I feel my mind shutting down. I feel myself give up, if only for a moment. My mind and body feel lifeless. I don’t move. I calm my breathing and allow myself to drift. In this trance, I no longer hear the screams or have pain. I’m beyond all of it. I didn’t know I could reach a state like this. No one has pushed me far enough to open up a new realm in and of myself.
Chapter 10
The door to the padded cell opens. I open my eyes to see a guard standing in front of me. I pick myself up off the floor and wipe the tears from my puffy eyes. It’s no use pretending they didn’t get to me. They already know they did. In doing so, they’ve also helped me create a new place of hope.
I hear shuffling feet and voices in the hall as I walk into it. Tyler and Kyle are being held back by guards. Their faces are bloody. Tyler has a gash just above his eye and Kyle’s nose is bleeding. The guards release them and they are by my side in a split second.
Tyler’s touch makes me flinch. “Don’t.” My voice is only a whisper, but the coldness of the word is still present. A part of me worries Tyler will be upset, but I know he understands. I want to tell him about the trance-like state I found myself in, but my mind is not ready to get into that conversation with him.
I feel Tyler and Kyle’s eyes on me as they follow me back to Tyler’s room. I grab some clean clothes from his room and head back out to the bathroom. I expect them to stop me. Afraid I can’t be on my own. They say nothing, but I feel them continue to watch me walk down the hall to the bathroom. Neither of them follows, but I know they will be close by.
When I get to the bathroom. I see my reflection in the mirror. My puffy bloodshot eyes, red dotted cheeks, and chest. I splash cold water on my face and pat it dry with a towel. I change my clothes and toss the others to the trash since they have Jack’s blood on them and are soaked from sweat and tears.
I don’t go back to Tyler’s room. Instead, I walk up the ten flights of stairs to the library I was in earlier. I don’t want to talk about what just happened, and I don’t want to be coddled or looked at with sympathy. Nor do I want to listen to Jack’s wise remarks, which would only grant me more time in the padded cell. I use my hunter’s feet as I go up the stairs. I don’t run this time. I walk. I don’t have the strength or energy to run.
A knot is still in my throat from enduring the pain of listening to my loved ones, but I swallow hard, forcing it down. I bat my eyes quickly to relieve them of the sting of tears. They go away, but I’m unsure for how long.
I go inside the library and sit in the darkness. A thin line of light leaks into the room from under the door. I lean my back to the wall and slide down to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my head on them. I close my eyes and try to remember the stars. I need to see the stars, but I can’t. I’m stuck in this place. The knot arises again, but I force it back down. I will not let them break me. I will not give up this easily. If my family can fight, I can fight. I will fight.
The door opens slightly, more light streams in. I slide behind a row of bookshelves to avoid being seen. “Kris, you in here?” Sarah whispers. I reach my hand around the shelf and wave to her. My voice is gone from screaming. I hear the door close behind her and listen to her footsteps as she comes closer. I can deal with her. She won’t look at me like a wounded puppy. The darkness helps. I won’t be able to see her expressions. “I came to find you.” She extends her hand out to me. “Tyler wants to show you something.”
I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay here and be alone, but she won’t leave if I don’t go. Sarah helps me to my feet. We take the stairs together, side by side. She interlocks her arm in mine but doesn’t say a word. We don’t have to talk. She has a special way of knowing how people feel. Much like Tyler does. The connection between us three is fascinating. The two of them can communicate through their minds. I can communicate with Tyler in our special way, but I’m not sure how Sarah knows my thoughts so well. Maybe it is just the way she is. It doesn’t matter. It helps me just having her by my side. Walking me back to reality, even if I don’t want to go back. If I wasn’t so tired and had a voice, I might tell her.
◆◆◆
We reach Tyler’s door. Sarah hugs me, making a knot arise in my throat again. I breathe deep and swallow, relieving some of the pressure. I know I can cry in front of her. It would be okay, but I don’t want to. She releases her embrace and gives me a half-smile as I open the door.
I enter Tyler’s room to find darkness. A small glimmer of light flickers on the ceiling. I tilt my head up to see stars painted on the ceiling, sparkling softly with light. I feel my body calm and a smile spreads across my face. A slight chuckle emerges from my throat, coming out with a squeak. I cover my mouth with my hand, embarrassed by the odd sound I just made. Tyler’s warm arms find their way around me. “Thought you’d like to see the stars again,” he whispers in my ear. I close my eyes, taking in the comfort of being in his arms. I should’ve just come back to him after I changed my clothes instead of going to the library, but then he wouldn’t have had time to do this for me.
Tyler takes my hand and leads me over to the bed. We lay down on our backs holding hands and looking up at the gleaming painted stars. I know they aren’t real, but I’m able to imagine they are. I focus on them instead of the events of the day. The only thing keeping me together is Tyler’s hand. He’s strong and I have to become strong. If I don’t, I won’t be able to help anyone. My eyes grow heavy from all the tears I’ve shed. I don’t fight sleep. I welcome it. Hoping my dreams will carry me away to a peaceful place instead of a nightmare.
◆◆◆
Louisa finds me in my dream. She presents me with the same vision as before. My mom accepts the flowers and scatters the stones back into the woods. Louisa’s beauty distracts me. I feel as if I know her. I can’t recall ever meeting her before. She shows me another vision. Sam climbing the rock wall here at Arrowhead Headquarters. He’s almost to the top when he loses his grip and falls to the floor below.
I awake before I can see if he’s okay. My body trembles. Tyler wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. “It’s okay, Kris.” He strokes my back. I take a few deep breaths and lay back down. The stars still shine above us.
“Is it Jason?” Tyler asks.
“No. Sam fell from the rock wall,” I say, my voice straining. Tyler pulls me in close to his chest. I put my hand over his heart to feel the rhythm, the familiar beat. I want to feel something I know to be true.
“Sam is fine.” He reassures me.
I know, but it doesn’t make it any less real to me. After seeing my family hit right in front of me, I’m not sure how fine any of us are under Angela’s watchful eye. I don’t want to argue, so I let the silence fall between us. I eventually feel the tug of sleep again, long after Tyler’s snoring resounds.
◆◆◆
The next time I awake, it’s morning. Tyler is already up and dressed. “I’ll see you in the gym?” he asks, heading out the door. I nod.
I push myself to stand and get dressed for the day. I’m sluggish but know I need to get moving. I braid my hair on the side, as it seems the best way to keep it from getting in the way while training and get myself out the door and to the gym.
The gym is full of Arrowhead members. I still feel exhausted, but I have to keep moving. Keep learning. I know what we are training for, but I still can’t wrap my head around the whole thing. My throat is scratchy and I still strain to speak, but there isn’t much I really need to say. I ache all over. Between the training and enduring the event in the padded cell, I feel changed. I’m no longer the worldwide-star-studded-actress everyone loves for being funny and real. I’ve been replaced with feeling defeated and angry. I no longer walk around with a smile. I’m expressionless. I’m going through the motions, but nothing is registering. I know the few people I can trust and the rest I assume are just compiling ways to get at me, even if they really aren’t.
“Are you going to shoot today?” Sarah asks, holding out a bo
w to me. I didn’t even know she was close to me.
“I guess.”
I take the bow from her hands. I walk with her over to the archery section. We stand side by side. We take aim and shoot as the targets appear. Holding a bow used to bring me so much joy. It was something I knew. I was good at and took pride in it. Now it just reminds me of pain. I shoot, missing all the targets. I do it on purpose. When the exercise is done, I toss the bow back on the table. It misses and falls to the ground. Sarah looks at me but doesn’t speak. I walk away. I don’t know where I’m going. My mind feels clouded.
A yell gets my attention and I turn towards the rock wall to see a figure falling to the ground from the top. The figure lands hard on the floor with a thud. A crowd forms around it. Fear rises within me as I run towards them. I push my way to the front, remembering what Louisa had shown me in my dream. I get to the front of the crowd and see Sam. His body lying motionless on the ground. I kneel beside him and shake him. “Sam! Sam! Wake up!” I try to yell. My voice cracks as I try to get Sam to acknowledge me.
Tyler takes my arms and moves me away. Kyle now tries to contain me. I push and kick him, trying to getaway. “Kris, you can’t move him. You might hurt him more.” Kyle pleads with me. I hear him, but I still want to be by Sam. Alex now helps Kyle keep me back. I feel a twinge in my back and the room spins. My legs can’t sustain my body weight. I fall to my knees, my sight goes dark, and my hearing dulls. I try to fight to stay alert, but I feel myself succumbing to it.
Chapter 11
I awake with my wrists restrained in metal chains connected to a stone wall. I pull hard, but all I manage to do is make the cuffs tighter around my wrists. They throb as the circulation is being cut off. My breathing increases and so does my anger. “What do you want from me? If you’re going to kill me, just do it!” I yell at the red light of the camera that is positioned in the corner. I know Angela is watching.
“Miss Goodman, we don’t want to kill you. We want to make sure you’re taking your time here seriously. So far, you’ve not been too persistent with that. You’ve given up in the face of a competitor. You don’t follow the rules of keeping the peace. But my personal favorite happened today when you purposely missed the targets. If you will not have the bravery and courage of a soldier, then we will be left with no choice but to execute your family. Not just execute them, no. You will be the one to complete the task.” Angela’s voice is flat but sincere.
“I would NEVER do that!” I lunge for the camera, forgetting that I’m bound. I yell as the cuffs cut into my wrists. Blood streams from them and drips to the floor.
“Be careful. Those are designed to cut straight through. The more you fight, the tighter they’ll get.” I hear the smile in her voice. “We have our ways of making you participate. Even if you don’t want to.” Angela’s voice is soft, almost angelic. No anger or fear flows from it. As if she has not a care in the world.
The room goes quiet. The camera still rolls. I sit on the floor, my back to the wall, and raise my arms up above my head to slow the blood flow. I move slowly so the cuffs don’t cut in more. I feel my warm sticky blood flow down my arms and on to my shirt. I focus on something else to keep my anger and pain from showing. That’s what they want; they want me to fight them. I know I will get my chance, but that isn’t going to happen today.
I sit and start humming the song my mother used to hum to me, to calm me. She would sit on my bed and motion for me to come and lay down, my head on her lap. She would hum and run her fingers through my hair. Repeatedly until I fell asleep. This has always helped you. Even when you were an inconsolable infant. I would start humming this tune to you and you would calm instantly. My mother’s voice within my memory offers a small amount of reassurance and comfort.
My voice echoes off the walls and soothes me even more. My heartbeat becomes regular and my body less tense. My shoulders ache from holding my hands up above my head, but the bleeding has decreased. I will not give them the satisfaction of making me pass out from blood loss. I begin to feel my body lose feeling. My mind drifting into the other realm of calm that I entered once before.
Before I can completely enter it. The door squeaks open and draws me out of the meditative state. Jack steps in. It has to be a test. I control my breathing and force myself to not make fists. I smile. “What do you want?” I swallow hard to keep my anger at bay.
“Time to go,” he says, walking over to me. Jack gets close and hits me with the butt of his gun. I can’t fight back. Not while the cuffs are on. My eye stings, but I keep calm and turn back to face him. I smile, forcing myself to not lose control or I will lose my hands. Jack undoes the cuffs. My wrists are red with blood. My stomach turns at the sight of my blood draining out of me. I swallow hard and look away. Afraid if I don’t I will throw up everywhere.
“Follow me,” Jack says. He stands and walks toward the open door. “Don’t try anything stupid.” He whispers so quietly, I wonder if I hear him right. Before I can respond, he is out of the room. I stand and walk cautiously toward him.
In the hall, there are four of Angela’s guards armed with guns. Their faces like stone. Expressionless. I stare at them, waiting for some kind of reaction, but there is none. Jack stops and pulls out some gauze from a first-aid kit just outside the door of the room I was in. I hold my wrists out. He wraps my wrists tight and I cringe a little from the pain. I don’t know if he’s putting them on tight to stop the bleeding or to cause me pain.
“You’re free to go.” Jack smiles. I don’t know what to make of him. I stare at him for a second and he motions for me to go with his eyes. Am I walking into a trap? Everything about this encounter with him has been odd.
I walk down the hall and find my way back to the gym. My wrists throb. The skin on my arms feels tight from the dried blood. Kyle, Alex, and Tyler see me enter and I avoid eye contact with them. I don’t want to see their expressions. They let them take me. Again.
I get to the knife-throwing table and pick up a handful in one hand and throw one after another. All of them hitting their targets directly. If Angela wants to play these games, that’s fine. I will play along. We will be out of this place in a few weeks and then she won’t be able to control me. She’s right. I need to take my time here seriously. I hope she remembers it’s her training that has trained me to be a soldier, a soldier who will take her life. I let the last one fly. It hits the target. I turn to the now quiet room. All eyes are on me. I must’ve been making noise or something. I smile at them and walk out of the room.
A few seconds pass before Sarah and Vi are by my side. They walk side by side with me. They are sending off a protective vibe. They look constantly around us. I don’t know if they are worried about a threat or are just being cautious. I know Sarah is telling Tyler everything through their minds. If I need him, he will be with me in a second notice. We walk together to the bathroom.
“I need help cleaning my wrists,” I say. I know I don’t need to ask. Both of them will help me without question.
They both nod.
Vi turns on the water to warm it. Sarah unwraps my wrists slowly. The scabs that are stuck to the bandage are pulled off as the gauze is removed. I jerk my wrists back, “Ahh.”
“I’m sorry, Kris,” she says, tossing the gauze in the trash. “Place your wrists under the faucet. We need to get as much of the dried blood off as we can.” Sarah gently guides my wrists under the water.
The water stings, but I know I have to clean them so they won’t get infected. As Vi pats my wrist dry, new blood forms. Sarah pulls out some kind of white cream and applies it. The cream turns pink with blood. I wince as she wraps my wrists back up. This time the gauze isn’t as tight. I want to ask about Sam, but I’m afraid of what the answer could be. I decide it is best to be alone. I know my friends want to help, but so far I really do not know what to make of everything here. I walk out of the bathroom. Sarah and Vi follow close behind. They don’t say anything and I’m happy they don’t. Answering que
stions isn’t something I feel like doing right now.
I walk towards the library. They stop following me at the stairs. This is my place to be alone. I walk up the stairs with my elbows bent, my wrists up by my shoulders. I want to get out of here. I need to be with nature again. I feel like I’m a caged animal who’s being forced to stay in captivity. The room is again free of people. The lights gleam overhead. I scan the books in the room, looking for some kind of escape. I enjoy reading. It gives me a break from reality, and maybe that is the reason I keep coming to the library. I’m hoping for an escape from this, from my life, from everything; or maybe I’m just trying to pass the time. My eyes search the corners of the room. I’m sure there are cameras here, too, so Angela will be watching me.
Fighting Secrets: Unbreakable Series, Book 2 Page 7