“I’m not here to harass you. In fact, I’m going to let that ‘bitch’ comment from earlier go.”
“What are you talking about? You said it first,” was my response, instantly regretting it.
Josie just smiled. “Look, Mousy, we live on the same street. Maybe we can hang out sometime?”
“Stop calling me Mousy. I don’t like it.” I turned away and continued walking toward home. Josie followed. I hadn’t even realized that she lived so close by. I have no idea how she knew where I lived.
I tried my best to ignore her, to no avail, even turning back a couple of times, but Josie was always there right behind me, smiling. It was unnerving. Finally, I saw her turn up a walkway toward the front door of her house. She really did live close to me. Just my luck.
“Bye, Mousy. See you tomorrow,” she called out after me, while waving good-bye. I ignored her.
I couldn’t quite figure out if Josie was being antagonistic toward me or was genuinely trying to make friends. It didn’t matter either way, I wanted nothing to do with her, and didn’t mention her to my parents. They weren’t snobs at all, but I knew they would say Josie was from the wrong side of the tracks. Did that make them snobs? I wondered. I didn’t think so. It didn’t really matter, because they didn’t seem to understand anything in my life. They didn’t understand why I was such a loner and had a hard time making friends. I’m sure some of it had to do with the fact that I was an only child. My parents were very old fashioned, so I didn’t tell them much. They didn’t really seem to notice.
My father, Leland Harris, was a large man, over six feet tall and broad shouldered. I thought he had a kind face. He intimidated most people, but, really was a sweetheart at home. Maybe a bit strict, but we adored him. He ran a big construction company and didn’t make many friends doing it. It went with the territory and he was okay with that.
Rosemary, my mother, was the polar opposite of my father. In her late 30s, she was striking, with bright, distinctive blue eyes. She turned heads everywhere she went. I adored my mother, but always felt overshadowed by her when we went places together. No one ever seemed to notice that I was there. It was all about my mother. I learned early on that being beautiful would make your life much easier, and realized that was probably not going to happen for me.
We lived in a trailer park in a small, rural Maine town. It was a nice neighborhood, as far as trailer parks go, but I have to admit that I was a bit embarrassed by it. I knew the reputation that trailer parks got and didn’t need anything else to draw attention to me. This was one of the reasons I almost never brought friends home. My parents asked me about it occasionally, but I just made up some story about going to someone’s house and they let it go. In actuality, I would go to the library and bury my nose in a new novel. When sufficient time passed, I would go home. This way, it appeared to them that I had friends, even though they rarely met any of them. I don’t know why I felt it necessary to deceive my parents, but I did it anyway. I didn’t want them to think of me as a loser.
A few days later, on Saturday, I had nothing better to do, so I was just sitting in the backyard reading a book and taking in some sunshine, when I heard the doorbell ring. I thought nothing of it, figuring it was for my mother. It always was.
“Abbey, you have a visitor,” my mother called from inside the house.
Just then, Josie stepped out through the living room sliding door and into the warm backyard sunshine. I had to shield my eyes to see who it was. Recognition then washed over my face and I couldn’t hide my disappointment. She was wearing skimpy shorts and a short top, showing off her belly ring. I bet my mom loved that. What in the world was she doing at my house?
“What, not happy to see me?” Josie asked me, smiling.
Josie had newly dyed blue hair and a pierced lip. Even though I could not see my mother, I knew the look she must have had on her face right then.
“What do you want?” I was tired of the cat and mouse game Josie was playing. I put a bookmark in and laid my book down next to me on my chair.
Josie sat down in the other chair and pulled up the legs of her shorts a couple more inches to try and get some color on them. When she did so, there was a distinctive tattoo of a red lizard on her upper thigh. I saw it and immediately turned my head away. When Josie looked up, she was smiling. She liked that she got a reaction out of me, even if it was negative. That was fine with her.
“I just want to hang out, Mousey. Is that okay with you?” It didn’t sound rude at all. Josie actually sounded sincere.
“I guess. Why do you keep calling me Mousey? I don’t get it.” I really was perplexed.
“Because that is what you are. You’re just kind of normal looking, plain, boring and mousey. Sorry, but that’s just the way I see it.”
That hurt my feelings some, but she wasn’t wrong.
“I’m confused. Just days ago we were calling each other names in the hallway at school. Now we’re hanging out. That’s weird,” I told her.
“I know. I’m weird sometimes. So, what do you do for fun in this town? It seems really boring. I thought maybe we could liven things up around here.” Josie changed the subject.
“Nothing really. See movies. I don’t know.”
Josie was right, it was really boring living in a small town. She dreamed of fun and adventure, with lots of fun things to do. No, not in this town.
“Well, I met some people the other day that are having a party tonight. You should come with me. It will be fun.” Josie was excited.
“I’m not really the partying kind and I normally stay home on Saturdays. I usually just watch TV or read.”
“Yeah, that’s what I pretty much figured. Boring.” It was subtle, but I saw her eyes roll heavenward.
“My parents will never let me go to a party. They are kinda strict.”
“Don’t tell them then. Tell them you are coming over to spend the night with me,” Josie replied.
“I don’t know. I’m not going to know anyone at the party, I’m sure.” I was really hesitant.
“That’s how you meet people and make friends. Go to parties, mingle, meet cute boys, whatever. Besides, I live just down the street, so you can go home whenever you want. You don’t have to spend the night if you don’t want to. You can always tell your parents that you got sick or something and just go home after the party.” Josie had an answer for everything.
Against my better judgment, I said yes. But, only agreed to go if we could stay for no more than one hour. That would be more than enough for me. Josie agreed.
“Okay, come by my house around eight. You know where I live. We can walk from there. It isn’t far,” she called as she walked around the corner of the house and out the side gate. I didn’t even have a chance to respond.
Chapter 3
A few hours later when we arrived at the party, we were both surprised. It was huge. And it was loud. There must have been over 300 people there. The house was a mansion, with a huge game room and an olympic sized swimming pool. I didn’t even know there were any houses that large and fancy in my part of town. It looked to me like half the people at the party were in the pool. Some had clothes on, some didn’t. There was not an adult anywhere that I could see. I wondered who the house belonged to and why they were allowing the party to happen. I realized then that the parents must be out of town and someone, among the hundreds there, must be their kid. He or she was having a huge bash, at their parents’ expense.
I couldn’t imagine ever doing something like that to my parents. It wasn’t right. I knew that I was way too much of a good girl, by the standard of most teenagers, but I didn’t care. I had no desire whatsoever to act like they did. I got made fun of by the kids I went to school with because I was such a nice girl. Whatever. I wasn’t going to change myself to please them. As a result, I spent a lot of time alone. That’s why I agreed to go to the party in the first place. I thought it wouldn’t kill me to get out and socialize a bit.
Before I rea
lized that she was gone, Josie left me standing in the middle of the back patio all by myself. Then one of the boys, really cute and wearing nothing but a pair of powder blue swim trunks, seemed to come from nowhere and handed me a red cup with beer in it. I tried to give it back, but he disappeared into the crowd, as quickly and mysteriously as he had appeared. Josie walked up with a drink in her hand and noticed my reaction to the party, and the beer.
“You don’t drink beer?” she asked me.
“Well, I’ve tried it, but don’t like it.”
Josie looked around to make sure no one was watching us. “Let’s try something else, then,” she whispered to me.
“Like what? I can’t go home drunk.”
“No, not booze. Follow me.” Josie took my red cup from me, sat it and her drink down on the living room table and started heading down a long hall, motioning for me to follow her. She then opened the door to some room at the very end of the hall. She stuck her head in and looked around, before opening the door wide enough for us both to enter. “This will do,” she said, as I followed her into the room, curious. She closed the door behind me.
“What will do?” I asked her, looking around at the empty room. It was obviously a pre-teen girl’s bedroom. It was decorated in pink and had posters on the wall of the latest teen heartthrobs. It made me a little uneasy.
“You’ll see.” Josie pulled some items out of her purse and laid them on the dresser. “Lock the door, will you.” She didn’t even look up at me.
“Is that cocaine?” I asked, eyes wide, as I reached over and locked the bedroom door.
“Yes, you ever try it before?” Josie knew this was a dumb question.
“No, and I’m not going to now.”
“Just a little. It’s not gonna kill you. Don’t be such a nerd.” Josie taunted me. ‘Nerd’ was a word people didn’t really use anymore, but Josie thought it was appropriate, and she didn’t like sounding like everyone else.
“I said no.”
As I headed toward the bedroom door, Josie caught me by the left arm and turned me toward her. It happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to react.
“Really? You are afraid to just try a little? I do it all the time and I’m fine. Come on, you can’t be so afraid of everything in your life. Live a little.” She gave me a ‘come on, you can do it’ look.
I wasn’t stupid and knew this was peer pressure at its finest, but felt that Josie had a point. Was I going to spend the rest of my life scared? A little bit wasn’t going to hurt me. “I don’t know,” was all I could say.
During the couple of minutes that we debated whether I was going to try it or not, Josie had made a few lines of cocaine on a mirror she had brought with her. She never left home without it, I found out later.
“Look, just try one. I’ll show you how.” With that, Josie bent over and snorted one line. It looked really easy. She smiled when done and handed over the straw to me. “Well?” She waited for an answer, as she wiped excess powder off her nose with her sleeve.
I found myself reaching for the straw without really meaning to. “Well, okay. Just one.” And I meant it. I bent over and tentatively snorted one line. It gave me a rush like I had never felt before. “Oh, wow,” was all I could say.
That made Josie smile.
After that night, it didn’t take long before partying was a frequent event in our lives. I knew it was wrong, but couldn’t help myself. I just got caught up in it all. We did cocaine and drank frequently. Drugs and alcohol brought me out of my shell and I started making new friends. I really liked that I wasn’t the one holding up the wall at gatherings anymore. When I was high, I could say and do anything. It didn’t matter what the consequences were, and my friends thought I was hilarious. These were friends that my parents disapproved of, and I didn’t care.
I even started to look like Josie. I dyed my hair black and started dressing all in black. I even got a couple of tattoos that my parents didn’t know about, but I showed them off freely at school. After a few weeks, we started skipping a lot of school, so we could go get high with our friends. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even realize what a stupid thing I was doing with my life.
It didn’t take long until we ran out of friends that would give us free stuff. We were too young to have jobs to pay for our fun activities, so we started stealing. We would take a couple of things here and there from the houses where the parties were held. But, we knew that was risky and needed to find other ways. If we got caught, we would never be invited anywhere again.
One day, we were hanging out at my house, watching TV. Josie had just dyed the tips of her blue hair to a bright pink. It was sure to catch the attention of everyone who saw her. Though if you ask her, that was not her intention at all. She just wanted to be herself. Sure she did.
“This is so boring. Let’s get high,” Josie whispered. She didn’t want my mother to hear her.
“We don’t have any money. How do you think we are going to get high?” I whispered back.
“Well…” Josie tilted her head toward the dining room table, never losing eye contact with me. I turned to see what she was motioning toward.
“No way. I’m not stealing money from my mother’s purse!” I said a little too loudly.
“Shhh. Do you want her to hear you?” Josie whispered at me with wide eyes, staring right into mine. “Come on, just a few dollars. That’s all. She’ll never miss it. In my experience, moms never know exactly how much money is in their purse. She’ll never even know. If she didn’t trust you or was suspicious in any way, she would never leave her purse out, especially with the likes of me hanging around.” She burst out laughing. I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll do it. You don’t even have to. Go in the kitchen and distract your mother. You won’t even be the guilty one. I will.” Josie got up and started walking toward the dining room table and waved her hand at me to go into the kitchen. “Go on,” she whispered.
It looked to me like Josie was going to do it whether I helped or not, and I didn’t want her to get caught. I liked Josie and didn’t want to be banned from seeing her. So, I got up and went into the kitchen and made small talk with my mother. About 30 seconds later, I looked toward the living room and Josie was sitting on the couch trying to get my attention. That was really fast. Oh good, she chickened out.
I went into the living room and sat next to Josie. “Why didn’t you do it?” I asked Josie.
“Who said I didn’t? This isn’t my first rodeo, you know. Let’s go.” She jumped up and headed toward the front door.
I obediently followed her. “I’ll be back later, Mom,” I called into the kitchen as we darted out the front door.
Chapter 4
A few days later, on a Tuesday after school, I walked into the house and both of my parents were sitting at the dining room table looking at me. They had judgment written all over their faces. It was very strange. My father was never home so early in the day. Something was definitely up.
“What?” I asked as I headed toward the kitchen for a snack.
“Please come in here and sit down,” my father said sternly.
I turned to look at him, a bit confused.
“Can I get a snack first?”
“No,” he responded. “We need to talk to you.”
I could tell that he was serious and I walked over and sat down at the table across from my parents.
“What’s going on?” I asked, a bit worried. Overall, my parents were pretty easy going. But they looked serious.
“Abbey, we are very worried about you,” my mother started.
I looked back and forth between my parents, who looked deadly serious. “What do you mean?”
“We know about the drugs,” my father said.
Oh boy. What am I going to do now? I quickly decided to play stupid, as teenagers often do, and gave them a quizzical look. “What drugs?”
It didn’t take long to become abundantly clear that my act was not going to
work on them. They proceeded to tell me how they had been talking to my friends’ parents who told them that Josie and I had come over to their houses many times high on something. They let it go a couple of times, but decided that it was time to tell my parents about their daughter. They apparently told Josie’s parents also. My father said he didn’t know the outcome of that conversation.
“We also know that you’ve been skipping school. Abbey, you’ve always been a really good student. What is going on with you?” he asked me.
“They’re lying!” I yelled at my parents as I started to get up.
There was no way I could admit to them what I was doing. I was so ashamed. None of that behavior was like me at all. At least it didn’t used to be.
“Sit down!” my father said in a voice that I had never heard before. It made me jump and I sat down promptly.
“We’ve noticed a changed in your behavior also. We just didn’t realize it was drugs. Now we know and we are really worried about you,” he said, a little softer this time.
“Dad, it’s not true,” I tried convincing him. My mother just sat there with a disapproving look on her face. Somehow that was worse than being yelled at.
“We are thinking of putting you in rehab,” my father told me.
“What? No! I don’t need rehab. Dad, I don’t have a problem. You don’t know what you’re talking about!” With that, I ran into my room and slammed the door. They didn’t follow.
Late that night I made a rash decision, one that would change the entire course of my life. I wish now that I could take it all back. You know what they say about hindsight. I packed up a few of my belongings, took all the cash my mother had in her purse, and walked out the front door. There was no way I was going into rehab. It was ridiculous, I wasn’t an addict. We were just having fun, that was all.
It was a beautiful, clear night with a billion stars out. I walked to Josie’s house down the street with just the moonlight guiding my way and knocked softly on her window. She opened it a minute later.
A Reckless Life Page 2