by Katie Cross
“So . . . you came.”
An undercurrent of joy infused his words, not to mention surprise. A moment of annoyance washed through me. Of course I came. But I let it go. Parties were not my thing and he knew that. His words were a comment on my loyalty for him, in a roundabout way.
“Of course,” I said quietly.
I couldn’t look him in the eye. For the first time in my life, I didn’t see the muddy little boy that caught fish with me. I saw Devin the young man. The graduating senior. The man who planned to work a filthy construction job for the next six months until I graduated early and we moved to the state university together.
If he looked into my eyes, he’d see it all.
The utter vulnerability of my feelings took my breath away. Still, with his smell banishing the trace amount of alcohol in the air, I couldn’t help but relax. This was Devin. Devin was home. Even in a crowd of people that thought me reclusive and strange, Devin was safety.
Devin was my best friend.
“You looked great up there,” I managed to say. “Cassidy is beautiful. So . . . congratulations?”
He made a noise in his throat. I risked a quick glance up and couldn’t help a laugh when I saw his crown. Up close, it appeared cheap. A pliable metal with laurels and berries on it, sprinkled with green glass gems that mimicked the school colors of gold and emerald.
Devin smirked. “Laugh it up,” he muttered. “I can’t wait to take this thing off. Will you have food for me when this finishes? I’m taking Cassidy home as soon as it’s over, and then I’ll head your way. I’m freaking starving.”
“You ate like three cheeseburgers three hours ago.”
“I know! And I’ve been dancing and talking all night. That makes a man hungry.”
Suddenly, I really relaxed. The irony in his voice. The ease of his escape to me. Even if I wasn’t Cassidy, I still had Devin. Stalwart Devin that never changed, that I trusted with every morsel of my body.
“Of course. All the bananas, fudge, and ice cream a high school quarterback could dream of. Bethany just went shopping and also bought your favorite pizza rolls and bread.”
He pulled me a little closer. I closed my eyes as we moved together, breathing in his scent. I’d hate myself for it later, even as the gentle hint of pine lifted from his skin. We’d gone on a hike before he left to pick up Cassidy. I could still smell traces of the outdoors on him.
“Thank you,” he said quietly and I knew he meant for coming. For braving a crowd with hidden alcohol that made me extremely uncomfortable. For venturing out in a dress, with my hair freshly washed and straightened. For being here with him on this transitory moment, even though I didn’t have to be. I should have been flattered, but instead I felt scared. His breath was hot on my neck and sent a shiver down my spine.
“Of course,” I whispered.
His hold on me tightened. My temple pressed to his jaw. Could he feel my heartbeat? Did he sense how breathless this made me?
“There’s something I wanted to tell you tonight,” he said.
His voice turned down slightly. With the music still blaring around us, it was almost imperceptible. I thought I imagined it. But then his palm turned clammy against mine.
“What’s that?” I asked. My voice was a rasp, but he didn’t seem to notice. The slow song shuffled into another one.
“I, uh, received some news earlier today. Good news, but it will surprise you. Maybe not really news. More of a confirmed decision?”
He became a rigid board around me as he rambled around a blind topic. I blinked, fuzzy with the sense of impending doom. Of everything about to change. Of the world sliding away from me like a mudflow. I didn’t even have to speak. He’d paused for a beat, then plowed forward before I could tell him to just spit it out already.
“I enlisted, Ellie. I’ve joined the Marines. I leave for San Diego in two weeks. Two days after I graduate.”
We were too close together for me to see him, but I didn’t need to. The steadiness of his voice, slightly hushed around the edges, let me know he was scared. Scared of what I’d say. How I’d react. We stopped dancing somewhere near the edge of the gymnasium, not far from a bright green EXIT sign.
I’ve joined the Marines.
It echoed through my mind with undulations. For half a breath, I almost laughed. Told him that it was a funny joke and the timing was poor but the rigid way he held me in his arms—almost like he didn’t want to see my face—told me this wasn’t a joke.
He had joined the Marines.
“What?”
“Ellie, let me explain before you run off, okay? It’s . . . it’s the money. I can’t afford to go to college, even if I stay home for six months and work and save it all. The scholarship I was hoping for didn’t come through.”
While he continued to explain, the words filtered through my mind. GI Bill and no stress about finances now and we’ll be okay vaguely occurred to me. My mind narrowed into a fuzzy tunnel of thoughts that all revolved around one tiny phrase. It whispered through my thoughts in Mama’s voice.
They always leave.
Heart thumping, I pulled away. A panicked expression filled his face, but I didn’t look right at him.
“I-I need to go.”
Before he could protest, I headed toward the glowing sign and pushed through the heavy doors. It spilled me into the parking lot, and the cool air from late spring shocked me out of the tunnel. Out of the questions.
Out of disbelief.
While I stumbled toward the truck, the door slammed open against the wall behind me, then wheezed closed again. Footsteps ran to me.
“Ellie!”
He reached for me, but I moved my arm too fast. Livid, I whirled around to face him. This time, I looked him right in the eyes.
“How long have you had this planned?”
He faltered for only a moment. “Since last summer.”
“Last summer?” I cried. “That’s over a year.”
Uneasy now, he nodded.
“Last summer is when we started talking about going to the state university together. When we toured it together. Do you remember that? Do you remember us discussing plans and talking this out and you agreeing?”
He shifted. “Ellie—”
But I plowed over his plea, too hot to stop now. “Did you know then that you wanted to go to the Marines?”
“I don’t want to Ellie. I just don’t have a choice.”
“Did you know?” I asked again, my voice expanding.
His jaw became rigid as he stared at me, so gorgeous in the low light that it made my heart ache. Finally, he looked at the ground and nodded. His voice was low when he whispered, “Yes.”
“Yes you’ve been lying to me for a year?”
His nostrils flared. “Yes, but—”
He stopped on his own this time. When he finally set his eyes back on mine, I had to look away. There was pain and fear and disappointment and maybe, just maybe, a hint of resentment. It was that chance of resentment that sent a shockwave through me.
I stepped back, shaking. Another tremor of pain crashed through me. Resentment. Was I holding him back? Did he feel trapped with my friendship? There was nothing else to do. I had to escape. Had to leave. Had to get out of here before I . . .
Exploded.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
What else could I say? For the last year, Devin had been sneaking behind my back, letting me believe we had a future together. All that time, he knew he would betray me to go to the Marines. He allowed me to believe in the dream of us.
And isn’t that when I’d fallen in love?
When the thought of it being just him and me wasn’t a dream? When we’d leave this small mountain town and conquer the world? When everything wasn’t so scary and so big and so impossible because he would be at my side?
And it was all a lie.
The heat in my eyes returned, this time with ferocity. St
ill, I blinked the tears back with the maddening thought that Mama had been right. Although I’d talked myself out of believing her for the last couple of years because Devin was different, Mama had been absolutely right.
They always leave.
Maybe it was just a matter of time for all of us. For Maverick to leave Bethany. For JJ to escape from Lizbeth. Maybe we all ended up alone.
Safer that way, at least.
“Ellie.” He put a hand on my shoulder and I realized I’d stopped moving away from him to stare at the ground. “Please tell me what you’re thinking. I know you feel betrayed and this is frightening and . . . “
He trailed away again. My heart fought my head which hurt from all the pain and everything felt like a big, ugly trap that rolled around me. And, pulsing in the corner of my mind, was the tiny box where I’d tucked the truth and it screamed at me now.
You love him. You love him.
And now?
He’s leaving, Mama whispered. Because they always do.
I stepped back. “I have to go,” I said. “I . . . I have to go.”
With that, I picked up the dress that I’d carefully chosen, grateful that I’d worn my tennis shoes, and I disappeared into the night with a carefully masked sob.
I hope you enjoyed that preview!
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Warmly, KC
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Also by Katie Cross
The Health and Happiness Society
Bon Bons to Yoga Pants (Lexie)
I Am Girl Power (Megan)
You’ll Never Know (Rachelle)
Hear Me Roar (Bitsy)
What Was Lost (Mira)
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The Health and Happiness Society Collection
The Health and Happiness Cookbook
Recipes from I Am Girl Power
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Finding Anna
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Bonus Scenes from Bon Bons to Yoga Pants (Lexie)
Never Came Back (Rachelle)
Operation First Date (Bitsy)
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Coffee Shop Series
Coffee Shop Girl
Lovesick
Runaway
Fighter
Shy Girl
Wild Child
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The Coffee Shop Collection, Volume 1 (Books 1-4)
About the Author
Katie Cross grew up in the mountains of Idaho, where she still loves to play when she gets the chance.
If she’s not finding the nearest taco, she’s probably hiking in the Colorado mountains with her three vizslas (you read that right), two children, and hottie husband.
Her favorite food is everything. She’s a sucker for romance, though she seems like a toughie. And when it comes down to it, being present in the moment is her favorite thing to do.
To learn more about Katie, visit her website.