inside.
"Take me home, Jeeves!" a woman slurred. She smelled sweet, like candy and dessert wine. I of course didn't eat sugar.
I turned around in my seat to see another woman stick her head into the car. "You're Arnold, right? Here to pick up Willow?" she asked.
"No, I certainly am not," I said.
"This isn't the Uber?" Willow, I supposed, unless she used an alias, asked uncertainly. I flicked on the overhead light and turned on the hazards.
In the yellow glow, I saw the girls from the vegan shop. I felt a scowl settle on my face. "This is not an Uber; this is a private vehicle. Remove yourselves immediately."
"I can't!" Willow said, gesturing helplessly to her friend. "I think she's asleep. Josie, wake up!"
"She's probably just drunk," I told her. I heard a slight snore from the girl who had covered me in chocolate sauce. Her curly hair spilled out of its clips over the back seat.
Josie's friend halfheartedly tried to pull her out. "Sorry!" she puffed. "She's under a lot of stress right now."
I heard a thunk as the sleeping girl's arm hit the center console. I winced. If that girl ended up with some sort of life-altering injury in my car, my schedule would never recover.
"Just stop. I'll do it," I said, unbuckling my seat belt and going around to the passenger side. I easily pulled Josie out of the car. Cradled in my arms, she felt warm and soft. I asked Willow, "What do you want me to do with her?"
"I think that's our Uber." Willow pointed to a car that was pulling up.
Josie murmured and snuggled into my chest.
"Don't get too comfortable," I told her as I deposited her into the vehicle.
"Thank you! Sorry about your suit!" Willow called as I walked back to my car.
I didn't have time for idle chitchat. I checked my watch. Delayed another six minutes. This evening was going downhill fast.
Back in the car, I had to roll down the window because I reeked of sugar and chocolate and the faint sweet scent of the girl's hair.
Before I could drive off, my phone rang, and my brother's voice came through the speaker system.
"Hunter, you're making me late," I said to my older brother.
"Mace, it's good you're not home yet," he replied, ignoring my complaint. "Another one just came in. Can you pick him up? I'm still on the road and won't be back for another half hour."
I sighed and mentally recalculated my schedule. "I suppose. My schedule is already shot."
"You need to be more flexible," Hunter said.
"Is there anything else? I can't talk and drive," I reminded him.
He made a disgusted noise. "Right, that law. I can't believe Meghan did that.”
“It's remarkable that she's managed to hold a grudge for years and is still finding ways to mess with you. Garrett said he would be impressed if it wasn't such an inconvenience." I told him.
The train station was busy when I pulled up. Ever since Svensson PharmaTech had become one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in the world, it had spurred investment in the formerly run-down rust-belt town of Harrogate.
A couple hours outside of New York City by train, Harrogate boasted a bustling main street, was fully run on hydroelectric power, and had some of the best schools in the state. Lots of research startups were clustering here. And of course my brothers' investment firm was cashing in on all of it.
One would think I would be living the life of a playboy billionaire, but even if I wanted to, I couldn't because of the kids.
Susie, one of the town's police officers, was waiting at the train station, holding the hand of a small child.
"Officer," I greeted her. She was friends with Meghan, and as such, she did not like Svenssons.
I looked down at my newest little brother.
"He's a bit younger than who your father usually sends over," Susie commented.
I knelt down. "What's your name?"
"Henry," the kid said.
"How old are you?"
"Four and seven months."
"At least he can talk and knows his numbers," Susie said as she wrote notes on her pad. "I'll put it on your tab. The social worker will come by in the next few days."
There was an envelope pinned to the kid's jacket. I knew from experience it had all his paperwork in it.
If you're running a polygamist cult, you don't want a bunch of single males running loose. Previously, my father only sent the boys once they hit puberty. But then he began sending them younger and younger, so I supposed it was inevitable we would end up with a preschooler.
Henry was inspecting my suit. Suddenly he opened his mouth and licked it. Susie laughed then clapped a hand over her mouth.
I silently cursed the chocolate-sauce girl as I led Henry away.
When we arrived at the estate house, it was chaos. I felt my jaw tense as soon as I walked in. I knew Hunter hadn't returned yet because the kids were all running around like animals. My college-aged brothers had returned to university, their various spring breaks over. It was easier to corral the younger boys when they were there. Of the oldest teenagers, only Adrian remained, and he hurried over when he saw me.
"Henry!" he exclaimed, picking up his much younger brother and squeezing him to his chest. "Nate! Billy! Look who's here." He looked at me guiltily. "Sorry, I know we're all brothers and not supposed to group off based on our mom," he said. "I'm not like those traitors in Seattle."
"It's okay. You do share a mother and are full brothers. I know you guys missed him. Why don't you go settle him in a room?"
Something hit me in the chest
"Oops," Nate yelled, eyes wide. He skidded to a halt in front of me, and I snatched the paintball gun out of his hand.
"I will not tolerate anarchy in this house," came Hunter's icy voice from behind me. All the kids immediately stopped what they were doing and lined up in the foyer from tallest to shortest. I switched Nate and Theo around. Theo had hit a growth spurt.
Adrian set Henry in the last spot and ran to the front of the line.
"You don't have to do this anymore, Adrian," Hunter said, waving him out of the line. "You're eighteen, and you're working with Mace. You're an adult."
"Man, this is some Children of the Corn shit!" my half brother Liam called out as he walked in, followed by Jack Frost, his Platinum Provisions cofounder.
"Ooh Liam said a bad word!" the kids exclaimed.
"He did say a bad word, didn't he?" Hunter told them. "That's one hundred dollars, Liam. No swearing in the house."
Jack snickered.
"What the fuck?" Liam demanded. "A hundred dollars? Isn't it supposed to be like a nickel for swearing?"
"Inflation," Hunter replied, "and now it's two hundred dollars."
"I don't have any cash."
Hunter pulled out his phone and stuck a card reader in it. "I take credit cards."
"Guess what, guys!" I said to my little brothers. "I brought you a treat! Its vegan nut bread." I opened the box to show them.
The kids looked at the crumbly pieces of bread apprehensively.
"It's healthy and nutritious," I continued. "Lots of fiber." Liam pretended to vomit, and Nate stifled a laugh.
"Jack and I brought something better, curtesy of his girlfriend's bakery," Liam said, shoving me aside. Jack pulled a box out of his bag and opened it to display perfectly decorated cookies. All the kids cheered.
"They shouldn't have that much sugar," I complained to Hunter as Jack and Liam handed out cookies. He looked at me critically.
"You're one to talk. You have chocolate sauce all over your suit."
3
Josie
When I was a young and impressionable college student, back when I thought there was a glamorous job waiting for me on the other side of the university rainbow
, I dreamed of a cool townhouse—one of those big ones in New York City. It would be my sanctuary. There would be a kitchen three times as big as the one in Anke's old apartment. I would have a six—no eight—burner range and three ovens. The kitchen would have an island to seat the humongous family I totally would have. I would make awesome, tasty meals and wear a cute apron and kiss my attractive husband when he came home from work. I would have a craft room, with pretty bits of ribbons, paper, and shiny markers. Best of all, I would have a candy wall displaying glass jars of all different kinds of colorful, sweet treats. When I wasn't crafting or cooking, I would take inspirational photos of my house and curate them on Instagram.
The tiny house that was waiting for me the next morning in the parking lot behind Ida's General Store never featured in my dreams. It never even featured in my nightmares. In its heyday, the tiny house might have been described as modern rustic. Now it was just dilapidated. It was also, well, it was tiny. I could stretch my arms out and touch both walls. The linoleum countertop was peeling. The walls were cracking. The cabinetry looked askew, probably from all the bouncing around on the road. There was a sink the size of a soup bowl, a cruddy toaster oven, and on a shelf above the sink was a display of mason jars holding a dusty array of various pastas.
I made a mental note to put candy into them. If this was as close as I would ever get to my own home, I was making the most of it.
"You're just giving this to her?" Willow asked the hipster. His name was Homer, and he wasn't wearing any shoes. His feet were black.
Homer shrugged. "The lady who had it got married and moved into her new husband's tiny house." He shook his head. "It isn't even that tiny. It's a luxury trailer. This"—he slapped the side of the little cabin on wheels, and the house shook ominously—"this is what tiny-house living is supposed to be—small and low impact."
"Does it have a bathroom?" Willow asked.
Homer picked a piece of gravel out of his foot. I was going to have to scrub the house at some point if he had been walking all over it. "It has a composting toilet and a wet room," he replied, pointing to a tiny door that looked like it was made for elves. I peeked inside and tried not to barf.
"This is a well-traveled tiny house," Homer said, banging on the wall again. The house shook, and a piece of the wood veneer on the ceiling fell down, exposing the insulation.
"It's fine," I assured him, needing him to stop destroying my new home.
"The truck comes with it," Homer added, gesturing us out of the house.
Hitched to the trailer bed was an old Ford pickup. If it had been lovingly maintained, I might have called it a classic pickup. In its current condition, there were brown rust patches, and the door handle was missing.
"I hope you can drive a stick shift," Homer said.
I nodded.
"It guzzles gas but pulls like a champ," Homer said, slapping the truck. One of the chrome pieces fell off, swinging by the remaining screw. The screeching of metal on metal made me wince.
"Enjoy your new home!" Homer said. "Go tiny!" He pumped his fist in the air. I raised my fist halfheartedly and looked up at the sky. It looked like it was going to rain. Maybe it would clean Homer off. Willow and I watched him lope down the road.
"Where is he going?" I mused.
My friend shrugged. "I have to go. My team is meeting at a coffee shop on Main Street before we head over to PharmaTech." Willow hugged me. "Enjoy! We'll catch up later."
I walked back inside the tiny house, sagging. I was still hungover from last night. I remembered falling asleep in the Uber then throwing up outside Willow's hotel.
My head pounded. I needed to go to work soon. I checked the time on my phone. I didn't have to be there until nine a.m. I had plenty of time. I lay down on the scratchy mattress.
4
Mace
As always, I woke up the next morning at five thirty. Routine was important. I led my younger brothers on a run around the large estate. They trailed behind me in two lines of twelve. My eldest brother Remington, Remy for short, ran with us, wearing a big weight vest.
"Top of the morning!" he said through his huge bushy beard. The big ex-marine had let his hair grow out after he left the service. He looked wild, but the kids loved him. I loved him, too, though he was more like a kid himself than any real help with our younger siblings. Still, he was probably one of my favorite brothers.
Jack Frost was in the dining room when we returned from the run. On the table was another box of baked goods
"My girlfriend, Chloe, made breakfast muffins," he explained. "It's not sugary. They can have that, right?"
Nate and Billy clasped their hands together, silently pleading.
"I guess so," I relented. "Though I can't believe you all don't want vegan nut bread."
Jack laughed as my little brothers clamored for a muffin.
"Line up!" Hunter ordered, looking over his newspaper. "Act civilized, and say thank you to Jack."
After the kids were sitting nicely at the table, Jack offered me a muffin. "It's a steak and potato soup muffin. Chloe is developing a new line of breakfast muffins."
I shouldn't. It wasn't health food. "Come on," Jack cajoled. "Take it from a reformed Grinch whose soul was saved by the wonders of baking. This will change your life."
"It does smell good," I said, relenting.
"It's all protein. There's so much cheese and steak in it it's basically keto."
I peeled back the paper and took a bite. It was like eating a big plate of steak, eggs, and hash browns at a small-town diner. "That's really good," I mumbled around the food.
Remy picked one up and took a huge bite. My hand twitched. Crumbs were in his beard. "She should open a franchise in Harrogate," he said.
"She's still swamped with the one in my tower," Jack said, smiling.
I walked into the office at exactly seven thirty a.m. Yesterday had been a bust, but today was going to go exactly as planned. I dropped Henry off at the in-office daycare.
Adrian, who had been acting as my assistant, said, "Jack and Liam, as well as several executives, are here for the Platinum Provisions meeting at eight thirty."
"Perfect," I said. "Liam's actually early."
"Bro!" someone shouted down the hallway.
It was Archer, my identical twin. I could see the tattoos on his collarbone and on his forearms as he wrapped me in a hug, half climbing on me.
"You're messing up my suit," I complained, pushing him off. "Why are you here?"
"Harrogate is the hot spot," he replied. "Besides, I came to see you. Hunter said you were wigging out."
I resisted the urge to find a comb and tamp down his hair.
"You should come to the meeting," my older brother Greg said, pausing before he went into the conference room. "It might benefit you to learn something."
"I can't believe he's even up," I remarked.
"I never went to sleep!" Archer said proudly. "Though if Mace is giving a presentation, I'll doze right off."
"I don't know," my CFO and brother Garrett said, walking up, laptop under his arm. "He's been experimenting with PowerPoint effects. It's going to be very entertaining."
"Presentations aren't supposed to be entertaining. They're supposed to be informative," I retorted.
"Cramming a paragraph of twelve-point font on one slide is not helpful," Liam said. He threw an arm around my shoulder. "You need a girlfriend. Look at Jack! He used to be as uptight as you. Now he has a baker."
The Platinum Provisions executives and some of their marketing team were already in the room. Adrian had put out the nut bread I had brought as a snack.
"Throw that in the trash," Liam hissed to him. "That stuff is disgusting."
"I think it tastes great!" Adrian said, picking up a piece and chewing it.
"Adrian's a sycophant and a liar!" Liam announced. "You should have come to work with me. Mace is a bad influence."
"Yes, he is," Greg said and turned to give me an icy glare. "Adrian is not
here to make copies and lay out snacks. He's here to learn how to run a business, not be your coffee boy."
"Aww," Liam cooed, wrapping his arms around Adrian and picking him up. "Adrian's trying to be a serious business man."
"Stop it, Liam!" Greg said irritably as Liam put Adrian down. "Adrian, has Mace been teaching you anything?"
"I got the whole office smoothies, and they were still frozen!" Adrian said proudly.
Greg shook his head slowly. "Why am I not surprised?"
"He's learning logistics," I protested.
"This ends today," Greg said.
I cut off the tirade that I knew was coming. "I need to start the meeting. Don't want to get behind schedule." I walked to the front of the room, pleased to see my PowerPoint was loaded onto the screen. "Good morning, everyone, and a warm welcome to the representatives from Platinum Provisions. I'm glad that our two companies are able to partner and branch into medical device development. We're currently in the process of locating a site for the new light manufacturing plant. We will also be building more research and development facilities."
I heard a thunk and looked over to see Henry, face suctioned onto the glass door of the conference room. He wasn't wearing any pants or shoes.
I shook my head at him, but he pushed the door open and came in, looking around. Some of the attendees giggled.
Go to Liam. Go to Archer, I chanted silently, willing him to hear my commands. Henry made a beeline for me and clambered up my pants leg.
"We offer daycare here, and obviously one escaped," I said, picking him up and glaring at my brothers. Not a single one moved. Adrian finally came over to drag Henry off me.
Henry did not want to go. "I don't like it! They're mean! It's prison!" he wailed. There was more unintelligible shrieking as Donna, one of the daycare workers, ran in.