I stared at my eyes. They were dark, almost black, with flecks of my original dark brown. The irises had grown huge, drowning out the whites, taking over. I could see better in the dark now, and the strange vibrations the Caeorleians used for speech not only made sense, but I could make the sounds too. The fangs were probably the most disturbing. Wide at the base, they came to a sharp point. They weren’t a lot longer than my other teeth, but they were still fangs.
Nothing of who I’d been before the doctors got their hands on me still existed. My body and my face had been changed. My mind had been altered, and there was nothing left that I could hold on to that was just me. I felt like I was coming apart. I had no idea of who I really was anymore. Could I trust my feelings, even when no one was touching me? Was what I felt real? Had I really enjoyed the things done to me?
I stripped off my robe, suddenly freezing. Cranking the water to the highest temperature possible, I leaned against the wall of the shower and let it run over my head and body. I’d been told the water had cleaning chemicals in it, but I couldn’t resist the urge to scrub my skin. I needed to be clean. I rubbed and rubbed until my whole body was red, and yet I still didn’t feel like their filth was gone. It was inside, the feelings they’d put in me. I couldn’t get them out, but I wanted to.
I sank down to the bottom of the shower.
I didn’t want to be like this. I didn’t want to be broken.
“Dade?” Someone was buzzing me at my door. I’d skipped dinner and stayed in my room. Someone probably brought my guard a meal, but I’d refused to open my door. Hungry, angry, and not to mention anxious about telling Yaseke my secret, I’d barely slept during the night.
I sighed. I knew that Nicklaus would keep trying if I didn’t answer. From the one time he’d touched me accidentally, I felt that he really did mean his overtures of friendship, though he was scared to death of this new world too. I’d never seen anyone function with the level of fear that he flooded me with, much less hide it as well as he did.
Opening my door, I stepped back instantly. Standing just behind Nicklaus was the Caeorleian who seemed to have claimed him. Fieo had his arms folded across his chest, and he glared at me over the top of Nicklaus’ head.
“Are you still hurt?” Nicklaus asked.
I pulled my robe closer around my body when he seemed to be looking at every inch of me.
“I’m fine.”
He held up a tray with a covered plate and a bowl of sliced-up fruit. “I asked the doctors what you could eat, since you didn’t eat last night. I wasn’t sure if it was because you were still in pain or just because you were tired from healing. Mamo sent up this just for you.”
I reached for the tray, and he pulled it back a little. Nicklaus looked over his shoulder at Fieo. He had a small frown on his face when he turned back to me.
“You can come out and join us in the lounge, if you want, instead of eating in your room.”
I didn’t feel like sitting around the lounge with them. Too many people to avoid. Since I could hear voices, I knew there were other people in the suite. “I’ll eat here.” I took the tray from Nicklaus, ignoring his disappointed look.
“Oh. Okay.”
There was a pause, and Fieo’s glare seemed to intensify. I cleared my throat. “Ah. Sorry. Thanks for the food.”
Nicklaus’ smile was back. “You’re welcome!”
I stepped over to the controls and shut the door. The food smelled good. I sat down on the bed, pushing the pillows up against the headboard and settling the tray on my lap. I took the lid off. The plate was completely full. I’d never known food came in such a variety. There was a protein and starch plus fruit, but these were nothing like the processed foods I’d been given as a soldier.
The meat was spiced and served in dark rounds. I’d had them once before, and they were tasty. For all my aversion to meat from before coming here, I didn’t get any echoes from it when I ate Caeorleian meat. I popped one into my mouth, chewing quickly. The fruit was green, succulent slices cut into wedges. I hadn’t tried them before, but they smelled good.
Juice slid down my chin when I took a bite out of a wedge. The flavor was mild but sweet, and the flesh just a little bit chewy. I wiped my chin with the side of my hand and then licked it. I’d never had fresh fruit before coming here and didn’t want to waste a drop. There was a hot grain dish in a little bowl on the plate that was still steaming.
The thin sweetener they used wasn’t like the fake syrup that mimicked the stuff history books said the first humans got from trees on Earth. This was a purplish color; Seral had said it was made from boiling down a fruit from a tree found in the jungle and straining out the seeds.
I stirred the purple swirl into the soft grains, turning it all a pale lavender. The meat tasted better; I preferred the spices to the sweetness, but I needed to eat everything to regain the muscle mass I lost. I hadn’t gotten as emaciated as Nicklaus looked and how Ryker said he had been, but I knew that I’d lost tone and mass.
I’d had to force myself to exercise regularly in my cell and eat every bit of the food they’d given me, no matter how awful it tasted. At least, when it had a taste at all. This food was light-years beyond that slop.
Cleaning my plate took a while, of course, since Mamo had filled it. I’d met the cheerful woman who ruled the kitchens. I hadn’t been able to avoid her hug, but she’d only filled me with a sort of settled happiness. It was rare that someone touched me who was as purely happy as she was inside.
A second alert from my door interrupted me as I took the last bite of meat. I swallowed and picked up the tray. I didn’t bother to see who it was before I opened the door. “I could have brought my tray….” I trailed off and frowned.
Nicklaus wasn’t standing at my door, Yaseke was. I stepped back automatically.
“Good, you ate. You need to regain your strength,” he said. “Can I come in?”
He was asking? I squeezed the edges of the tray. “Yeah. Just give me a minute.”
Yaseke moved off to the side. I took my tray out to the lounge and set it down on a table by the door. Everyone else had already left.
When I went back into my room, Yaseke followed me in. He had a package. “I was coming down to see you when this delivery arrived. I thought I’d bring it with me. The guard outside the door said it was already cleared.” He held the bag out, and I took it from him carefully, peeking inside.
Clothes.
Thank fucking Gods! I was done running around in robes and wraps. No more breezes floating up the skirt-like things to swirl around my balls. The Caeorleian clothing was about as far from the uniform I’d worn most of my life as it could get.
“I’m just going to go change.” I couldn’t wait to be dressed again. I rubbed the fabric of the shorts between my fingers. It was a far cry from the uniform of my soldiering days and the coarse clothing they’d made us wear on the ship.
“I’ll wait, if you don’t mind. I wanted to ask you something.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. I frowned but then shrugged. He could ask all the questions he wanted; I didn’t have to answer. I was done talking. I’d already told him too much.
The light blue shorts fit smoothly over my ass and thighs but weren’t indecently tight. I’d asked for several extra pockets to be sewn on. My shirt was looser, with sleeves that weren’t tight, exactly but fit better than the wide robe sleeves. I was so done pushing them out of my way when I exercised.
Now that I was dressed, I felt a lot more comfortable. It was as if the thin, silky fabric was as good as a shield. Since it covered a lot more of my skin, in a way it was. I left my dirty robe in the bathroom along with the bag of spare clothes. I’d put them away later. First I had a conversation to get through.
Yaseke seemed to be studying me, watching my every move closely. He had a slight smile on his face.
“Well, you wanted to ask me something?” I stood rigid, my arms crossed over my chest, as I waited for him to start h
is interrogation.
“Yeah. Do you want to go on a walk in the jungle with me? There’s an herb that grows about an hour’s walk away that is really good in a salve.”
“You use regular medicines? I thought it was all the bio-net tech stuff.”
Yaseke chuckled. “No, that’s actually not the first recourse. The only reason why Ryker, Nicklaus and you have been healed that way is because we’re not sure how our medicines would affect you. It’s not too far a walk, and it’s a gorgeous day. I’d like it if you came.”
CHAPTER SIX
Outside was always bigger than I expected when I first stepped out of the residence. I’d spent so long trapped in tiny cells, the sudden space took getting used to. Caeorleia was warm and tropical. I liked the sun and breeze, but I hated the moist heat that slicked my skin as Yaseke and I walked in the peaceful quiet. The buzz of the city was behind us, and all I could hear was the sound of nature. The slight breeze, the hum of insects and calls of birds swirled around us, so familiar yet alien too. I’d been on enough planets to know that the creatures making those sounds might not be like anything I’d ever seen before.
I was pretty sure we were safe, though. My guard was behind me, as always, but he faded into the background as their world enveloped me in the peaceful sort of quiet.
I had no idea I missed the smell of dead leaves mulching and the fungi growing at the bases of the trees. These trees were different from the sampanga trees in the grove near the lake, much more like what I was used to seeing with hard trunks and broad leaves.
There was one tree set off from the path with a series of fungi growing in a spiral around the trunk. It was a deep emerald color, and the inside was black when Yaseke broke off a rounded shelf from the tree at waist height. The smell was almost fruity.
“You can’t eat these, though they smell good. The bright color is an indicator that things are not quite what they appear on Caeorleia. Always use caution when plants you see have a brilliant color.”
I wondered if he included himself in that category, with his eyes like precious stones polished to a rich luster. I pushed those thoughts away with a scowl. Maybe his warning held merit. “What are those?” I pointed up toward the sky.
High up in the trees were these small animals that seemed to sway from branch to branch. Some looked brown, but others had green skin. They were so small it was hard to tell their actual shape. Several seemed clumped together into little balls that were constantly shifting and rolling along the branches.
“Ahh, those are screniups. Their blood is like ours, colder than yours. They cannot regulate their temperature easily with their thin skin, but they also burn in the sun easily. They group into a mate unit, several mates to each breeder, and take turns being in the light while they roll along the trees high in the canopy. They share the warmth, all pressed together like that.” Yaseke dropped the fungi in his sack, and he gestured for me to follow him farther off the trail.
Scrambling over a downed tree and jumping a creek took more energy than I realized, and I was breathing hard when we stopped at the edge of a clearing. My shirt stuck to my back, and I grabbed the hem, flapping the fabric to get puffs of air to cool the sweat running down my back and sides.
“Is this it?” The sunbeams filtered down through the dusty air, glimmering in the shadows at the edges of the clearing where the sun didn’t quite reach through the branches.
Nodding, Yaseke said, “It is. See those white plants? That’s what we’re after.”
There were some just in front of us, and I leaned forward to break one thick stem.
“No!” Yaseke lunged for my hand, his fingers locking around my wrist.
Training took over, and I grabbed his fingers, pulling them backward and snapping my arm down to break his hold. He cried out as I used my hold on his fingers to twist his wrist and bring him up on to his tiptoes. I spun behind him, forcing our clenched fingers high between his shoulder blades. My free hand went to his shoulder, and I dug my fingers between the tendons at his neck. An angry hum broke the air.
“Ow, fuck!” Yaseke howled.
“What. The. Hell.” I spoke through my clenched teeth. Red tinged my vision, but I fought not to fan the flames of anger. I couldn’t afford to lose it.
“I wasn’t going to hurt you! I was trying to stop you from getting hurt.”
“Stop fighting me.” He needed to calm down so I could calm down as well. “I’m not going to break your arm.” That had been my first impulse, but it had faded.
The smaller man yanked against my hold and cursed when I resisted his movements. “Well, you’re still hurting me. Let me go! The flowers are poisonous. I didn’t have time to warn you.” Yaseke was breathing hard, his shoulders heaving with his harsh breaths. “I said let me go!” He tried to pull his arm down, but I held it too tight.
I didn’t want to hurt him, but shock froze me in place again when I realized I couldn’t feel his pain and anger. I knew that meant the fear twisting my stomach in knots was my own, which meant the anger I was holding inside was mine as well. I didn’t need to hold him until he calmed down to take away the bad feelings.
His voice faded into the background. The feelings weren’t his—they were mine. I could touch him and not be overwhelmed. Yaseke finally went limp in my arms, no longer resisting my hold. My grip gentled, but instead of letting him go, I hesitated, wanting to pull him closer.
That hesitation saved Yaseke’s life as a jet of green-tinged energy sliced through the air scant inches in front of his face. More shots came from the trees across the clearing. I yanked him back against my body, letting go of his arm to wrap mine around his chest.
I scanned the jungle, seeing two enemy attackers approaching even as I melted back into the underbrush to the right of where we’d stood. Shots sizzled through the air. I listened intently, my head swiveling as I tried to hear if there were more surrounding us, cutting off our retreat, as I backed away.
Where was my guard?
Yaseke was completely passive in my arms. I’d clamped one arm around his slender waist and picked him up off his feet. Not only was he not struggling, his arms hung limp at his sides, and he slumped over my arm.
Shit. Had he been hit?
I turned, darting a glance over my shoulder as I pulled him tight to my body, slinging his legs over my other arm. I ran, darting glances down at him between looking for obstacles. Then I saw the wound seared through his shoulder oozing blue blood.
He’d been shot.
Anger forced a snarl from my throat. I longed to turn and kill the men chasing us. Adrenaline surged through me. They’d shot Yaseke, though, and he would be vulnerable if I tried to hide him so I could ambush our pursuers. I couldn’t leave him. He was still breathing, and he wasn’t bleeding too badly. It wasn’t a kill shot. That meant he was stunned, and those guys hadn’t been trying to kill us.
They’d been trying to capture us. Or maybe just me, again. I had no idea.
Sweat slicked my hair to my face and ran into my eyes, making them sting. The sounds of pursuit didn’t fade, so I redoubled my efforts, moving as fast as I could through the bushes and trees tangling together on the jungle floor. My clothes were too bright to blend in, even amid the colorful tropical plants, so we couldn’t hide.
My only hope lay in outrunning them. Without any idea of where I was going, I focused on moving forward. Branches whipped against my skin as I struggled through the thick plants. My chest hurt, the air feeling thicker and thicker as I gasped.
Sharp humming cries came from behind me. There were more than two men. If I were a religious man, I would’ve started to pray. Instead, I ran faster.
I nearly tumbled us both over the steep bank of a river when I risked a glance over my shoulder. I stumbled backward and fell to one knee. This wasn’t the placid silver of the lake, but there weren’t any rapids or sharp rocks poking up through its murky waters that I could see. My heartbeat was so strong, I could feel it throbbing in my extremities. Ou
r attackers weren’t gaining, but they hadn’t stopped chasing me, either. I had little time to decide what to do.
My heels sank into the soft mud as I slid down to the water, leaving thick furrows in the ground. There was no way I could hide those marks. I could try to cross the river, but the center looked deep and the other bank was as steep as the one I’d slid down. There was no help for it; they’d know exactly where I crossed if I tried to keep going through the jungle, so I couldn’t leave the river.
I waded into the water, gasping at the chill on my sweat-slickened skin. My legs stung as the water hit the cuts from the branches that had whipped me as I ran. I really hoped there weren’t any predators in the water that would be drawn to the blood. That was the last thing I needed.
My steps grew lighter as I waded deeper. I shifted the small man in my arms, holding him tight to my body so that my arms were around his chest and his legs floated in front of me. Then the current grabbed us and swept me off my feet. I sank down in the water, floating my feet up to cradle Yaseke’s as we began to travel quickly downstream with just our heads above the water. I kept an eye on the jungle behind us, but we went around a sharp bend in the river before our attackers appeared.
I kept a vigilant lookout as we floated along with the current. I didn’t try to swim, just kept our heads above the water. I didn’t know anything about this planet; anything could await us in the jungle we were floating deeper and deeper into, and Yaseke was still unconscious.
I was shivering violently by the time I began to swim one-handed toward a rocky shoal jutting out into the river on the other bank. I tried to make for it before the current would sweep us past, but I was exhausted and dragging Yaseke’s limp body only made it harder.
“Come on,” I gasped, kicking my feet harder. “Stop being weak!” My teeth were chattering so hard it was painful to speak. I clenched my jaws together. The river was sapping my strength, and if I didn’t get out now we might not get out at all.
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