‘I know you don’t want to hear it anymore, but I’m sorry, Nic. I really am.’
‘I know you are, Vince. But that’s not enough to make this stop.’
I’ve let her down. I can hear it in her voice, I can see it in her sullen eyes that seem to have lost their sparkle. Nicole has never looked at me like this before, like I’m a failure. Even when we didn’t know if KitzTech was going to make it, even when I invested all of my life’s savings getting the company off the ground and we thought we were going to lose it all, she never saw my failures, only my ambition. She stood by me, she believed in me when I didn’t. I know I owe her so much more than I’ve given her, but what hurts the most is knowing that she’s lost her faith in me.
‘I’m going to put something together for lunch,’ she tells me plainly.
‘You don’t need to go to the trouble.’
‘I need to do something, anything, that feels normal right now. Besides, the least we can do for Jeff is feed him after dragging him out here on his day off.’
I leave Nicole to it while I go upstairs to take a shower.
I step into the shower in the master bathroom. With its slate walls, river rock floor, and waterfall stream, showering here feels like you’re standing under an actual waterfall in a secluded corner of the rainforest. I increase the water pressure and let the water beat on my back, easing some of the tension from my shoulders. I breathe in the steam, mixed with the scent of the eucalyptus leaves Nicole likes to hang in here. I’m starting to understand the appeal. Nicole says that the scent helps to clear the airways and create breath awareness during her yoga practice. Maybe she’s right. I can feel the crisp, clean aroma filling my lungs and calming me from within.
I almost feel like a new person by the time I finish showering and shaving. I put on a pair of light blue shorts and pair them with a white linen shirt and make my way downstairs. I can hear Nicole moving about in the kitchen.
‘Do you need any help?’ I ask as I walk in.
‘No, I’m just about finished.’ I watch as she chops some plump, red cherry tomatoes and adds them to a large bowl of salad. She’s also prepared a cheese platter, finger sandwiches, and a pitcher of lemonade. She is incredible, even under the worst of circumstances. How could I ever have taken her, our marriage, for granted?
‘Lunch looks great, thank you for putting this together.’ I bend down to kiss her lightly on the cheek. She bristles slightly as my lips brush her face, the knife in her hand suspended momentarily above the cutting board.
‘I’m just not ready for this yet, Vince,’ she says as she steps away from me. ‘I can’t pretend everything is normal between us right now.’
‘I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll give you the space you need.’
‘Honestly, the only reason I haven’t left already is because I don’t want to face that pack of reporters on my own. If we just stay here, together, in the house, there’s no further story for them.’
She’s right about one thing, it would only hype up the tabloid drama if Nicole was spotted walking out on me, but it still stings to hear her say that that’s the only thing keeping her by my side right now.
We’re interrupted by a knock on the door.
‘Vince, it’s me,’ Jeff calls through the closed front door.
‘I’ll go set us up outside,’ Nicole says, grabbing the large salad bowl off the kitchen island and making her way towards the sliding doors leading to our back patio.
I walk to the front door and open it just wide enough for Jeff to walk through without giving any lurking reporters with a zoom lens a peek into our home. Jeff is dripping with sweat.
‘Your intercom wasn’t working. I couldn’t get in through the gate. I had to park on the street and hike up here,’ he complains.
‘Oh, sorry, man. I shut it off because the reporters press it constantly. It was driving us insane. And anyway, it’s just a driveway. You didn’t have to scale Mount Everest to get up here.’
‘Well it feels like it in this heat.’ Jeff wipes his brow dramatically.
‘Come on, Nicole made lemonade.’
I lead Jeff into the backyard where Nicole has set up her lunch spread on the large outdoor table situated under the shady pergola. She’s already poured each of us a glass of fresh lemonade. Jeff swipes his off the table immediately, the ice rattling in his glass as he takes a large gulp.
‘As always, Nicole, you are amazing,’ he says, as he finally puts down his nearly empty glass. ‘A guy could get used to this.’
Jeff is a perpetual bachelor. He’s never shown even the slightest interest in settling down. Although he’s had girlfriends here and there over the years, none of them ever seemed to stick. And Jeff appears to be just fine with that, choosing instead to spend his free time as he pleases: traveling, going to bars, and meeting the occasional woman off of my dating app, Date Space. While Jeff is a good five inches shorter than me, with noticeably thinning hair and a soft midsection, he seems to be doing alright for himself. He always has a new Date Space story to tell me every time we get together. It makes me feel like all the effort I put into maintaining my abs over the years has been a colossal waste of time.
‘Okay,’ I say, directing us to the task at hand. ‘We have to do something about the press.’
‘There weren’t too many outside your gate just now. Just a few stragglers left. See? I told you they’d be onto the next scandal soon enough. Vultures,’ Jeff manages between bites of an egg salad sandwich.
‘Do you think I should issue a statement or something? To get them off my back?’
‘I really wouldn’t advise it just yet.’ I watch Jeff pile a precarious amount of cheese onto a cracker. ‘As soon as the cops stop wasting their time sniffing around you and figure out who actually killed this girl, you’ll be old news.’
‘I just don’t like the road this narrative seems to be going down. The press are making it seem like I was responsible for her death,’ I say, exasperated. Nicole looks over at me, briefly catching my eye. Does she doubt what I told her? That I was working late the night Layla was killed? ‘How did they even know about the diary?’
‘Who knows,’ Jeff replies. ‘Maybe a friend of Layla’s or maybe a cop. We have no idea who else knew it existed. But regardless, I’m sending those security records over to the detectives today,’ Jeff assures me. ‘That should get them off of your back, and once they lose interest in you, the press will too. I’m telling you.’
‘It’s just been a lot,’ Nicole adds quietly.
Jeff softens instantly upon hearing her voice. I can see him switch from ‘hardened defense attorney mode’ back to just being our friend. ‘I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, Nic. Both of you,’ he corrects. ‘The things World View has been reporting are hurtful and salacious, but, as I explained to Vince, technically not bordering into libel. Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do to stop them at this point. I am going to strongly urge both of you to just lay low for now and not interact with the media at all. And if you can manage it, presenting a united front will go a long way in ending the public drama. A happily married couple isn’t exactly front page news, if you know what I mean.’
‘I don’t know about happily,’ Nicole replies, eying me coldly. ‘But I understand your point, Jeff.’
‘Alright, guys,’ Jeff says, pushing his chair back from the table. ‘I hate to eat and run, but I want to get those security records over to the cops and see what I can do about putting an end to this madness. Can you get me a copy, Vince?’
‘Sure, I already put them on a flash drive for you last night. I’ll go grab it from my office.’
I jog back inside to grab the flash drive while Nicole begins gathering the lunch plates on the table. I find the flash drive laying on my desk and I quickly swipe it into my hand. I pause for a moment, thinking over what I’m about to do: hand over falsified records to the police on a homicide investigation. My palms are starting to sweat and I swallow hard. No, it
has to be done.
I walk out of my office and through the kitchen towards the yard. As I near the center island, I see something that stops me in my tracks. Nicole is standing beside the outdoor table, the pitcher of lemonade in her hand. Jeff is standing next to her, too close for my taste, and he lightly brushes her upper arm with the back of his hand. Nicole turns away from him, wiping a tear from her eye. Jeff has been a friend of mine, of both of ours really, for years. Of course he would comfort my wife through a difficult time, but I don’t know, something about the scene feels so intimate, so tender, that I can’t help but stand back and watch it play out before me. Nicole is still facing away from Jeff, staring out over the pool, and Jeff again tries to put his arm around her shoulder but she shrugs him off. I stride towards the door, breaking up whatever is going on.
‘Everything okay?’ I ask as I step outside.
‘Yea, Nic was just feeling a little overwhelmed,’ Jeff replies. Nicole doesn’t respond. She’s still staring out into the yard, her back to both Jeff and I.
‘You find that flash drive?’ Jeff asks.
‘Right here.’ I press it firmly into Jeff’s palm.
‘Great. Call me if you need anything.’
Jeff makes his way out of the yard, and once I hear the back gate click behind him, I approach Nicole.
‘You alright?’
‘No, Vince. I’m not. All of this … It’s too much. I’d say I’m very far from okay.’ Her words are a cocktail of anger and pain. Her arms wrap over her chest, a barrier protecting her from rest of the world … from me.
‘I know it is. But you heard Jeff, it will all be behind us soon,’ I reassure her.
Nicole nods, still not making eye contact with me.
‘Speaking of Jeff …’ I venture, ‘was he acting strangely just now?’
‘What do you mean?’ Nicole finally looks up at me. Her eyes are hard and cold.
‘Was he being a little forward with you?’
‘You have to be kidding me, Vince. After … what you did … you really have the nerve to suggest something is going on with Jeff, of all people?’
‘No, I wasn’t suggesting you did anything wrong, I was just asking if you thought he was … I don’t know … coming on to you.’
‘No, Vince. He wasn’t,’ Nicole says pointedly. ‘He was just being kind, checking in on me. And honestly, it’s nice to know that at least someone is thinking of me in all of this.’
‘Nicole, I’m thinking of you, I—’
‘Really, Vince? Were you thinking of me when you decided to have an affair with your intern?’ She lets her arms fall to her sides, her hands clenching into fists in righteous indignation.
She has every reason to hate me, I remind myself. I deserve this.
‘No, I—’ I start to protest.
‘No, Vince you weren’t. Maybe if you stopped to think of me, even one time, this wouldn’t be happening to us right now.’
‘Nicole, please just listen—’
‘No. I think I’ve done quite enough listening for today.’ She throws her hands up in frustration. ‘I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’m going inside.’
Nicole walks away leaving me with the remains of our lunch to put away. I don’t want to feel distrustful of my best friend, but I know what I saw. And it’s making me question everything. How long has he been in love with my wife? Could he be the one leaking information to World View to try to drive a wedge between us? I know Nicole thinks I have it all wrong, but I also know what it looks like when a man is in over his head.
Chapter 14
Vince
BEFORE
‘It didn’t work. Again,’ Nicole sighs into the phone. ‘I really thought it was going to take this time. I don’t know why I get my hopes up.’
‘I’m so sorry, honey. I can come home right now. I didn’t plan on staying this late anyway.’
‘No, that’s alright. I’m going over to Kathy’s. To take my mind off of things for a while.’
‘Okay. That’s a good idea. Have a nice time.’
Nicole hangs up the phone and now I’m alone with my disappointment. I didn’t want to tell her this, but I had my hopes up that this round of IVF was going to be the one that worked too. I don’t know why, I just felt so positive about it. For the first time, I really let myself imagine what our lives would look like nine months from now, me holding a tiny baby in my arms, wrapped in a pink and blue hospital blanket, soft whiffs of fine hair poking out the top. Ice-blonde, like Nicole’s. It felt so real, I could smell that new baby smell, picture her tiny fingers curled around mine. I know rationally that this baby never existed, she was never mine, but yet the loss feels just as real.
I grab my jacket off of the hook on the back of my door and head towards the parking lot. There’s no way I’m going to be able to work any more tonight. All I can think about is the baby that wasn’t meant to be.
As I walk out towards my car, a velvety darkness creeping into the evening sky, I click the automatic start button on my keyring and the headlights of the Tesla flicker in response. In the glow of the headlights, I realize, for the first time, that I’m not alone. I see a figure jump with surprise at the sound of my car starting, whipping around to face me.
‘Layla?’ I ask. ‘What are you doing here so late?’
‘Oh, the interns are having a competition to see who can pitch the best new app idea tomorrow and well … my idea kind of sucked. I stayed late reworking my entry.’
‘I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.’
‘I hope not! I’m told the winner gets to pitch their idea to the boss.’
I know about the intern contest; I started it. I like to see which of the prospective hires has what it takes to think outside the box and come up with unique and marketable ideas.
I should go home. I should leave right now. But I can’t stomach the idea of going back to my big, empty house. The one that may never be filled with the children we built it for. ‘Do you want to show me your idea now?’ I ask Layla instead. ‘I won’t tell anyone that I got a sneak preview.’
‘Really?’ she responds excitedly. ‘That would be so amazing! Should we go back inside?’
‘Actually, I think I have a better idea.’
Layla slides into the booth across from me, sipping a rum and coke through a red swizzle straw. I can’t help but notice that the straw is the same exact shade as the red lipstick on her full, glossy lips. No, Vince. Don’t go down that road.
The waitress arrives, delivering a basket of french fries to our table, sliding them between Layla and I. The fries shine with grease in the dim overhead lighting, and they’re spilling over the side of the red plastic basket they were served in. I pop a fry into my mouth to distract myself from staring at Layla’s.
‘I have to say, Vince, this isn’t the type of place where I would expect to find a CEO hanging out.’
‘Hey, I like sports bars as much as the next guy. Even if I don’t care much for watching sports. There’s something about cheap beer from the tap and greasy fries that I just can’t resist. Besides, I used to come here all the time, when KitzTech was just a start-up and I was the only employee.’
‘I really think it’s amazing how you created this whole company from nothing.’
Layla leans in to take a sip of her drink and a lock of chocolate brown hair falls over one eye. She gently tucks it behind her ear and looks up at me with kohl-rimmed eyes. I notice for the first time that her brown eyes are flecked with gold, like an intricate mosaic.
‘Thanks,’ I reply, waving off the compliment. But the truth is that I am very proud of KitzTech and how far it’s come. It’s grown larger than even I ever imagined. ‘So, what’s this new pitch you’re working on?’ I need to steer the conversation away from me and back to the safety of work-related topics.
Layla proceeds to fill me in on her idea for a new video editing app where users can combine multiple videos into a sort of a collage, set to mus
ic and ready for social media. ‘Just imagine newlyweds creating professional-grade videos of their favorite moments from their wedding, new parents sharing the milestones from their baby’s first year, coaches sharing the highlight reel of their teams’ seasons, all formatted for social media, all stamped with the KitzTech logo. It could be huge.’
I can hear the excitement in her voice. She’s right. It could be huge. The idea is brilliant. ‘I’m very impressed, Ms Bosch. This is one of the best intern pitches I’ve heard in a long time.’
She flashes me a smile, all white teeth behind cherry red lips.
‘Really? You like it?’ She asks animatedly.
‘I love it. In fact, if you don’t win this contest, I think I’m still going to develop it … And fire whoever didn’t give you first place,’ I answer with a laugh.
‘Oh my gosh, this is so exciting! I’ll get us another round to celebrate.’ She slides out of the booth in the direction of the bar before I have a chance to protest. Not that I want to. I find that I’m enjoying her company, the relaxed atmosphere, and talking over drinks about something other than ovulation cycles, progesterone levels, and basal temperatures.
‘So,’ Layla says, after returning to the table with two more drinks in her manicured hands, ‘tell me about the real Vince Taylor.’ She props her elbow on the table and rests her chin on one hand, looking at me intently as if she’s genuinely interested in getting to know me, the real me. It’s been a very long time since someone has been interested in knowing who I am behind the public persona.
‘Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I’m not really all that interesting. I am a computer programmer, after all,’ I start with a laugh. ‘But let’s see, I love rock climbing. Mostly because it gives me a chance to be on my own out in nature, just me and the challenges I choose to take on. I love finding a new climb, figuring out the best way to tackle it. It’s like a puzzle. And it’s such a rewarding feeling when you finish a successful climb.’
‘Wow, that sounds amazing. Does your … wife climb with you?’
The Guilty Husband Page 7