by Monica James
I want to argue, to tell him to shut his fucking mouth, but he’s right. He always had my back, and at times, I wished he was my dad, not Connor. Now that I know the truth, however, I realize Connor raised me as best he could.
He wasn’t shown love or affection as a wain because my grandfather was too busy chasing tail, and my grandmother was oblivious to it as her first—and only—love was any liquor she could drown herself in.
Connor and Sean were doomed from the very beginning until my ma came along. She showed them both kindness and love and paid the ultimate price for it.
I hate that this piece of shite is the only link to my past, a past I so desperately want to know more about. My whole life wasn’t just trying to find out who Cara Kelly was, but it was also about finding out who I am.
I’ve always felt like I don’t belong, and that’s because I don’t know anything about who I was until I was old enough to make those decisions for myself. I don’t know if I was always this stubborn or if I preferred winter to summer.
I don’t know anything because my past is a thing Connor wanted me to forget.
But now, my past, present, and future stand in front of me, offering me breadcrumbs because he knows me too well.
I thought I would come into this forgetting our past, but looking at him now, all I’m reminded of is how Sean was the person who helped shape me into the man I am today. He was the one who took care of me when Connor was too busy to care.
And I hate how he has that over me because I don’t know why he would do that when he had ample opportunity to kill me.
“Ya may hate me with every breath ya take…but I know that ya hate yerself more for not being able to kill me.”
His words stoke this already intense fire, and I reach for my gun, proving him wrong.
He sarcastically raises his hands in surrender, not at all threatened. “Go on then, shoot me. But y’ll never see Ethan or Eva again.”
Gripping the gun, I rein in the urge to prove him wrong because he’s right. Ethan and Eva are the reason he’s still breathing. “Name yer price.”
“Punky,” Cian warns, but I am done playing.
With his hands still raised, Sean sets the rules. “You. I give ye Ethan and Eva, and in return, you give me your word that yer loyal to me.”
And there it is.
I always knew it would come to this.
“It seems like a rather easy choice. Yer life for theirs. What’s more important?”
“Punky, no.” Cian shakes his head, but I always had a plan B. I just needed to figure out what Sean’s demands were.
With a grin on my face, I surrender to the devil. “Finally, y’ve stopped talking shite and given me what I wanted. Ya have my word, Sean. My life for theirs.”
Sean smiles while Cian and Ron gasp in horror.
“Don’t be the hero. Y’ll be his prisoner for the rest of yer life!” Cian roars, storming forward. “Kill the fucking cunt and give him what he deserves.”
“Cian, stop,” I calmly demand, but when he continues to advance, I do something I’ve never done before—I turn my gun on my best friend.
He stops dead in his tracks, eyes wide. “What’s this? Yer gonna shoot me? Yer gonna let this ballbag ruin yer life—again? If ye agree to this, y’ve just given up one prison cell for another.”
I know that, but there is no way that’s happening again. I wish I could tell Cian, but I can’t. He would stop me. They all would.
“Take him to them,” I command Sean, who nods.
“Frederick, take Liam and have him show youse where they are,” Sean orders a man who is still standing.
Cian shakes his head, demanding I see reason, but until Ethan and Eva are safe, Sean is the one calling the shots.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” Cian stubbornly states, and when Frederick has the balls to try to change Cian’s mind, he gets an elbow to the face. “Touch me again, and it won’t just be yer nose I break.”
I appreciate his tenacity, but the truth is, he is the only one I trust to retrieve Ethan and Eva. I need him to tell me they’re okay so I can end this…once and for all.
“Please, Cian,” I say, hoping for once, he does as I ask as I lower my gun. “Just go with them. I don’t trust anyone else.”
“Puck,” Cian pleads, begging I don’t ask this of him as he knows what it means. “I’m not leavin’ ye alone with this psychopath!”
“I’ll be all right. I promise ye. Sean needs me alive.”
“And that’s what worries me,” Cian counters with a sigh.
We do this, and it’ll be history repeating itself. I surrender my freedom to help another arsehole rule. But this time, it’s different. I’ll make sure of it.
Walking slowly toward Cian, I see the desperation in his eyes. He wants me to fight, and I will…just not until everyone involved is safe. I won’t allow another person to be hurt because of me.
Cupping the back of his neck, I draw us brow to brow. “I need ye to make sure they’re all right. Call me when ya get them.”
“Don’t do this. Y’ve already sacrificed so much. Don’t let another bastard use ye for his gain.”
His voice trembles, revealing his pain, but we always knew it would end this way.
“I don’t plan on it,” I whisper, wanting him to know I will never be a prisoner ever again.
His eyes widen because he’s finally worked out what I plan to do. “Punky, no—”
He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because I pull back and headbutt him. He drops to the ground, out cold.
Looking at my best friend, I sigh. He’ll come to in a few minutes as his head is as hard as mine. “Sorry, mate, but this was the only way ye’d go. If any harm comes to him—”
Sean nods. “I promise ye. Not a hair on his head. Frederick, take them.”
Frederick is a big man and lifts an unconscious Cian with ease. A piece of my heart walks out the door with Cian because I didn’t get to say goodbye.
Another man helps Liam to his feet, who narrows his eyes. “This isn’t over. It’s just the beginning.”
Again, his cryptic statement sends a shiver down my spine, but I don’t let it get to me because I have to focus.
Once they’re gone, I look at Ron and the remaining men. “Leave us. This isn’t yer fight.”
“Puck—”
“I said away now,” I interrupt Ron, who appears stunned I would request he leave. But he’s done enough. I won’t let another man lose their life for a war that isn’t theirs.
Ron doesn’t argue when he senses this isn’t negotiable, and he and the men limp out of the door, thankful they leave with their lives, unlike their fallen colleagues whose blood stains the ground red.
The moment they’re out the door, I smile because it’s just Sean and me—just how it should be.
I need to keep him entertained until I hear from Cian, because when I do…I’m going to fucking murder this arsehole. There is no way I’m going to be someone’s errand boy again. So as I see it, he or I, or both, will die today.
“I don’t know why yer so desperate for me to join. Didn’t Babydoll and I fuck everythin’ up for ye last time?”
“It didn’t go to plan, but it worked in my favor in the end. Who’s still standin’?” he questions victoriously.
It’s time that changes.
“With Connor’s dying breath, he told me not to trust ye. He knew ye were nothin’ but a dog. Weak and pathetic.”
Sean attempts to conceal his anger, but the clenching of his jaw betrays him.
“That’s why ye were left outta his will. He changed it and left everythin’ to his bastard chile. He’d rather I have it than see it destroyed in the hands of you.
“Ye had to fake yer own death to overcome him.” I laugh, eyeing him confidently. “Looks like ye better sleep with yer bulletproof vest from here on…Dad.”
Sean snarls, stepping forward, but soon restrains himself, realizing I’m baiting him. I need him r
iled up, blinded with rage because that’s what will force him to make an error; and I plan on exploiting that.
“Ya don’t think I see the significance of ya sendin’ three masked men to kidnap Ethan and Eva? Yer so fucking predictable, it’s actually kinda pathetic.”
“If I’m so predictable, cub, take off yer bulletproof vest then.”
“No problem.” Without hesitation, I take off my T-shirt and remove the bulletproof vest. It drops by my feet with a thud.
Once I slip my T-shirt back on, I arch a cocky brow.
“I didn’t take ya for the Dear Diary type. Dear Diary,” I mock, clutching my chest. “Everyone hates me…boo-fucking-hoo.”
Sean is silent, but his temper is rising.
“This is what ye wanted, was it not? For us to be together, like father and son. Yer wish has been granted.”
“You were always a smart-arse,” Sean says. “But yer tongue is sharp now. Is that what ye learned in prison?”
Inhaling sharply, I’m the one to now rein in my temper because this cunt was out enjoying his freedom while I was locked away for a crime I didn’t commit.
“Yer ma also had a temper. It’s why it wasn’t a bother for her to end up in my bed. She was angry with Connor for workin’ all the time, and to get back at him, well—” He spreads his arms out wide, hinting her revenge was fucking his brother.
“But after a while, it wasn’t for payback. She liked it. She liked being my whore.”
“You shut yer fucking mouth,” I snap, unable to hold back.
“What’s wrong? Does the truth hurt? Does it hurt knowin’ yer ma was nothin’ but a slut?”
On instinct, I strike him in the jaw, cursing the moment I hit him because I’ve let him win. I need to be smarter than that.
Sean cups his face with a smirk. “I hate to tell ya this, but yer ma wanted to get rid of ya. She knew Connor would find out that ye weren’t his.”
“You lie,” I snarl between clenched teeth.
“It’s the truth,” he argues. “I was the one who convinced her to keep ye. I knew ye’d be useful to me. No matter yer ma’s faults, I loved her.”
I slam my fist into his face once again, unable to restrain the murderous rage festering within. He doesn’t fight back. He merely laughs in response, knowing he has crawled under my skin.
“Careful, cub. Ya wouldn’t want Liam to take his anger out on sweet, innocent Eva, would ya?”
Curling my lip, I don’t disguise my disgust at his suggestion.
“Ach, don’t be actin’ like yer better than him. The heart wants what the heart wants, and you wanted Cami, even when ya thought she was yer sister.”
“Aye, but she’s not. Not to mention, Eva is merely a child.”
“She certainly doesn’t look like a chile. But I much prefer my woman to be exactly that. A woman, and Cami—” he wets his lips, a look of pure lust overtaking him. “She’s all woman. Does she taste as sweet as she looks?”
I know he’s baiting me, but something about this suddenly feels…wrong. The same foreboding feeling I sensed earlier overcomes me once again.
“I dare ya to say another word ’bout her…I fucking dare ye,” I warn because if he continues down this path, it’ll be without his tongue.
He reads my caution for what it is. “Y’ve got bollocks, Punky. I heard whatcha did to Brody. I’m thinkin’ that was yer way of sendin’ me a message?”
I don’t reply.
“Well, yer message has been received. Loud and clear. I know that yer stronger than me,” he confesses, which piques my interest. “It’s why I needed collateral. I was never goin’ to hurt Ethan or Eva. They were always goin’ to be returned.”
“Is that so? Were ya so confident I would agree to yer plan?”
Sean nods. “Aye, and that’s because yer noble. Ya care. Ya can’t help but try to save the day. That’s what got ya into this mess in the first place. If only y’d left Cara’s death alone, none of this would have happened.
“But ya had to avenge her. Ya couldn’t leave it alone. And now, y’ve forced my hand.”
“Naw, this is on you. You are the one who killed her because yer greed comes first and last,” I retaliate, refusing to allow him to slander my mum.
“I only want what was promised to me. Connor said we’d be partners, but it was only him. I was always his second, but that changed when the men saw him in you. Just like his father, they’d say, but he wasn’t yer da.
“Even as a wain, they saw what a great leader ye’d be.”
“Yer jealous of yer own son,” I spit. “This lifestyle was forced onto me. I don’t want it. All it does is destroy. It’s turned me into someone I hardly recognize anymore.”
My phone chimes, and when I see a photo and text message flash on my screen, I sigh in relief. They’re safe.
Cian is standing by Ethan and Eva. They all look okay.
“I’m a man of my word, son,” Sean says, realizing the message was from Cian. “Are you?”
There is one last thing I have to do. I text Rory.
It’s almost over. Is everyone all right?
He replies a moment later.
Everyone is where they should be.
A little cryptic, but it’s Rory, he’s probably paranoid our phones are tapped.
Pocketing my phone, I exhale deeply because it’s time.
“Yer awful confident, are ya not?”
Sean pulls his shoulders back. “We had a deal. Ya gave me yer word.”
Tsking him, I shake my head slowly. “Ya didn’t actually believe I would be yer errand boy, did you? I fucking hate ya, and I would rather kill us both than help ye destroy this country.”
And just like that…my plan B is revealed.
I always knew it would come to this. Sean’s greed has once again blindsided him and given him the illusion he’s on top. Even though he’s handed over Ethan and Eva, he knows every person I love is collateral—collateral he can easily use if he needs to.
He handed over Ethan and Eva as a sign of good faith, to show me that he wants to make peace, but I’m not fooled. I know that if I don’t do what he wants, there will be no second chances, and this time, he’ll go for Cami.
I can’t protect her all the time, which is why the only way to keep her safe is to kill Sean. But I know that’s easier said than done. This arsehole has fooled me my entire life. No matter how hard I try, he’s always two steps ahead.
But now, it’s just him and me, and it’s a fight to the death. I hope to win, but nothing is ever certain in this war.
“We have a problem then, son,” he says, realizing I’m serious. “I thought ye were a man of honor, but it seems yer more like Connor than I thought. So it’s come to this? We’re going to fight?”
“Aye, Father, it’s always come down to this.”
“The men respect ye and yer goin’ to throw it all away, and for what? The men don’t know what a wee pussy y’are.”
Sean’s eyes dart from left to right as I have no doubt Cian and Ron frisked him of his weapons. He’s powerless, and to a narcissist, that’s a fate far worse than death.
“Throw me to the wolves, and I come back leadin’ the pack. And that’s why ya need me. Yer nothin’ without me.”
Sean’s jaw clenches because the truth fucking hurts. “Let’s finish this then. Like men. But I ask ya this…do ya have the bollocks to kill yer da?”
He waits for my reply, hoping his wee speech influences me. It doesn’t.
“Aye, I do.” Before he can dodge my attack, I strike out and punch him in the face.
He staggers backward, regaining his footing, but I don’t give him time to attack. I launch for him, delivering a quick succession of punches to his face and body that he can’t sidestep.
The pained grunts leaving him feed my depravity, and years of anger explode from me. All I can focus on is expelling this anger and forcing it down the throat of the man who is the cause of it. He showed my mum no mercy, and now I plan on doi
ng the same to him.
His lame attempts to fight me off are laughable, and when he gets in a lucky shot, I jump back, laughing. “Is that the best ye got, aul’ lad?”
With a roar, he charges for me, but he isn’t fast enough, and I knock him to the ground.
Pinning him to the floor, I commence punching his face over and over again. My fists ache, but the pain reminds me of the anguish my mum suffered at the hands of this monster.
“She didn’t deserve to die that way!” I scream, gripping his hair and slamming his skull against the concrete.
His eyes roll to the back of his head.
“Ye humiliated her. Ye allowed men to rape her. Yer nothin’ but a fucking coward! Ye hide behind others because yer scared. Yer a leech, latchin’ onto others’ hard work. Ya want the glory but aren’t prepared to work for it.
“Ye make me sick.” I spit on him.
Reaching into my back pocket for my knife, I inhale sharply because the time has finally come. The men who hurt my ma are no more. She can rest now. And so can I.
Just as I press the blade to his throat, something which I didn’t expect happens—Sean laughs.
It’s more of a wheeze as I’m certain I’ve punctured a lung, but the sound is one of victory, and I need to know why.
“I’m about to slit yer throat and yer laughin’? What’s so funny?”
Sean is barely recognizable as his face has been beaten to a pulp. The macabre sight has me jumping to my feet and yanking him up.
“Answer me!”
He sways on his feet, his bone-chilling laughter echoing around me. “Yer some pup, thinkin’ ya could beat me.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means, yer so predictable. Always wantin’ to do good by everyone. When will ya learn that just ’cause yer good…that doesn’t mean others are…or ever will be?”
Thinking back over everything, I try to find holes in the plan. Everything went smoothly—too smoothly perhaps?
This was too easy…something is wrong.
“I will fucking kill you!” I snarl, drawing us nose to nose.