by Sarah Noffke
CHAPTER NINE
Azure held the fidget spinner between her fingers. It was a useless item, but strangely she’d found herself addicted to playing with it. Rotating the spinner on her fingers was somehow calming. Humans created the strangest things, like this one. They also created wonderful things, like frozen yogurt.
“Who’s ready for this impossible mission?” Monet asked, stepping out onto the porch. Azure sat on the first step.
“You know you don’t have to go,” she said, and instantly regretted it. What if Monet bailed on her now? He was the only one who could keep her morale up if things got bleak. Azure rose to a standing position, hefting her bag onto her shoulders.
“What? Not go and miss the opportunity to insult Mage Lenore? Come now.” Monet met Azure on the step. His mint-green hair was mashed to one side of his head, like he hadn’t bothered to comb it. “Besides, with all this adventure business, I’m turning into an adrenalin junky.”
“Yeah, I feel you,” Azure said, staring out over the green hills. She loved this kingdom, but she also loved the idea of ruling by doing something rather than sitting on a throne. Maybe that feeling would wear off when she got her hand bitten off by a dragon.
“Where are the freaks?” Monet asked, staring around.
“If you mean Ever and Gillian, they are meeting us at the border. I sent them to instruct the Orcs. We need to ensure that our water supply isn’t tampered with again.”
“You just love bossing people around now, don’t you, Queen Pain-in-the-Ass?”
“Don’t let Gillian hear you calling me names. He’ll, I don’t know, scold you severely or punish you with cold stares.” At their backs, Azure heard the not-so-graceful sounds of Blisters thundering across the porch. She spun and darted out of the way just as the unicorn bounded off the porch. Once in the grass he ran in a circle, chasing his tail and nearly nipping it.
“Wow, his stupidity knows no bounds,” Monet said, watching with awe in his eyes.
Azure peered down to find Finswick beside her. “You must already know I’m going to tell you that you can’t accompany me on this mission, right?”
“Yes, it’s our thing. I go above and beyond to serve you as I have my entire life, and you leave me behind at every turn,” the feline said, his eyes also watching Blisters, who was still chasing his tail.
“Well, what you may not know is that this time I’m going to put you in charge of Blisters,” Azure said, her face scrunching up with tension.
Finswick meowed, a growl low in his throat.
“I figured you’d feel that way about the task,” Azure said, offering her familiar a nervous smile.
“Why don’t you take him with you? Maybe he’ll be eaten by a swarm of trevor beetles or drown in a puddle.”
“We could only hope for such a blessing.” Monet laughed when Blisters stumbled forward, dizzy from circling.
“You know I can’t take him on this expedition. He’d…” Azure’s voice trailed off, thinking of all of the horrible accidents the bad-luck unicorn would bring upon them on the Mountain of Truth.
“He’d get us killed ten ways to Tuesday,” Monet said.
Azure knelt and scratched Finswick behind the ears. “I trust that you’ll keep Blisters mostly out of trouble. Try to keep him here at the House of Enchanted. I fear there are a few witches around Virgo who would pluck every hair from his body, squeeze tears from his eyes, or saw off his horn to create an immortality potion.”
Monet looked at Finswick. “Which means, keep the queen mother away from the unicorn.”
“Oh, shush it,” Azure said, standing upright. “Gran probably created that potion long ago. That witch is going to outlive us all.”
“Good, because I’m going to come back and haunt her. Just imagine the look on her face when I swap the labels on her hair growth and night cream potions. She’ll be sporting a beard to rival Finnegan’s.” Monet chuckled at the thought.
Azure approached Blisters, who was walking around like a drunk, similar to how Monet would act. “Blisters, I’ve got to be off, but you’re in good hands. Finswick will keep you company.”
“Finny!” the unicorn yelled, his tongue hanging out of his mouth like a golden retriever’s. “We’re going to be the best of pals. You can read me books and make me a cake and let me lick the bowl, and we’ll play board games all night.”
“Right after I kill myself,” Finswick said, his tail flying into the air as he turned and strolled for the house.
“He’ll warm up to you,” Azure said to Blisters, leaning over and petting his rainbow mane.
“Thank you for taking me in, Queen Azure. I know you probably don’t notice this, but I’m a bit different than other unicorns. But you treat me real nice. My herd didn’t want me, but you do.”
“Different? I hadn’t noticed,” Azure said, suppressing a grin. “And you’re welcome. This is your forever home. We will never turn you away.”
“Come on, Queen Fibber. It’s time to go,” Monet said, tugging Azure forward toward the border.
CHAPTER TEN
“We’re off to see the mage, the wonderful mage of MOT,” Monet sang as they neared the forest.
“Mot?” Azure asked.
“Mountain of Truth. The song didn’t work with that long-ass name, so I shortened it.”
“Song?” Azure asked again, not sure if she wanted to know.
“Yeah, I’ve been watching these things called movies in Ever’s room. He’s got this setup…” Monet’s voice became cautious. “Never mind. The less you know, the better.”
“Oh great, my cabinet members are going to get me in a load of trouble with the Silver Griffins. What are these movie things you’re watching?”
“They’re so cool. They’re stories. Like the one that song is from is about this wizard from a place called Oz, but he doesn’t have any actual magic. Sorry for the spoiler. Anyway, there’s this one character who reminds me of you. She’s from the west and has green skin,” Monet said with a sneaky grin.
“Mmm. She sounds like an Orc,” Azure mused. Ever had obviously smuggled some electronics into Virgo and was bewitching them using either his human or elf magic.
“Oh, no, she’s definitely a witch. And she’s after a human named Dorothy.” Monet’s face was flushing pink, his voice about to overflow with laughter.
“Yeah, that reminds me of my battle against the Duke of Terran. I hope that witch from the west wins,” Azure said.
“Oh, she brings down the house.” Monet pointed ahead to where a few Orcs stood at the border. “Speaking of our green-skinned friends. Smells as though they rejected my care package of soaps and Squeaky-Clean potions.”
Azure ignored Monet and nodded to the chief of the Orcs. The bald giant grunted in reply, knocking his fist to his chest. Drago, whose knife Azure had brought with her, almost seemed to smile at the queen.
“Ever and Gillian? Have they been by here?” Azure asked, at first worried that something had happened to them.
“They await you just up ahead,” the chief said, throwing a long finger in the direction of the forest. “We’ve received our orders and will comply.”
“Thank you,” Azure said, nodding. “And as a show of my appreciation for your help and because I value your input, I’d like to offer you a seat on my cabinet, Chief.”
“Oh, dude, we’ll never—”
“Shut it, Monet,” Azure said, cutting him off. She watched the chief, gauging his reaction.
“That is a noble gesture, but not necessary. Orcs do not engage in such meetings. We will help you now, but do not want a long-term alliance. It is better for us if we work alone,” the chief said.
Azure nodded. “Well, the invitation is always there if you change your mind.”
“We will not,” the chief said, turning to Drago. “Provide coverage for the queen until she’s safe in the mountains.” He spun back to face Azure. “There you’ll be past the harpies, but other dangers await you in the mountains tha
t we cannot guard you from.”
“Love the ominous talk. Really gets me going,” Monet said.
“I understand, Chief. And the protection is much appreciated. Thank you, Drago,” Azure said, bowing her head to the Orc beside the chief.
He nodded, shouldering a bow and a bundle of arrows. “My payment to you, Queen Azure, will be high, for I owe you my life.” The Orc turned to the closest tree, mounting it and climbing the trunk with a strange grace.
“Drago will guard and protect your group from up high,” the chief said.
“Thank you.” Azure smiled before heading for the mountain.
They hadn’t hiked far into the scattered trees before Monet let out a long sigh. “A place on your cabinet? Are you insane? We’d never get that smell out of the House of Enchanted.”
“I knew the chief wasn’t going to accept. It’s not their way. However, the gesture has been made and will be remembered,” Azure said.
Monet lifted an eyebrow, looking at Azure. “You are a crafty little queen, aren’t you?”
“I’m working on your demise as we speak, should you ever cross me.”
“I have no doubt you are telling the truth.” Monet laughed, just as Ever and Gillian came into view. They stood by a small stream on the border of Virgo, the same creek the humans of Terran had poisoned with the virus.
“Is everything in order, Queen Azure?” Gillian asked, wearing his usual brown suit. Whereas Ever had a pack like hers and Monet had filled his robes with supplies this time, the gnome carried nothing extra. However, she’d observed that he often pulled things from his pockets he shouldn’t have the room for. Gnomes were a strange and wonderful species.
“Yes, all preparations have been made for our absence,” she said, stepping around them on the path and taking the lead. The hike to the Mountain of Truth would take most of the day, so making quick progress up through the hills was crucial.
“Shouldn’t the little guy take the lead since he’s one of the hill people?” Monet asked from the back of the group.
“Gillian and I went over the route last night while you were getting drunk on the expensive wine the House of Enchanted reserves for visits from council members.” Azure grabbed her hair and twisted it up on top of her head, sliding her wand through the center of the tangle.
“Another problem I’ve spotted in how the House of Enchanted operates,” Monet observed. “Expensive wine should be reserved for cabinet members.”
“Oh good, you’re putting together a list of problems,” Azure said.
“Yes. Like for instance, the kitchen serves vegetables with every meal. And bowls of fruit can be found in every room. I’m going to eradicate these wasteful practices. Instead, shots will be served with every meal except breakfast, where we’ll sip champagne like civilized folk. And instead of bowls of fruit, scantily-clad witches will be draped across the furniture in every room,” Monet explained.
“Great. So we’ll all be sloshed by lunch and there will be a gaggle of little Monets running around in no time,” Azure said, growing breathless. The terrain had quickly turned steep, and the dirt was now mixed with large rocks.
“Don’t be absurd. I take a potion regularly to ensure my lineage dies with me,” Monet said.
“I don’t see why you go to the trouble. It’s not like there are any witches in Virgo who will put their hands on you,” Azure retorted, earning a small chuckle from Gillian.
“Don’t act all jealous, Queeny. One day I’ll make an honest woman of you so I can take the throne. But do note that I’ll still invite other witches into the marital bed,” Monet said.
“And with only a few words, you’ve ruined my appetite for the rest of my life.” Azure made a gagging sound.
“Mine too,” Gillian said, easily keeping pace with the group.
The trail coiled through a valley which offered breathtaking views of the mountain lake just below it. Cobalt waters sat as placidly as if iced over. Azure pulled in a breath of the mountain air, enjoying how it tasted of spring.
“I haven’t seen one of those in quite some time,” Gillian remarked, pointing to the lake below.
Azure squinted as she hiked, trying to make out what he meant. The lake was surrounded by green hills, but nothing else. Along the closest shore were a few round boulders, which had probably fallen from the rocky mountain where they stood.
“A large body of water?” Monet asked. “Man, runt, you’ve got to get out more often.”
Gillian shook his head. “No, I meant the sea dinosaurs. The largest known herd can be found in these lakes.”
Monet slid his chin to the side, giving the gnome an expression that said, “You’re fucking mad.”
“Hey, if the leprechaun gets to be on hallucinogens, then I’m getting drunk. I brought a bottle of Finnegan’s cauldron whiskey,” Monet said.
“No one is getting smashed just yet.” Azure paused, staring at the lake. “What am I missing, Gillian?”
Ever pointed at the lake, his finger just in front of Azure’s face. “He’s referring to those rocks in the water.”
“Yes, and the mountains are just hunched-over sleeping giants.” Monet shook his head.
“Actually, a time or two when I was hiking I discovered that I was standing on a goliath’s back. Imagine my surprise when he stood and I slid down his leg. Talk about scrambling away from being squashed!” Ever said, as if remembering a somewhat fond memory.
“I’ve been through these mountains dozens of time. Those rocks have always been there.” Monet threw his thumb in the direction of the boulders.
“In that same formation?” Gillian asked, as if testing Monet.
“Well, I’d have to consult the watercolor that I painted while staring at this lake, but yeah, more or less. It’s always looked like this,” the wizard said.
Gillian lifted his hand to his mouth, and through his curled fingers he made a call that sounded like a low horn followed by strange clicking noises.
The boulders in the lake below shifted slightly and then, as if the water were receding, the rocks rose and widened. Azure watched with awe as a head as large as Blister’s popped up just in front of one of the rocks. It levitated into the air on a long neck that connected to the boulder, which Azure now realized was the creature’s back.
“I rode one of those across a lake,” Azure said, remembering when she’d stood on the slippery creature to cross the lake beside the Land of Terran. “A mermaid called the sea dinosaur to help me.”
Ever nodded, fondly looking out as three more sea dinosaurs popped their heads from the lake. “Yes, the mer people have a way with these animals. Otherwise they are extremely shy. There’s one on Earth that hardly ever shows its face.”
“It went over from Oriceran when the gates were open?” Azure asked. She was intrigued that such a magical creature could be found on Earth, where such things would be considered bizarre.
“Yes, and they call it a monster, not realizing how docile sea dinosaurs are,” Ever said.
One of the creatures opened its mouth and let out a noise to match the one Gillian made.
“They’re beautiful,” Azure announced. “How could anyone think of them as monsters?”
“Well, we tend to fear those things we don’t understand. And since the sea dinosaur is hardly ever sighted in Loch Ness, it’s considered to be dangerous,” Ever supplied.
“And since only the call of another sea dinosaur brings them to the surface, I’m sure the creature is more myth than fact,” Gillian said, rubbing his chin while musing on the idea.
“Yeah, Nessie is all alone on Earth,” Ever said.
“That’s so sad. Maybe we can bring her a friend one day,” Azure said, turning to continue through the mountains.
“Only you, Azure, would want to smuggle a fucking huge sea dinosaur through an illegal portal in a humanitarian crusade,” Monet said, shaking his head.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The group hiked mostly in silence for an hour,
only having to endure Monet announcing his step count every fifteen minutes.
“Three thousand and one,” he called, having consulted his Fitbit.
Azure considered telling her oldest friend to shut the fuck up, but decided that she’d save the profanity for when her nerves were really frayed.
Turning to offer Gillian a commiserating look, Azure noticed that the petals on the red flower on his hat had peeled back to bare its teeth. Azure halted and her eyes widened. The tiny teeth parted and a growl ripped from the flower’s mouth.
When the warning system went off on his hat, Gillian spun around to look for the approaching danger. “Weapons out!” he roared, backing up.
Azure and the other two positioned themselves, putting their backs to each other.
“What is it?” she asked, spying only grass and trees at the base of the Mountain of Truth. It towered in the distance with purple mist obscuring its peak.
Gillian pulled his lips back, teeth bared, copying his flower. “Goblins,” he said with a growl.
“What?” Azure asked, holding her wand in front of her. Not only did she not see a thing, but all that could be heard was the babbling of a nearby stream. Beside her, Azure felt Ever tense. She pulled Drago’s knife from her backpack, offering it to him, but he only shook his head. A gentle humming reverberated from his mouth as he summoned magic from the ground under him. His eyes glowed brightly and symbols lit up on his hands, arms and neck.
In front of them, the leaves of a large plant peeled back to reveal a gnarled-looking creature. A goblin of about Gillian’s size sheathed in wrinkled brown skin stared back at them. His drew in a long breath through his pinched nose and grimaced, his yellow eyes narrowing with menace. On his knobby body he wore armor, its various pieces bound together with fraying rope, and in his hand he held a nail file.
“Wow…” Monet said, his voice dead. “Run for your fucking life. That thing is going to give us all manicures.”
“He’s a scout.” Gillian’s voice quivered.
“No, he’s an adorable little goblin.” Monet turned, a look of seriousness on his face. “Azure, do you want to ask him to be on your cabinet? Maybe we can bring him back to ride on Blister’s back.”