by Virlyce
“We have some from the hardworking slavers,” Vur said, nodding at Tafel. Tafel reached into her bag and pulled out a pouch. She opened it, revealing a bunch of copper coins.
Alice’s expression darkened. “…That’s not going to cover the meal. Do you know how expensive this place is? A dish costs a whole gold coin. A gold coin is worth 10,000 copper coins. You have like two hundred coins in there.”
Stella tossed her hands into the air. “Alice’s treat!” She picked a green birdlike object off of Vur’s plate and bit into it.
“Thanks, Alice,” Tafel said and reached over the table to pat the guild master’s shoulder.
Vur nodded. He picked up a crispy bone and bit into it. “This is good. Try some.” He offered it to Tafel, who took a tentative bite.
“I’m being bullied,” Alice said and pursed her lips. “This wasn’t part of the deal. You’re hiring me as a guide, why am I paying for all of your expenses? And wait, how were you two going to pay me if you don’t even have any money?”
Vur nodded. “I was going to take some from the guild to give you.”
Alice’s eye twitched. “…That’s theft.”
Vur shook his head. “Everything belongs to dragons. Non-dragons just don’t know it.” He paused and furrowed his brow. “Except anything bad. All good things belong to dragons.”
Alice stared at Tafel. “This is the man you married.”
“You already used that line,” Tafel said. “It undermines the impact if you use it again.” She clapped her hands before Alice could respond. “Anyways, let’s talk about something more exciting than Vur’s lack of morals. Like the bimonthly competition. We’re joining, yeah? Yeah. Great.” She lowered her head and dug into the plate that the waitress had brought over.
“No, that isn’t—”
Stella placed a slice of pie into Alice’s mouth before she could say anything else. “Sshhh. Mealtimes are for eating, not talking.”
Alice swallowed her piece of pie and sighed. If someone told her a month ago that she’d be bullied despite the fact she was a top-tier adventurer, she would’ve laughed in their face.
“Are you enjoying your meal?” the waitress asked as she came over and deposited more plates onto their table. “Is everything to your liking, berserk librarian?”
Alice winced. “Can’t you at least call me Lion of the East? I really don’t like that librarian nickname.”
“Eh? But I think berserk librarian suits you very much,” the waitress said. She shrank back as Alice glared at her. “B-but if you insist, I’ll call you Lion of the East.”
Vur swallowed his food and let out a miniature burp. “I understand where E is coming from. Some names really are too long to say comfortably.” He nodded at Alice. “You should change your name to Al.”
“Please, no.”
10
“We’re here,” George whispered. He was crouched by a tree, his head barely peeking over the bush in front of himself. A vast yellow shore and blue ocean stretched as far as the eye could see. A dead leviathan lay on the sand, its body half-dismantled. A group of fishmen were hacking away at it, taking out the bones and organs.
“Are you sure this is the place?” the noble, Evan Lancefell, asked as he squinted ahead. Behind him, a group of adventurers were lying on their bellies, holding their breaths and staying as still as possible.
“There’s no other beach,” George said and frowned. “This is the place.”
“But there’s nothing here? What skeletons? What undead threat?” Evan glanced at George before patting the bag on his waist. Would the fishman really exchange leviathan materials for a prank? Fishmen weren’t like fairies.
“But … they were here….” George stood up and stared at the beach. There weren’t any traces of the combat and struggle that he knew had occurred. “We repelled them? Impossible.” He stepped over the bush and headed towards the fishmen on the shore while shouting, “Hey! I’m back! What happened to the undead?”
The fishmen holding the leviathan materials stopped moving and stared at each other. “Undead?”
“He’s onto us!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll diffuse the situation. Play along.”
One of the fishmen shouted back, “What undead?”
“Oh, it’s crazy ol’ Joe. He’s escaped from his hut again. What did he do this time?”
“We should catch him before he hurts himself like last time.”
George’s face paled as the fishmen charged at him at a speed faster than most fishmen could swim. He made it back to the bush before he was tackled to the ground. As the fishmen proceeded to restrain his limbs, Evan stood up and said, “Stop! What is the meaning of this?”
The fishmen exchanged glances, ignoring the gagged and struggling George. “You are?”
“My name is Evan Lancefell, son of Duke Lancefell, leader of the Shining Stars of Lancefell.” Evan drew his lance from his back. “I’ll have to ask you to unhand my client.”
A red fishman opened his mouth. He spoke with a gravelly voice, “Crazy ol’ Joe’s your client?”
Evan’s brow furrowed. “Crazy ol’ Joe? His name is George.”
The red fishman sighed and clacked his teeth together, making clicking noises. “Poor ol’ Joe. Poor, poor ol’ Joe.” He wiped at his eyes, but Evan didn’t see any tears form on the fishman’s face. “His son was named George, but he died in a terrible, terrible accident out at sea. Joe lost his wife to the same beast a week later. He hasn’t been right in the head ever since.”
The other fishmen nodded in agreement. “It’s true. A month ago, he was planting sea urchins on the beach, trying to grow urchin trees. The month before that, he thought he was the leader of our tribe and made nonsensical rules about wearing pink robes on Fridays. His bouts of insanity are very vivid and real to him. He may seem cohesive when he actually isn’t.”
“I, I see,” Evan said and scratched his head. “Then there’s no undead threat?”
The red fishman blinked twice. “Undead threat? The continent is partially ruled by holy dragons. Why would there ever be undead here?” He sighed. “Is that what Joe told you? Are you adventurers hired by him?”
Evan frowned at the struggling George, who was trying to escape the fishmens’ grasps. “Yes. He hired us in return for the leviathan materials.” His gaze landed on the leviathan corpse in the distance. He turned around and said, “You can show yourselves.”
The group of adventurers who were hiding stood up and dusted themselves off. None of them had good expressions on their faces. Evan nodded and faced the group of fishmen. “Shall we have a discussion?”
The red fishman frowned. “Ol’ Joe isn’t capable of thinking straight, but he did offer parts of the leviathan to you. Fishmen are honorable, so we’ll keep his word. Why don’t you all rest here? It looks like you’ve had a long journey. We’ll prepare an unforgettable meal with the leviathan’s flesh.”
“Are you capable of making such a large decision?” Evan asked.
“Yes,” the red fishman said with a smile. “One might call me the leader of all the tribes. My name is, uh, Noteleks.” He pointed at the fishmen nearby. “He’s Eno; she’s Owt; he’s Eerht. Why don’t you take them to our guest lodgings, Owt?”
The female fishman nodded. “Follow me, please. Your meal will be ready soon.”
Evan nodded and made to follow after the fishman, but the woman by his side tugged his sleeve. Her face was pale. “There’s something fishy about this.”
Evan frowned at the woman, his sister. “…Really? A fishman pun?”
“I’m serious!” the girl whispered, practically hissing. She tied her red hair up into a bun while clearing away the grass that had gathered on her dress. “How strong is the average fishman?”
“E, no, D-ranked?” Evan followed after the fishman while whispering to his sister. The other adventurers glanced around as the scenery shifted from grass to sand. The person at the back of the line let out a muffled grunt,
causing his companions to turn around.
“Hey, is everything alright?”
The man didn’t respond. A second later, he let out a gravelly laugh that sounded like rocks rubbing together. “A fly flew into my throat,” he said in a raspy voice. He waved his hands forward. “Let’s catch up before we’re left behind.” No one noticed the slightly depressed surface on the beach where he had stood.
“What level would you say they are?” Evan’s sister asked.
Evan rubbed his chin. “Fifteen? That’s average.”
“Right. That red fishman over there. I scanned him,” Evan’s sister said as her voice lowered even further. “He’s level 103.”
“Huh?” Evan stopped walking.
Owt turned around and tilted her head. “Is something the matter?”
“N-no,” Evan said and lowered his head. His eyes widened at the footprints left behind by the fishman. They were skinny, thin. Unwebbed. “I … just had the feeling I forgot to lock the door before I left the house.”
“Oh,” Owt said. She turned around and continued walking down the beach, leaving a trail of ominous footprints behind.
“Eve. What level is she?” Evan whispered to his sister.
Eve grimaced. “Sixty. That’s almost on par with us.” Once their party had reached an average level of 65, they were promoted to A-ranked adventurers. Now, they encountered a suspicious fishman who was as strong as their weakest member. “What do we do?”
“Nothing for now.” Evan’s expression darkened. “We can’t act without more information or we’ll be at a disadvantage. Maybe they sent their strongest warriors to dismember the leviathan?” He wanted to believe his own words. He really did, but the footprints in the sand sent chills down his spine. Evan frowned as more adventurers behind him froze and coughed. His brow furrowed as he turned around and asked, “What’s wrong with all of you?”
Owt smiled as she stopped as well. “Maybe they’re unused to the sea air.”
Eve bit her lower lip before raising her staff. “Lord of the holy light, please, clear my cloudy eyes and allow me to see your splendor. Disenchant!” A ripple of mana expanded outwards from her staff like the wave formed by a pebble dropping into a pond. The blue light touched the bodies of the adventurers and Owt, causing their images to distort.
“Eh?” a high-pitched voice asked as Evan and Eve stiffened. “Our illusion was dispelled?” A fairy fluttered over Eve’s staff with a frown.
The thirty or so skeletons that had replaced the adventurers glanced at each other. A brief moment of silence passed. “Dogpile?” one of them asked.
The other skeletons nodded. “Dogpile.”
Evan and Eve screamed as they were buried underneath a pile of moving bones.
***
“Governor Dupey sir,” an elf saluted as he entered his boss’ room. “There’s been an unexpected development concerning the competition taking place in two weeks.”
“Oh, what is it?” The question came from behind a massive black chair. Its back was facing the entrance, obscuring the elf’s boss from view.
“The SSS-ranked adventurer, Alice Lowenherz, has signed up for the competition along with three of her companions: two unknown SSS-ranked adventurers and an E-ranked fairy queen.”
“…What? Why?”
“…Perhaps she’s seen the glory of the dwarves and wishes to join us?” the elf asked.
“You know that’s impossible. The Lion of the East is the strongest defender of human rights. There’s absolutely no chance for her to join us. Has she taken a disliking to my competition? She’s here to sabotage it, isn’t she?” The chair shook, and the elf assumed the dwarf sitting on it was nodding. “Deny her application.”
“We tried that because we knew you wouldn’t approve, but she, no, her companion was extremely insistent on joining.” The elf paused. “Right. Her companions were odd. One seems to be an undiscovered species, possibly a hybrid between a fairy and an elf, and the other is….” The elf’s forehead scrunched up as he chewed on his lower lip.
“…Is?”
The elf winced. “Developmentally challenged…?”
A sigh came from behind the chair. “The worst kind of SSS-ranked adventurer then. Someone who believes they can do anything and actually can—that type of person?”
“Yes.”
“So he’s like His Gloriousness….” There was another sigh. “Let them compete then. Make sure to advertise as much as possible before the competition starts. You can even delay the competition to ensure maximum profits. There should be hundreds of people looking for the chance to fight the Lion of the East. She might be trying to fleece us of our equipment, but I can use her to make just as much money back.”
“As you command, General Dupey sir.”
***
“Have you heard? The berserk librarian is going to be competing in the next competition.”
“What? Really!? No way, why would she ever do that?”
Alice gritted her teeth as the fork in her hand snapped into two pieces. She muttered, “I hate that name,” and raised her head. “Do I really look like a librarian?”
“You look like a rogue,” Tafel said from across the table. Alice was wearing a cloak that obscured every part of her face except for her mouth.
“Whose fault is that? Why did I have to sign up for the stupid competition when you could’ve handled our commission alone? I hate anything that promotes dwarven supremacy.”
“Stop looking so glum,” Tafel said with a smile. “Admit it, you actually enjoy fighting a lot. I could tell during our duel.”
“Well—”
Vur raised his glass, interrupting Alice. “I couldn’t.”
“You know, it’s been a very long time since I’ve been mad at a single person.” Alice pursed her lips while glaring at Vur.
Vur’s brow furrowed. “Being mad is no good. What if you destroy a few towns by accident?”
Alice snorted. “Then it’ll be your fault for being so infuriating.”
“That won’t hold up in front of a jury,” Tafel said while shaking her head. “Anyways, what are the competitions like?”
“It’s a simple tournament. Parties are matched against each other until there’s only one party left.” Alice glanced at Vur. “Killing isn’t allowed.”
Vur snorted. “I don’t kill people.”
Tafel thought back to the flying dwarf who used Vur’s kick as fuel. “We should relegate Vur to healing only. It won’t be a challenge if he fights anyone.”
“Not like any of you would get hurt if I’m the shield,” Alice muttered. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
Stella frowned and flew over to Alice. She tapped the guild master twice on the forehead with her knuckles. “You should be more honest. No lying, okay?”
“What do you mean?” Alice asked and furrowed her brow. “I nev—lie to hide my true feelings all the time.” Her eyes widened as her hands froze. “Did you just…?”
Stella giggled before flying into Vur’s hair, disappearing from sight. A tiny voice came from his head. “Honesty’s a virtue!”
“I really want to eviscerate her.” Alice’s eye twitched as she covered her mouth with her hands. Her words were muffled, but they were still easy to discern.
“Whoa, so violent,” Stella’s voice said from Vur’s head. “It was just one tiny yearlong curse.”
“…A year?” Alice asked. “I’ll be fired from every job I ever take if I don’t remove this curse!”
“We won’t fire you,” Tafel said and turned towards Vur. “Right?”
“Right. Work for us for a year,” Vur said with a nod. He smiled at Tafel. “You were right. It really is convenient to have a planner.”
“I hate both of you! Die painful deaths!” Alice glared at them as she spoke through her hands. “Remove this curse, right now!”
“Too tired. Used all my energy on the curse. Good night….” Stella’s voice faded away.
“Wait, you
goddamn fairy! Who said you could sleep!?” She lunged towards Vur, knocking over the table in the process.
“Berserk librarian is very fitting,” Vur said with a nod as he sidestepped Alice’s lunge.
Alice grabbed the miniature shield that was strapped to her wrist like a watch. It expanded into a buckler before expanding into a tower shield. “You really piss me off!” Her shield glowed with a red light as she swung the side of it at Vur, holding nothing back.
Vur caught it with one hand and finished the drink he was holding with his free hand. He tilted his head to the side. “Weren’t you trying to be sneaky?” Everyone in the restaurant was staring at Alice, mumbling to each other.
Alice’s shield shrank as she collapsed to her knees. Her head lowered as she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She flinched as Tafel walked up to her.
Tafel bit her lower lip. “I think we should be a bit nicer to her in the future.” She stopped Vur before he could say anything. “And don’t tell her to stop crying because it makes her look ugly. I know you were going to say that to comfort her in your own twisted fairy-like way.”
Vur scratched his head. Was it that obvious?
11
“Competition day!” Tafel sat up in bed and raised her hands into the air. Vur groaned and snorted before rolling over onto his side. Tafel frowned and shook his shoulder until his eyes opened halfway. “It’s competition day!”
Vur yawned while shutting his eyes before rolling over once again, smothering his face with the pillow. Stella squeaked from somewhere on his head.
“Vur. Vur. Hey, Vur.” Tafel nudged Vur repeatedly until he fell off the bed. “We have to wake up early to buy weapons before the competition starts, remember? You’re not hungover, right?”
Vur blinked twice before sighing at the ceiling. “I’m sleepy still. Dragons need to sleep lots. Dad sleeps for months at a time—I inherited his sleepiness. Five more minutes?”
You didn’t inherit anything from Vernon! Tafel bit her lower lip. “Get up! Alice is probably already waiting downstairs. You don’t want to keep a lady waiting, do you?”