by Eli Lowe
Yes, I know I did wrong to him. But I had no other choice.
Forcing him to stay with the one whom he hated the most just because we are bound by the mate bond, was the last thing that I wanted to do with my mate. I did not want to play with his emotions either by staying in the dark forever, when I knew clearly that nothing would be the same when he will find out the truth one day.
The reality was harsh indeed and it would only cause destruction to both of us and nothing else.
So leaving him was the best and the only choice left for me, at least when I knew that he hated me as Summer.
But little did I know that in these few days I would get to learn to see things in a very different way. People whom I used to hate were not deserved to be hated. No, not all but a few of them. I realised over these few days that it was just me who had failed to see the truth all this while. They were not at all like I had thought them as always.
Why am I saying this now?
Well, you will get to known soon.
But before that, I have to tell you what I did after that night.
Savouring enough love for myself from my mate, I returned home that night, making sure of the fact that I stay hidden from him, no matter what. And Kazan did not protest either, cause he knew how to keep promises, unlike me.
Yes, I broke the promise. I had to.
Otherwise, two lives were going to be ruined instead of the already ruined one...me.
So, that night I came back home with a new promise which I made to myself that I would never ever wish to be with him again, no matter what. But I did not know if I could keep that promise or not. All I knew that I must try.
No, I did not run out of the town, neither did I stop going to school or to my work, but I made sure to stay hidden all the time just like before. Especially from my mate, Kazan.
I kept sneaking around the school while I made sure that in no way I have to face him ever again. And I was indeed successful in all my attempts.
Cause now, I had friends to help me with all those things, no matter if I tell them my each and every reason or not. They helped without asking a single question, even when except Kaith none of them knew why I was so determined to hide, neither did they try to know without my consent.
And yes, Markus too. He had become such a good friend to me lately. Even though I did not ask him to change ever, but he did, willingly.
“Summer? Are you even listening to me?” My thoughts got interrupted as Markus asked again, seeing me zoning out to somewhere else in my mind.
“Yes. Do not worry. I will deal with it.” I muttered the last few words under my breath as I had already decided what to do with Kazan, since I took the decision to stay away from him forever.
“I hope you do. Anyway, I got to go now. See you later.” With that, he went out of the library in no time, leaving me behind only to be engulfed with the thoughts of my unfortunate life once again.
After school, I was walking back to my home instead of going to the cafe for my another part-time job, cause today was my off day. And that was why I did not bring my bike today to school in the first place, as I really needed to walk alone sometimes here and there, letting my mind free, at least for once in a while. The evening breeze was gentle and the air was fresh to breathe in.
And like always, my walk back home turned into a long evening stroll, cause I knew where I had to go.
After that last night with Kazan, I discovered gradually that he had someplace to go whenever he felt down. It was kind of a secret spot for him, since when I did not know, and I never saw any of his friends hanging out with him there. Since I found out about the place to where he usually escapes, I have always seen him alone, sitting on the farthest park bench, facing the lake before him and watching the setting sun ever so patiently.
Yes, I was going to the same park. Though I did not want to, my heart never listened to me and took me to the exact same place every time, to see my mate from far, as long as I could.
It was a very beautiful place, just in-between nature. Roads were dividing the large meadows ever so perfectly while the threes were standing in an ideal alignment surrounding the whole area, separating the park from the denser part of the woods which was just behind the place. And the lake was the best attraction of this park, cause it seemed endless, defining the horizon marvellously.
As soon as I reached, I did not have to look for long as my eyes had already found Kazan, who was sitting on the same bench ever so quietly, keeping his eyes on the horizon and waiting for the sun to set, like always. Though I could see only his broad back from the place I was standing, I knew what expression was his face holding.
Nothing.
Yes, as always his face says nothing at all, but his eyes do. His eyes say all those things what his face or his words fails to convey. Those seductive blue of his eyes was just like an ocean. Deep and I was afraid to drown.
Seeing Kazan this way, my heart broke once again but I was helpless.
Yes, since that night though I stopped meeting him, I never stayed back from going to the alley only to stay far and hidden always, and I did make sure to manipulate my smell with Kaith's so that mate could never know of my presence.
And you know what?
Kazan too never stopped going to the alley even for once until now, even when he also realised very well after a few days that I was not going to meet him ever again. But as if he had never left his hope.
I always saw him going into the dark alley with all his excitement but when he comes out of there after waiting for long, his face never fails to show how much lonely his heart became.
I saw him at other places with other people too, as he never stands back from helping even the strangers whenever his help was needed. And you know what? During this time I also got to know another thing about him which completely changed my way of thinking about Kazan.
Cause I found out that the mysterious stranger who had helped me and Jenny once was none other than my mate.
Yes, He was Kazan. I saw him the same way once again, saving another girl from becoming a prey of one nasty drunkard. And I got to know in an instant that it was him, always.
Like this, so many things had changed in the past days which had indeed made me believe that I was wrong about him indeed.
He was just like a shell. Hard and cold from the outside but his heart was soft, pure and warm.
And I knew that his very same heart was still beating for his mate. For me.
I saw him still sitting on the bench with no rush to go along with the busy world... with no intention to move from there.
As if he was waiting for someone ever so eagerly.
No, as if he was reluctant to believe that his mate had left him behind, breaking off all the promises.
And I knew that I was the reason.
I did this to him.
I made him ever so lonely even when he opened his heart to me.
I was indeed the cruellest mate ever and I do not deserve him at all.
The way he kept looking at the setting sun only to welcome the night with a new hope that his mate might come tonight at last, which never happened since that night, broke me completely once again.
I could not even know that I was crying until I felt the warm unstoppable tears came down to my cheeks, like a traitor.
I always knew that there was one last thing which I was left to do, one day or another. So, without thinking much I decided to let the day be today only.
I moved my legs to the public telephone booth which was just within a few steps from where I was standing until now. And I dialled the number.
Kazan's number.
I could still see him from the booth while the call started to ring, and so was his phone.
“Hello!” His voice came from the other end of the call as soon as I saw him picking it up.
His one single word crumbled my heart completely, as I was dying to run to my mate once again, but I just could not afford to do that.
; Not now.
At least when I was about to end everything between us...when I was about to let him free.
He should never suffer for someone like me.
But it seemed that I could not even form a single word. My heart kept denying my decision while my wolf had stopped talking to me ever since.
Still, I needed to do this for him, so that he could be free once and for all, from me and my unfortunate life. And for that, I had to talk to him, no matter how much I had to endure the ruthless pain.
“Mate!” That much I could say at this instant, but I saw Kazan jump up from the bench with the sudden hope, which I was about to kill mercilessly in no time.
“I knew you will call me. I believed that you could never leave me.
We promised each other and you will definitely keep your promise. Right?
Mate?” His voice appeared a bit heavy and so was my heart.
Because I had to say, at last,
“I want you to reject me, mate.”
Episode 29
Summer's P.O.V
Everything around me stopped for the moment. I could not hear any sound from the other end of the call for the time being as Kazan became completely silent after what I had just asked him to do. As if he could not even believe his own ears.
I looked up to see him again from the distant but he seemed standing even farther away from me than ever. My words froze Kazan completely. He just kept standing at his place with his unmoving body, holding the phone against his ears, hoping that he might have misheard.
The evening breeze came to embrace both of us at this moment, but strangely it could not ease away the pain of our heart at all.
My cheeks started to overflow with the same warm streams once again but the hurt did not lessen even for a bit.
“What did you say?” At last, he spoke up but I could clearly see that he was still unable to move as if he got totally trapped in-between time.
“Reject me mate.” I said again using the last bit of strength that I had left. No, I did not let my voice tremble, neither did I let him have any kind of idea about the already crumbled heart of mine which was still taking just one name, of my mate, Kazan...hoping that it might not have to shatter ever so cruelly.
Yes, somewhere deep within my heart I still kept hoping to see my dream life with my mate turn into a reality, even when I knew that I must let him go...I must end his miseries which were caused due to me, unknowingly.
“No.” Suddenly, Kazan's deep voice came from the other end of the call, shocking me completely about the fact that he still wanted me to stay with him even after I did so bad to him. I kept him in the dark... I deprived him of each and every opportunity to be with his mate happily like any other couples... I did not even let him know who was his mate actually. And even after he agreed with each of my conditions in order to love me only, in whatever way he was left with, still, I chose to leave him at the end and that too without even telling him a single reason. I proved myself the cruellest one indeed, but how could he still want me the same way as before?
If I compare, it was me who had hurt him even more than he ever did to me, let alone the fact that he did not even know that I was his mate, while I knew.
I had always seen him as the most ruthless one, but I could not say the same any more. Cause if I look now, I am the most ruthless while Kazan was far and far away from the word cruel.
But why?
Why he was so stubborn and not letting me leave him even after all these?
What else he was looking to get from me?
Could he not see how selfish I am?
“Please. You have to. I can see no other choice. So you must reject me, Kazan.” I was so involved in persuading him that I even forgot one thing..., that I was not supposed to let him realise the very fact that I knew his name...that I knew who he was. And that was my first mistake. But little did I knew that destiny had already started to play games with me right now. And I was yet to do a few more mistakes today for which I was going to regret for the rest of my life.
“You know me? You know my name?” Even before I could realise what truth I had just revealed unconsciously due to the sudden tensed up moment, he did not fail to catch my words without the need to wait for any other second. His voice was still deep as ever, but it appeared a bit of menacing to me right now. As if he was asking me how could I betray him like this? How could I make him stay in the dark, even when I knew who he was the whole time?
“I... I did not know at first, but...” I started to stutter as I could not think what to say to Kazan which would be enough reason for him to understand why I did such a thing.
But the truth was, I had no excuses to tell him.
“Am I that bad, mate? Am I not good to you in whatever way you know me from your actual life, that you even want to make me go away? Forever?” He said in his unshakable voice but I knew how hard he was breaking right at this moment. And so was I.
“No. You are very good, mate. But it is me. I am the worst one. And I really feel that I do not deserve to be with you. Actually, I do not deserve to be with anyone. And that is why you need to reject me, Kazan.” I was trying hard not to let the tears betray me anymore but it seemed that they were meant to betray from the very beginning, cause not for a single once tears stopped to flow down from my eyes, making my vision totally blurry.
“Listen to me, mate. I will never reject you, no matter what. You don't have to come to meet me if you don't want to, but I will never stop hoping that you would come one day. You don't even have to tell me who you are actually, but you just could not force me to reject you as my mate.
I did wait for you before, and I will keep doing the same.
Cause I know that I had found you once and I believe I could do that once again.
I will keep going to the alley every day and I will keep waiting for you like always, until you decide to come or until I die.
But I will never stop believing that I have a mate whom I love from the bottom of my heart.
And no one...no one can make me stop believing that ever, not even you mate.
So, I will never reject you.
Do you get that?” Kazan's words shook me completely. I was entirely stupefied to realize that he was even ready to wait for someone like me for the rest of his life while he could have looked for a better life, a better person who might love him even more...unlike me.
“Why don't you understand, Kazan. You can never think of me the same way if you get to know who I am. And that is why I can never be with you. I just can not see you like this sitting all alone at some farthest corner away from each and every good thing that you deserve and waiting for something ever so eagerly which is never going to happen. So, reject me mate.” I pleaded over the phone, totally unaware of the fact that all my might had already left my side long ago, letting my voice tremble at last, that even Kazan did not fail to realize. And little did I know that I revealed something in between my words which I never should have.
“You are here?” Just when I heard him, a tremendous amount of fear engulfed me in no moment only to clutch me ever so brutally, depriving me of each and every chance to take back what I had just said.
I trembled in fear.
I got scared thinking that all my efforts were already at the verge of becoming entirely futile. Cause right now, even though my vision was still blurry due to all those unwanted tears, I could clearly see from here, that Kazan had already started to look around to find if his mate was present here or not.
And I realised in an instant that if I dared to stay right at this place any second further, I would never be able to make him leave so that he could lead a much happier life in the future.
So, without a second thought, I hung up the phone as quickly as possible and started to run towards the woods, attempting to flee even before Kazan could get enough time to notice me.
But it seemed that I was already late.
Though I knew for sure that he could not see my face f
rom this far, but he did notice me as I was panicking to make my way out of here in whatever way I could.
How could I be that stupid?
Why did not I think twice before saying the things that I had said?
I kept cursing myself while I never stopped running with all my might, without even bothering to look back.
The faint smell of my mate came to me in no time, announcing the fact that he was indeed coming behind me, just when I was already in front of the woods. And I had no reason not to keep running and going further and deeper inside the woods where the trees started to increase in numbers, making the woods even denser and darker.
His smell started to increase with such an immense speed and right at that moment, I realised that I did not have time to hide any more.
My clothes got ripped and fell on the track behind me as I decided to shift in the mid-air while I did not stop running even for a while. But I could not do the same any longer.
Cause I was forced to stop and fell on the ground just when the very familiar huge black wolf jumped on me from behind.
I got trapped underneath his huge body fully that I could not even get myself free out of his grasp. And even before I could think of a way to make him move from me, so that I could run away once again, his sharp teeth sunk deep into my skin, at the delicate part of my neck.
Kazan bit me.
No, it was not just any other bite for sure, cause I knew that it was the very bite of him marking me as his mate. Cause the intense pain which had erupted all over my body confirmed so, only to be subdued by an inexplicable pleasure right after that I had never experienced before.
The last thing which I wanted, happened to me without even giving me some prior notice.
Yes, I got marked by my mate, Kazan...whom I wanted to leave as soon as possible. But how could I do that now?
Why did he have to mark me?
Why could he not listen to me at all?
I kept asking myself.
His wolf licked the bite right after, to close the wound and wiped the place with his tongue to clean the last drop of blood that oozed out of my body. Even when he was done, he did not stop at all. He kept licking my body without any intention to resist, causing a million sparks to spread everywhere inside me.