“I—” Aleksei looked flummoxed.
The queen, on the other hand, suppressed a smile. “She’s got your there, my king.”
He let out a defeated sigh and closed his eyes. Immediately, one of his dragon guards stepped forward. The man was easily one of the tallest and widest men Cam had seen, dwarfing even the king. His hair was a shock of bright red, eyes a bright piercing green.
“This is Rorik,” the king introduced. “Current Captain of the Dragon Guard. Rorik?”
“We shall endeavor to investigate the claims, Your Majesty,” Rorik declared.
“Great!” J.D. clapped her hands together. “That’s all we want. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Aleksei’s expression turned amused as he and Cam locked gazes. “A mate should be someone to balance out your personality and complement yours. To make up for what you lack.” He shook his head. “I wish you well, cousin.”
“Don’t worry, J.D., Princess Natalia,” Sybil said. “I’ll personally check in on the progress of the investigation for you.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty.” Natalia’s voice choked up. “And thank you, kotyonok.”
J.D. beamed at her. “You’re welcome.”
“Oh my,” Arabella sneered. “Bribing a king. Surely there’s a law against that somewhere.”
J.D. turned bright red. “Who the hell asked you? Why don’t you just shut your pie hole for once?”
“I’m positively shocked.” Arabella’s mouth shaped into an O, and a hand landed on her chest. “Tsk, tsk. Profanity is so unladylike.”
Cam knew J.D. would not back down, so he placed a hand on her lower back, which was promptly shaken away. Anger radiated from her, and he could swear her cat swiped its claws at him.
“Is that so?” J.D.’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Oh, pardon me, your ladyship,” she began in an exaggerated imitation of a posh British accent. “But would you be ever so kind, if it would please you, to go fuck yourself.”
“J.D.!” He grabbed at her hand, but she evaded him. “Your Majesties. My deepest apologies.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for me,” J.D. warned, her face an alarming shade of purple.
Arabella, on the other hand, was obviously loving this turn of events. “Perhaps you and your little mate should excuse yourselves, Cam,” she sneered.
He bit his lip. “Majesties. Your Highness. Uncle.” He couldn’t even look at his uncle’s face. He could already guess the older man’s disapproval at his mate’s antics. Cam was supposed to elevate their status among the high society, and it was obvious J.D. would not be doing the Dashokov name any favors with her crass behavior.
J.D. turned on her heel and started walking away, not even waiting for him. He followed her through a set of glass doors that led to the outside. Hopefully, the cold air would temper her anger.
She stopped suddenly, her back remaining to him and so he, too, halted.
“Was that really necessary?” he asked. “Did you have to be so vulgar in front of the king and queen? And my family?”
She whirled around; face twisted in anger. “Your ex-fiancée started it!”
“But you didn’t have to rise to her baiting! I thought you were smarter than this. Couldn’t you have controlled yourself? I know you and the queen are friends, but you could have displayed some restraint in front of my uncle.” Wasn’t she the one who wanted to make this work? To ensure there was no cause for the Dashokovs to retaliate and put Natalia’s life in peril? “Just this once, I wish you would think before you opened your mouth.” The words flew out before he could stop them. From the look on her face, he knew he had unintentionally hurt her. His polar bear reared up in anger and began to tear his insides to shreds. “I didn’t mean—”
“I thought maybe after tonight, I’d be done.” Though her voice shook, she continued. “That I would magically change into this person that you needed me to be. But I realize now, I won’t ever be done, will I? I’ll never be good enough to stand beside you.”
“No, J.D., please—”
“You know, everyone else laughing at me and calling me names, I can take. I’ve heard it my entire life and told each and every one of those people to fuck off. But you know what hurt the most, Cam? The fact that you didn’t have my back in there. You, the one person I need most on my side, were ashamed of me. Well, let me tell you something, Cam! I’m not ashamed of me. I like me just the way I am, and I don’t care what you, your snooty family, or anyone else thinks!”
Her words had hit their mark, like darts pinning him into place. He couldn’t move, not even to stop her as she brushed past him to go back into the ballroom.
While he may have justified his actions because his uncle was there, she was hurt nonetheless. And it was true, he did feel embarrassed at her antics.
But he was wrong to criticize her or make her feel like she had to change to be with him, as if who she was wasn’t good enough for him.
“Bloody hell!” He pressed a palm to his head as dread crept into his chest. He had hurt her so deeply. The woman he loved. I’m a fucking bastard.
His bear agreed wholeheartedly, then urged him to go back inside. I know we have to get her back. He had to apologize to her right away. Tell her he was wrong, grovel on his knees if he had to.
However, mere words would mean nothing to her. He had to think of something else. Something big. A gesture so grand, she wouldn’t be able to ignore it. But what?
As he re-entered the ballroom and the music of the orchestra blasted into his eardrums, an idea struck. Of a grand gesture he could do to win her back.
His heart drummed as anxiety filled him at the thought of what he was about to do. There were so many people here. They would be watching. And she could still reject him, and the bond would never form. But, at this point, he had nothing to lose.
Chapter Fifteen
J.D.’s body vibrated from rage and humiliation, but she swore to herself she wouldn’t cry. Her damn chest ached like someone had buried an axe in there, but she willed herself to get ahold of the tears burning in her throat. Feeding the anger growing inside her was the only way to stop the deluge threatening to burst out.
She rushed out of the ballroom and down the hallway to the women’s powder room. Thankfully, it was empty at the moment, so she turned the lock behind her, then leaned back and let out a calming breath.
I thought I could do it.
She’d tried so hard. But none of it was good enough for Cam. She thought getting dressed up and attending this stupid ball would make her good enough. But his actions tonight had told her otherwise. She would never be the mate he needed her to be.
Sure, she could have stayed meek and quiet, but that wasn’t her. She could probably look over the fact that he didn’t introduce her first or that he didn’t defend her when Arabella started acting like a bitch. But the worst part was feeling his embarrassment at her actions and apologizing for her when she was only defending herself.
Her cat hissed and seethed. It wanted to get out, pounce on that bitch and claw her eyes out. And J.D. was sorely tempted to let it.
“J.D.?”
The knock at the door startled her and jolted her out of her thoughts.
“J.D.? Are you in there? I saw you walking this way.”
Natalia. She wasn’t ready to face her. Or anyone. So she remained quiet.
“I know you are in there, kotyonok.”
Damn. “I’m uh … I’m not entertaining right now, Your Highness. Please leave me alone.”
“J.D., I order you to open this door at once!”
The tone in Natalia’s voice made her stand up straight and hair rise on her arms. “All right, all right.” With a deep sigh, she turned around and opened the door. “What can I do for you, ma’am?”
Natalia sighed. “I saw you running out of the ballroom and my grandson nowhere in sight. I knew the situation was not good. What happened?”
She considered lying to the old woman, but she doubted she w
ould believe it. “It just … it’s not working out, Natalia. Cam and me.”
“Not working out? But you are mates. Fated to be together. I do not believe it!”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. We just had a big fight, and I don’t think there’s any way we’re going to make up.” Her shoulders slumped. “It was never going to work out. We’re just too different. We come from different worlds. And I should have known we would never get along, the moment he showed himself to be a real Scrooge.”
“Scrooge?”
“You know. A Christmas Carol. The guy who hates Christmas.”
Recognition flashed in the old woman’s face. “Ah. Charles Dickens. But what—” She sucked in a quick breath. “Ah. I see now. Come, kotyonok.”
J.D. found herself being dragged toward the small couch in the corner. “Sit,” Natalia ordered, “and let me tell you something.”
“If this is about how Cam didn’t mean anything he said—”
“Shush, I am speaking.” Natalia’s eyes narrowed at her, and J.D. closed her mouth. “Aleksandr—Cam,” she began, “was not your typical child growing up. He told you about his parents?”
“Yes.”
“Edward, Cam’s father, resented his father for arranging the marriage with my Anastasia. However, they had no choice because the creditors were at the door, ready to strip them of what they had left. My husband’s money was the only thing that saved their estate. But the truth was, Edward himself was no better than his father. A drunkard who drank even more as his resentment grew. And a wastrel who blew through my daughter’s dowry in a year. Thank goodness my husband’s pockets were deep, and he made sure that the purse strings were kept out of Edward’s reach when he set up Anastasia’s trust fund. Igor had hoped he would change when Cam was born. But … he only got worse. See, Edward also hated the fact that Anastasia and Cam were shifters.”
Her cat let out an angry hiss. “What? Cam’s dad hated shifters?”
“Yes. This was a fact he didn’t realize until after the betrothal contract was signed and he had no choice. He was … disgusted by the idea that he was marrying a shifter.”
“Sonofabitch! Er, sorry.”
Natalia patted her hand. “Do not worry. I said worse when Anastasia relayed this to me. When Cam was born, Edward didn’t hide his bitterness and animosity. He was cruel to Cam. He never hurt him, but never showed him affection either. When he was learning to shift, Edward would berate him whenever he had any accidents, like if he changed into his bear inside the house or scratched up his furniture. He even started forcing Cam to wear those glasses to hide that glow in his eyes when his bear came to the surface. And then Anastasia died in that car crash.” Tears streaked down Natalia’s cheeks as she sobbed, and J.D. rushed to the sink to grab some tissues. “Thank you. Apologies. You never really get over the death of a child.”
“It’s all right,” she soothed. “Take your time.”
Natalia blew her nose into the tissue and wiped her tears. “No, I must continue. So you can understand. When Anastasia died, Edward didn’t even want Cam to live with him in his manor, so he was sent away to boarding school a few weeks after her funeral. He was nine years old.”
Her chest tightened as she imagined Cam losing him mother and being kicked out of the only home he knew.
“And after that first year, when all of his peers left for Christmas break, he was left behind.”
“What?”
“Edward refused to pick him up for the holidays. He had to spend it at St. Andrew’s. I didn’t even know about this, otherwise I would have insisted he come live with me instead. But I had no rights. Edward was still his father. He wouldn’t even sign the papers to let me take him for the holidays or so I could visit. He would probably have left Cam there during the summer, too, if the school was open. That was the only time I got to see him.”
Oh, Cam. Tears sprang to her eyes. No wonder he hated Christmas. While he got to see everyone go home and be with their families, he was left alone in that boarding school. Who could blame him? She’d seen the anxiety in his eyes. How hard it was for him to open up.
“Worse still, Edward remarried and had a daughter. But because Cam had been born first, the title would eventually pass over to him, which made him resent Cam even more. He spoiled his new daughter, spent every holiday with her until he died.” Natalia didn’t seem too broken up about that. “I thought Cam would get over it, I did my best to make sure he knew he was loved.”
“And you did,” she said. “And he loves you so much.”
“He’s always been indifferent about the holidays. When he left St. Andrews, he would always spend them alone. And then … then Arabella happened. He was happy with her. She’s a lovely girl. But they broke up on Christmas five years ago, and I think that made him even hate the holidays more.”
Rage boiled inside her and she wanted to scream the truth at Natalia. That they didn’t just break up, but Arabella had cheated on him. Stop, she told herself. That wasn’t her story to tell.
“So, you see? My grandson has never had a reason to celebrate the holidays. He’s always been withdrawn and cold, focused—no, obsessed with his work. He prefers the company of his animals and plants because he’s afraid of interacting with people and being hurt and disappointed by them.” The old woman’s weathered hands covered hers. “But these past few days, I’ve seen the change in him. Something in his thirty-five years that I haven’t seen before. True happiness and love, at least when he looks at you.”
J.D. couldn’t breathe. She was so afraid that if she made even the smallest motion, she would burst into tears. She wanted to believe Natalia’s assessment, she really did. But his actions were still too fresh, and she didn’t know if she could trust him.
“Please, J.D.,” Natalia begged. “Would you please speak with him? Just have a conversation.”
“I … I’m scared,” she admitted.
“He’s hurt you. And I understand your hesitation. But surely, you could find it in your heart to hear him out and let him apologize.”
“You don’t even know if he’s sorry for what he did and said.”
“I know my grandson and that he would do anything for you. Please.”
Conflicting emotions swirled within her. Her brain told her to run away now, before she got even more hurt. But her stupid heart and her inner animal wanted to hear him out. “I … I suppose we could talk.”
“Thank you.” Natalia leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then stood, dragging her up. “Come. We should go.”
“I—”
The old woman pulled her along before she could protest further. When they returned to the ballroom, Natalia stopped. “Stay here. I will look for Aleksandr and send him to you, yes?”
“All right.”
As the old woman disappeared into the crowd. J.D. considered running away. Just going home, changing into her pajamas, and waiting for this damned day to be over.
“Well, well, look what the cat dragged back in,” Arabella scoffed as she sauntered over. “When I saw you running away, I truly thought we had seen the last of you. But I guess pests are always hard to get rid of.”
Fucking bitch. But she was not going to let this heifer rile her up again. “I bet that’s what all your ex-fiancés say when you come crawling back.”
Arabella’s pretty face twisted into an expression of hate. “Go ahead and keep insulting me. But the truth is you’ll never belong here, in our world. You’ll always be a poor grease monkey. What’s that American saying? About putting lipstick on a pig?”
Her cat hissed and let out its claws, but she reined in it. “Better a poor grease monkey than a lying, cheating bitch like you.”
“Oh, so he told you the real reason we broke up?” Arabella snorted. “Tiago and I had a little fling while I was wearing Cam’s ring, so what? It’s ancient history and Cam will forgive me in time. Now that he realizes that you can never be what he needs to live up to his legacy. I, on the other h
and, will be the perfect wife for him.”
“Excuse me,” Natalia began, clearing her throat.
Arabella’s complexion turned ashen. “Your Highness!” She whirled around to face Natalia. “Th-there you are. I was looking for you everywhere.”
“Apparently, you look for a great many things everywhere. Even in places you should not be looking.” From Natalia’s cold, freezing stare, it was obvious she had overheard everything. “Lady Arabella, I think perhaps it’s time you leave.”
“But, I—”
“That was not a suggestion.”
Her lips pursed and eyes narrowed. “You wrinkled old hag, you deserve what’s coming to you,” she spat, then turned to J.D. “The Dashokovs will never accept you. But then again, you’re all animals, the lot of you.”
“Leave now before I fucking kill you, bitch!” J.D. hissed. To make her point, she opened her mouth and let out an inhuman growl.
Arabella jumped back. “Fine. I’m leaving. You deserve each other.” Lifting her head, she turned and marched out of the room.
Natalia shook her head. “Why didn’t Cam tell me?”
“He didn’t see the point,” J.D. said. “He knew it would hurt you.”
“Bah. I hate cheaters. Igor and I may not have been mates or madly in love in the beginning, but he vowed never to betray me with another woman. Polar bears are fiercely loyal to their other halves.” There was a softness in her face that made her seem decades younger. “Anyway, good riddance to that vile woman. We will never have to think about her again.”
“I hope so.” If she saw Arabella again, it would be too soon.
Natalia’s face brightened. “I nearly forgot! I came to tell you that I found my grandson. But he’s indisposed for the moment, but asks that I ensure you do not leave.”
“I’m not sure … Arabella, what she said about the Dashokovs … it’s true, right? Cam should be with someone refined and graceful like her.”
“What nonsense,” Natalia declared. “Fate has paired him with the mate he needs.”
Blackstone Ranger Scrooge: Blackstone Rangers Book 6 Page 18