by E. L. Todd
I opened the door wider and allowed him inside.
Wordlessly, he locked the door then followed me back into my bedroom. Marie’s door was closed, and I knew she wouldn’t even know Hawke was there because he usually left early in the morning before her alarm went off.
I got back into bed and pulled the sheets to my shoulder so I could be warm again.
Hawke removed all his clothes except his boxers, looking like a chiseled statue, and then moved under the sheets beside me. He pressed his chest into my back and hooked his arm around my waist. His face was pressed to the back of my neck, and every time he breathed, I felt the air brush against my skin.
My hand moved on top of his and our fingers touched.
Silence ensued.
The quietness of the house was disrupted by the typical noises it made. Sometimes the heater would make a popping noise when it kicked on. The washer in the laundry room would decompress, making a sudden squeak. I concentrated on the sounds because I couldn’t sleep.
Hawke’s chest expanded deeply against my back, irregular in comparison to his normal breathing. “My dad is a drunk. He’s been that way since I was born.”
I stayed absolutely still.
“I used to be his primary target. He would come after me with a bat, and sometimes he would lock me in a closet over the weekend. I was the weakest member of the family, so I was easy to overpower. My mom did everything she could to protect me, putting herself in front of me to take the worst of it. But there was only so much she could do.”
My eyes watered slightly at his words but I forced my breathing to remain the same. I didn’t want him to know how hurt I was. If I made any sudden movements, he might stop talking.
“When I became a man, I was no longer the weakest one. Then he became afraid of me, as he should be. He stopped allowing me to come to the house, even on the holidays. I don’t want to be there anyway, but I don’t like leaving my mother alone. And now that I’m not around to take his torments…she has to.”
My thumb moved along his knuckles.
“I’ve tried getting her out of there, but she won’t leave. I’ve offered to take care of her and even let her live with me. She knows I’ll protect her…but she still doesn’t budge. He comes over and apologizes for what he’s done. And every time, she believes he’ll really change.” He took another deep breath. “She calls me to come get her when things get really bad. But sometimes…I think she’ll be dead by the time I get through the door.”
I closed my eyes and felt the droplets pool into a ball before they slid down my face. I forced myself not to cry. That would only make Hawke feel worse. His words echoed in my mind long after he said them, and every time they replayed, they sounded worse. “My mother died from ovarian cancer. Two weeks later, my dad shot himself.” He opened up to me, and I thought the best thing I could do was reciprocate.
His arm flinched slightly as it hugged my waist and his breathing changed. After a moment of silence, he turned me around and forced me to face him. I did my best to hide the pain on my face, but seeing his reaction told me he already saw it. Chest-to-chest, we stared at each other. Hawke looked at me in a new way, like it was the first time he really saw me. I felt like a new person, someone who penetrated another layer of his armor. His hand moved up my back as he pressed his face close to mine. “I didn’t tell you that just because you saw what happened. I wanted to tell you.”
“I know…”
“And I know you wanted to tell me.”
Change
Hawke
Axel was on his third beer. He could drink every day if we didn’t have work in the morning. He was almost thirty, but he drank like he was twenty-one. “That new intern Patricia is really cute.”
Who? “I haven’t met her.”
“Yes, you have,” he said with a laugh. “She was in our meeting this morning.”
She was? “Oh yeah…” I was still drawing a blank, but I didn’t care enough to try and picture her face.
“Christmas is coming up. Do you have plans?”
I hated Christmas. It only reminded me of how alone I was. “No.”
“Yaya invited you over. You’re welcome to join us for the break.”
I was hoping I’d get another invite. Yaya was a sweet woman and made me feel welcome the second I walked in the door. But the person I really wanted to spend the holiday with was Francesca. She was the only person in the world who really knew me. “I’d love to.”
“Cool,” Axel said. “Now I don’t have to spend every waking moment with my sister.”
“Frankie is really cool.” I wasn’t used to calling her by her name. I only called her Muffin. Now it was so habitual, I didn’t even think about it.
“Maybe to you,” he said. “But that little terror used to get insects from the backyard and put them all over my face while I was sleeping.”
I tried not to laugh too hard. “I’ve never heard of that one before.”
“A caterpillar got in my mouth one time. I almost broke her arm.”
My abs hurt from trying not to laugh. “Damn, she got you good.”
“You think she’s all sweet and innocent, but she’s the devil—I swear.”
I’d have to give her props next time I saw her. “Hopefully, she doesn’t do the same thing to me.”
“She won’t. She likes you.” He took a drink while he scanned the bar.
I remembered what she told me about her parents. It made me look at Axel in a new way. For someone who had lost so much, he had a zest for life. Both Francesca and Axel were very strong people. I suspected they got that from Yaya.
“Two brunettes at the end of the bar—and they are fucking hot.”
I took a drink.
“I say we take them back to a hotel room and share them. We haven’t done that in a long time.”
My eyes moved to the window, and I watched the cars drive by.
Axel checked his t-shirt for wrinkles then looked at me. “Want to head over at the same time? Or should we go one at a time so it doesn’t seem like we’re bombarding them?”
I didn’t want anything to do with this. “I’m not feeling it tonight. You go.”
Axel was about to take a drink but stopped himself. “What did you say?”
“Go on without me. You’ll have a good time.”
“Dude, they’re really hot. You haven’t even looked.”
“You know you don’t need me. You’ve been with two women before.” I took a drink to cover the irritation on my face.
“Are you being serious right now?” He stared at me like I was a Martian. “When did you start turning down an easy lay?”
“I’m just not in the mood tonight. You don’t need me anyway.”
Axel’s eyes narrowed on my face in suspicion. “Okay…what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I snapped. “Does there have to be something wrong with me just because I don’t want to fuck two girls tonight?”
“For you, yeah,” he said bluntly.
I used to fuck anything that moved. It was the solution to all my pain. I buried myself in someone else because it was a strong enough distraction. It pleased me and brought me some happiness…even if it was only temporary. But I hadn’t done that in a while. In fact…I couldn’t remember the last time I had. “You don’t need me to get laid, Axel.”
“I’m aware of that. But it’s fun when we swap.”
“The answer is still no.” How much firmer could I be?
Axel leaned back in the booth with a defeated look on his face. “Are you seeing someone?”
Francesca’s face appeared in my mind. She was the only girl I ever thought about, and not in a sexual way. I used to want to fuck her senseless but now…I thought about her in a whole new light. “No.”
“You have to be. Why else would you act this way?”
I was cornered with nowhere to go. “I’m talking to someone. It’s nothing serious.”
“But serious enough to keep your dick
in your pants?”
I drank my beer.
“Who is she?”
“You don’t know her.”
“Do we work with her?”
“I just said you didn’t know her,” I snapped.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s not serious. It’s just…I’m not sure.”
Axel shook his head slightly. “I just…can’t picture you as the monogamous type. You’re such a dick all the time.”
I couldn’t picture it either. “We’ll see where it goes. For now, I’m not interested in crashing a hotel room.”
He chuckled to himself. “Damn, this girl must be hot.”
Beautiful was a better description.
“You got a picture?”
“No.” Axel would come after me with a hatchet if he knew about my feelings toward his sister. And I wouldn’t blame him.
“Well, film her and let me see.”
I shot him a glare.
He laughed again. “Possessive…another new side of you.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I looked out the window and severed eye contact.
“Well…” Axel turned his gaze on the two girls. “I’m untamed, and I’m going to enjoy it.” He slid out of the booth and left his beer behind.
I stayed in my spot and looked out the window. The streets were wet, and the night sky was blanketed with clouds. Not a single star could be seen. I was in a room full of people but I felt alone. All I wanted to do was find Francesca.
And never let go.
***
“Your brother invited me to spend Christmas with you.” We were sitting in a diner a few blocks from the beach.
“He did?” She put down her sandwich and gave me a heart-warming smile. “Good. I thought he would.”
“Should I bring anything?”
“No.” She released a quick laugh. “There will be too much food as it is.”
I was excited to enjoy her cooking for a week. But I was more excited to see her every single day of the holidays. She was the only thing that drove my depression away. The second she was gone, it came back in full force.
“There’s snow up there, so we’ll probably go skiing. Have you ever been?”
“No.” I missed out on all the family activities everyone else did.
“I’ll teach you. I’m pretty good.”
“Yeah?” An amused grin broke out on my face. “You don’t fall on that beautiful ass of yours?”
“Not often. But when I do, I’m really sore.”
“I’ll rub it for you.” I gave her a cocky grin.
“I’m sure you will.” She rolled her eyes dramatically then returned to eating her sandwich.
“Are you excited the semester is almost over?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” She released a heavy sigh. “I hate school. It’s stupid.”
“It’s stupid?” I asked with a laugh. “It’s the best investment you’ll ever make.”
“Yeah, whatever.” She wiped her mouth with a napkin. “But why do they have to make it so expensive and boring?”
I shrugged. “You got me there.”
She picked at her fries and ate slowly. She was one of the slowest eaters I’d ever met. “You want some?”
“No, thank you.”
When she finished half her plate, she pushed it away. “Damn, I’ll never eat again.” She placed one hand on her stomach like she was full.
“Never?”
“Well…not for another hour at least.”
I chuckled. “Never and an hour are very different.”
“You eat everything like a bear. It’s not fair.”
“I work out. You can too.”
“Does it look like I have time for that?”
She was lucky her body was perfect and she didn’t have to do anything to achieve it. “When you run your own bakery, you’ll be on your feet all day long. Then you won’t need to work out.”
“But I’ll be eating everything in sight.”
“You’ll still be just as sexy.” I looked her in the eye as I said it because I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
She averted her gaze like she was uncomfortable—or warm.
The check arrived and I immediately slipped the cash inside.
Francesca grabbed it. “Why don’t we split it for once?”
“No.” I snatched it back and handed it to the waitress. “I don’t need any change. Thank you.”
Francesca glared at me when the waitress walked away. “Why are you so annoying?”
“Annoying?” I asked with amusement. “Why are you so ungrateful?”
“I’m not ungrateful—”
“Just say thank you and let it go.”
She pressed her lips tightly together.
“Is it really that hard for you to say?” I tried not to laugh. She was cute when she was stubborn.
“I don’t need anyone to pay for my things.”
“I’m aware of that. But I’m a gentleman and I like to pay for things.”
“A gentleman?” She practically laughed as she said it. “You?”
Gentleman was the last thing I was. I was a dick to every woman I encountered. I treated them like dirt and used them just to get what I wanted. Compassion and empathy weren’t in my blood. I was definitely the type of guy no man wanted for their daughter. I was dark, cold, and dangerous. “I am with you.”
***
I lay in bed as my hard dick rested against my stomach. I hadn’t had sex in a long time, and my body wasn’t used to the sudden withdrawals. Anytime the depression consumed me, I went out and picked up a girl from a bar. Or I called one of my regulars. But now I went to Francesca’s house and slept with her.
Feeling her body pressed to mine brought the sensual part of me to life. My body ached to be with hers. I’d already kissed her and it was the best I’ve ever had. When I felt her tits with my hands, they were soft and firm. I wanted to watch them shake while I fucked her. She turned me on in a way I’ve never been before.
I never jerked off because I preferred the real thing. But I was horny and it was late at night. All I had to do was call up one of my booty calls and they would be there in a flash. But I didn’t want that.
I pulled my Vaseline out and went to town on myself. Francesca was on my mind, and I didn’t feel guilty about it. But my fantasy surprised me. It wasn’t carnal or aggressive. It was sensual and slow. I imagined feeling every part of her, taking it slow and not hurrying to the finish line. Instead of imagining how her ass looked, I focused on kissing her. Instead of giving it to her as hard as I could, I focused on how good I made her feel.
It was completely different than what I was usually into.
There was a loud knock on the door and I stopped what I was doing. Who would stop by at this time of night? My heart leapt in hope when I realized it must be Francesca.
I shoved everything into my nightstand and pulled my boxers on. I didn’t bother putting on anything else because she’d already seen me this way. When I headed down the hallway, I practically ran. It was usually me coming to her but this time it had been reversed.
I opened the door to the frigid air but froze when I realized it wasn’t Francesca. It was Jessica. She wore a trench coat and heels. I had a strong suspicion there was nothing underneath.
“It’s been a while.” She slowly stepped over the threshold and opened her jacket. A black bra and thong were the only things she wore. “And I’ve missed you.”
Jessica was one of the few girls I bedded on a regular basis because she was good in the sack. She knew I was unavailable and only interested in using her. But she was using me too so it worked out.
But I didn’t feel anything.
She pressed her body to mine and immediately moved in to kiss me.
I pushed her back. “No.”
She looked like she’d been slapped. “No?” She said it like she didn’t understand the word. “Sorry?”
I
stayed a few feet back. “Don’t call me anymore.” I held open the door and waited for her to leave.
“What?” Jessica left her coat unbuttoned in confusion. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I’m just not interested anymore.”
“And why not?” She put one hand on her hip.
“I’m just not. Please leave.” I pointed to the doorway.
“You found someone better?” The hurt was in her voice.
I didn’t understand my feelings for Francesca. I had no idea what was going on or why everything was changing. All I knew was sleeping with Jessica would be wrong. And I didn’t want to anyway. “I guess you could say that.”
Hatred moved into her eyes. “You’re such a pig.”
“And you’re a slut. So what?”
She slapped me across the face.
I moved with the hit but didn’t feel anything. “Are you done?”
She looked like she wanted to slap me again.
“Go before I throw you out.” I moved my hand to her lower back and gave her a gentle push over the threshold.
She turned around and looked like she was about to throw a hissy fit. “You’re such a—”
I shut the door in her face and locked it. Then I went back to my room and finished what I was doing—my thoughts still on Francesca.
***
Francesca came out of the house wearing black leggings, boots, and a loose fitting sweater. Her legs looked long and lean, and I wished her sweater wasn’t covering her ass so I could see how that looked too. She had two bags with her.
“My sister always over-packs.” Axel got out of the passenger seat of the car. “We’re only going to be there for a week. How much shit do you need?”
“I’ve got another bag inside.” Francesca ignored her brother’s insults. “Why don’t you grab it?”
“Another bag?” he asked incredulously.
I got out of the truck then grabbed Francesca’s things from her and placed them into the bed of my truck. “Grab the last one, Axel.”
He released an irritated sigh then walked into the house.
Francesca’s hair was curled and it trailed down her chest. “How do you get him to do that?”