by E. L. Todd
When Silke walked back into the living room with a bag over her shoulder, I knew this was worse than I imagined. Her keys were in her hand and she was heading to the front door.
Fuck.
I raced across the living room until I reached the entryway. “Silke, hold on.” I tried to grab her.
“Get your hands off me.” She twisted out of my grasp. “Slade taught me a few moves, so I will break your nose if I have to.”
I took a step back. “Don’t go. I’m sorry, okay? You said you would give me another chance.”
“Well, I need a break right now.” She walked out.
“Silke, wait.” I chased after her. “Please don’t go. Look, I’m sorry.”
“I’m going to my parents. Don’t call me.”
“Silke, come on.”
She kept walking and didn’t turn back.
“Fuck.”
***
I sat on the couch but didn’t watch the TV. Abby was playing with her toys on the ground. My eyes were glued out the window, looking at nothing in particular. I could use a drink but I couldn’t do that when I was watching Abby. That would really make me a piece of shit.
There was a knock on the door.
Abby looked up. “Who’s that?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. Stay here and I’ll find out.” I headed to the entryway and hoped it was Silke. But she would just use her key to get inside so I knew that wasn’t likely.
I opened the door and saw Ryan on the other side.
And he looked pissed. “Shut the door.”
This was going to be bad. I shut the door behind me then faced him.
His arms were by his sides but it looked like he wanted to hit me hard in the face. “Do I need to take Abby?”
That wasn’t what I expected him to say. “What?”
“Can you take care of your daughter or are you going to be a reckless drunk around her?” He wasn’t the laid back man he usually was. Now he was aggressive, and even threatening.
I was offended by the insinuation but telling him off wouldn’t get me anywhere. “She’s fine.”
“I didn’t ask about her. I asked about you. Can you do this?”
“Yes.”
He searched my eyes for a lie.
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“But you’ll make my daughter cry?”
His words stung.
“You’ll insult her and hurt her?” he asked. “Arsen, I care about you but if you keep being a dick to my little girl I’ll kick your ass right here, right now.”
I didn’t doubt that.
“Get your shit together, Arsen. We all lose someone at some point. Get over it already.”
Now that really hurt. I looked away because I couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Arsen, after everything I’ve done for you this is how you treat me?”
“What? What do you mean?”
“What do I mean?” he snapped. “I stuck out my neck for you and now you’re just regressing back into the dickhead you used to be. If this behavior is going to persist then you need to let Silke go. If you have any respect for me at all, you’ll either clean up your act for good or you’ll leave her. One or the other, Arsen.”
I bowed my head.
“Look at me.”
I took a deep breath before I met his gaze.
“You think I’m joking around, Arsen?”
“No, sir.”
“Then make a decision. Whatever it is, I’m here for you. I’ll always be your father and I’ll always look after you whether you’re with Silke or not. So, make up your mind.”
“I love her…I do. I’m just lost.”
“Then find your way again—with her. I thought you knew my daughter after all this time. Like her mother, she doesn’t put up with bullshit. If you burn her too many times then that’s it. You understand me?”
I nodded.
“Now make it right and move on. This is your last chance.”
“Okay.”
“So, what are you going to do?” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’m going to stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Drinking…”
“And?”
“Pushing Silke away.”
“Are you really?” He continued to search my face.
“Yes, sir.”
“Now go get her. I’ll stay here with Abby.”
“She doesn’t want to see me right now…”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Ryan said. “She needs you now more than ever. If you think you’re hurting, you’re in for a surprise.” He walked inside and shut the door.
***
Janice opened the door, but there wasn’t love in her eyes like usual. She seemed guarded with a cold look, like she didn’t trust me anymore. “She’s in her bedroom.”
“Thanks…” I stepped inside with my hand in my pockets.
Janice walked down the hallway and entered her bedroom. The door closed behind her.
I approached Silke’s door. It was closed and the lights were off. I turned the knob and cracked it.
She was lying in bed with the covers to her shoulder. Her clothes were still on.
I stepped inside then sat on the edge of her bed. “Silke?”
She stirred when she recognized my voice. “Go away.”
“I know you don’t want to talk to me right now but…I just want to sit here with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not going to push you away anymore. I need you.”
She turned over and faced me, old tears stained on her cheeks.
I felt my eyes water when I realized the extent of the damage I caused. “I’m sorry, Silke. I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry for hurting you.” I didn’t touch her because I knew she didn’t want my hands on her.
“You aren’t going to push me away anymore?”
“No…”
“No more drinking?”
I shook my head.
“How do I know if I can believe you?”
“Because your dad will murder me if I fuck up again.” I tried to make her laugh but it didn’t work.
“My dad spoke to you?”
“Yeah…he’s with Abby right now.”
Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment.
“He loves you, Silke. And he had every right to tell me off. He’s a father to me, but he really is your father. He should protect you. I’m not surprised that he did.”
“I didn’t mean for him to threaten you.”
I shrugged. “I could take him.” I smiled but she didn’t respond to that.
“Arsen, we’re so young…things are going to come up down the road. If we can’t get past this then we’re never going to make it.”
“That’s not true, Beauty. We’re getting through this—together.” I extended my hand to her.
She eyed it without taking it.
“Please give me another chance. I’ll beg if I have to.”
Her hand slowly snaked to mine and our fingers interlocked together.
“I’m not used to having support during the dark times…I guess it’s hard for me to accept love sometimes. All I know is destruction. It’s the one thing I’m good at. I need to leave the shadows and stand in the sun.”
“I’ll stand in the sun with you.”
I lay down on the bed beside her and stared at her face. My hand cupped her cheek and I pressed my forehead to hers. “I’m sorry, Beauty.”
“It’s okay, Beast.”
Chapter Eleven
Cayson
I packed all my clothes and necessities and took them to the house in Connecticut. I left the furniture because I didn’t need it. Besides, there was nowhere to put it.
When I walked through the door with the first box, Skye’s face contorted with emotion. Her eyes welled up with tears, but before they could fall she walked into the other room and hid her face.
I set the box down and felt my heart thud in pai
n. I remembered the look on her face when I grabbed my things and left. The look on her face now was somehow worse. I slowly walked into the kitchen and saw her standing at the counter wiping her tears away.
I came next to her and looked her in the face.
She tried to act like she wasn’t crying. “Need any help…?”
I cupped her face and brushed her tears away with my thumbs. “No, I got it.”
“Well, I’m here if you need anything.” She sniffed loudly.
“I know.” My arms moved around her waist and I pressed my forehead to hers. “We’re going to be okay, Skye.”
She pressed her face into my chest and allowed herself to cry.
I knew her emotions were all over the place because of her pregnancy so I didn’t judge her for it. I held her while she sobbed against me. She was grateful that I was finally back in the house, even if I was sleeping in another room. “Shh…it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry…I don’t know what happened. I saw you walk in the door and I just…fell apart.”
“I understand.” I rubbed her back then pulled her hair from her face. “This is where I belong—with both of you.”
She kept her arms around my waist and showed no signs of letting go.
I tried to make her laugh. “Conrad got a dog.”
“What?”
“His name is Apollo. He’s a German Shepard.”
“Why did he get a dog?”
I shrugged. “I guess he just wanted a companion. It’s an old police dog.”
“Oh…well that’s nice.”
“Maybe we should get a dog—or maybe two.”
“I like dogs…”
“We’ll think about it more after our baby gets here.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead before I stepped away.
“Good idea…”
“I’m going to get all the boxes. Can you make me something to eat in the meantime?” Giving her something to do would keep her calm.
“I can do that,” she said enthusiastically. “What do you want? I can make anything—anything at all.”
“How about a pizza?”
“Coming right up.” She busheled in the kitchen and got to work.
I returned to unloading with a smile on my face.
***
We sat at the dining table and ate quietly. She had a knack for making crusty and crispy pizza. It was a secret recipe her mother taught her. When I used to live here we had pizza at least one night a week.
I missed that.
“It’s really good,” I said. “Our son will love this every Thursday.”
“I’m sure he will.” She ate over half the pizza on her own. She usually had a voracious appetite but now it was greater since she was eating for another person. “How was work?”
“I clock in, everything passes in a blur, and then I clock out.”
“Reminds me of PIXEL. There’s always something to do.”
“Yeah, I feel like I’m putting out fires all over the place.”
“You’re very important, Cayson.” She took a deep breath and rested her hand on her stomach like she was full. “The country, actually the world, is lucky to have you.”
I nodded to her in gratitude. “Our son is going to have superheroes for parents.”
She laughed. “I don’t know if running a software company qualifies.”
“I think it does. You have a lot of responsibilities.”
“Not like you do. If I do something wrong, I get a slap on the wrist. When you do something wrong, people die.”
I lowered my gaze and kept eating. “You like staying home?”
“Not really,” she said. “I’m bored. But I’m too tired and uncomfortable to walk around at work all day.”
“I can find you some good books.”
“I wish it weren’t cold so I could lay out by the pool.”
“You can take a bath,” I said with a shrug.
“And stew in my own filth? No thanks.”
I tried not to smile. “How dirty are you?”
She laughed. “That came out wrong.”
A knock on the door shattered our conversation.
“Expecting someone?”
“No,” she said. “But it might be my parents checking on me.”
“They don’t just call?” I didn’t want Sean to drop by whenever he felt like it.
“They like to see me too…”
I left the table and headed to the door. “I’ll see who it is.”
Skye tried to come with me, but since she moved like a snail that was going to take a while.
I growled when I saw Sean on the other side of the door.
Why the hell was he everywhere I turned? I opened the door and came face-to-face with him.
Judging the surprise on his face he didn’t expect me to be there.
Instead of making small talk I opened the door and walked into the living room.
Skye finally made her way to the entryway. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”
“Just wanted to check on you. You doing okay?” It seemed like he wanted to leave as much as I wanted him to.
“I’m fine,” Skye said. “But thanks.”
“Work isn’t the same without you.”
“Yeah, there are donuts in the break room because I’m not there to eat them all.” She laughed at her own joke.
Her dad smiled. “And it’s not the same for other reasons.”
“Well, I’m okay. Cayson is here so I’ll be fine.”
“Does he come by every day?” he asked.
“Actually…he moved back in.” She couldn’t keep the smile out of her voice.
“He did?” Sean actually sounded happy for once. “Wow…that’s great. I’m glad to hear that.”
“Yeah, it’s not so lonely around here anymore,” Skye said.
“Scarlet will be very happy when I tell her.” Sean pulled her into his arms and hugged her. “But I’m still here if you need anything.” He kissed her on the forehead before he walked back outside. “See you later, pumpkin.”
“Bye, Dad.” She waved until he was no longer visible from the front door. After she closed the door and came back to me, she gave me a sad look. She was going to say something about her father, that I needed to give him another chance.
I really didn’t want to deal with that right now.
“So, what do you want to do?”
What?
“We can watch America’s Funniest Home Videos. That’s still my favorite show.”
She wasn’t going to give me the third degree? She hadn’t mentioned my beef with her father once, and now that I lived here again I assumed it would come up. She was close to her father, and I doubted she liked the tension between us. Or maybe she knew her father was in the wrong and she was on my side. I wasn’t sure. “That sounds great.”
She sat beside me on the couch but didn’t snuggle close to me the way we used to. Then she turned on the channel. “Ooh…it’s the pet addition.”
I smiled. “This will be good.” Skye preferred family shows, like Full House, The Brady Bunch, and Boy Meets World. Some might consider it childish but I thought it was cute. She would always be a little girl at heart.
She pulled a blanket over her legs and leaned back in the couch. “You want popcorn or anything?”
“I’m stuffed. But I can make you some.”
“No, it’s okay. You can have a beer if you want. You don’t have to stop drinking because of me.”
I felt bad indulging in a beer when she couldn’t even have a sip of wine. I didn’t drink coffee either because I knew how much she loved it. Technically, she was carrying the baby but we were pregnant together so it was a team effort. If she had to suffer so did I. “I’m okay. But thanks anyway.”
“Okay.” She got comfortable under the blanket and watched the show. Like always, she laughed at every video even when they weren’t that funny.
For a moment it felt the way it used to. We were together again, happily married and watchi
ng TV just like before. Our love stretched between us, and even though we weren’t doing anything we didn’t need to.
Just being together was enough.
***
“Well, I’m going to bed. Do you need anything?” All my things were in the spare bedroom down the hall from her bedroom. It was weird sleeping in a different bed when we were in the same house, but we needed to take baby steps.
“No, I’m okay.” Her eyes were heavy with sadness, like she wanted to protest to our sleeping arrangements. But she kept her thoughts to herself, like usual. She did everything she could to make me comfortable, not the other way around.
“I’m going to install an alarm system tomorrow when I get off work.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“When you’re home all day alone I think it is.” I walked upstairs and she followed behind me. Her hand was on her stomach like she was trying to keep it up as she waddled.
We approached her door to say goodnight.
“I’m right down the hall if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Cayson. Good night.” She gave me a smile but it was forced.
“Good night, Skye.” I wanted to give her something, anything to make her smile again. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Love you.”
Her eyes immediately softened and watered, almost like she was in intense pain. “I love you too…”
I kneeled down and kissed her stomach. “Good night, Son.”
Skye smiled but her tears were still bubbling.
I rose again. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay.”
Now that she felt better, I felt better. I headed into my bedroom and shut the door behind me. The king size bed was all for me, but it felt too big. I needed someone beside me.
I needed my wife.
***
I was fast asleep when the bed shifted under a body.
“Cayson…” Skye’s hand grabbed my forearm. “Wake up.”
My eyes snapped open and I stared into her face. It took me a moment to focus and process reality. Her face was blurry until it finally came into focus. “Baby, what’s wrong?” I hadn’t called her that in months but it slipped out. I immediately sat up and felt the covers fall. I was only in my boxers and my chest was bare.
Skye grabbed my hand. “He’s kicking like crazy right now.”
My hand immediately moved to her stomach. Her shirt was pulled up, and her belly extended over her thighs while she sat. “He is?” I felt for a movement, and within a second I felt it. He was kicking like he was trying to run. I’ve felt him kick before but not like this. He was excited, restless.