by Day Leitao
“Let’s go out, then, or else I think I’ll fall asleep.” It was his way to hint at Sylvia’s ridiculous shame of his friend. They were silent.
He turned to go back to his bedroom but someone pulled his hand. Nadia.
“Where do you want to go?” She leaned in and whispered, “We can have drinks in public, if you want.”
Dess glanced at his friend, then whispered back, “They are the ones who should be doing that.”
“That’s their problem. Don’t you want me to talk to my mother? We could discuss it.”
That was true. “All right.”
They left their apartment and walked toward the residential high rises.
Nadia turned to him. “So that’s all you want? Train people who go down to the planet?”
He felt uneasy talking to her as if she were her friend, but he had to remember who her parents were. “Well, we could also maybe try to get into some of those bases and find out how to crack their code, their signals. We could disable their defences. I’ve seen their security. It’s almost nonexistent. I can get information from their terminals.”
She sighed. “I’m not sure we have the resources to attack them and win yet. The shore isn’t that hard, if we find a way to disable their cannons, but getting into the continent and to Citarella would be very difficult. ”
“I think the more information we have, the better. We could even establish a permanent base on the planet.”
She shook her head. “That would so break the truce.”
Dess shrugged. “Maybe. Either way, at least we need to train people who go down there. And get more information.”
“That I agree with. But it needs to be well coordinated. That’s why you need to be in a position where you’ll sit at the council table, you know?”
Dess laughed. “I don’t think even your mother has the power to pluck me from where I am and make me a counselor or even assistant counselor, without going to command training.”
She looked in his eyes. “It’s all a matter of planning, Dess. And command is not out of the question, either. You know I think you deserve it.”
Alarm bells were ringing in his mind. “Why?”
Nadia rolled her eyes. “I want the best for Sapphirlune, too. And I believe in you.”
“That’s flattering.” Dess wasn’t sure if he was taking the compliment graciously. He asked, “So you’ll get me an audience?”
“Sure. And I’ll talk to her, too.”
Something was still odd in all this. Too easy, too… He decided to ask the question that had been bothering him. “Why do you believe in me?”
“We trained together, Dess.”
They stopped in front of a high rise.
He looked at her. “Where are we going?”
“Didn’t you want to be seen in public with me? Well, it’s a party.”
He followed her to the elevator. He wasn’t sure if he should tell her to turn around and go somewhere else, but then, he had been the one complaining about being seen in public. But that was mostly about Sylvia and Marcus.
Dess said, “You could have told me it was a party.”
“I thought that was what you wanted.”
He shrugged. The elevator doors opened, and Dess froze at the sight of so many ex-colleagues from the academy. A world that he hadn’t been a part of for months.
Nadia had a big smile as they walked in and greeted people.
Someone asked Dess, “So, what have you been doing these months? You disappeared.”
Nadia answered before he could reply, “It’s classified, sorry.”
Dess wasn’t supposed to tell anyone what he did, but he thought that the way she’d said it was too on the nose. Whatever, she probably knew what she was doing.
All those people still made him uncomfortable when he remembered the day he’d learned he hadn’t been chosen for command. Most of them were now just initiate soldiers, but it didn’t look like much had changed. His discomfort in parties hadn’t changed either. To make matters worse, she held his hand. Dess didn’t want to push her, especially when all eyes were on them.
He whispered to her, “Do you want to stay here long?”
A guy bumped into him. Dess hated that. “I… don’t like crowds.” He took the chance to pull his hand.
They were silent in the elevator. Awkward silence. He didn’t like being alone with her either.
When they were outside, she asked, “Is that why you were always grumpy in our parties?”
“I didn’t know I was grumpy.”
She shrugged. “Now you know.”
“Thanks for the information.”
She shook her head. “But you’re not like that, right? It’s not that you don’t like people, it’s just that you’re quiet.”
“I am quiet.”
“I like it.”
Dess wasn’t sure what she meant. “Can I walk you home?”
“It’s early.”
“I leave for Mainland tomorrow, Nadia.”
“Aren’t you going to stay here and train people?”
Dess laughed. “Is your mother that fast?”
“I am fast. You’ll get what you want, Dess.” She touched his hair.
He wanted to push her hand away but he didn’t want to offend her. “Nice. Listen, I’m tired. I’ll walk you home.”
“Not without Sylvia. We were going to go back together.”
“She knows the way, you know?”
Nadia laughed. “Oh, yeah. Memorized by heart. We still said we’d go home together.”
Dess sighed. What annoyed him was that she knew she could get him to do whatever he wanted, so he didn’t have a choice. He was just confused as to what exactly she wanted.
When they got to his place Sylvia was still in the bedroom with Marcus, which was not surprising.
Nadia sat at the kitchen table. “Can I have some firewater while we wait?”
Dess poured two glasses. He still felt uneasy with her. One wrong step and who knows what her mother would do to him.
“They might take a while. Are you sure you want to wait?”
Nadia stared at him. “Dess, are you kicking me out of your house?”
“Of course not.”
She stared straight into his eyes, as if daring him. “You can say so if that’s the case.”
Dess took a long sip. “It’s not the case.”
She looked around. “So what happens now?”
He sighed. Maybe he was imagining things, maybe he wasn’t, maybe she’d be angry, but he had to say it, “I think you’re really nice, Nadia. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She scoffed. “Wow. Nice. And tell me, how do you think you’re going to hurt me?”
Dess took another sip. Unlike her, he didn’t think what he had said was funny. She was making things difficult. “I don’t think that’s the case, but in case that’s the case, I mean…”
“Spit it out.”
How could he even say it? He leaned back and took a deep breath. “I’m not… in a stage in my life where I can be, uh, romantically involved. Not that I think—”
“I want to marry you?” She rolled her eyes. “Please. Why the drama, Dess?”
“I’m just saying.”
Nadia got up and sat on his lap. “I’m not a delicate flower.”
Was it her smell, her touch, her feel? Dess wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the firewater numbing his reason. He was kissing her. And it felt good. Soft lips and the feel of her tongue against his. It was wrong. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t deep. At first he wanted it to stop, and then he didn’t want to stop.
Yes, his body was stardust. But wasn’t everyone else’s as well? Including Nadia’s? Born from the same fire. Stars in the universe, stars within. And what if they mingled their stars? Was there anything wrong in that? Meaningless. Did everything have to have a meaning, a reason?
14
Cliffbound
The storms in Cliffbound were no joke. Sometimes Saytera thought
the base was going to be ripped from the earth and thrown on the hills, but it was just an impression. After two months, she still had the same impression. A little silly that her home had been called Storm Islands, when the storms had no comparison to the ones here.
When the weather was calm, it was usually very warm, and it was when they collected food. Other than that, there was a lot of freedom in Cliffbound. Larissa was great with technology, so their cannon and radar could be operated remotely and sounded an alarm if something appeared on its screen. So much of their safety depended on trusting those cannons, trusting that nobody would ever get close, and yet Saytera knew that some people could bypass the planet’s defenses. They hadn’t been Lunars, though. At this point, she was sure that the Terens who wanted to find her had lost her trail. She had to, otherwise she would go paranoid.
Since their sole role was making sure that the canon worked, there wasn’t much to do. In a way, life in Cliffbound was a little like life in the Storm Islands, except that Saytera had never really collaborated much with cooking and fishing back home, unless killing a crab or two counted.
And that was how she was walking with Nara in the southern beach, the calmest one, with the sea sometimes calm as a mirror—when the weather was good enough that allowed them to walk there. They were going to catch some shrimp for dinner. Larissa liked to schedule them together so as to keep Saytera away from Kay.
She’d been thinking about it, though, and started to wonder if her friend wasn’t exaggerating. Kay had been nothing but nice, and she was starting to think he liked her. But then she remembered Larissa’s warnings. Did the girl just want to slander him for no reason? It was confusing.
Their sun rays reflected in the small waves, making it sparkly. Saytera wanted to go in the water, but they had no swimming gear, which was a little weird, considering where they lived. In theory the uniform would dry quickly, but it was clunky.
Saytera looked back at their base and cannon on top of the cliff, an odd chill coming to her spine, with a slight fear that their trust on that thing could be misplaced.
A sound startled her and she turned. A crab, but not a crab-king, more like half its size, was coming out of the water. Perhaps it wouldn’t see them.
Just then, Nara let out a deafening scream. The crab then obviously advanced in their direction. Saytera instinctively reached for her back to pull an arrow—which didn’t exist. Stupid. She had to reach for her belt—and hope the pistols would work. Nara was shooting it with a cracker that made a sound like thunder, but she might as well have been doing it with her eyes closed, as none of her shots were reaching the target. Perhaps the girl was shooting with her eyes closed.
“It’s just a crab.” Saytera tried to calm down her colleague.
It didn’t work. Nara tried to climb rocks, since the creature stood between them and the rest of the beach. Saytera aimed with her pistol—and nothing happened. So she did have an issue with pistols. She had been thinking that maybe it had been a fluke at the academy or something, but apparently, no. What a wonderful time to confirm that. Her zapper was dead, too. Her heart raced. No, that was stupid. The crab wasn’t much taller than her. It shouldn’t pose any danger—if she had her arrows. Kerely’s voice telling her to always be prepared came to her mind, then interrupted by Lara, screaming, “Shoot it.”
“My pistols don’t work.”
Saytera would need to find another solution. Going into the water wasn’t going to help. Climbing would be too slow. The crab got close and Saytera jumped at it and punched its soft spot, then hit it with her pistol. She heard a thunderous sound. Kay was at the stairs leading to the beach and shot the creature some five times. What a waste of ammunition, to be doing it from that direction. But that slowed it down enough that Nara came close and shot it. The creature died.
Nara ran away and climbed the stairs back to the base, as if scared the creature would return to life.
Kay approached Saytera. “What happened?”
She showed her pistol. “Not working.”
He took it, aimed elsewhere, and nothing happened. “You’ll need to test them next time. This is serious. You could have died today.”
Saytera nodded. She agreed with the need to test the pistol, except that she had a feeling none of them would work—but she couldn’t tell anyone this. As to almost dying, that was a bit exaggerated. It wasn’t that big of a crab, and only one, but maybe he underestimated her.
He pulled her hand. “Please, be careful. If something were to happen to you…”
She had to catch a breath. “I will. don’t worry.”
His hand felt warm against hers. It felt good. Their eyes met, her heart raced, but then Larissa’s voice was in her mind. Saytera didn’t want to disappoint her friend. But was it worth it to trust someone else’s fear? Was it worth it to step away and remain wondering about what could have been? Before she could find the answer to any of these questions, his lips were on hers. And then there was nothing to regret, lost in his warmth, feeling his body close to hers, being wrapped in his arms. She didn’t need to feel left out anymore, she didn’t need to feel that nobody would ever want her. This was it. She was kissing and it was wonderful—hoping she wasn’t doing anything wrong.
He stepped away after a while, breathless. “That was good.”
Saytera smiled. “They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Where we should always have been.”
He kissed her again, then moved his mouth and licked the tip of her ear, giving her shivers down the spine. He whispered, breathless. “Wanna continue? Tonight?”
They had just kissed. Was he already suggesting what she was thinking? “I…” She wasn’t even sure what to say.
He bit his lip, then said, “Can’t wait to get this uniform off you.”
Ewwww. So it wasn’t an impression. Saytera was so shocked she couldn’t even come up with a reply.
He didn’t seem to notice anything and winked. “Just knock the door to my room. Now I’ll go get help to bring this food to the base.”
Then he disappeared up the stairs. Saytera touched her lips, unsure how she felt about the kiss, but positively certain that she wouldn’t come knocking on his door. Perhaps she should be glad that he was straightforward about what she wanted. Maybe all guys in the continent acted like that. She would never know, since he was the only guy around. In fact, she would never know a lot of things. Saytera shouldn’t complain, though, she was alive, and her heart felt cold thinking about the people who were now dead.
The others soon came down the stairs to cut the crab and bring it up for cooking. Kay was acting normal, with his dimpled smile that she was thinking was obnoxious.
Saytera helped them, then went to her bedroom to collect her thoughts. That kiss had been stupid. And she should have noticed the way he looked at her. It wasn’t romantic, it was… Just gross.
Then something else, a lot more serious, bothered her. Today she hadn’t been in danger but if there had been more crabs it could have been a close call. It was quite reckless to walk around unarmed, or with weapons she couldn’t use, which was about the same.
If only she had her bow and arrows. But why didn’t she? Not only did she know how to build one, there was a lot of wood around the base.
Her memories took her back to the Storm Islands, she and Kilmara making their own bows, imagining one day getting lost in the wilderness. Making a bow wasn’t the issue. What was the issue then? This was about life and death, perhaps even other people’s lives. She’d find an excuse. For now, she went outside in search of wood.
Dess waited for Marcus in the docks. He wanted to go away from that moon, escape everything. He’d woken up to find Nadia sleeping on the couch and fled like a coward. He had no idea what to say to her, what to think. He wasn’t even sure what had happened.
Marcus showed up after about an hour. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Me? You knew we were flying today.”
Marcus rolled his
eyes. “I mean Nadia. You freaking just left her there?”
Dess shrugged. “She was sleeping. I didn’t want to bother her. I had to come check the ship.”
Marcus shook his head. “How dedicated. And rude.”
“Is she upset?”
Marcus sat down. “You ask her.”
“Did she say anything?”
“She asked about you and left.”
Dess sighed. “She knew we were going to Mainland. Speaking of which, are you ready?”
“I guess.”
“Let’s go, then.”
Soon he’d be hiding in a storm cloud, nature and his mind in syntony. Messy, confused, wild.
Kay didn’t even look in Saytera’s direction all day. She wondered if he’d actually waited for her to knock on his door the previous night and thought that it was hilarious.
In the late afternoon, the shuttle pilots, Zack and Cynthia, came with supplies and information. Since they were going to spend the night, Kay decided to have a party by the base and Larissa and Saytera had no option but to agree. Nara and Saulo agreed, too, but they were nowhere to be seen yet.
The fire on cliff rocks usually warmed Saytera’s heart, reminding her of home. Even if she knew that nobody would change its color to blue or green, just watching it while hearing the ocean was calming, healing, and brought back that peace of heart she’d been looking for.
The evening was warm and pleasant, and the only annoying thing was that Kay had been flirting with Cynthia, and they now sat holding hands. So he could do that before wanting to take off someone’s clothes. It wasn’t that Saytera was jealous, just that sitting by the fire, watching a guy she once thought she was interested in with another girl brought back memories: the summer celebration in Ken Island, seeing Cayo, running away, and then all the tragedy that followed. Perhaps her heart had already died a little. What she’d been trying to do was distract herself.
Zack was in his twenties, and had sandy hair and tan skin. He sat by Saytera and asked, “So, what’s the deal with the bow and arrows?”
Cynthia also turned. “Yeah, I’d never seen that.”