by A. K. Koonce
Every bite turns to stone as it hits my stomach. Something has to be done. I can’t just keep letting them fight my battles for me. I think about my necklace, hidden in Kai’s guest room.
I need my powers. Whatever part of me has been suppressed or taken away or whatever it is, I can’t survive without them anymore.
Mortal, no more.
Shadow Fae blood belongs to me.
Five
I’m Not High, You Are
Dinner continues with little conversation. Rowan ponders how such a delicate flower like myself could possibly enjoy hunting. Kai remains gentlemanly and refrains from giving him the full details of my unbridled fear in the given situation. Though we both laugh as I try to explain that cats in the human world do not get that big.
Rowan watches us with focused attention as I catch myself touching Kai’s shoulder. Throwing my head back with a hearty chuckle. It’s funnier looking back on it now than it was in the actual moment.
Afterwards, I’m escorted back to my room where I find myself with a full closet and a crashing wave of exhaustion. Sleep beckons me and I succumb to it until dawn creeps through my windows and a servant enters my room with a full tray of food.
Breakfast sits in my lap while I blink away my dreams. An arrangement of sweets, mostly comparable to donuts or pastries are stacked into a small mountain of food. I skip the sweets in favor of the dark roast coffee steaming in a mug. Nothing like a hit of caffeine to prepare me for whatever the Iron Court has in store for me. I watch the door waiting for any one of the royals to burst in without knocking, but I get to finish the breakfast in peace.
There is even time for me to stand and look out the window. Unlike Lincoln’s room in the Shadow Court, there is no view of the city. My guest suite looks out at the valley, slick with morning dew, that Kai and I had ridden through yesterday. Winds blow the tree limbs of the forest at the valley’s edge. How many other beasts live within it as wild as the white panther? How deadly would a walk through the woods be for someone like me?
The thoughts only grow my need to release my power. I step down into the living area, a fire burns in the hearth, though I haven’t a clue when it was started or by whom. On the mantle is an arrangement of décor, fresh flowers, a small canvas painting, and an assortment of porcelain vases. My fingers grip the cool, smooth, lid of a cream-colored pot that reminds me of what someone would keep sugar in for tea. Quickly, not trusting that I’m not watched, I chance a glance inside. The large ruby pendant rests at its bottom, the dark chain curled in a pile on top of it. It shimmers the longer I watch. Power. This is my power. Careful not to hurt what must be very expensive pieces, I set the lid back down.
Warmth from the fire heats my legs. I hold my palms forward long enough to gather the warmth on my hands before turning for the closet. The once empty metal bars are now filled with an assortment of gowns. More than I remember either Rowan or Violet picking. After some consideration, I opt for a soft yellow gown that dips half way down my stomach with panels of material that come to my ankles. Slits run the length of the skirt over and over again, so much so that the skirt itself is just a long fringe. This, though, feels safer than what they had me in yesterday. Even if every step reveals the entirety of my legs at least my vagina isn’t hanging out. That has to count for something, it does in my book.
The pointed pink heels that provide a stark contrast to my dress, click as I move toward the door. It’s a confident feeling, like I’m playing dress up, but I love that it consumes me. It’s an improvement from yesterday’s self-conscious state.
I step out into the hallway, jumping with a start as I realize Rowan is leaned up against the wall. He stands ignoring my choking gasp.
“Ready for this tour?”
I’d forgotten about that, but I guess I’m technically ready. What else am I going to do with my day?
“The answer to that will be determined once you tell me how long you’ve been lurking outside my door for?”
“Long enough, but not too long.” Rowan pushes his long braids over the back of his shoulder, strolling forward down the hall.
I step lightly to follow. “That’s vague.”
“It’s meant to be.”
He hovers near me, his arm brushing mine as we walk. We stroll in silence as he takes me to the main entrance of the castle. As we reach the large doors, he claps his hands.
“So, clearly. This is our entryway.”
“Yes, I recognized the long, long hallway that leads…. To nothing.” I sigh. “Can you explain to me why every hall looks too similar to the last? Could your interior designer not be bothered to come up with anything else?”
“Eh, it’s meant to be that way. It’s confusing for guests but it’s also confusing for intruders. Come on.” He laces his fingers with mine.
I’m tempted to refuse or at the very least make mention of the intimate touching, but he’s already pulling me ahead with excitement. His boots slap loudly against the floor.
“Think of it like this,” he says, “The outermost halls,” he points down the halls branching first from the entryway,“are offices, storage, some of Violet’s extensions of her own closet, and other pretty boring things. So the first two halls in the front and the first two halls in the back are boring nothings, pretty well. The longer we go,” he keeps dragging me forward. “The more interesting it gets.”
“How many halls are there in total through the castle?”
“Ten-ish.”
“Ish? How can there be an… ish hallway?”
Rowan laughs. Internally, I’m making notes to remember what sort of halls are what. As Rowan has described them, halls one and two, as well as ten and nine are… offices ‘and other boring things.’
“The next set of halls are bedchambers. Guest suites mainly on the first floor. Your suite is down that hall. If you follow the stairs,” He points to the rising steps a few beats ahead, “then on the next floor you’ll find the royal’s bedchambers.”
Rowan pauses at the foot of the stairs. He lifts his free hand to stroke the knuckle of his pointer finger down the curve of my face. “My room is the second door on the left.”
I exhale loudly through my nose and push his hand away. Holding up our interlacing fingers, I raise my brows with question. His knowing smirk only grows before he tugs me forward again. With loud clicking steps, I try to keep pace.
Halls one, two, ten, and nine are boring things. Halls three four, eight, seven, are bedchambers. What’s left? The middlemost halls? Halls number five and six.
“I have a guess as to what is in the middle.” I say to Rowan’s broad shoulders.
“Yes, you’ve probably guessed it.”
“Dining, banquet halls, and ballrooms?” I mimic Rowan’s pleasant accent.
“I do not sound like that.” He pauses as we reach the middle of the castle.
“Yes, you do.”
The frown that formed on his lips only intensifies as he takes offense. “You must be bad at doing impressions. Do Lincoln’s.” He demands.
“Fine.” I’ve got nothing to prove but I’ll be damned if I’m not great at impressions. I square my shoulders and stand as tall as I can manage, holding my chin perfectly straight, and puffing my chest. “Your curiosity is troublesome, Briar. Let me fetch you some other things to intrigue it.” I give it the same roll of the accent as all the Iron Court seems to share.
“Damn that was good. Do Kai.”
Kai’s easy. Proper but the relaxed version. I stand tall still but relax my chest and chin. I hold my hands lightly in front of me. Oh, and I can’t forget the half-hooded eyes. “When the rains of life fall on the lakes of eternity the nearby city is less likely to run it dry.”
“Ooo,” Rowan bites his knuckle. “Spot on. Fuck, now I’m pissed because that must be what I sound like.”
“Yeah, well.” I shrug, careful of every step I take as I start back up. But I know everything else, it just repeats. “Where are we going now?”
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nbsp; “To the garden.”
I don’t remember seeing a garden when we passed the back on the castle on Kai’s horse. It is not just the short hedge maze?
“Oh, is that near the back of the castle?”
“Yes, it’s right out the back doors.” He reaches for my hand again. This time I notice how his thumb strokes against mine.
I’m slightly winded from our trip from the front of the castle all the way to the back. That’s not even mentioning the way Rowan practically ran me through the tour. Does he have something else planned? God, I hope not.
“Where are your parents?” I ponder out loud. I’ve yet to see the infamous king and queen since my arrival. Though that’s probably a good thing because playing the part of Kai’s lover doesn’t entirely sound exciting.
“Busy.” He shrugs.
“But they’re here?”
“Oh, yes.”
He pushes open the door that shields us from the outside world. Finally. The fresh air fills our lungs as we step out. As expected, the lush leaves of the small hedges that create the maze-like patio hit us about midcalf. The greens are rich with the life that grows here, vibrant and thriving.
Rowan leans down, twisting a plump berry from its hedge and tosses it into his mouth. He hums an appreciation. All along the bottom of the bushes, the sides that face inwards toward the castle, are different berries. Many of the small fruits grow next to the lovely indigo blooms I saw yesterday.
So there is a garden…at least Rowan wasn’t trying to trick me into anything.
“I hear it’s a custom in the mortal world for men to give their partners flowers. Do you like flowers?” The Fae squats and teases his finger along the flowers.
Or maybe he is.
“I like flowers,” I say cautiously.
“Then I’ll pick some!”
“Well, it’s only customary that I pick some for you too,” I agree.
“It is? I don’t remember hearing about that.”
“Yes. It’s a new trend. You go that way, I’ll go this way and we’ll meet in the middle with our bouquets.”
No we won’t. At least… I won’t.
I look for taller well shaped hedges that I could slip behind. Or maybe I’ll just round the corner and use the servants entrance again. Something tells me Rowan has way more planned than just picking flowers.
Rowan is already stepping over the ledge of green and onto the next path. He’s selective as he looks at the variety of blooms. Thinking much too hard on what I’d like or not like. It makes me almost sad that I’m about to run and hide from him. Maybe I should just tell him I’m not interested. Well, I mean… I pretty well have.
I keep my eyes trained on him, pretending to have interest in picking flowers for him in return, until he’s far enough away that I shoulder myself behind the oval shaped bush that covers my height even in these heels. Along the back side of the castle wall there’s another door that leads out to this small garden. I give the Fae one last look before I dart to it.
“This might be the biggest bouquet you’ve ever received.” Rowan laughs from the distance.
I hold the knob. “It’s not a competition!”
“Actually, that’s exactly what it is.” Rowan says, though I hardly catch the words.
Swiftly, I close the door and start moving down the hall. The child-like fear that arises in any good hide and seek game fills me now. The adrenaline of getting caught in my act of sneaking off. Maybe it’s more comparable to skipping class in high school. I don’t want to be enrolled in the Science of Rowan Ziko. I’m still trying to learn the History of Lincoln Ziko.
Damn, I’m nothing if not devoted.
Maybe that was my problem with Collin. Maybe this space between me and Lincoln is a good thing. This way we can’t rush into anything. Not that he seems all that ready to do that anyway…
Footsteps echo behind me. I can’t turn to see who it is. My fear won’t let me. Instead I do an even more dangerous thing and throw myself into the nearest room and slam the door closed.
Papers shift from under Kai’s boots as he pulls his feet from his desk. His eyes are red and his head snaps up from its reclined position on his chair. Quickly, I recognized the room as his office.
“You look hard at work.” I press my ear to the door.
“Sorry, stressful morning.” He rubs at his eyes.
“I see.” I wait for the sound of thundering boots to follow me in. Steps go by, but they are too gentle to be Rowan.
“Do you, uh, need something?”
“What?” I lift my ear from the door for a moment to allow my brain a second to take in what he’s saying. “No, no I’m fine.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
I blink. Smoothing down the fray of the skirt that’s pushed back behind me in the whirlwind of movement from ushering myself in, I plaster on a soft smile. “Hiding.”
“It’s Rowan, isn’t it?” Kai frowns. His eyes are hardly even open as he watches me.
“He’s persistent.”
“You say that like it’s a good thing.” Kai tilts his chair back again, resting his hands on his chest. It’s a pose that suggests he could lull himself to sleep rather quickly.
“It is a good thing, just not in this particular scenario.”
Two empty chairs wait in front of his desk, plush and inviting. I shift my gaze to them before escorting myself forward. The fabric is velvety, reminiscent of the dining chairs. It brushes against my skin in a comforting way, a warm way. Kai’s office actually has a chill to it. I’d assumed it was the tiny article of clothing I wore last time I was here. Though… I guess this one isn’t much better.
“Would you like me to talk to him?” Kai’s voice is dull, but he arches a brow.
“Would you?” I try not to gush. “I mean, if you could.”
“Or you could tell him yourself.”
I frown at his suggestion.
“I have. I’ve told him I’m not interested.”
“Perhaps he is just confused then by your mixed signals.”
My jaw drops open. My mixed signals? Do these Fae think I’ve done anything to lead Rowan on? No. Not a chance.
“Mixed signals?” I finally force myself to regain my composure.
“You kissed him. At the Lavender Lounge if I’m correct.” Kai tries to blink his eyes open to really look at me.
“I was high.”
“Do you often make it a habit of kissing men you don’t like when you’re high?”
What sort of question is that? My hands curl into fists. Heat rises to a blush that creeps up my neck.
“I was. I am in a confusing time. Collin and I broke up. I’ve been thrown into this new realm with… with magic. It’s a lot to process.”
“Damn. Maybe you should be getting high.” He shrugs, saying it as a joke. Yet, my gaze still drifts to his jacket where I know his bottle of Reminints waits. “Do you… want some?” His words are slow and drawn out.
“No.” I wave my hand and look off at his bookshelf littered with knick knacks. But my attention drifts back to it. I could use a moment to just relax. And Jase suggested it was comparable to alcohol once and I’m not an alcoholic so this... this should be safe. “Maybe.”
“Oh, Briar Anders. How scandalous,” he gasps, but the dramatics are muted by his drugs. He slips his hand into his jacket and pulls out the small vile. “Just a few. Then no more for you, light weight.”
“Do not tell anyone… anyone that I did this.”
“Secrets safe with me, dear.” His cheeky grin does little to give me confidence.
“Promise.” I hold a hand out for him to drop a few sparkling petals into.
“Promise,” he repeats, extending the bottle toward me. “Wait, you’re not going to try and kiss me when you get high, are you?” He pulls the bottle back with a laugh.
“Not a chance.”
“Wow, maybe don’t say it with such certainty next time.” He shakes some petals out.
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nbsp; They fall softly into my palm. I’m still, watching them glitter from the light that covers us. Am I really about to get high with the Prince of the Iron Court? Yes. And I think Lincoln would want me to. They all harped on it often enough when I was in the Shadow Court, that I needed to relax, to release all my pent-up energy. Well this isn’t sex but it’s as good as it’s going to get. Before I let myself think any harder on the subject, I place both petals on my tongue. They melt like a chocolate, dissolving in the sweet sensation of static against my cheeks.
Reminints are a curious thing. So delicate. So delicious. So… relaxing. My posture, most immediately, slumps into the chair. I let out a long breath.
“Now, don’t you feel better.” Kai closes his eyes, resuming his position with his feet propped on the desk.
“These are fast acting.” My eyes flutter close.
Before where the room felt suffocatingly small, the walls always pressing in on me no matter how large the room physically is, now it’s like a swimming pool. The hairs on my arms rise. My limbs are light, swimming in the air where I can feel every shifting wind created by the large ceiling fan above us. I’d say half my body is numb, that near unmovable feeling, but I’m aware of everything. I just no longer care.
Kai and I sit quietly together, letting minutes, possibly hours, move by us without a worry. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder if Rowan will come looking for me. If he’ll be pissed when he finds me. Yet, those thoughts are too far away from me to actually grasp. Not that I even want to think about them. So I let them drift off.
My lips buzz with a smile as I picture Lincoln and the exited but guarded smile he’d give me if he saw me in this state. We could have a lot of fun together with some Remininats. He’d probably remind me I’m a queen and there are better things I should be doing with my time. Maybe I do understand Kai’s addiction.
“You know,” I start, “Everyone keeps telling me I’m a queen. I’m the queen.”
“Mmhmm.”
Neither of us open our eyes. I snuggle lower into the chair.