“Nicklaus needs time. He suffered too much. Inside, he’s scared to death, all the time. It’s awful.”
Yaseke frowned. “You all did, Dade. You all suffered.”
“Not the same. It wasn’t the same thing at all.”
Hesitantly, Yaseke reached out and touched Dade’s shoulder. “It is. From what you say, something like this—my hand on your shoulder—is the first touch you’ve been able to feel without any sort of distress for years. The scientists on that ship might not have been the ones to give you this burden, but they did take advantage of it. I’m not going to pressure you to join with me just because we’re compatible, Dade, so you don’t have to worry.”
His erection had finally gone away. Yaseke hated thinking about what happened to Dade and the other males on the ship—and had since he was asked to assess Dade, back when learning about the abuse he’d suffered was only an abstract concept.
Dade shocked the hell out of him when he turned over and spoke. “What if I wanted you to?”
Yaseke couldn’t even speak for a moment. “Are you making a joke?”
“No,” Dade said softly. His hands reached out and pulled Yaseke closer. “You’re cold.”
“It’s chilly at night in the summer months compared to the heat of the day. It won’t be cold enough to be dangerous, but it is uncomfortable. I haven’t slept out of doors in a very long time, not since I was a child, I think. I used to like it, though. It would be nice, if we weren’t out here because we were attacked. How are you doing? Your body is even less capable of tolerating the temperatures on Caeorleia after living on a ship so many years.”
“You talk when you get nervous, don’t you?” Dade asked.
Yaseke shrugged one shoulder and ducked his head, letting his hair fall across his face to hide his eyes. “A bad habit of mine.”
Dade stroked a hand through his tangled hair, pushing it back gently from his face. “You know, I was fascinated by your hair and your eyes when I first saw you.”
“You were?” Yaseke was smart, and he did have rare coloring compared to most Caeorleians, but there were not many men who were attracted to him. Male tziu were rare, and not all of them found a compatible isit. Yaseke leaned into the soft caresses. He wanted Dade, but he couldn’t silence the little voice in his head that said it would be a bad idea to become intimate so soon.
“Yeah.” Dade’s head tilted. “It’s been years since I could touch someone and know that what I felt was really my own feelings. It has been getting harder and harder all day to resist touching you.”
Warm pleasure suffused Yaseke. “You don’t have to,” he said softly.
“Good.” Dade’s hand tightened in his hair, holding him in place as he leaned forward and pressed their lips together.
The kiss began slowly, not soft but a little hesitant. Whatever Dade was waiting for either happened, or didn’t, and the kiss changed. Harder now, their soft lips pressed tight against their teeth. Dade’s warm tongue brushed against Yaseke’s lips firmly, pushing in until he opened.
Dade plundered his mouth, tasting and touching everywhere. His tongue tickled along the top of Yaseke’s mouth and made him shiver in the best way. His erection woke and began to grow again. He sucked on Dade’s tongue in quick pulses, forcing a groan from his throat. It vibrated against his tongue.
Need gripped them both.
Dade urged Yaseke closer with his other hand on the curve of his back. They lay on the bed of leaves, mouths connected and bodies reaching for each other.
Yaseke wondered if Dade would touch him. He put one hand on Dade’s chest and the other on his side so he could pull their bodies close enough to rub their cocks together. He felt the cool fabric of Dade’s shorts pressed tight between their erections right as the bigger man broke the kiss with a cry and pulled back with a shudder.
His palm was damp, and he could smell blood. Yaseke must have put his hand right on the cut on Dade’s ribs and opened it up again. Dade cursed.
“Oh Gods, Dade, I’m sorry.”
Dade was breathing hard, but he shook his head. “An accident. Don’t worry about it. But maybe we should get some sleep?”
They were both a little too beat-up and tired to be indulging in sex in a pile of leaves in the middle of the jungle anyway. Dade certainly was in no shape to claim Yaseke, but if they were intimate, it would probably happen.
“Yeah.” Yaseke began to slide the shirt back up over his body to stay warm, but Dade pulled him in close, spooning together. He took the shirt and draped it over Yaseke’s stomach and hips.
“We can still stay warm together,” Dade said.
Yaseke was careful as he snuggled into Dade’s hard, warm body. He put his head on Dade’s bicep and let the larger man collapse over him. They relaxed at the same time. Yaseke sighed. He’d never found someone so compatible with him before, and it was amazing how right he felt when he was close to Dade. “That sounds good.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
I wasn’t sure exactly what woke me up, but the large insect crawling over my hand with hairy little feet startled me wide awake as soon as I saw it. I jerked my hand, flinging it off.
My skin crawled.
I liked visiting planets that hadn’t been completely industrialized like my home planet, but there were downsides. I’d never liked creepy-crawly things, though freaking out wasn’t a very manly reaction to something so small. Usually I’d made sure my troop had perimeter fields that repelled native creatures. Ostensibly for large predators, but they worked pretty well on the nasty tiny ones too. The smallest creature could still have a deadly bite.
Yaseke shifted against me, nuzzling my shoulder where his head rested. I’d jostled him when I’d thrown off the bug. Warmth radiated from where our bodies were smashed together. I wasn’t comfortable, not by a long shot, but I’d slept in worse places.
The leaves under us crackled as I shifted, trying to get rid of the twig poking me in the small of my back. “Fuck!” The birds in the trees around the sampanga grove fell silent when I shouted.
Jerking away from me, Yaseke shoved himself up on one elbow. “What? What’s wrong?” His hum was rough.
“I feel like I got put through a meat grinder.” My muscles screamed in my arms and torso when I moved. I made the mistake of taking a deep breath, and my vision developed spots. It took me a minute to breathe through it, and I was sure I’d see my blood streaming down my side as soon as I could see again. Damn, I was out of shape.
I looked down at the cut on my ribs. It was a dark slash across my skin, but it had already closed and scabbed over. There wasn’t any fresh blood, just dried bluish smears around the wound. I moved gingerly, rolling onto my side and then pushing up to a sitting position.
My groan was really loud in the silence of the jungle.
“Careful!” Yaseke put his shoulder under my arm when my elbow shook and threatened to buckle. He shifted so he was sitting next to me. “Did you break open that cut?”
I glanced down. “No,” I said in relief.
“Good. Let’s sit here for a little while and then see if we can ease you onto your feet.”
I was still amazed by the quiet in my mind, even though Yaseke was touching me. It had been so long since I’d just been able to be touched by someone. When Yaseke didn’t seem to have any trouble holding me up, I relaxed and leaned more of my weight on him.
“You’re stronger than you look,” I said. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good, other than a sore shoulder.” Yaseke’s stomach growled and mine echoed right after his. I chuckled and he smiled at me, shivering a little. “Looks like we’re both hungry, though,” he said.
I looked around the sampanga grove. We were a long way from the city still, and I had no idea what was edible on the planet. Yaseke was from the city too, but he seemed to know a lot about plants.
“Do you know what we can eat?”
Yaseke pointed through the trees at a bush. It had long thorns on the bran
ches, but they were heavily weighed down by round, bumpy fruits. Some looked yellow and others were a bright green. “Those are mae fruit. We can eat the seeds of the green fruits, but never pick any with yellow on them. They’re very bitter and will make you vomit.” Yaseke eased away from me, holding on to one of my arms. “Think you can sit up on your own?”
I nodded. I was still sore but not as shaky. I braced myself, stretched my legs out straight and then lifted them off the ground a little. It pulled the skin on my stomach in unpleasant ways. Yaseke stood and then held a hand out to me.
“Okay, let’s get you up.”
It probably wasn’t the best of ideas, but I’d seen the guards training. They were insanely strong, far more than their size indicated. He might be smaller, but I figured Yaseke wouldn’t offer to help me up if he couldn’t do it.
I put my feet flat on the ground and bent my knees, giving Yaseke one of my hands. Pain wracked my body as he pulled me up even though the move was smooth. “Shit. I’m really out of shape.” I held on to both his shoulders as I struggled to stay on my feet. I stood there panting, wobbling a little as my legs shook.
“You fought the river for hours yesterday.” Yaseke had one arm around my good side and the other on my hip below the cut across my ribs. He patted me gently. “You’ll loosen up sooner if we get moving.”
I knew he was right. Nodding at him, I took a few unsteady steps toward the bushes with his support. The aches in my thighs and calves gradually eased. I was sore, but I could stand on my own.
Looking down, I realized I was naked. My face heated. I was steadier on my feet, but if I tried to bend over to snag my shorts off the pile of leaves, I’d fall over. “Do you think you could grab…?”
Yaseke smirked at me. He might not be able to laugh, but his amusement was clear. I expected him to give me a hard time. “Sure,” he said.
I waited, but that was all he said as he walked back and grabbed them. He helped me pull them up, and his hands brushed my hip bones as he tugged on the fabric.
The urge to moan and push Yaseke toward my cock was so strong. He knelt so close, looking up at me as he helped with my shorts. It was amazing, to feel him but not feel him, and my desire to touch and be touched intensified with every brush of his body against mine. Was this being “compatible,” or was I just touch-starved?
“I’m going to get some fruit now. You have to be careful of the thorns. They have an irritating liquid in the tip that will make your skin itch and sting.”
He carefully threaded his hand through the thorns to pluck up a few of the green fruits. He scored one with his claws and twisted it open. The seeds inside were black. He handed me one half. Lacking a spoon, I lifted the fruit to my mouth and sucked in some of the seeds. They fizzed in my mouth.
“Good?” Yaseke asked.
“Mmm.” I nodded as I ate some more. I was ravenous as soon as I took the first bite. Yaseke finished his fruit and then gathered more, putting them into my shirt. I helped pick a few while eating another half he’d broken open. Once we had at least ten mae fruit in the shirt, I tied it up and then looped the sleeves together into a handle.
“I can carry it,” I protested when Yaseke stuck his arm through the loop.
“The rest we had last night was all I needed. I heal faster than you do, even if you are no longer a human.”
I compressed my lips into a flat line. He was moving easily, fluidly even. He didn’t even seem to mind his nudity. I couldn’t help the way my eyes scanned down his body, following the jagged, blue curls of his isitziu that decorated his lean form from his face down. His cock stirred as I looked at it.
My mouth ached and my palm tingled.
Yaseke’s eyes widened. “Not that I don’t appreciate the look on your face right now, but we should get moving. We could have days of walking ahead of us.”
I blinked. My voice was rough when I spoke. “Sorry. I’m not sure… what is going on.” I looked away. Yaseke put his hand on my arm.
“We’re compatible and came close to joining last night. I think, if neither of us were hurt, we would have joined in besedad.”
The thought made my heart race. I was attracted to Yaseke, but I’d only met him because Seral and his father thought I might have lost my mind. He said that he refused to treat me behind my back, that he didn’t think I even needed it. I wasn’t the threat they were concerned about. I wanted to believe him.
No, I did believe him.
He’d put his faith in me, trusted what I said about my freaky fucked-up ability. I couldn’t offer him anything less than that.
“I’m only trying to be honest, so I hope this doesn’t come out the wrong way. I know I’m attracted to you, and the fact that I can touch you and not be overwhelmed by your emotions is amazing. But I can’t help but wonder if that’s the only reason why I really want to touch you.”
Yaseke winced. “Blunt, aren’t you?”
Shrugging, I looked away from him. “I was a soldier most of my life. I don’t really know any other way to be.”
Yaseke took a few steps in front of me. “We need to go this way.” He looked over his shoulder. “And I like how you say what you’re thinking. You’re honest. It’s refreshing.”
We started walking. I stumbled once, watching Yaseke’s muscles in his ass and thighs ripple as he walked.
“Why is feeling something for me because I’m someone who is safe for you to touch a bad thing?” he asked later, as we walked through a thinner area of the jungle. “We believe that our genetics, and pheromones, attract us to each other, not solely an emotional response. There are those who don’t believe love plays a part in joining at all.
“There are many reasons why people are attracted to each other. I don’t mind that you feel that way. Everyone needs to feel that contact, to have the ability to touch and be touched.” Yaseke looked at me over his shoulder. “Besides, I like it when you touch me.”
A ray of sun filtered through the canopy and highlighted his bright hair. Images of how I could touch him flickered through my mind. He had indentations just above his ass my thumbs would fit perfectly into as I gripped his sides while I thrust into him from behind.
“Shit.” A root jumped up to trip me, and I went down to one knee. Damn thing came out of nowhere.
Stopping, Yaseke came back toward me. “You okay?”
I stood up with a groan; his cock had been inches in front of my face while I was on my knees. “Fine.”
I wasn’t. My balls throbbed. My cock thickened, hardening as I took deep breaths, taking in Yaseke’s scent. I reached forward and brushed some of his sweat-slicked hair away from his face.
“Yaseke, this urge to claim you”—his eyes seemed to gleam as he stared back at me—“is it… I mean, will it go away on its own if we don’t join?”
Yaseke’s breath left him in a gasp. “You’re still feeling it?”
I nodded, and he swallowed hard. “Shouldn’t I?”
He shook his head. “Not if we’re not touching intimately.”
“You’re naked, and all I can do is watch your ass as you walk.” I groaned. “That’s pretty damn intimate to me.”
“But we’re not touching sexually. Usually it takes physical contact in order to feel the compelling urge to join, and then it’s weak enough to suppress without an emotional bond. Besedad is only strong once it takes hold.”
He backed away from me, and I let my hand fall to my side. “Besedad? What is that exactly?”
“Caeorleians can come together and have sex without joining. We don’t have to be compatible to enjoy being together. But when two people are compatible, when their isitziu markings are close enough to indicate that they match genetically, they can feel an urge to get close to the other person. To claim them, to join their isitziu together.”
My mouth was wide open in shock for several minutes before I turned abruptly and started walking again. Standing still wasn’t going to get us any closer to a city, or someone who could get us
back to the city. “So they have no choice?”
“No, they do,” he said. “But if they continue to spend time together, and if they touch, the isit has to have a lot of control or they will claim the tziu.”
My mouth went dry. “Was what we did last night enough ‘touching,’ then?”
Yaseke frowned. “I don’t know.”
I fell silent. The subject was getting to be a little too much for me. I knew I wanted Yaseke, but did I want him for forever? I fell silent as I mulled the question over.
We found a small stream a little while later. “Is it safe to drink?”
“Should be.”
Should be wasn’t very reassuring. I’d had my guts twisted by some bad-water bug on MC34R our purification tablets didn’t kill. I thought my stomach was going to explode that time. I really didn’t want a repeat, but I was sweating heavily in the humid heat of the jungle, and I knew I had to stay hydrated. I grimaced and then cupped a handful of the silvery water.
It was cool and a little thick, with a metallic tang. It didn’t burn my mouth, so I let a small trickle slide down the back of my throat. The relief was instant. As difficult as it was to wait, I gave it a little while to see if I would vomit before I drank any more.
Yaseke suddenly lunged forward, the claws of one hand exposed as he sank his arm into the water up to his chest. He pulled out a long, slender creature with black skin. It was flat, like a ribbon, and his claws had nearly sheared the entire head off.
Which was good, actually, because the thing had fangs that looked like they could easily go through the thickness of my entire thumb.
“What the hell is that?”
“Caoud. They’re pretty good, sliced thin. We’ll have to be careful of the bones, though.”
I’d worried eating meat would leave me with the feelings of the animals, but so far, it hadn’t. I’d lost all desire for real flesh since the first experiment, eating only processed foodstuffs. I’d been on government subsistence, and their generous program provided three bland bars a day full of all the nutrients a body needed but with all the flavor of dirt. But the meat I’d eaten before that had been horrible, so it wasn’t that hard giving it up. I’d been enjoying the variety of having real food again. Besides, maybe animals didn’t have feelings.
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