by Lindsay Becs
She keeps her eyes down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her blankets and sheets. “I’m fine,” she whispers. I stare at her for a minute, and when I see her wipe her eye, I can’t stop my feet from walking to her bed and sitting down next to her. I take her hand in mine and ask again, “What’s going on?”
“I had a reaction to the radiation. Your cute doc fixed me up again, and I should be leaving soon.”
“Good. That’s good.” I take a second to sort through what I’m feeling at this moment for my mother.
It’s a weird thing I have going on. An inner battle of not wanting to care and yet still caring more than I should for a woman who never showed an ounce of actual love and affection toward me my whole life. I guess that’s the truth of it all though, isn’t it? We never outgrow wanting to be loved by our parents, no matter how much they suck. We will always seek their approval, long for their hands to show affection, and hope to hear them say they’re proud of us.
“The cancer?” I ask, my voice cracking.
“Seems to be gone so far.”
“I’m glad.”
She snorts at that. “I’m sure you are very disappointed, Bexley.”
“No. I might have said things before to make you think that, and I’m sorry for that, but I really am glad to hear you’re doing well.”
“Thanks.” She sniffs.
“I should get back to work. When are you able to go home?” I ask, standing to make my way to the door, hitting the hand sanitizer on the wall out of habit.
“As soon as the paperwork is done.”
I hesitate for a beat, then ask, “You have a ride?”
“I’m fine, Bexley.”
“Not what I asked, Marla. Do you have a ride?”
She shakes her head no, and then I realize why I’m here, why Ollie wanted me to be here. A smile pulls on my lips as I take a deep breath and look to the ceiling.
“I can take you home, but you have to wait for my shift to finish. I’m not done for another few hours.”
“Doc said it might take as long for my discharge papers to go through. I ain’t going nowhere.”
“Alright. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria when I’m done. Sound good?”
She nods again. It’s so unlike my mother to be so quiet. It’s tripping me out. Maybe she isn’t as well as she told me. I hesitate to leave, but I do. I have to get back to work before Dr. Parker realizes what I did, leaving without a word.
I close the door behind me, and when I look up, I’m met with blue eyes that pierce me as citrus and ginger engulf me. I fall into him as a sob rips through me. I don’t know where it came from, but I feel so overwhelmed by the mix of emotions running through me. His strong arms are exactly what I need at that very moment. He always seems to know exactly what I need, even if I don’t.
“Thank you.” I sniff as my cries quiet against his chest.
“You smelling me again, Leppy?” he asks with a light tone, smoothing my hair out of my face. I turn to look up at him and see his sexy grin.
“Yep. You always smell so good. I can’t help it. It beckons me to sniff you.”
His laughter rumbles in his chest as I nuzzle into him again. “Ollie, I’m serious. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“I need to get back downstairs,” I grumble. “I’m probably in enough trouble already. I don’t want to add getting caught fraternizing with a doctor to the list of reasons Dr. Parker hates me.”
“She give you a hard time?” he asks with concern painted on his face.
I smile at him again. “It’s alright. I’m still the fresh blood. It’s expected.”
“It’s not necessary.”
“Please don’t say anything. Please, Ollie, leave it alone. OK?”
He stares at me for a beat, then agrees, but something in my gut tells me he won’t leave it alone. Still, I give him a quick peck on the lips after scanning the hallway to be sure we’re in the clear, then make my way down to the elevator.
When I make it back to my floor, I try to jump right back into work, attempting to make it look like I never left.
“Nurse Morgan?” I look up to see Dr. Parker standing in front of me. Busted.
“Yes, Dr. Parker?”
“Susan told me you had to step away for a reason she couldn’t give me. I’ve seen Dr. Duncan down here, and it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together to surmise that you are his next target. That is the last time he interferes with your tasks here. Are we clear?” she asks with a raised brow, making my mouth go dry.
“Yes, ma’am.” She gives me a look of disgust that sends a surge of anger through me. As she turns to leave, I add, “My mom is his patient. She was admitted a couple of days ago, and I was checking in on her.” She gives me a look of surprise, but schools her expression as I cut off whatever she’s about to say. “And as far as my relationship with Dr. Duncan, that’s none of your business, with all due respect.”
I turn and walk away to tend to my patient while I let out a breath to calm my shaking hands after standing up to her. Holy hell. I just did that. I hope I still have a job tomorrow.
I rush to the cafeteria when my shift finishes, hoping that my mother hasn’t been waiting long. We had a four-year-old code, and it sent the floor into a frenzy twenty minutes before I was supposed to be done. Those are the moments I hate being a pediatric nurse.
Entering the cafeteria, I see Marla and Ollie sitting together, both laughing with heads tilted back, looking up to the ceiling. Shaking my head as I take in their ease, I make my way to them. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Ollie stands to greet me, careful not to make a big thing of it since we’re still at work, but when he bends to my ear, he whispers, “I heard my girlfriend has balls of steel and stood up to Dr. Parker today. Made me so fucking hard I almost rushed down to show her exactly what she was defending.”
I bite my lip and feel my cheeks heat at his words in front of my mother. I cross my legs to conceal the rush of heat pooling between them. When I look up at him with big eyes, he stands there with a cool expression, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I’ll see you two ladies later.” He winks at me and waves to Marla before leaving.
“If you aren’t giving it to that man, I failed you as a mother.”
I start to chuckle, and it grows into a full-out belly laugh, the irony of what she said hitting me.
“Let’s get you home,” I say once I calm down my laughter. Grabbing her bag, we make our way to my car.
The drive to her house is filled with uncomfortable silence between us. Neither of us knows what to say to the other. I pull up to the curb and help with her bag once again, but once I place them inside her door, I turn to leave with a mumbled goodbye.
“Bexley.”
“Yeah?” I turn to look at her from the doorstep.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem.” I walk to my car and stop before I get inside. “Take care of yourself, alright?”
“I’m still tickin’.” She smiles at me with her throaty laugh from too many cigarettes through the years.
Rolling my eyes, I get in and take off toward home but somehow end up at Ollie’s instead.
“Hey. You alright?” he asks, looking concerned as he opens his door wider for me to walk in.
“I think so. It’s been a weird day. Thanks mostly to you,” I tell him with a mischievous grin on my face. “You were busy scheming today, Dr. Duncan.”
“I wouldn’t call it scheming per se…”
I wind my arms around his middle and look up into his face as he frames mine with his hands. “Just kiss me. All I’ve wanted today is for you to kiss me.” And he does. His soft lips caress mine with so much care, it almost doesn’t feel like the same man who kissed me that first night at Foxtrot Bar. Almost.
He pulls back with a lazy grin on his face. After a minute, he speaks words I wasn’t expecting.
Chapter 15
/>
Ollie
“Move in with me.”
I say the words before I even register what I’m actually saying to her. I’m a fool for not asking sooner though. I hate when we’re apart, when she’s not in my bed with me. The days when I wake up and she isn’t there are never as good as the ones that begin with staring at her sleeping form. I don’t know when the full change hit me, but I know that I’ve been lying to myself for a while about my feelings for her.
“What?” she asks in a whisper with her brows drawn together in confusion, like it’s a bad joke.
“Move in with me, sweetness. Please?”
“Ollie, I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Yes is a good start.”
“You want me to move in here? With you? To this space? Sharing a toilet and everything?”
“Yes, a toilet and everything,” I laugh. Then, she pushes away from me, turning her back, and my laughter stops.
I probably just ruined the best thing that’s happened to me by speaking before thinking about my words. I’m not going to push, though. If she’s not ready, that’s alright. But it feels cold and lonely without her in my arms, even with her still in the same room as me. I want her as mine, with me, in every sense.
With her back to me, I hear her faintly say, “Holy hell.” Then she whips around to face me again with tears in her eyes. “Yes,” she says with her hands on her cheeks in disbelief.
“Yes? You’ll move in with me?”
She nods her head up and down, “Yes,” she repeats as tears spill from her beautiful green eyes. Eyes I get to wake up to every day now.
“Are we crazy doing this so soon?” I ask.
“Probably, but I don’t care. I just don’t want you to ever leave.”
“Don’t turn into some psycho killer on me now,” she says with a hand on her hip.
“Too late, you said yes. No take backs!” I yell as I pick her up and swing her around in a circle.
“I’m not taking anything back,” she says when I set her back on her feet.
“Fuck, I’m already in this deep, might as well keep digging,” I start. “Bex, I’m falling so hard for you. I don’t think I’ll stop falling anytime soon. In fact, I don’t think I ever want to stop.”
“Please don’t ever stop,” she says, “because I’m falling with you.”
My mouth connects with hers, hard and unrelenting, bonding us together. I don’t want this feeling, this moment, with her to ever end. It doesn’t take long before our clothes are shed across the room, and her moans and cries of ecstasy are filling the air around us.
This. This is what everyone talks about when you find the right one. This is pure perfection, and I don’t think it’s possible for anything to be better than this. Our bodies move together in a rhythm that can’t be matched by anyone else. Harmony. Peace. Love.
I may be inside her physically, but really, she’s inside me. Everywhere. I know I’m in love with this woman and it still scares me, but I can’t hide anymore, trying to pretend that I have all the answers and know what the fuck I’m doing with my life. She holds all the answers and is my life now.
“Ollie…” she sighs my name, pulling me out of my head and back in the moment with this incredible woman in my arms, wrapped around me. I open my eyes and find her hooded greens glazed over. She hasn’t said it, but I can see it and feel it; it’s a mixture of lust and love for her. too.
“I know, sweetness. Me too,” I tell her before she gives me that devastatingly gorgeous smile, giving me her beauty and that damn dimple that slays me every time. My tongue licks at that dimple, claiming it as mine. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Bexley. I don’t deserve your beauty, you know that?” I ask her, but I don’t expect an answer. Instead I go back to her mouth, claiming more and more of her. It’s different this time. This time it’s a declaration, a war over my feelings, and I’m telling her in the only way I know how.
“Yes,” she moans, pulling me into her deeper with her legs hooked behind me. “Holy hell, Ollie, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop. I want this forever. Please tell me this can last forever,” she pleads with me as she begins to shudder.
Rolling us over so she’s straddling me, I piston up into her as she continues to shake through her orgasm. I needed to see her pretty and flushed and on top of me. Gorgeous. Head tipped back, furrowed brows, eyes closed and neck strained, she’s so fucking beautiful, the ends of her brown hair tickling the tops of my thighs. I reach up to cup her breasts, brushing my thumbs over her peaked nipples, causing a jolt to her body that’s still hypersensitive. Watching her like this is my favorite thing.
“Are you close?” she asks, panting, coming down from her high, after-jolts still hitting her. I smile and shake my head no. I want this to last forever, just like she said. Her matching smile tells me she understands what I’m conveying without words.
“Turn around. I want you in reverse cowgirl now.” She spins around, sinking back down on me as I sit up more. She starts to slide back and forth, and it doesn’t take long for her sounds of pleasure to pick up again. Then I flip her onto her stomach, pulling her hips to bring her ass up in the air. Plunging back inside her, I don’t give her time to prepare. The way she cries out is about all it takes to set me off, but I’m determined to get her off again before I do. I smack her ass, getting a yelp from her, and then reach around to rub circles on her love button, ready to detonate her again. This time when she clamps down on me, I go with her, following her on the path to forever.
“Tell me about Marla. Tell me the truth about my mom,” Bex says to me as we eat French toast to restore our energy from our all-night sex-a-thon of christening the air with us as roommates and lovers.
I take a deep breath. “Well, that’s privileged information.”
“Don’t be an ass, Oliver.”
“Oh, I got moved up to Oliver now? Sexy. I like it.” I wink at her with a smirk.
“Can’t you forget all that crap and just tell me?”
“No, sweetness, I can’t. Not unless she tells me it’s alright to tell you.” She rolls her eyes as she stuffs a bite of fried bread into her mouth, making me laugh. She’s cute when she’s mad. “I’m sorry. Really, I am, but I can’t tell you anything. I can’t make an exception because you’re my girlfriend. You made it clear during that first appointment that you didn’t want to be a part, and she let you walk away from it. You can’t change your mind now and demand answers without her knowing. And it would be extremely unprofessional for me to share her personal information with you, no matter who you are, without her permission.”
“I know,” she grumbles as syrup drips from her lip. I swipe my finger over the sticky sugar and lick it from my fingers. “I didn’t think I’d care. I didn’t want to care. But now I do,” she adds, looking sad and almost making me break my oath as a doctor to my patient. Almost.
“Should we pack up your stuff and bring it over today?” I ask, changing the subject. “Or did you want your own toilet for a little bit longer?” I tease her.
“Shut up,” she laughs.
After we clean up from our late breakfast, we gather everything we need to pack up all of her belongings and bring them to my loft. The drive to her place doesn’t take long, and we get right to work.
“What should I do with all my furniture?” she asks as I stare at her cupboards of dishes thinking the same thing.
“What if you sublet this place? How much longer do you have on your lease anyway?”
“Two months firmly, after that I can cancel or switch to monthly. Subletting isn’t a bad idea, though. I could advertise as furnished and keep all the stuff I don’t know what to do with here. Most of it’s cheap generic crap and means nothing to me anyway.”
“Let’s pack up what you want and then clean it up, take some pictures and go from there.”
“That sounds great! You’re smarter than you look, Dr. Duncan.”
“I think you just insulted me, yet I find it endearing,” I say
as I stalk to where she’s standing and throw her over my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” She laughs, smacking my ass.
“Gonna use this bed one last time before we turn it over to some other schmuck. It’s got sentimental value after all,” I say, throwing her down on the bed with her flower sheets, her hair fanning out all around her.
“Caveman.”
“Me want woman,” I grunt as I strip off my shirt and jump on top of her, raining kisses all over her face.
It’s been a couple weeks since Bex moved in, and it’s been bliss. We drive to the hospital together on days our schedules line up; those are my favorite days. Other days, I’ll come home to dinner waiting for me with my woman in the kitchen, and it makes me think of my mom and how much she’d love Bexley. And when her long days hit, I make sure to have candles burning with a bath drawn for her to relax when she gets in the door. Life is clicking into place, and I couldn’t be happier.
“That bath was perfection,” she says, exiting the bathroom with a plume of heated fog behind her. “You spoil me, Dr. Duncan. Thank you.” She bends over the couch and gives me a kiss, which I happily take. I reach back and flip her over the couch in a summersault motion, leaving her giggling in my lap.
“I have something for you.”
“Why do you look so serious?” she asks, her smile fading. “Should I be worried?”
I give her a smile and tug her hair behind her ear. “No. I’m just nervous.” I trace my finger down her cheek, ending at the place where my favorite dimple is at rest. “I love you.” I say the words simply. There’s no pretense or expectations from them. It’s just a fact of life. One that I can’t keep away any longer.
Her face lights in a smile, my finger filling her dimple, and I move to kiss her lips that I have memorized. “I love you, too,” she says just before our lips touch, the words, her breath, hitting me with their truths. We stay that way, a breath away, living in this moment of our love coming to the surface. Both of us taking the leap we both swore we never would, but doing it together.