Mahesh is disappointed we are heading out of Kathmandu the very next day. He informs us that we will hardly cover one percent of what this magnificent city has to offer in the few hours of the evening. Since we don’t have a choice, he chalks out a short itinerary for us. He offers his guide services for the evening at a very reasonable amount almost as though he was guilty to charge us.
An auto-rickshaw ride takes us through the colourful, narrow, meandering lanes of Kathmandu. I peek excitedly as the streets rush past giving a glimpse of life in this hilly state.
Mahesh informs us we will be heading for the iconic Pashupatinath Temple. An unavoidable stop for any tourist in Nepal, the temple offers a close glimpse at sacred Hindu rituals. We leave our ride before Mahesh leads us to an area we can keep our footwear.
The Pashupatinath Temple sits on the banks of the river Bagmati. It is listed as a World Heritage Site by UNESCO and one look at it tells me why.
The temple is a masterpiece of Hindu architecture. The main temple consists of a building with bunk roof and a golden spire. It is cubic in shape, and sheets of silver cover the four main doors. The two storied roof is constructed from pure copper covered with gold. I’m told, the main attraction of this temple is the shining Shivalinga and the huge, golden statue of Shiva’s Bull, Nandi.
The inner sanctum of the temple allows access only to followers of Hinduism while tourists can visit the compounds around it. I glance at Ajaz. He’s been trying his hand at growing a moustache and beard much against my wishes. It’s now a generous length and he’s trimmed it at sharp angles that make him look, I’m reluctant to admit, drop dead gorgeous. I’m aware Ajaz will not go into the inner sanctum. I go because although I harbour a lack of faith, I’m still a born Hindu. Technically, you can’t just erase that.
We decide for me to go ahead with Mahesh and then meet back in half an hour.
Mahesh walks in front of me, leading me into the crowd. It’s almost time for the evening aarti or prayers and worshippers are starting to crowd the place for as close an experience as possible.
I keep walking, my eyes taking in the remarkable grandeur of the temple. The golden statue of Nandi Bail is humongous but I don’t get time to stand and admire it, jostled as I am by the sea of intent devotees.
I feel it then. An underlying call. A pull against my sanctimonious brain. I feel bathed in warm light that envelops me in a loving caress. Something, someone is waiting for me here. I walk on ahead, the crowd magically parting way for me to enter. The priest adorns my forehead with a dab of sandalwood, turmeric, rice grains and kumkum. I gasp feeling the mixture glow at my forehead.
To my surprise the evening aarti is not inside the main temple but outside. I’m jostled along with the crowd through the opposite side. The compound there leads to stairs that go down to the banks of the Bagmati river. Mahesh, who I thought I had lost, appears next to me. He gets me a spot on the stairs to sit with the other people. The aarti will be performed on the raised platform on the opposite side of the river.
I scan the area taking in the smaller platforms below the stairs we are on. Funeral pyres are set up on these platforms in the day time. This is one of the rare places on Earth that actually allows this type of public funerals. The ashes of the pious are immersed in the flowing waters carrying their beliefs of sins forgiven and wishes bestowed. Frankly, it gives me the creeps. I hate funerals. I hate the thought of death and decay. I’m not afraid of death but I’m a restless soul and I hate the finality it brings.
“Can you get Ajaz for me please?” I request Mahesh. I’d rather not sit here alone. Mahesh nods and squeezes out. I’m not sure if it was such a great idea to ask Ajaz to be here. He won’t be getting a seat by my side anyway. I’m compressed between a large woman on one side and a young, teenage boy on the other. The physical contact on both sides is too close for my comfort. I don’t like being touched by anyone except Ajaz. I was never shown much physical affection while growing up and casual handshakes, backslaps, hugs and kisses make me squeamish. I turn around to find a way out but the entire stairway is packed. There is no way out.
On the opposite side of the river bank, a group of young priests take their positions. Behind them a troupe of musicians sit with microphones in front of them. The priests light the gigantic holders with multiple diya dispensers. They set the night ablaze with their hypnotic moves eliciting appreciative responses from the crowd. The bhajan begins and the one who takes the lead has a melodious voice. He immerses the worshippers in a magical experience. The crowd chants along, breathes and heaves together almost as if it were one entity.
My senses begin to swirl with the smell of smoky, sweet incense sticks, fumes of the ghee diyas and flower garlands creating a sensory overload. As if drawn by design, my eyes turn away from the scene before me to one of the raised funeral platforms. A man dressed in dark flowing garments, the typical vestige of an ascetic is standing there. His long grey hair is tied in a top knot while his chest length beard rides the light evening breeze. Rudramalas adorn his neck and wrists while streaks of dried, sandalwood paste mark his forehead. He is watching the aarti swaying with the mantras that carry through the evening.
All at once, he stops. Although he is at quite a distance, I can see his chest heaving almost in a bid to calm himself. Then he turns and stares directly at me. In that moment, everything around me disappears. I’m sitting alone on the stairs, the world is silent. A sense of panic engulf me as his eyes continue to burn into me. Then his lips move and he issues a command.
“Come.”
I can’t deny him his wish. I get up and step down the stairs towards him. I reach the funeral platform to stand before him in a hypnotic state. He turns wordlessly and I follow him into the mysterious depths of the night.
~ ~ ~
My eyes are closed, the senses alert. I have no idea where I am.
“Open your eyes.” The command is loud and clear.
I open them to find myself seated opposite the ascetic. Between us a fire burns rapidly. It sheds light for me to see him but not enough to know what lies beyond him. Everything around us is dark as though nothing else exists. The flames rise and fall trying to lick all that is around. I stare at it in fascination. It almost seems alive.
I’m compelled to turn my gaze upon the ascetic. The flames bathe him with a golden light as they continue their dance in his dark eyes. He regards me with a thoughtful look as if to ascertain my intent. I wonder why because I didn’t ask to be here.
“You seek answers,” he states. His voice is surprisingly calm but deep.
“I don’t know.” My own reply makes me curious. I am seeking answers. That’s why I’m here. Where am I?
“You are in the land of your forefathers,” he replies as if he heard my unspoken question. He chants something under his breath before spooning ghee into the fire. The flames immediately rise to lick his hand greedily. “You are here because he called you.”
I’m confused. “Who?”
He chants again, his eyes rolling back into his sockets as he looks towards the darkness above. “He is within us and all around. He is the most powerful of them all. Nothing can destroy Him for it is He who created, it is He who preserves and it is He who will destroy what is His.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will, child, soon you will. Open your heart to Him and He shall be.”
His words make sense to me now. He’s asking me to believe, to have faith. I’m unsure. I’ve always maintained I believe in Good and I believe in Evil. He wants me to believe in a God who wasn’t there when Raati was sowing the seeds to her evil plans.
The ascetic’s eyes snap open to glare at me. His anger is as palpable as the heat from the flames. “He exists in the version you want Him to exist, child! Seek Him and He shall be!”
With a sudden move, he touches a wooden staff to my forehead and I feel my soul drive out of my body with a rush. My mortal body juts out my chest with my head falling back, splaying
my hair behind me. My arms spread wide open as if awaiting an invisible embrace.
I hear his chants even as the flames rise and swirl up engulfing me in their fold. I’m lifted up into a realm I haven’t seen before. It is darker and deeper. The endless landscape is mountainous with dead, dying trees throwing darker shadows everywhere.
A bolt of light suddenly blinds my vision. I can’t see anything! It’s too bright! It’s too powerful! I feel my skin singe even as I begin to wail out of sheer terror.
The bright light begins to dim allowing me to open my eyes. It hasn’t gone out completely. I can see luminous swirls of golden and silver light circle around me. They send of flicks of sparkles now and then which land on my skin and glow. Surprisingly they don’t hurt with their mild sting.
They lift me further letting me fly over the dark plains below. I have no idea where I’m headed but I know they will keep me safe. In the distance, I see rays shinning over the mountains. I come to a stop, hovering with the help of my starry friends. I can feel power emitting from those rays but I can’t see past them.
“You will see when you want to see, child,” a voice booms across the realm. It is thunderous in its intensity and yet gentle in intention.
“Who are you?” I venture, feeling adventurous and somehow aware of an absence of danger.
“I am whoever you want me to be, child. I am the creator, the preserver, the destroyer.”
The Triad! I gasp.
“I am the bridge between the Good and the Evil. I am your strength, your love, your grace, your beauty. I am your Will.”
“But what is your name? What do people call you?” My mind feels alive with electrical impulses connecting missing dots.
“I am the All-Knowing, the All-Mighty, the All-Powerful, the Never-Ending; I am the One.”
My eyes glow with a golden light. I’m reflecting Him in me.
“What God are you?” I persist. I need to know. For my faith, for my beliefs, I need to know.
“I am what you want me to be, child. It is up to you. I am a part of every one of you, even those who choose to deny me. This expanse of dead land that you see is the future of mankind, my child. It’s the future of all who believe and those who don’t.”
I look down upon the charred land. There is no life, there is only a never-ending emptiness. This is what we’re headed for?
“How can this be changed?”
“Nothing can change it, my child, it has been decreed. Centuries of warnings will come to pass without lessons learnt. In the end, this is all there will be.”
“What then? What happens when humans, when mankind is eradicated?”
“There will be light again and life.”
The circle of life!
Suddenly there is another question I want to ask but I’m more worried of the answer than the question itself. I brace myself, lift my chin and ask. “Are you a Hindu God?”
“I am what you want me to be, my child. I am the creator, the preserver, the destroyer.” I get the same answer over and over and over again till I slam my hands over my ears.
The repetitive affirmation stops abruptly. “You are marked for an evil plan, little one. Look into yourself and find the courage to stop this evil.”
“Stop it, how? I’m weak, I’m a mortal.”
“This is just the beginning of the battle yet to come, my child. A mortal in the Earth’s realm is an immortal in all the others. Find the strength within you.”
I hang my head in shame. “I’m too weak.”
Suddenly as if by silent command, the tiny sparkles get absorbed within me. I stare at my hands with the fingers spread and see the sparkles settle into my pores. After they are gone, I turn my palms around in wonder trying to locate them. I’m glowing from every pore of my immortal body.
“What happens next?”
“Find your strength. Find it, find it, find it, find it, find it….” The words go on and on and on, sending me into a deep slumber. I’m aware of being transported back floating over those tiny sparkles.
~ ~ ~
“Prish, Prish, Prish! Wake up, baby, please wake up!”
I can hear Ajaz’s panicked voice in my head. I stir, mumble something nonsensical then slowly open my eyes. His beautiful face is looming over me as I lay half on the floor and half in his arms. He grips me hard as soon as I come to my senses and presses a shaky kiss on my hair.
I sit up and then realise more than a hundred eyes are upon me. I look around and gasp. The aarti has finished, the priests and devotees alike are staring at me. I’m lying on the funeral platform.
Twenty - three
Hidden no more.
Back in our hotel room after much fussing, Ajaz sits on the bed holding me close against him.
“I couldn’t find you, Prish,” he reveals, his voice betraying his emotions. “Mahesh came looking for me and when we returned, you were nowhere. There were so many people but we combed through everywhere. No one had seen you. We made our way along the entire river bank. I...” He takes a guilty pause. “I even looked into the river to see if you had somehow fallen in. That was a dumb-ass move but I just didn’t know where else to look. Then just as the evening prayers ended, we heard a commotion with some people pointing to the funeral platforms. We found you lying there as though you had been there throughout.” He kisses me hair to reassure himself of my presence. “Except you hadn’t been. I’m very sure of that. I had scoured that place earlier.”
I snuggle into him, accepting his love and warmth. Ajaz is the one person who always believes me no matter what. But this time I’m hesitant. What do I exactly tell him? That I met what could possibly be the greatest power in the universe? Or should I tell him I met the general impression of God that humans have?
When I hesitate, he smiles making my heart race. “I won’t think you’re crazy, sweet.”
Drat! Every time! I square my shoulders and tell him everything. The dark realm full of death and decay, the rays of light, the booming voice, the revelations and the tiny sparkles that got absorbed in me. If he’s sceptical, he doesn’t show it.
He takes my tiny hands in large ones, turning them over. His fingers trace over the lines on my palms making me shiver. One touch and I’m a cuckoo. How does he manage to have such a strong effect on me?
The molten eyes stop their inspection of my palms leaving a slow, blazing trail in their wake. “Methinks my wife has superpowers.”
His statement makes me laugh. I hold my fingers out and try to zap him with imaginary sparkly rays. “Yeah, see, they’re all over you.”
He chuckles before threading his fingers with mine and covering my palms completely. “What else can those sparkles be?”
I shake my head at the impossibility of his words. “That was a surreal dream.” I give him a sad smile. “I’m a nobody, Ajaz, an illegitimate existence. I’m not like you, born into a legacy. I’m, quite literally put, the fruit of desire.”
That makes both of us laugh. We leave the discussion unfinished. His suggestion is too wild. What I said is true. Ajaz is like a knight born of pure blood and I’m the unseen.
We sleep holding onto each other. I’m tired, he’s worried. We need answers, fast.
~ ~ ~
The morning shines pure, bright and fresh in this quaint city that lies in the folds of the Himalayas. I take a deep breath of crisp air. Today I’m hopeful of finding Partho Sangram.
Ajaz has booked us a rental to take us to Devigrah, the village suggested to be Partho Sangram’s last known address. We pack a simple haversack with an extra change of clothing each, some junk food and water. Ajaz has banned me from consuming any soft drinks. He says it’s not good for the baby, the doctor too agreed. I’m in the minority on that opinion but I abide because I love that my husband cares.
Mahesh Tamang is accompanying us for the journey. He turned up early at the hotel, worried and guilty that he had somehow caused me so much distress that I had fainted the previous evening. There’s no point ass
uring him otherwise. He wants to make up by being our guide. We accept on condition that he charges us fair fees. Matter settled, our journey begins.
Leaving the bustling city behind, settlements continue on the outskirts for almost the entire length to our destination. At some places, homes are near and far between, giving us a glimpse of pristine, breath-taking views. I love being in the mountains as much as I love being by the sea.
We take a break a little before we reach the village, not because we’re fatigued but because we need to take some pictures of the beauty around us. Nepal is exquisite and pure.
Ajaz is fond of photography and the landscape offers him breath-taking sights. He has Mahesh take a few of ours too. Chaste ones as I don’t engage in public displays of affection with my husband. Neither does Ajaz except for almost always holding my hand in his as if he’s afraid I’m an errant child who will get lost. Not that I’m complaining. The incidents happening with me are scary enough for me to want to cling on to him all the time.
True Rising: Mark of the Defenders Page 21