He took a step forward, his entire frame seemingly filling up the small office, making it feel even tinier. Today, he was wearing a clean and pressed shirt, and his jaw was clean-shaven. “J.D.,” he began, his voice hoarse. “I’m so—what in God’s name are those?” he growled.
“What?” She blinked. “What are you talking about?”
Striding past her, he stomped over to her desk. “These.” His eyes blazed, and the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.
“F-flowers,” she stammered.
The expression on his face turned murderous. “Who sent them?”
She gaped at him. Was he crazy? “What are you talking about?”
A vein in his neck strained. “Who. Sent. Them?”
“You did,” she said. “I mean, didn’t you?”
“No,” he replied. “I did not.”
“Are you sure?”
“I bloody well am.”
She held up the card to him. “Who else would write this? It—hey!”
He snatched the card and read it. “There’s no name.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” She scratched at her chin. Guess he didn’t send the teddy bear either. “But if you didn’t send them, who did?”
“Well, I’m going to find out.” Turning to the arrangement, he dug through the bouquet, ripping out greenery and roses. “There has to be some kind of receipt or something around here.”
“Hey!” She pushed him away. “Stop that! You’re destroying them!”
“Oh, and you care about them now? Who are they really from? Some lover or—”
“Oh geez, calm the fuck down, Spenser.” She rolled her eyes. “As if I was the type to attract this kind of attention.” Maybe someone like Darcey would get anonymous flowers, she wanted to say aloud but held her tongue. “It doesn’t have my name on it either so obviously there’s been a mistake. Some poor delivery guy fucked up. A very expensive fuck up, too, considering how much roses cost this time of the year.” That was the most logical explanation, but she couldn’t help the disappointment when she realized Cam didn’t sent the flowers. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I …” He swallowed hard. “J.D., I wanted to speak with you.”
“You do, huh?” She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her hip on the desk. “What about?” And why did it take you this long to come to me?
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “For getting all caught up and forgetting to call you. I hope … I hope you allow me to explain.”
Part of her wanted to kick him out and yell that it was too late. But who the fuck was she kidding? And how could she turn him away when he looked like that? Like he was really, truly sorry. Even her cat felt his sincerity. It nosed at her, as if urging her to listen to him.
Her eyes flickered over to her father’s framed photo. Pop always said, If a man can swallow his pride to come to you hat in hand, the least you can do is hear him out. “All right then, Spenser. Talk.”
Chapter Eight
When J.D. ran out of his office last Monday, the first thing Cam thought was, This is why I avoid relationships. He was damn terrible at them, and there was no use trying to reason with an unreasonable creature such as a woman. He’d studied creatures more agreeable and less easily agitated, like wolverines and honey badgers.
But, then again, he knew he’d been in the wrong. He should have called her. But he didn’t lie to her, not intentionally.
After his conversation with his grandmother, he couldn’t sleep. This whole thing was such a big, looming cloud that it was the only thing he could think of. He kept analyzing it from every angle, when would be the best time to tell J.D. about him leaving, how to tell her, and anticipate her reactions so he could mitigate them.
It was all too much, and he had gone through some kind of paralysis, unable to move on any action because any decision he made would leave either her, him, or his grandmother unhappy.
Work always helped him relax and clear his head. So, he went straight to HQ. Time passed, he had vague memories of seeing other people, making meals in the communal kitchen, crashing in the dorm, and heading out into the forest to check in on some of the subjects he’d been observing the past few months.
Out there, in his polar bear form, he didn’t have to think about family responsibilities and the thought of making J.D. unhappy, but it also left him exhausted. Really exhausted, to the point of not keeping track of time. He truly thought only a few hours, a day at most, had passed when she came storming into his office.
She had acted so unreasonable that day, going on about her bloody tree and Christmas. He told himself he was happy she left and he didn’t have to deal with her anymore. But his damned polar bear fought him at every turn, wouldn’t let him rest, wanting to see her, to make things right with her. It was only because of sheer exhaustion that he was able to stay away from her. He was surprised he lasted this long, because when he woke up this morning, he found that he just couldn’t let things stay this way.
But now, where to begin? With an apology, he supposed.
“Well?” She tapped her foot impatiently. “I’m waiting.”
Right. He cleared his throat. “J.D., I truly am sorry. I was going to call you, but I got caught up. I really wanted to spend the day with you.”
She sniffed. “Sure didn’t feel like it. Especially when you lied to me.”
“Lied to you? About—” Her warning glare made his clamp his mouth shut. Damn. “You’re right. I mean, I didn’t tell you the whole truth, so it was a lie by omission.”
“Why did you do it?”
“I was afraid.”
“Afraid? Of what?”
His throat threatened to collapse, but try as he might, he couldn’t manage the words. Sweat formed on his temples and his chest contracted, that crushing feeling making it difficult to move or breathe. He looked at her, pleading with his eyes. Please, J.D.
Her head cocked to the side, brows drawing together, as if she was analyzing him. Then, it was like something clicked and she took a step toward him, her hand reaching out to cup the side of his face. Those hauntingly beautiful hazel eyes bore into him. “You really are afraid, aren’t you? Of what?”
Closing his eyes, he nuzzled at her palm, breathing in her comforting scent. “Of losing you. You see, despite the very short time we’ve known each other, I can’t quite imagine my life without you.”
She sucked in a breath, and her hands slapped over her mouth. Time ticked by and flowed, while they remained stuck in that moment, staring at each other.
Finally, she lowered her hands to her sides. “I gotta hand it to you, champ,” she said as her grin widened. “You have a way with words.”
His breath caught in his lungs. “So … you forgive me?”
She raised a blonde brow. “Not quite there yet. And you still owe me an explanation.”
“Right. I just don’t know where to begin. And there are so many details … we need to sit down and …” He ran his fingers through his hair. “And even then … you still might change your mind about me.”
“How about you just start with the basics, and you can fill in the details later? What was so important that you forgot about me? Just start with what’s really bothering you.”
“All right.” Just the important details then. “After I dropped you off, I got a call from my grandmother.”
“Your grandma calls you? How sweet.”
“Yeah. She’s … special.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Except for my younger half sister, she’s really the only family I have left. My grandmother lives in Europe and splits her time between London and Russia.”
“Russia?”
“Yes. My maternal family’s from there, and my father was English. It’s complicated, but my parents didn’t get along that much through most of their marriage.” That was probably putting it mildly. “My mum died when I was six. Car crash. Killed on impact.”
She sucked in a breath. “Cam, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right, I don’t remember her much.” Only the stuff his father would scream at him whenever he was in his cups.
Whore cunt! She was with one of her lovers when they careened that sports car off that cliff. Damned bitch deserved it.
“Cam.”
Her voice jolted back to the present. “Anyway, when I was old enough, I was sent to boarding school. Didn’t see much of my father, but when I could leave for the summer, I would always spend it with my grandparents.”
“They took care of you,” she concluded. “And your grandmother was probably like your mother.”
“Yes.” Natalia was the only maternal figure he knew growing up. “But they weren’t that benevolent. The truth was, I was being groomed.”
“Groomed?”
“To take over the family interests back in Europe.” He struggled trying to figure out what to say and how much to say. Because if she found out the truth about that side of his family, she might look at him differently. “And well, the thing is, it’s always been understood that I would be taking over the … the business. Sure, my grandmother indulged me when I said I wanted to pursue my scientific studies and research first, but always with the caveat that when it was time, I would take over. I thought I had more time, but then my grandfather passed away unexpectedly. And well … time pretty much ran out a year ago, but I begged my grandmother to give me another year.”
“Wait … so you’re here temporarily?”
The distress in her voice made his polar bear growl. “I had to finish one more paper to complete my second PhD, and then this opportunity came up to do more research here in exchange for field work with the rangers.” He raked his hands through his hair. “I really was planning to go back. And then … I met you.
“I was so caught up with the whole mating thing and then she called me to remind me that my time here was ending. I don’t want to leave you, J.D., but I couldn’t disappoint her either. I panicked. I tried to find a solution, but every hypothetical scenario left everyone unhappy. So, I went to work, trying to clear my head and then hours passed and—”
“Cam.” She gripped his forearms. “Hey, c’mon now. Breathe.”
He didn’t realize his lungs had been running on empty. “J.D. … I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I wanted to work out a solution first. I couldn’t just leave you, but I couldn’t ignore my obligations back home either.” His grandmother’s life literally depended on it. “And I thought you could come with me, but I couldn’t take you away from everything you’ve known.”
Her mouth opened. “So that’s it? You got stuck in some kind of analysis paralysis loop and just kind of … short-circuited?”
Huh. It was a funny way to put it, but he couldn’t have described it better himself. “I suppose so. But it all seemed hopeless. I mean, what are we supposed to do? Your friends … they’re all mated and happy, and I just want that for us too.”
“Oh, baby.” She wrapped her arms around him and lay her cheek on his chest. “I wish you said something sooner. But …” Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and looked him square in the eyes. “Cam, this whole thing between us … I know we’re fated mates and the universe or God or whatever says we’re meant to be together forever, but really, we’re still just two different people, trying to figure out how we fit together. We can’t compare ourselves to Damon and Anna Victoria or Gabriel and Temperance. You’re you and I’m me and we’re us. There aren’t any rules to mating, are there? One that says one of us has to give everything up for the other? I mean, it’s not like we’re getting married tomorrow. You were the one who wanted to take things slow, right?”
She had a point there. “But what do we do then?”
“Well … we don’t have to decide now, right? When you do have to go back?”
“My contract with the rangers expires at the end of the year, so January at the latest.”
“All right.” She chewed at her lip. “Well, the long-distance thing will suck, but people do it all the time. We can plan for it, and maybe we can come up with some compromise. I mean, your family business back in Europe isn’t something you need to be there all the time for, right? Like, do you guys have a turnip farm or nesting doll factory or something?”
“Er … nothing like that.” He was tempted to tell her, but the rest of the details about his family was something he would have to ease her into. “Are you saying you’re willing to make this work? With me leaving, that is?”
“Well, duh. You’re my mate.” Smiling up at him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “And you’ve got a full head of hair, complete teeth, and I wanna bone you again.”
He threw his head back and laughed, the weight suddenly lifting from his chest and shoulders. “Well … if you insist.” He bent down to hook his hands under her knees, then lifted her up, backing her toward the desk.
“Cam, I—oops!” When he planted her on top of the desk, her back hit the vase of flowers, sending it crashing down.
“Fucking flowers,” he growled.
She rolled her eyes. “I told you, it was probably a wrong delivery.”
Occam's Razor demanded that he accept the simplest possible explanation for the existing data. However, the primal, animal part of him demanded to know who would dare send their mate gifts. Then hunt them down and let them know it was inappropriate. Preferably using his teeth and claws.
“Cam …” she said in a warning tone.
“Fine,” he grumbled.
“You’re so cute when you’re jealous,” she chuckled.
“Jealousy is an illogical reaction. I do not get jealous.”
“Right.” She patted him on the shoulder and kissed his nose. “Now, as much as I do wanna play hide the cannoli with you again, I’ve got a garage full of employees with shifter senses. I’ll never hear the end of it if they hear us doing it in here. Not to mention, I don’t think I can keep my lady juices flowing with my dad looking down at us.” She nodded at the portrait hanging on the wall behind the desk.
“I suppose we should stop desecrating offices.” Sorry about that, sir, he silently said to the smiling man in the picture. He could see the resemblance, and now he knew where she got her stubborn chin and stunning eyes from. “I like the rest of the decor.” Glancing around, he took note of the eclectic collection of memorabilia and knickknacks. “James Dean? And Billy Joel, huh?”
“Oh yeah, my old man loved him. Ever see that video where he’s in the mechanic shop and that gorgeous blonde pulls up in the 1958 Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith? He was so tickled pink by it and he always called Ma his Uptown Girl, even though she grew up in Jersey City. Anyway”—she hopped down off the table—“why don’t we get outta here?”
“Of course. But … have you forgiven me yet?”
“Duh,” she said. “But you still have to make it up to me.”
“I do?”
“Yes.” She took his hands into hers. “Come with me to the Christmas Carnival at Lennox Park.”
“When?”
“Now. They’re going to turn on all the lights soon.”
“Now?” His first instinct was to say no. How could he explain that his feelings regarding the holidays were the complete opposite of hers? The scores of happy families around them would only remind him how glum his Christmases were.
What day are you fetching me for the Christmas holiday, Father?
I’m afraid that’s not possible, Cameron. You’ll have to stay put for now.
Oh. Maybe next year?
Perhaps.
But, knowing how much she loved Christmas and what it meant to her—not to mention how understanding she’d been despite the fact that he’d left her alone for days and she was still willing to take him back and find a solution to their logistical problem—he knew he could bear one night surrounded by the trappings of this godforsaken holiday. “All right.”
“Really?” Seeing her eyes light up and her body practically vibrate with excitement made him and his bear glow w
ith pleasure. “Great! The Christmas Carnival is so awesome! You’ll love it, I swear! Let me get my coat.”
Chapter Nine
Lucas Lennox Park was already teeming with crowds gathered for the beginning of the Winter Carnival when they arrived
“Lennox Corp. goes all out during the holiday,” J.D. explained as they made their way to the center of the park. “They get the whole place lit up, and they have a huge Christmas tree and everything.”
“Kinda like Rockefeller Center in New York City?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “We used to go every December. Ma and Pop and me, I mean. It was our tradition. When Pop and I moved here, we were kinda glad they had this. It was like having a piece of her come over with us, you know?” She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes remembering all those good memories. Any other time of the year, the loss of her parents only made her sad, but during the holidays, it was as if she could feel their presence in the air. It was a consoling feeling.
“So, where’s your spot?”
She blinked at him. “My spot?”
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Tut-tut. You’re no amateur, are you, McNamara? Surely over the years you’ve curated the best spot for the tree lighting ceremony?”
How did he know? “Of course. C’mon.”
She dragged him across the park, not toward the large tree and stage set up in the middle, but up a small hill on the east side. They trudged up a path until they reached the top, which offered them a view of the park below.
“It’s starting,” she said.
The Christmas music piping in through loud speakers faded away, and the people cheered and clapped as an emcee came onstage to start the festivities.
“… and now, let’s welcome our benefactor and honored guest, CEO of Lennox Corporation, Mr. Matthew Lennox, to say a few words before he officially opens the Blackstone Winter Carnival.”
Blackstone Ranger Scrooge: Blackstone Rangers Book 6 Page 9