My Monster

by Ellie Jean

  “Mom means well, but she’s a nuisance, so I’ve got limited done. Dad thinks I’m on a vacation and has outings planned each day with them. It’s becoming a nightmare. I remember why I moved out.” She laughs softly.

  “They love you. That’s a good thing. Rare even.” I sit on a chair outside of the room and scrub my hand through my hair. “We need to talk.” My heart is heavy.

  “I know.”

  “I need to know that you and everyone will be safe, Crystal. It’s inbuilt in me.” If I tell the truth, should it set me free? Free from the damage I have deployed.

  “I get it. I didn’t, but I think I understand now.” She sounds sincere. “Can we…” There’s a muffled sound in the background, a male’s voice. My heart feels like a yo-yo on a string. Up and down, up and down. “Hang on, I’m on a call.”

  “I should let you go.” Something felt off.

  “It’s Kyle. He’s taking me to Emerald’s. Sounds like Slate’s out tonight, so we are having a girly night in.”

  A rock hurtling at a million miles an hour into glass, forming a crevice, a bullseye ready to shatter, would describe perfectly what occurred to my heart.

  It hurt.

  But Kyle was a nobody. He wasn’t on anyone’s major hit list. He didn’t kill, fight or destroy. Someone Crystal could depend on to come home at night.

  Shit. I want to go over to her house and beat the daylights out of him. Like he’s an enemy. In truth, I was fucking jealous because he could have what I wanted with Crystal.

  Breathing slowly, ever so slowly, I taper the boiling pits of lava forming inside my stomach and fists.

  “Sounds like a night to enjoy yourself.” My fist curls and I slam it into a wall. It doesn’t give me peace or fucking joy.

  “Yeah, the past weeks have been…difficult.” Her voice clams up and she coughs. “Can we talk, in person?”

  Face to face? I was a mess on the phone. Seeing her happy smile, her flushed cheeks would drive me mental, but we needed to talk. We both had things to say, and that was why I was so petrified of being within a close proximity—the finality of the words that I have to say to the woman who has me buckling at the knees would end me completely. I already was soulless, a sinner, someone who couldn’t find redemption, but my heart would become a tool to keep me breathing. It wouldn’t be capable of anything else after I set Crystal free from my clutches.

  “In two days? I could be out of town come tonight.” I’m quiet.

  “Sure. Text me.” Apprehension is evident. “Tanner?”

  “Yes, Tiger.”

  “Take care of you and the others.”

  That’s what I did every day of my life. “You know I will.” Staying on the phone, I want this to last longer. My hand loosens around the phone and I imagine her pouty lips near the mouthpiece.

  “Goodnight, my monster.”

  I knew she saw the true me. But what did she mean by ‘my’?

  Hearing the beeps of the disconnected line, I see Kyle’s face in front of my eyes.

  I turn and walk back inside the soundproof room. Time to slam the shit out of Damien. He will do as replacement for that asshole. Taking over my territory already.

  “I hope you’re tough. ‘Cause I’m gonna need time to release this fucking jackal inside of me.”

  “Where are we starting?” Slate strolls in as I roll up my sleeves.

  “I’ll let you two have your fun, ‘cause once I start, I won’t be stopping.”

  Bouncing on my feet, I watch as Caden finds his tool of choice.

  The Devil is ready to play.

  “Where’s Liza?”

  It’s the first real breath I’d taken for a week.

  Tanner had shown genuine commitment. Used to grabbing a quick piece of ass handed to him nightly, convenient and never having to wait, he got what he wanted when he wanted it. I thought he would demand me back after the fight. I’d put out a challenge. For me and him.

  Calling and allowing me the space to remain silent. It was impressive.

  My head hurt from the constant thinking I had been doing. Days and fucking days of it. Yes, I have reverted back to old habits since being at my parents. They were enough to drive me crazy. I need to get on with my life. A week was enough time to sulk. There were fashions to be brought and designs to be made. And my body had been praying for me to get my ass into gear and sort out what I was going to do about Tanner.

  My heart though, was laying low and quiet.

  It was fearful.

  Not because I thought Tanner wanted to leave me. If that was his choice, I would move on. Who am I kidding, it would strip me. I’d be a mess and broken.

  Moving on would ruin me.

  I hope he wasn’t thinking about that.

  It wasn’t the brutality, the darkness or the people who wanted to take his life every day. It didn’t sit well with me, but this was something I needed to talk to him about.

  I was petrified that my heart wouldn’t be enough for him. To combat his demons. To calm the beast when it was ravaged. To center him like the rings of Jupiter, giving him some light and stability.

  Plus I had a slight suspicion that perhaps I may have overreacted. I had been known on a few occasions to jump to conclusions. So when Emerald suggested some more girl time, I jumped on board. I needed perspective.

  Kyle had driven.

  I was pissed at him for intruding on my Tanner time, but I forgave him. Like I always did. He was clueless and meant well coming to chauffeur my ass around.

  He was a great friend.

  Dinner was nice. Emerald was trying out her main course culinary skills. The chitchat was just that, gossip about nothing important and the alcohol enhanced our movie watching. I had wanted to watch The Notebook, because I’m romantic like that and of course Emerald wanted Fast and the Furious for about the hundredth time. I have to give it to her though, I could watch Vin Diesel and Paul Walker any time of the day and it wouldn’t be a problem. Jason Stratham in the newer one had me drooling too.

  Kyle, in the end, made the choice, What Men Want. Two hours of laughter and cussing we joked about what men want. In the end, after a bottle of tequila and a few ciders, we all decided that fucking solved every male problem.

  Hard, rough, and in control was the only way.

  Kyle didn’t deny it.

  Emerald and I couldn’t either.

  One a.m. I stroll through the door of my apartment. I couldn’t go back to Mom’s, inebriated, and swaying like a teenager. My place looks sad. In need of some attention and care. This is something I must do.

  Tomorrow I would sort this place out and Monday I was going back to work. I’d been kidnapped once, and I hadn’t been around Tanner for a week, no one would give me a second thought. Tanner hadn’t said anything to the contrary. Didn’t demand that I stayed inside or chaperone me outside my parents’ house.

  It was time to take my life back.

  Starting with getting myself off.

  The alcohol buzzed through me, and I needed to feel desirable, to hit my peak and release the pent-up frustrations.

  “There you are, my long lost friend.” Pulling the purple egg vibrator from my drawer, I head to the bath. It might be late, but it’s never too late to consume yourself in a hot bubble bath, with a dish of raspberry marshmallows and my remote control, wireless buddy.

  Pouring in the raspberry bubble foam, the water fills up the tub. Poking my big toe in, the water is pretty close to perfect, given my state. I dim the lights and get undressed. I possibly shouldn’t be having a bath considering the alcohol I’ve consumed, but talking about fucking, and thinking of Tanner for the past two hours has me on high alert. There’s no chance of falling asleep.

  Fingering my pussy, I’m wetter than I realized.

  Pushing in my toy, I set the bowl of candy on one corner of the tub and the remote within hand’s reach. The water embraces me. Nothing like the warmth and comfort I feel from Tanner’s arms, but it will have to do.

&
nbsp; My head rests back on my bath pillow and I close my eyes. The sound of his voice earlier, smooth like Irish Cream liquor heated my fingertips, to my arms, chest, and traveled to my neck and lips. I’d been slow burning thinking of his inked chest, the sinful tongue piercing and his head of mussed up hair, I pulled nightly trying to pull him closer to me.

  Flicking the switch on my vibrator, my legs twitch, the water sloshes, creating a small ripple. I relax back into the bathwater as my breathing spikes and I’ve only turned it on low. Taking the opportunity to place a marshmallow in my mouth, my tongue dances with the soft sugary delicacy. I savor the flavor and texture.

  My hand slides up my wet, slippery body until it massages my tit. Alternating between the two. Stretching my nipple, I arch into my hand and continue. The other hand turns up the vibrator and heat flows through me beautifully. I’m relaxed and enjoying my touch.

  “Wish you could be here, Tanner.”

  My chest dips and I long for his touch. This egg is doing its job, but Tanner has destroyed me. For any toy or any other man. Nothing can compete with his skill and attention to small, special details that hurtle me to the moon.

  Boldness grips me, I reach for my jeans, pulling out my phone. The buzzing inside me is getting to a new level. Leaning forward, it hits a different spot, shooting pleasure up my spine and throughout my pussy. Resting the phone on the side area, I angle the lens toward me and hit record.

  Resuming my hand on my bubble covered nipple, I close my eyes. I want to feel everything. I haven’t had an orgasm since the last night at Tanner’s. My other hand goes under the water and starts to work again on my clit. My jaw slackens and I see my tits rising out of the foam with each breath. I’m trying to concentrate on my breathing, so I don’t come just yet.

  The egg is constant and rhythmic, but my hands are urgent. The water ripples again, over the smooth skin of my belly. The heat is rising in my cheeks, they feel flushed as I tug on my pebbled nipples. Involuntarily, one leg slides on the side of the bath, and my fingers push into my channel, moving the egg deeper. I squeeze hard, pinching myself. Water pulses with my hips moving, sloshing around my slippery, tight body. My neck arches and my stomach muscles squeeze. Cries flow through the bathroom and I keep swirling my clit, prolonging my trip into bliss.

  Slowly coming down from my peak, I massage my breasts. It’s nothing like Tanner’s large hands, enjoying the feel of his skin against mine. He does it after we explode, as though he’s not ready to stop. Actually, he usually doesn’t.

  A small grin takes hold and I open my eyes. I gaze, with my post hazy bliss into the camera. “Thinking of you.”

  I reach forward and turn the button off. Before I know what I’ve done, because the bloody egg is still coursing inside of me, I message it to Tanner’s phone.

  Taking a handful, I stuff the marshmallows into my mouth and pull out the buzzing toy. “You were good, but I’ve had a million times better.”

  Laughing at my corny joke, I get my ass to bed.

  It was time to sort out my shit.

  After my hangover wears off.

  We wanted a decent fight and he gave us one. Four and a half hours later, removed fingers, flesh sliced, and a pounding that left him beyond repair, Damien gave up the last known place where Liza was hiding. Breaking only when told we would kill his family, including his kids if he didn’t reveal it.

  Love is a weakness.

  Love makes you strong.

  Love is a vulnerability.

  Love makes you courageous.

  At times a gift.

  And at times a curse.

  Living this daily for the past four months, I understood why he broke.

  Love trumps everything.

  I wasn’t looking for someone to take hold of my heart so strongly and passionately, but the truth is, Crystal has. And just like this traitor who spilled everything to keep his loved ones alive, I’d do exactly the same thing. No hesitations. Trading yourself in place of a loved one is pure selflessness.

  It’s love.

  “How are we playing this?” Expecting to go in guns blazing and terminating her swiftly, I knew it wouldn’t be that simple. Nothing ever is.

  “Sun will be up in a few hours. Let’s do it now.” Slate’s already got the weapons in the car. “It will take about forty-five to get there.”

  Eager to finish this, Caden wants his woman back. “Lace tells me it’s fucking the right time to get pregnant in a few days, so I need this shit done. My woman is unhappy, which irritates me to fucking no end. No one is safe from their balls being stuffed into their own mouths when she’s like this.”

  He’s not wrong there. Caden’s a moody prick at the best of times, since Lace, he’s unbearable if they are fighting. Lace though, she’s a maniac and wild. You stay out of her way. Lace plus knife and grumpy equals you hurting with her knife.

  After our showdown with Caden’s dad, we’d been pissed because the girls of course came to Lace’s rescue. Being the big mouth that I am, I hurled a smart ass comment out toward Lace, next thing I’ve got a knife being thrown inches from my earlobe. She was fucking lucky it didn’t connect, cause that shit wouldn’t fly, but her skills are nothing to be sniffed at. Caden’s got his hands full. And he fucking loves it.

  “Glad we’re all on the same page. Now Caden, get us the hell to this bitch’s hideout so we can end it.”

  Awake on adrenaline, I lean my head back while Slate and Caden hold their own private conversations in their heads. Knowing you’re going to end someone’s life isn’t something that comes naturally. In my opinion, I don’t think you can be born a killer. Nature versus nurture and all that crap must play some part in how you mature. Survival of the toughest and strongest is another determining factor in this deranged and self-driven, fast-paced world. But bit by bit, violating time after time, greediness and self-preservation can make murder a job. Like any other nine to five one. Ours is over quickly whereas in the corporate world, bosses do the same thing; Draining people, suffocating them, leaving them lifeless after years of giving them everything only to be virtually dead when they can afford to leave, or they die.

  It sounds as though I’m trying to justify my actions, which perhaps I am, but at times, some evils need to be eradicated sooner rather than later.

  Time elapses and you find yourself dead.

  Not the outcome we want, for us or our loved ones.

  Kill or be killed…

  It’s way past the time I have been phoning Crystal. Did she make it home okay? Did fucking Kyle take her in and put her ass to bed? My blood starts pumping. Only thinking about Kyle and I am a raging bull. Did she drink too fucking much, letting Kyle inside her delectable pussy that I own? Did he nip her tender neck like I do, sliding his tongue over her shoulder and collarbone, down her sternum thinking about which tit to feast upon first?

  Motherfucking hell, I cannot let it go. I shove my eyes closed.

  Grinding my teeth, I internally punch myself.

  I can’t let Crystal go.

  Thinking that I could, proves I’m delusional when it comes to her.

  She will never be anyone’s but mine.

  And because I am a fucking monster, I realize now, I won’t let her go. How could I consider passing her to some other fucker? The red blaze that overtakes my thoughts and eyes when I think about Kyle and her should be enough of a giveaway. What the hell would I do if I saw another asshole touching her or fucking her? Shaking my head, deep breaths in and out, I need the image gone.

  What Crystal saw the other night in the cage would be child’s play.

  Fighting for what I have, this would be no different.

  I’ll be making it crystal clear, like a red target on the center of a bullseye, that she can fight me at each turn. Call the cops on me, that would do nothing since we own most of them, get Emerald on my case, make me wear collared shirts with buttoned-up sleeves or ties, hire a hitman to take me out which she should do if she plans on not being complete
ly mine. Because I honestly couldn’t live without this sarcastic, sassy piece annoying me each day. I’ve been a pathetic mess this week; Unable to go a day without hearing her breath. Living fifty more years, Crystal free, wouldn’t be a life. It would be a slow agonizing death.

  Considering death isn’t on my agenda, she’ll soon know her ass is mine, will stay mine and she’ll enjoy every fucking minute of it.

  She might have a difference of opinion when I see her in a few days, but that would all change rapidly. Persuasion is my middle name.

  Needing to calm myself down, the only way to accomplish that is to stop thinking about Crystal. Easier said than done. Flicking through funny memes, checking out Instagram, wasting my brain cells, I see I have a message. Opening the app, my pulse double beats looking at who it’s from.

  Crystal.

  Raving on in my head like I’m the king of the world who will take no shit from her, my mouth dries in anticipation of knowing what she has sent me. Seeing her name and I buckle to the ground like a delicate petal. A man seized by his balls.

  Fuck. Fuck, fuck.

  Hovering my finger over the button, my brain holds it back.

  Does she want to call off the meeting next week? If Kyle has something to do with this, I’ll wring his scrawny neck. And if I read it, she’ll know there’s no turning back. But if I don’t read it, I can still turn up and see her cause I didn’t read it. Right?

  She decimates me. Just her name crushes my ability to function.

  “Shit,” I yell and Slate turns.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Sorry.”

  Caden and Slate glance at each other and raise their eyebrows. A smirk laces Slate’s lips. “Been through it. We both have and it’s worth it.”

  Fucking pains in my ass. I want to smash the cocky ass grins off their faces. Am I that readable?

  Nodding, I look back at the phone. Best to take the bull by the horns and shove them where the sun don’t shine.

  A video clip appears, and the circle goes around loading. I sit up rigidly on high alert after the last video sent to me was Crystal during her kidnapping.