by Marika Ray
I glanced out the window and saw Titus standing with his foot up on the slab of concrete that would make up his foundation. His jeans stretched across his fine ass, and his T-shirt seemed to have the same problem. His muscles were popping everywhere, straining the confines of cotton and thread. He threw back his head and laughed, that stupid mullet of his doing crazy things to the pool of desire that formed every time I caught sight of him.
Then I frowned. Who was that he was talking to?
I leaned forward, past the tree trunk that blocked my view. A woman was standing there, her long blond hair and glowing skin looking like an Instagram model from the golden hour rays of sunshine shining down on her. She laughed too, pushing her trendy little glasses up her pert nose.
Jazzie.
I thought that was her name. She was a few years younger than all of us and she’d left town to go to college in recent years. If I recalled correctly, she and Titus even went on a date a few times way back when. What was she doing here now? And what was she doing with her hand on Titus’s arm like that?
A hot burn as deep as the cute little red bow on the back of my thong raced up my spine. I didn’t stop to think rationally because what was the point of that? My boyfriend had a woman all over him and I should just remain calm? And do what exactly? Wait it out in my car? Hell to the no. I was going in both barrels blazing. Amelia-style.
I had one boyfriend cheat on me recently and I wasn’t going to let that shit happen again. Never again.
As I stepped out of my car and crunched over the sidewalk in my high-heeled boots, my thoughts spiraled. Titus had been quiet lately. Was he building a hotel for Daire behind my back? Was he seeing someone else? Anything was possible, though my heart pitter-pattered in a pathetic rhythm at the possibility of any of those ideas. My eyes started to burn and even that made me angrier. I loved Titus. How could he do this to me?
“Kindly take your hands off my boyfriend,” I stated in a bone-chilling tone the second my heels hit the patch of dirt Titus had been working on for two weeks now.
Jazzie and Titus both turned their heads in my direction, Jazzie’s smile fading quickly. A woman knows the score when caught with another woman’s man. Titus, God bless his good-boy heart, just smiled bigger at me, genuinely happy to see me. Which should have been my first sign that everything was above board around here. But I couldn’t see that in my rage.
Jazzie didn’t move and it pissed me off. Titus had two sawhorses set up with a plank of pressed board on top as a makeshift table on his jobsite. I whipped out my hand and whacked the board from underneath, toppling the table and sawhorses in an impressive show of anger. I was literally flipping tables I was so mad.
“I-I should go. Nice to see you again, Titus. Take care, Amelia,” Jazzie stammered, backing up and turning quickly to jog to her little car.
“See you around, Jazzie,” Titus called after her, then turned to me, his smile morphing into a frown. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
I put my hands on my hips, shaking my head that he didn’t catch on to what I was accusing him of. He didn’t even mention my cool-ass table flip. “Yeah, you weren’t expecting me, were you? Looks like I got here just in time. What’s the deal with Jazzie?”
Titus looked back at Jazzie’s disappearing taillights and then back at me, his eyebrows scrunching together. “The deal? Nothing. She’s back from college and wanted to see how I was and if I knew of any new businesses opening up in town she could apply for. She’s got some science degree I couldn’t pronounce. Not real sure what kind of job a person could get with it.”
I squinted at him. That was odd. He seemed genuine. The guy didn’t even know Jazzie was flirting with him and it drove me crazy.
“Um, the girl was flirting with you. She had her hands all over you.”
Titus’s frown cleared. “You’re joking.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “No, I’m not. She was flirting with you and you didn’t even stop it. How would you like to stumble across an ex-boyfriend’s hands on me?”
Titus’s jaw dropped open. “You mean like Daire last week when I stepped in between you two and you got mad at me for doing so?”
I waved my hand through the air. “That’s completely different. He wasn’t flirting with me.”
“Jazzie wasn’t flirting with me!” Titus’s muscled arms flew out from his sides.
I lifted a shoulder like I couldn’t care less. “Whatever. Agree to disagree?”
Yeah, that response was a little on the bitchy side, I admit. Titus must have thought so too. He practically exploded, his arms waving all through the air, his face turning a shade of red I was unfamiliar with. Nice-guy Titus was nowhere to be found.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been in love with you since we were twelve, Amelia. You’re right. I’ve dated a lot over the years. I’ve dated every single woman in the county just to pass the time until you finally saw me. Saw us for what we could be. I’ve watched you date men who were so unworthy of you it would be laughable if it wasn’t so sad. And yet I’ve stayed best friends with you through it all because I love you no matter what. Always have, always will. So accuse me of whatever you want, but don’t you dare accuse me of cheating on you. Because the very idea of that is ludicrous.”
I snapped my jaw shut at some point during that tirade. I’d never seen Titus so worked up. About anything. And part of me wanted to curl up against his chest and soothe him back into the sweet guy I knew he was at heart. Assure him that everything would be okay. But a much bigger part of me wanted to defend myself. Wanted to yell and scream and rage right back at him. Wanted to prove I wasn’t that girl anymore. The one who let a man run right over her.
That part won.
“Are you kidding me? You’re talking to a girl who’s been cheated on by her boyfriend, more than once, I remind you. So being a little paranoid about it happening again is how I protect myself. I’ve been let down by people who were supposed to love me, Titus. You don’t just drop that the next time you date someone. You carry that with you. After Daire, I promised myself to never be abused like that again. I won’t be one of many or kept in the dark about things. So, if you want to flirt with an ex-girlfriend or have some secret project you can’t tell me about, then maybe this isn’t going to work between us.”
The second I threw down the gauntlet, I wanted to take it back. Swallow the words back down or smash them into little pieces with Titus’s hammer so they couldn’t come between us. Another wedge of foolhardy, immature passion that served no purpose but to enflame the other person.
Titus went deadly silent, the sun setting behind him and making his blond hair glow. His massive chest rose and fell like he’d run a marathon to have this argument with me. He shook his head, his gray-blue eyes looking as sad as the day his dog died freshman year.
“You still don’t get it. I’ve just been putting in time, postponing my life, until you saw me and the love I’ve always had for you. But you can’t because you’re too busy making sure everybody sees you. Or whatever badass façade you want them to believe in. When are you going to know that you’re enough, just as you are? With moments of bravery followed by weakness, flaws and talent, pettiness and maturity all rolled into one. When will you stop fighting so hard to be seen and just live your damn life, Lia?”
A searing pain shot up from my clenched stomach and into my chest. I wouldn’t have been surprised at all to see an arrow’s quiver sticking out of my chest after that verbal lashing. Titus had hit the bull’s-eye. The very truth I ran my mouth off to hide. And like the dumbass I was on occasion, I couldn’t back down, so I doubled down.
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you! When will you figure out that you’re enough too? You’re always running around saving people like you owe the whole town of Auburn Hill for having a fuckup as a brother. When are you gonna get that through your head?”
My voice echoed over the concrete slab witness to our argument. A bird let out a screech in a n
earby tree, probably pissed we were interrupting his dinner. Someone honked in the roundabout leading into Main Street. The sounds of the town we grew up in were all around us, but there was nothing familiar about Titus and me being on opposite ends of a fight.
Titus gave me one last searching, pleading look and then walked off when he didn’t find what he was looking for. His heels kicked up a cloud of dust with each step away from me. I watched him go, stunned silent for once and far too late. The big engine in his truck fired up and he pulled away from the curb without a backward glance, leaving me alone in the darkening evening sky.
My anger diffused like a balloon that had a slow leak. I pivoted in a full circle, taking in the work Titus had put in on this lot the last few weeks. A huge stack of lumber had been delivered on one side, awaiting the framing that would happen soon. All that arguing and I still didn’t know what this project was. All I’d accomplished was possibly breaking up with the best thing that had ever happened to me.
“What the hell just happened here?” I mumbled to the shovel that lay abandoned on the dirt by my feet.
It didn’t answer me, and I’d never felt more alone. My stomach had dropped so far down during the shouting I felt hollowed out. Empty. A shell of the vibrant, kick-ass girl I normally was.
That just wouldn’t do. I lifted my chin, ignoring how it wanted to wobble, and forced myself to pick my way back to my car with my head held high. I’d be fine without Titus. We’d barely started dating. And quite frankly, if he was flirting with other girls so easily and keeping secrets from me, I’d just dodged a bullet by ending things now.
I should have felt relief. Freedom. Maybe a little disoriented by the sudden change in relationship status.
But all I felt was devastated.
23
Titus
“Give us the recap.”
It almost sounded like Jayden was in my living room. I could go check it out, but my limbs had just reached that perfect state of numbness. That state of drunk where everything feels good, but the room hasn’t started spinning yet. The alcohol sweet spot was as elusive as the spirit note. I couldn’t leave now that I’d found it. I snuggled deeper into my pillows and tried to turn up the volume on my phone. I made a new playlist this week. I called it Fuck You, Amelia. They were perfect, angry breakup songs.
“He spent all last weekend drunk, then had to eat an entire dozen of donuts to sober up enough on Monday to work. As soon as he got home tonight, he hit the bottle again. Figured it was time to call in reinforcements. He’s wallowing.”
I pried open one eye. Fuckin’ Rip. I wasn’t wallowing. Wallowing was for losers. I was merely partying on the weekends like a normal twenty-eight-year-old. You know, partying from my bedroom. Alone. Finding my phone down by my foot, I tried to focus on the volume button. I could have sworn I turned up the music to drown everything out.
“Is this about his brother being arrested again last weekend or is this about Amelia?’
Fuck. Even Bain was here. Didn’t they know this was a goddamn solo party?
“Probably both, but mostly Amelia. They broke up from what I could get out of Titus. Although Dom calling him again to get bailed out didn’t help things.”
Jesus. When had Rip become a little gossiper on the level of the town greats like Poppy?
“I can hear youuu…” I yodeled at top volume.
I winced as the loud noise hurt my head. And my top lip got stuck on my teeth. Damn. When was the last time I drank any water? Or brushed my teeth?
“So, how are we playing this? Do I need to go get my moonshine stash or are we trying to sober him up?”
I smiled at that. My buddy Charlie was here. He was a good guy. Not a hard-ass at all. He shared his moonshine and that shit would put hair on your chest.
“I think it’s time to slap some sense into him. He can’t lose his liver over a woman. Even if it is Amelia.”
Great. Somebody left killjoy Rip in charge.
My door burst open and I cringed at the noise. Hands lifted me off my bed. I started swinging but only caught air.
“Guys, come on. Da numbs are gone,” I whined, eyes still closed. I was afraid if the numbness was gone, that meant the room would start spinning.
“Use your legs, you Neanderthal.”
Bain was a meanie. I stuck my lower lip out. “Don’t wanna.”
Jayden slapped me on the back and I lurched forward, forced to use my legs just to avoid face planting. “Time for a men-only bonfire.”
That sounded good. I straightened my knees and attempted to walk with one eye cracked open. Thankfully, someone let me lean on them the whole way out to Rip’s truck. They could have been more gentle when they threw me in the passenger side, but then Bain handed me a flask and I was willing to overlook it.
Rip got behind the wheel and started driving out to the cliff we went to that the ladies didn’t like. There were no sea caves in that area and the hike down to the ocean was a bit treacherous, making it the perfect spot for us guys when we needed some testosterone-only time. I uncapped the flask and tipped my head back for a big swig.
And sprayed the liquid all over the inside of Rip’s windshield.
“What the fuck, man?” Rip looked over at me in disgust, brown liquid dripping off his arm.
“It’s coffee!” I complained.
“Yeah. It’s what non-alcoholics drink.”
I sneered at him. “I don’t ’ppreciate your sar-ca-sisms.”
Rip snorted and tried to ignore me the rest of the way even as I sang him all his favorite songs. Just the choruses, though. Those I knew the words to. Mostly.
“A blue Tacoma, California,” I sang. “Sing it with me, Rip! If heaven is anywhere…”
“Jesus.” Rip cut the engine and climbed out, slamming his door and ending my song.
“Rude!” I yelled to the empty cab.
I wrinkled my nose at the flask and then drank down all the coffee anyway. Maybe that would wet my whistle enough to keep singing at the bonfire. Maybe Rip brought his guitar. That would be rad.
The door I was resting my elbow on swung open suddenly. I toppled right and would have bit the dust if it hadn’t been for strong arms holding me up.
“Nice shoes, Bain.”
I meant the compliment. His boots looked shiny new.
“You called us just in time, Rip.” Bain didn’t sound like he heard my nice compliment. Maybe I should say it louder. Or sing it! Everyone loved a compliment set to music, amiright?
I blinked and we were all seated around a roaring fire as the wind from the ocean hit the side of my face. My eyes felt like they had sand crusted in them.
“How’d we get here?”
All four heads whipped over to look at me. Rip looked like he was struggling to hold in laughter.
“We took turns fireman’s-carrying you down here. You ever think about losing some weight?” Jayden gave me a dirty look.
I rubbed my flat belly, not sorry at all, but a little concerned I’d lost time. “It’s all muscle, boys.”
What do you know? The numbness was gone, but nothing was spinning either. I may have sobered up with that little nap.
“My bulletproof coffee worked, I see.” Charlie winked at me.
“Ah shit, did I just drink essential oils or herb grass or some shit?” I chuckled before I remembered I wasn’t in the mood to laugh. Maybe ever again.
The guys all looked relieved I wasn’t crying in my coffee or drunker than a skunk. Admittedly, I’d been a bit of a mess for over a week now. Ever since Amelia blew up everything standing on the very foundation I’d toiled over just for her. I was willing to give up everything for her, but she was willing to let us go over an innocent conversation with a woman who meant nothing to me.
“Feel like telling us about it?” Bain asked, staring into the fire.
No, I didn’t feel like talking about it, thinking about it, or especially feeling about it, but I knew that wasn’t healthy. Drinking my weight in whi
skey was a surefire way of ending up just like my older brother. As much as I knew I’d live a miserable life without Amelia, there was still some part of me buried deep that knew I couldn’t accept living like this.
I let out the breath I’d been holding in and told them all about that day at the jobsite. Being the awesome friends they were, they all listened without interrupting until I was done, my energy drained and my heart sitting in the sand by my feet.
“Man, I don’t get it. You dated Jazzie for like two days. What’s with the overreaction?” Rip was the first to dive into things, having heard bits and pieces of my tale over the last week.
Bain sat back in his chair. “Nah, this has nothing to do with Jazzie.”
“What do you mean?” Charlie asked.
Bain looked at his brother, Jayden, who nodded his agreement, before explaining. “Listen, women don’t explode over a simple conversation. There was something bigger and scarier going on in her head before she ever saw you with Jazzie. That was just a convenient scapegoat.”
Jayden shivered. “Ew, goats.”
Even I cracked a smile at that. Jayden had a rocky past with goats. Particularly Buttinsky Jr., the goat that had attacked him on both a plane and during goat yoga. It’s a long story. Suffice it to say, Jayden avoided goats at all costs, even metaphorical scapegoats.
As much as Bain’s explanation made sense, it didn’t make me feel any better.
“I’ve given her sixteen years of my life, reserving my heart for her and not allowing myself to give anyone else a chance, and she can’t just tell me what’s bothering her?”
The guys gave me looks of pity I fuckin’ hated. I was too beat down by the last week to even attempt to act like I wasn’t completely and totally ruled by the whims of a dark-haired beauty with a mouth on her. Pussy-whipped? Hell yes, I was.
“It may have been sixteen years for you, but she’s just recently come to see you in that way. You can’t be mad at her for not being on the same page as you so quickly. You’ve been dating, what? A month? She’s still trying to work things out in her head now that your relationship dynamic has changed.” Charlie, the quiet one of the group, also made a good point.