Chapter 20: Sadie
Because I didn’t have time off from work (or life), I left for the Walloon branch of the Crooked Tree Library at the first available opportunity, which was 4:00 p.m. on the Monday after we arrived. I stepped up the library’s wide, wooden stairs and opened the heavy, oak door, the rush of the warm air blasting against my body. Michigan was having an exceptionally warm November, but that term, warm, was so relative. Fifty-two degrees, in my mind, didn’t even touch lukewarm. Now seventy-five degrees and sunny—I’d take it.
Once I’d nodded a quick hello to the library volunteer at the front desk, I settled into a cozy chair in the corner of the magazine section. The wall opposite the magazine racks housed floor-to-ceiling windows backing up to a chorus line of magnificent pine trees, making the room feel as though you were in the middle of a forest. Plugging in my laptop, I switched my phone to vibrate and placed it on the desk, then opened the lid of my computer. A few projects required my attention, and the details of the book covers were logged into an excel spreadsheet. The necessary accompanying site online loaded as my computer dinged, indicating a new email message.
from: Jackie Mills
to: Sadie Rollins
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:13 PM
subject: Vacation
Hi, Sadie! I hope you made it to Walloon Lake safely. How was the trip? As long as usual? Keep me posted on whether you made it there, and I won’t bother you too much! xo Jackie
I should have expected as much from Jackie and was shocked she hadn’t contacted me earlier. She knew the first few days at Walloon Lake would be full of energy and chaos. I had planned on emailing Jackie anyway—and phone service here was often spotty—so I keyed in a quick reply.
from: Sadie Rollins
to: Jackie Mills
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:15 PM
subject: Let’s hope it is a vacation
Hi, Jackie. Thanks for your message. We made it, and because the kids are older, we didn’t have to stop too much (only six times!). Theo didn’t mind the trek, either. In fact, the worst part was Lexie’s request for the Unicorn Song thirty times. Theo decided the whole CD should be burned. I had to literally rip it out of his hands before he threw the CD and case out the window. Good times. Talk to you soon. Sadie.
I kept the email tab open and clicked on the file icon I needed. The client was a big one, a company that had requested our services a few years back and had been surprised at our efficiency and thoroughness. Based on our past history, they trusted me to do a phenomenal job, even from a seat inside the Crooked Tree Library. The problem was, with all the turbulence in my personal life, the project might overwhelm me, and a good brainstorming session could be in order. I should ask Jackie if she has time to help. I clicked on the window that exposed my email and allowed my fingers to fly over the keyboard.
from: Sadie Rollins
to: Jackie Mills
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:18 PM
subject: Help!
Hi, Jackie. Me again (obviously). I opened my file and realized a brainstorming session is badly needed before I can move forward. Any time for a call soon? I’d prefer that over an email discussion, if you have the time. Thanks. Sadie.
from: Jackie Mills
to: Sadie Rollins
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:19 PM
subject: Oh, I can help...
Hi, Sadie. Sure, I can schedule a call, but it might not be a good time right now. I have someone here, and I need to speak with him. He just left to take a call of his own. And he says hi, by the way. xo and ;-) Jackie
from: Sadie Rollins
to: Jackie Mills
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:20 PM
subject: No!
Really? It’s Andrew isn’t it? Why did you tell me that? Remember why I went on this vacation? Didn’t I tell you? Yes, I’m sure I did. What kind of friend are you anyway? :P Sadie
from: Jackie Mills
to: Sadie Rollins
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:21 PM
subject: Yes!
It’s Andrew, and I guess I wasn’t thinking. Can I blame it on the hormones? I’m STILL not back to my pre-baby self, in mind or body. Will I ever get there? And you ARE a great friend, one who I would NEVER intentionally do anything bad to. You know that, right? Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry. xo Jackie
from: Sadie Rollins
to: Jackie Mills
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:23 PM
subject: Yes, and you’ll get there
You’re lucky I’m one of your GREATEST friends because yes, I can forgive you. And I get what you mean about mind and body. It takes a long time, but you will get back to some semblance of who you were before you had Clara. Of course, it won’t ever be the same, and you might have to tape a few body parts up, but that, my friend, is way too much for me to delve into in this email. I guess I’ll be polite, and you can say hi to Andrew for me. But that’s all. You don’t need to say where I am. And now, you owe me. So call me tomorrow at 9:30 a.m. We can brainstorm for a bit, and then I can come back here to the library. They open at 10 a.m. Thanks. Sadie.
from: Jackie Mills
to: Sadie Rollins
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:25 PM
subject: Okay
I’ll give your best to Andrew and I’ll call you tomorrow at 9:30. I wrote you in on the desk calendar, IN PEN. How about that? Now let’s hope the connection goes through (if you don’t hear from me by 9:35, give me a call). But please don’t work the entire two weeks while you’re up there. You have a lot of memories from that place, and memories can work *magic* sometimes. Remember, your family needs you. You need you. xo Jackie
from: Sadie Rollins
to: Jackie Mills
date: Mon, Nov 12, 2018 at 4:26 PM
subject: Payment
Your check is in the mail.
After making progress on a smaller but as important project, I packed up my belongings and made my way out of the library. The walk home would be short, no more than five to seven minutes, and the anticipation of extending the quiet that had ensconced me at the library energized me. I pulled my wool coat around my waist, tightening the belt, and thought back to what Jackie had written to me. She was right: Theo and I had years and years of memories embedded in this place. From time at the beach to the hours spent at the playground, moments in each other’s arms on the front porch and in the back bedroom. In fact, I was certain Delia had been conceived in this place. And this was my time to get away from the life that had started to spin out of control at Kettering Plaza. If I connected with the memories and remembered how invested we had once been—in each other and in us—winding myself back on the right path, the path toward a more authentic me might be possible,
When I stepped around the corner at Lake Street, I almost walked into a little old lady and her beagle. Even in the dark, the woman’s houndstooth coat and plaid scarf stood out, and a huge smile splayed across her face. A flower clip sprang from her ashen hair, and her bl
ue eyes sparkled as she lifted a gloved hand to wave. Year-rounders liked to stop and chat, check in on all of life’s comings and goings, so I hesitated, but with a wink and another smile, she kept on her way. Taking my cue from her, I waved back and continued my walk toward the cottage.
Something pushed me to turn back and watch the lady as she progressed up the street while keeping up a conversation with someone invisible. She had to have been talking to her pet—an amusing thought—as she shuffled away, straightening her skirt from time to time and stopping to pick up rocks from along the road. Her short, jaunty movements emitted joy, and the small encounter with her produced a warmth within my chest.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent a short, quick text to Andrew: Away but you’re on my mind anyway.
His reply arrived within an instant: Me as well. Enjoy your time away.
A smile graced my face as I ambled around to the front porch at a little after eight in the evening and placed my feet upon the sagging, cedar steps. Lexie and Delia, possibly even Charlie, would be in bed if the afternoon had been full of outdoor activity. The wood squeaked under my shoes as I touched the edge of the red, painted door and peeked through the side lights.
The end table lamp illuminated the living room area. Lena and Theo sat on the pin-striped sofa, watching a sitcom of some sort, the glow of the television highlighting their grins. My curiosity got the best of me as I looked at the two of them, both so close on the furniture, as if they’d known each other for longer than a day. A slight pang of—what, jealousy?—murmured within me, an emotion that shocked me for two reasons. One, I might be seeing something that wasn’t there. And two, my feelings for Theo had been extinguished long ago, as evidenced by my encouragement for him to sign the divorce papers.
I opened the screen with a light hand and turned the brass doorknob, entering the living room. The dry heat from the electric heaters brought tears to my eyes, blurring my vision. Even with my sudden presence, Lena didn’t jump back from Theo. Instead, she pushed the button on the remote control and placed it on the coffee table before giving me her undivided attention. Theo followed her lead and moved to catch my gaze. My glance danced back and forth between the two of them. Was I being unreasonable and seeing something? Was my mind preoccupied by my own flaws and projecting? What did Theo think about a young woman like Lena, a stranger, sitting so close to him?
“How was the library?” A trace of fatigue laced Theo’s voice as he pushed his hands through his hair and pinched the bridge of his nose, both telltale signs he was annoyed. By my arrival or by my going to the library in the first place?
My work bag slid off my shoulder to the floor, where I scooted it with my foot into the corner so the children wouldn’t disrupt it in the morning. “Not as productive as I had hoped, but I finished enough for now. I do need to go back tomorrow...”
“But you promise not to be there the whole day.” Theo finished the sentence for me as his eyebrows rose to his hairline.
Lena must have sensed discord for she rose from the couch to gather up the water glasses and headed to the kitchen, her footsteps so light they barely registered in my ears.
“Yes, I promise.” I pulled off my gloves and stuffed them into the coat pocket before shrugging the garment from my shoulders. “And I mean it. I have a call with Jackie at nine thirty, and I’ll go to the library at ten, which means I should be done with the first installment by noon.”
Theo quirked his eyebrows, a silent notice of his disbelief. The sound of dishes in the sink indicated Lena must be cleaning up the kitchen, something I’d have to remember to thank her for before she left for the night.
“Hey, I mean it, Theo. I love this cottage, this place.” My gaze darted around the room, taking in the familiar furniture, photo collages, and books before it landed on Theo again. This place...but not you. Why was I still questioning myself?
“Yes, but you also love your job.” He looked at me as he spoke that simple truth, as if daring me to deny it. His posture—tight shoulders, straight neck—told me he expected my rebuttal, something I’d give to him to avoid the answer to the question I’d asked myself.
“I do. But this job is keeping us afloat right now. Without this job, our budget would be tighter. You’re only working part-time, and that’s to be expected. But we wouldn’t be here, at the cottage, if it weren’t for my job.” Utter irritation clawed at me as my voice fought to stay low and not wake up the kids. Theo had probably meant to start an argument, but I didn’t want to rise to the bait. What he said was the truth—my job sometimes came before family time—but right now, what I said was also the truth. We needed my job.
A simple shuffling of feet behind me forced me to turn and acknowledge Lena, who held her thin coat and purse in her hand. She placed the purse on the floor as she slid her slim shoulders into the arms of the fleeced denim jacket.
“Well,” she said, “It was a pleasure to meet you all, but I should get going. I’ve got a few projects of my own to do at home.” As she adjusted her collar, she inclined her head toward Theo. “Do you need me tomorrow? I’d be more than happy to come for part of the day. I’m not sure I’m needed here the whole time: the kids were great, and Theo seemed fine today.”
Theo would prefer I not go back to the library and spend time on my work commitments, but in my mind, the outcome was a given. He nodded slightly, and I knew I’d won the battle. When had our life gotten so competitive? Our situation—on many levels—needed to change soon.
“Sure. Can you come by about nine fifteen or so? You may have overheard—I have a call at nine thirty. I’ll aim to be back by noon. If you can get lunch ready, I’ll be here to help set the table, and of course, you’re welcome to stay and eat with us.” I looked at Theo before I continued. “We appreciate what you’re doing for us, so always plan on staying to eat if you want.”
“Thank you. I had a good time today with the kids, and I hope I was helpful.” Lena turned toward Theo and addressed him. “See you tomorrow, Theo. You too, Sadie.”
Her face held no hint of anything that might make me pull away from her, anything that said she had found Theo attractive and by having her here, I’d be doing more harm to our family. Nothing in her soulful eyes and genuine smile gave me pause, but my belly still roiled with unease.
“Thanks for doing the dishes. And we appreciate you being available on such short notice.”
She paused at the door before pushing the screen open and heading out onto the porch. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you in the morning. Have a great night.”
“You too.”
Lena’s thin form meandered up the street. I closed the door and locked the deadbolt, then closed the blinds and adjusted the thermostat. Theo had tilted his head back against the couch cushion, but he followed my movements. The exhausted look on his face worried me.
“Long day?” The couch still radiated heat from Lena’s body. I snuggled in against the fabric—anything to chase away the coldness that had overtaken me the last few minutes.
“Yes, but it was good. Lena didn’t say it, but she might have been uncomfortable at first. I’m not sure why. Because I was around? But the kids enjoyed playing at the beach, despite the cooler temps. You should have seen the castle they built. They even dipped their feet into the water.” He chuckled, probably at the memory of the kids in the water. “Actually, so did I, and it wasn’t too bad. I was concentrating so hard on the cold water and anything else that might be wrong with me fell to the wayside.” Again, a smile passed across his face.
I leaned my head against the back of the couch but kept my sight on Theo. “Huh. I hope the weather holds then. I’m going to assume the kids are all asleep?” Theo nodded his head in affirmation. Later, I’d be sure to stop in and smooch the sweet darlings, in ca
se Lena and Theo forgot anything, like the perpetual water glass by Charlie’s bedside or the extra stuffed animal standing guard on the dresser next to Delia.
The thought of the kids tucked into their small beds made me consider my sleep habits. Despite the early hour, the stress of the long drive on Saturday mixed with a full Sunday and too much jolting of my heart that morning had made me exhausted.
“Are you heading up?” I asked Theo. Visions of fluffy pillows, a warm comforter, and a good book danced in my mind.
“No, not yet,” Theo said and laid his hand on mine. The look in his eyes seemed full of questions, ones I didn’t want to know about and didn’t care to answer. If I shut my eyes, I could pretend I was more exhausted than I was. “It’s just, we’re supposed to be divorcing, but...”
A trace of nostalgia echoed in Theo’s voice, so I opened my eyes and peeked at him. His tired face, full of a sadness I understood, irritated me. We were here, at Walloon Lake, our “happy place.” Talking about an impending divorce seemed so tasteless, something I wanted to avoid. We’d covered all the “buts” already, many times over. And despite the odd circumstances, he had a good life. A safe life. His face should have shown some positivity, at least contentment. Did he even recognize something was off?
The energy within me didn’t exist to draw out whatever was on his mind. Everything surrounding our conversation radiated “awkward,” sitting with my soon-to-be ex in a place that held such fond memories for me, but knowing my life was riddled with unrest, that the memories made from this year forward would be different, for both of us. My hand fell away from his in the process of standing up.
Rewrite the Stars Page 14