by Aly Taylor
—ALY—
During this time Josh and I were talking about wanting to share our story more. We still updated the blog every now and then, but we felt a growing responsibility to tell people more about what God had done in our lives. That’s when lightning struck: What if we started doing some public speaking and shared our testimony? We could put any money we made from that toward our adoption. That way we could be an encouragement to others and try to get a little extra money for our adoption without having to ask for donations. Genius!
Over the next few months, we were blessed with several opportunities to speak at breast cancer events, churches, hospitals, universities, and many other different events around the country. We also renewed our commitment to writing. The blog had been a big source of encouragement for us during my cancer fight; not only was it therapeutic for us in writing it, but we knew it had been a blessing for other cancer patients who followed along with our journey.
I remembered how disappointed I was the day I looked through the cancer section of the local bookstore, and I began to dream about writing a book for women facing their own cancer diagnosis. I thought, Can I write a book? And if I did, would anyone read it? We looked into different publishing options and decided to go for it. Since any sales of the book would go toward our adoption fund, we went the self-publishing route. That made things go a lot faster with fewer complications. I started writing, and soon after we released my first book, How Cancer Made Me a Mommy. The sales of that little book, along with our speaking engagements, funded one-third of our adoption!
Don’t be discouraged by finances if you are considering adopting or are in the adoption process. There are fund-raising options all around you. It may be a typical fund-raiser like selling a T-shirt or having a garage sale, but it could be something you haven’t considered yet. Maybe it’s telling your story of how you came to the decision to adopt. It may be writing a book. If you are crafty, it might be selling crafts. If you cut grass, it could be mowing yards. Just look at your life and see what you can do—using your gifts and talents—to help raise money to bring your baby home.
MAKING IT OFFICIAL
As we got serious about raising money and our excitement about adoption grew, we finally landed on an adoption attorney. She lived in our area, and we knew several people who had had great experiences with her. We agreed we’d start the formal process at the start of 2015. We had our research, we had a plan, we had a start date, and we had a lawyer. Finally, we were making progress! As 2014 came to a close, Josh and I were ready to jump into action at the start of the new year.
—JOSH—
With all our ducks in a row, Aly and I began winding down for the year and were looking forward to a little break. We definitely needed to catch our breath. That didn’t stop Aly from flexing her research muscles, of course, and she kept talking to different adoption families to hear their stories. One of the people she spoke to was my childhood babysitter, Deneé, who had recently adopted through a lawyer we hadn’t learned of in our research yet. Our friend told Aly all about her attorney and the process he used, and it seemed interesting. Instead of making a profile that is sent to all birth mothers to review and decide if we were a right fit, this attorney kept an email list of potential adoptive parents and sent out an email that contained information about birth mothers looking for someone to adopt the babies they were carrying. Potential adoptive parents could then apply to a specific case for a birth mother to review. This method seemed to help streamline a very emotional and intense process. Even though we’d decided on another attorney, we didn’t see any harm in signing up for his email list. So we passed along our information and didn’t think much else of it.
Soon afterward, I came home from work and saw Aly sitting on the couch with the biggest smile on her face. She said, “Josh, you have to read this email.” It was the first email she’d received from our friend’s adoption attorney. As we read the message together, I could tell she felt like this case was a perfect match for us. We’d already been down this road when her cousin reached out about the pregnant teen a few months earlier, but this felt different. As I read through the profile of this birth mother, it was clear she was amazing. However, the part that really stood out to us was what the birth mother wrote about the type of family she was hoping to find to raise the baby she was carrying. It was as though she was describing Aly and me. We both got chills and wondered what we should do next.
We contacted the attorney’s office and learned that we now needed to submit an application for the birth mother to review. She would go through all the applications and hopefully choose the adoptive family. Aly and I liked how this attorney worked. His system seemed geared to leading birth families and adoptive families into the best decisions by working together. He also suggested that once a family was chosen the prospective parents should meet with the birth family in person to make sure everyone felt good about the decision. That part scared me, but I could see the wisdom in it.
The application deadline for this particular case was that week, so we knew we had to hurry if we were interested.
—ALY—
This case caught us off guard. We thought we had everything figured out, but then, out of the blue, here was what seemed like a perfect opportunity. Even though we were planning to sign up with the other attorney a few weeks later, we decided to apply for this one case. I said, “If we aren’t chosen, we’ll just move forward with our plan.” So that’s what we did. We turned in an application for this child—along with twenty-two other couples—and were told we’d have an answer in a week.
We tried to go about everyday life, but of course we were anxious to hear if we had been chosen. Thankfully, it was Christmastime, and we were busy with family parties, work get-togethers, and all things Christmas. One afternoon, as I was on my way home after some gift shopping, I got a phone call from an out-of-state number I’d never seen before. It quickly dawned on me that it must be the attorney. We had never spoken to him, so it was a bit surreal. I answered, and he said, “Is this Mrs. Taylor?” I said yes, and he continued, “My name is [attorney], and I have your husband on the other line.” My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I was hanging on every word—but then the call dropped! Total freak-out. I couldn’t believe what was happening, but all I could do was sit there and wait for the phone to ring again.
Finally, the attorney called back and I could hear Josh on the line as well. That’s when we heard the most beautiful news of our lives: “Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, congratulations! The birth mother chose you!” I was stunned. I couldn’t speak. I could tell Josh felt the same way, because neither of us said anything. We managed to get the necessary details before hanging up the phone right as I arrived at our apartment. I ran through the front door and straight into Josh’s arms. We were truly, officially adoption pregnant!
The attorney had given us the birth mother’s name and contact information, and he suggested we all meet as soon as possible to confirm our desire to move forward with the adoption. The baby was a girl, and the birth mother was due in March—just three months away. There was no time to waste! We immediately booked plane tickets and made plans to meet the woman who was carrying—gulp—our daughter.
MEETING THE BIRTH FAMILY
—JOSH—
Three days later, we were waiting for the okay to walk into a restaurant states away from our home to meet the birth mother. The adoption counselor wanted to talk to her first, and he said he’d text when she was ready for us. What a weird moment. We’d picked up a small gift for her, but we kept second-guessing our decision to give it to her. We didn’t want to overwhelm her, but we also didn’t want to seem too casual about everything. There really aren’t any rules for what to do or say when you meet the woman who’s carrying your baby.
I circled the Panera Bread parking lot a minimum of fifty times waiting on that text. My stomach was in knots, and it started to hit me what was about to happen. We had no clue what the mom even looked like.
She would recognize us from our picture on the application, but we hadn’t seen a picture of her. If all else fails, I thought, we’ll just look for the lady who’s six months pregnant!
The counselor finally texted, and we parked the car, took a breath, and went inside. Fortunately, we didn’t have to depend on our foolproof look-for-the-pregnant-lady plan, as the counselor met us at the door and led us to the table. The birth mother, whom we’ll call Karen (not her real name) throughout the rest of the book, was sitting with a family member and could not have been warmer or kinder to us. As weird as it was for us, I can’t imagine how it must have felt for her to sit there meeting the strangers she was supposed to entrust with the child growing inside her. As we sat down and started talking, everything in me wanted to make her feel more at ease, but my voice wasn’t cooperating. My nerves got the best of me, and I probably didn’t say ten words the whole time. I’m so glad Aly was there to make a good impression!
—ALY—
This was one of the first times I’d ever seen Josh completely freeze up. All our friends and family know that Josh is the more outgoing of the two of us. Not that day. He sat there almost completely silent while Karen and I talked the entire time. She and I clicked immediately; we both started crying as soon as we sat down. I had the strangest sensation of a special connection with her right from the start. We talked for two hours straight about everything from adoption to sports teams to family to her future plans. It was so strange to meet a new friend, all the while knowing she was carrying the baby we had prayed so hard and long for.
The counselor stayed with us the whole time, asking us questions and guiding us through what the process would look like. He asked about the birth and if Karen wanted us to be in the room when the baby was born. Karen invited us inside the delivery room for the birth, which was a huge blessing. I had been praying for that since we first started considering adoption. It was such a gift to know we would be there for this baby’s very first breath. The counselor also asked about what level of contact, if any, we would like to have with Karen after the birth and what she would prefer, and what we each wanted out of the relationship. We didn’t have all the answers that day, but we agreed to take things one day at a time and always strive to do the best thing for this precious child.
As we ended the meeting that day, we expressed our love and appreciation to Karen, and we told her she was a direct answer to prayer for us. We stressed how brave she was and acknowledged how hard we knew this decision must have been for her. She told us that she wanted to do what was best for this baby, and she knew she’d be unable to care for the child herself. I was humbled by this young woman’s poise and courage. I knew I was witnessing the most incredible act of selfless love imaginable. Karen and I hugged and cried as we left the restaurant. It was as though we had just had dinner with an old friend. This wasn’t an old friend, however; this was the woman carrying our baby!
—JOSH—
Watching Aly connect with this young woman was awe-inspiring. Under normal circumstances, these two ladies would have had little in common. They had vastly different backgrounds and experiences, but they shared a special, intimate, immediate bond from the moment Aly and I walked in. Even coming from seemingly different worlds, they were quite similar in that they were both kind, loving, funny, and warm. Speaking as a proud husband, I think this is just one of the many reasons why Aly is such an amazing therapist. She knows how to connect with people, and she genuinely loves them. I was so grateful to her for leading the charge to forge such a wonderful relationship with the birth mother.
And yes, I didn’t speak most of the time. I can’t explain what happened. At one point Karen even looked me in the eye and joked, “Josh, do you talk?” I laughed and said yes… and then kept quiet. I guess the whole experience was just a bit much for me. As we got back in the car that day, the only word I can use to describe how I felt is thankful. We were thankful for this brave woman’s decision, thankful for God connecting us to her, and thankful that the meeting had gone better than we could have expected. We loved this woman. She was our hero!
We were barely back on the road when the attorney called. Karen had already called him and told him how much she loved us. He wanted to confirm with us that we still wanted to move forward with the adoption, and we couldn’t say yes fast enough. What a day!
—ALY—
Driving away from that Panera Bread meeting, we knew we had three months to prepare for this beautiful baby, and we decided to go all in on experiencing this time just as we would if I was pregnant. Sure, something could go wrong, but we believed God wanted us to celebrate. At any point in the process—up to and even after the baby was born—the adoption could fall apart. But an actual pregnancy has risks too. That doesn’t stop people from having baby showers, setting up a nursery, getting the house ready, picking baby names, and making other plans and preparations. So we had a gender-reveal party and a baby shower. We got hand-me-downs from friends. We bought a crib and got everything together for her nursery. We picked her name—Genevieve Rose, which means “chosen angel.” We knew this child was an angel and that she had been chosen for us just as a rose is picked from a bush. She was our chosen, loved, beautiful, little angel. We couldn’t wait to bring her home!
The next few months flew by as we anxiously prepared to meet our baby girl. We thought the hard part was over. We were finally matched and had everything planned. All that was left was to wait for the call that the birth mother was in labor. Oh, if it had only been that simple. Apparently nothing ever comes too easily or simply for us.
CHAPTER 8
OUR GENEVIEVE: OUR FIRST TRUE MIRACLE
—ALY—
The wait for Genevieve was somehow crazy fast and slow as molasses at the same time. I was working as a school counselor and had already arranged maternity leave for when we brought her home, but I was getting anxious. What if Karen goes into labor early? What if I miss Genevieve’s birth? What if there are complications late in the pregnancy? Josh and I lived twelve hours away from Karen, and I started to worry that we wouldn’t be able to get there in time for any last-minute issues—especially since Karen had started showing signs of early labor at just thirty-four weeks.
Josh and I discussed our options, and we decided it’d be best if I could go to be with Karen earlier than we originally planned. I worked it out with my boss, and he agreed to let me start my maternity leave a few weeks early. That meant I’d lose the time on the back end after the baby was born, but it was still worth it to me to ensure I’d be there for the delivery. Besides, I had summers off from work, so I knew I’d have plenty of time to spend with my baby girl.
Karen was due on March 22, but I was able to temporarily move to her state at the end of February. From that point on, I was on baby watch. It’s crazy to think of how many connections we had in so many different states, and what a blessing these connections turned out to be. That month I stayed in an acquaintance’s condo, a friend’s apartment, and the home of a sorority sister’s father. We weren’t especially close to these people before all this, but they were so gracious in letting us impose on them during this critical time in our lives.
These wonderful people inspired Josh and me to always open our own home to people in need. Once you’ve been on the receiving end of that kind of grace and generosity, you want to pay it forward whenever and however you can. That experience really gave us a passion for hosting and hospitality, and we’ll always be grateful for those acts of kindness.
I had no idea how much of a blessing it would be for me to be there so early. I thought I was just going to lay low and wait for Genevieve to arrive. I had no idea how important it would be for me to be there those few weeks before she was born.
—JOSH—
Sending Aly a little early gave us a huge sense of peace and relief, and I followed a week later. We were so excited that Karen was going to allow us to be in the delivery room that we couldn’t imagine not being there simply because we liv
ed so far away.
We kept Karen informed of where we were and what we were doing, but we tried not to impose on her and her family during this monumental time in their lives. However, as we talked, we realized that transportation was a big issue for Karen. She didn’t always have access to a car or a ride, so we offered to shuttle her around to her doctor appointments. I can’t explain how much of a blessing that was for all of us. Aly and I were able to sit in on these final few doctor visits and hear firsthand what was going on with Genevieve, and we were able to spend unexpected quality time with Karen. We went out to lunch together several times and got to know each other really well. The three of us realized that we would always be connected from that moment on, so we understood the importance of developing that bond.
One day after an appointment, I took Aly and Karen to get pedicures. The nail technicians gave us some funny looks and asked if we were friends or family. We all looked at each other and said, “Family.” It was true. Karen had become part of our family, and she was giving us the most precious gift we ever could have received.
—ALY—
That time with Karen is one of the highlights of my life. The bond we forged over those weeks was critical to our relationship and our level of trust with each other. She was no longer a stranger who was about to give birth to my daughter; she was family. I loved her and had so much respect for her selfless decision to do what was best for the baby. She opened up to us too. She told me how hard it was for her to think about handing Genevieve over to us, but she always assured us that she was 100 percent confident it was the right decision. In her mind, Josh and I were this child’s parents. So even though I knew there was a big chance she could have second thoughts, the fact that we were having open and honest communication about the adoption gave me a sense of peace and security.