“Perhaps…” He picked up his hose and turned back towards the garden he was watering.
If Holly’s father was anything like most of my patients, he had no intention of actually following my advice. When I first started working at the hospital, it surprised me how many people would listen to what I had to say, promise they would do it, and then be back at the ER a few months later with the same problem—and they’d always admit they never got around to taking care of themselves like I recommended. All I could do was patch them up, give them the same treatment recommendations again and hope they followed through after another scare. Most of them still didn’t—and that kept the hospital in business. I hoped things would be a little different once I got my own practice. I could check up on people a whole lot more rather than writing them a prescription and hoping for the best once they left the hospital.
They may not follow my advice either, but they’ll have to lie to me a whole lot more.
Later that day
“Dr. Weston, can I talk to you for a minute?” The chief physician at the hospital motioned to me as he approached.
“Yes sir, Dr. Benton.” I walked towards him. “What can I do for you?”
“I got something you might be interested in—I was going to have my assistant set up and appointment, but I was already on the floor, so I thought I would just come see you in person.” He motioned towards one of the empty rooms.
“Okay.” I nodded and followed him into the room.
I’ve only had a few conversations with Dr. Benton since I started working here, so this must be serious.
“Have you had time to think over our offer?” He put his hands on his hips. “We’d really like for you to work here after your residency is over.”
Oh, this again…
“I’ve been thinking about it.” I nodded. “I just haven’t made a decision yet.”
I’m leaning towards declining it, but I don’t want to tell him that until I’m almost done with my residency. I don’t think he would sabotage it by any means, but it’s safer that way.
“I figured as much,” he sighed. “You don’t seem like the type of doctor that’s interested in climbing the corporate ladder to compete for my job when I retire.”
“No sir.” I shook my head back and forth. “I like being a doctor—I don’t want to be an administrator.”
Which is part of the reason why I will probably decline the offer when the time is right.
“That’s why I think you would be perfect for this new opportunity that just came across my desk.” He lifted his hand and shook his finger at me—he did that to everyone.
“Oh?” I raised my eyebrows inquisitively.
“The company that owns the hospital just acquired a new Urgent Care center. The lead physician that works there isn’t happy with our pay structure and is leaving to start his own practice. That means we’ve got an opening…” He tilted his head slightly as if I could fill in the rest on my own.
“You want me to work there?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Your residency isn’t over, but you’re already better than some of the doctors that have been doing this for a decade—I talked with my boss, and she agreed.” He nodded. “We would be willing to let you finish your residency at the Urgent Care center—and put you on the real salary scale now so it will come with a considerable raise.”
“Wow!” I blinked in surprise.
“You won’t be the lead physician there, obviously, but we have to fill the spot. We need someone to start immediately, which is the main reason we’re doing this. If you decide that you want to leave after your residency is over, there will be no hard feelings—just give us some notice so we can hire someone to replace you.” He cracked a smile and chuckled.
A smile from Dr. Benton? That’s rarer than a conversation with him.
“Can I think about it? I know you said you need someone to start immediately, but can you give me a couple of days?” I winced, because I already knew that wasn’t the answer he was hoping for.
“Yeah, absolutely.” His smile faded. “I’ll have my assistance email you the information, and you can look it over. But I need an answer tomorrow—otherwise I’ll have to start looking at some other candidates.”
“Understood.” I nodded. “Thank you, Dr. Benton.”
After I took care of a few patients and finally had a break, I went back to the office that I shared with a few other resident doctors. We weren’t important enough to have own individual offices since we were still residents at the hospital, but most of us worked different shifts, so I usually had it to myself when I was on duty. I reviewed the information that Dr. Benton sent over and it was a really good opportunity. The Urgent Care center was in a fairly nice part of Los Angeles, and the pay increase was sizable—the fact that I could get that while completing my residency wasn’t something I could easily ignore. It wasn’t my dream job by any means, but it would give me a little more experience with a smaller office, which might come in handy if I was able to open my own practice one day.
Maybe I should consider this… It might be better than the offers I get once my residency is over—especially if I’m not going to stay at the hospital.
It didn’t pay quite as well as a position at the hospital, but there was an option to bridge that gap by working at the hospital two days a week. I knew that a lot of doctors in Urgent Care centers did that and were very happy with the trade-off since it meant they were in one location the rest of the week. One part of the offer that was extremely attractive was the fact that I wouldn’t be on call every weekend. The doctors there took turns working the weekend, and they had the rest of them free. That would give me a chance to visit Holly a lot more often, and the increased salary would give me a little more freedom financially to do just that. It seemed like a win all around in my book, except for the risk of complacency.
A cushy job like that with a guaranteed raise every year will be hard to give up, even if I do want to open my own practice one day.
My analytical brain wouldn’t allow me to just accept the offer, even though it seemed really good on paper. I would have to tear into every detail, build spreadsheets in my head with every possible outcome, and weigh the options against every variable I could come up with. Thankfully, I only had one day to make the decision, because that would give me a short timetable to work with—which meant I wouldn’t spend days dwelling on the pros and cons of the opportunity. There were definitely more pros, but the cons were still there. I would still be a slave to the system and wouldn’t get to see the same patients very often. Finishing my residency there was a great opportunity, but that came with the risk of putting myself in a position where my motivation to leave would dwindle—to the point that it was extinguished.
I doubt I will be able to find a job like this in Arizona—and would I be willing to settle for something less in order to be close to Holly? I’d like to believe that I would, but my analytical brain would fight me every step of the way.
Later that night
“Are you feeling better?” I leaned forward to look at Holly on the other side of the screen. “You look better.”
“Yeah, I think the stomach bug passed.” She gave me a half-hearted smile—it still wasn’t the beautiful one I was used to seeing.
“Good.” I nodded. “Antacid?”
“I bought some today!” She held up a bottle of Tums. “I’ve been staying hydrated too—just like you said.”
“Gatorade?” I raised an eyebrow when I spotted a bottle beside her. “Water would be much better.”
“This is the thirst quencher.” She held up the bottle and pointed at the slogan. “See, it says it right here on the bottle. It’s got electrolytes!”
“And sugar…” I narrowed my eyes. “A lot of sugar.”
“Okay, doctor.” She looked down, and I heard a light chuckle.
“Speaking of that, I’ve got something I wanted to tell you.” I adjusted the laptop so that she could see me better.
“My boss offered me a new job—working at an Urgent Care center.”
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. “When you finish your residency?”
“No.” I shook my head back and forth. “I would start immediately—which means I might be able to actually make one of those trips to Arizona we discussed.”
“Ah, that would cool.” Her reaction was rather nonchalant.
“It’s a good opportunity…” I didn’t finish my sentence or tell her any of my concerns since she didn’t seem to be invested in the conversation. “It pays better than what I make right now.”
“Sounds like you should take it.” She nodded and gave me what looked like a forced smile—again.
“I might.” I shrugged. “I would like to be able to come see you—I probably won’t be able to squeeze anything in before Thanksgiving, but maybe I can fly out before you come back for Christmas.”
“I would like that too.” Holly gave me another nod—and I didn’t see a hint of excitement.
Something was still off with Holly. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but she wasn’t her usual self. She didn’t smile as much—she seemed like she was forcing it when she finally did—and her laugh was hollow. If I was there with her, I felt like I could have gotten her to open up more, but it was really difficult over Skype. I tried not to pressure her for details after I covered the usual stuff that could be wrong, like school, and her relationship with her parents. She got tired even earlier than she did the previous night, so the conversation was cut short. I hoped that wasn’t intentional on her part.
My analytical brain could come up with a million things that could be wrong—but the one that worried me most was the long distance relationship. We were perfect when we were together, but she was still a young woman trying to figure out who she was at college—surrounded by people who were using those four years to make as many mistakes as possible before they embarked on their journey to the real world. I didn’t think Holly was like that—she didn’t even hang out with the one girl who tried to convince her to make bad choices. Her new group of friends sounded like they had a better grasp on things.
What in the hell is going on with her? I wish I could fly out tomorrow—it would be much easier to figure it out if I was there with her.
I was worried when I finally made it to bed. I couldn’t shake the lingering fear inside me—the fear that I might actually lose her. I would fight for what we had, but what if the battle had already been lost? What if she was going to break up with me when she came home for Thanksgiving, and she was just treading water until then? I hoped it was just the stomach bug, and I was analyzing it to death—that would have been a blessing. The other option twisted my stomach into a knot to the point that I felt like I was the one with a stomach bug.
Holly taught me how to live in the moment, and the moment we shared was amazing—I didn’t want it to be the last one. I tossed and turned for several hours while my brain tore through the possibilities with reckless abandon. It wasn’t what I needed to think about—if my brain wanted something to analyze it needed to be focused on the job offer that was right in front of me. I had to make a decision about it, but all I could think about was Holly. She was more important than any job offer and if I was planning my future, I wanted her to be a part of it, regardless of where I worked. A piece of my heart belonged to her, and there was no way to get it back; even if our relationship didn’t last.
At least give us a chance, Holly. I know it’s tough, but you mean so much to me—I don’t want to lose you.
Chapter Fourteen
Holly
The next morning
I woke up earlier than normal, and my stomach was queasy. I didn’t even get a chance to check my phone before I had to run to the bathroom and throw up. I stared at myself in the mirror for a couple of minutes while I waited to make sure I wasn’t going to hurl again, and then gargled with some mouthwash to get rid of the taste. I stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed my bottle of Gatorade, but it tasted foul. My head was foggy from the lack of caffeine, but my days of starting the day with a soda or coffee were over until I gave birth. The Sprite seemed to taste a little better, so I poured a glass and sat down in the living room. I didn’t feel like I could concentrate on anything, much less my classes, but I knew I would have to get ready soon.
I feel like I’m on the verge of tears, but also on the verge of flipping out on the first person I see—ugh.
My Skype conversation with Everette the previous night was brief—I just didn’t know how to talk to him when I had such a huge secret weighing on my conscious. I needed to tell him about the baby, regardless of the reaction he could possibly have to the news. I just had to move past that point and figure out what was the other side of it. I believed he would do what was right for our child, but I had no idea what he would consider right. I didn’t want our relationship to turn into a business transaction, but there was a chance it could—if he didn’t want kids, then he might be content paying child support every month. It certainly wasn’t how I envisioned starting a family—but if it was just me against the world with my baby in my arms, then I would have to accept it.
“I’ll love you regardless.” I put my hand on my stomach. “I just hope your father does too.”
One week later
The days were ticking by—my return to Los Angeles was on the horizon and every single day that passed made me more anxious about it. Everette offered to buy me a plane ticket so that I could avoid the drive, but I didn’t know how I would explain it to my parents, so I had to decline. My classes were—going. I did my best to balance them all, but it was difficult. There was a sense of dread I couldn’t get out of my thoughts. I wasn’t going to be able to graduate when I planned, regardless. If we conceived the baby in August, then I would give birth in May. That was right around the time that I would be studying for finals, and if I had the baby before class was over—I had no idea what would happen. Either way, I doubted I would return to the University of Arizona after the baby was born.
I can’t really bring the baby with me to class, and do I really want to put my baby in daycare? I guess I won’t have a choice—but will they let me keep the baby in the dorm? Probably not…
There was too much going on in my head, and the decisions I needed to make couldn’t be reasonably made without talking to Everette. I checked the college campus website, and they had a listing for family dorms, but they were more expensive than the one I was staying in. There was also a waiting list. I barely convinced my parents to pay for a private dorm room—and I wasn’t sure if they would even pay my tuition once they found out I was pregnant. They certainly weren’t going to be happy when they found out that the father of my child was our brand new neighbor—the timing would be pretty clear—I got pregnant after only knowing him for a week. That might be even worse, in their eyes, than the fact that he was older than me.
I’m not looking forward to ruining Thanksgiving…
A few days later
“Are we okay?” Everette sighed and leaned forward. “I hate to ask it, but I just feel like there’s something wrong. I thought it was the stomach bug at first, but your entire demeanor has changed—where’s that beautiful smile I used to see every day?”
“It’s still here.” I tried to fake it, but I knew it didn’t look genuine. “We’re okay…”
“Then tell me what’s wrong?” he exhaled sharply. “Please?”
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind…” I looked down at the table. “We’ll talk about it when I come home—I promise.”
“That worries me…” He narrowed his eyes. “If there’s something you need to talk to me about, we can do it over Skype. I’d rather hear it now if it’s bad news.”
“I can’t.” I felt tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. “Just—please let me talk to you about it when I get home.”
“Is there a problem at school? Did something happen?” He kept asking questions, and I couldn’t blame him—I would ha
ve done the same thing.
“I miss you…” I didn’t answer his questions; I just said the first thing that popped in my head.
“I miss you too, Holly,” he sighed. “I just feel like it’s more than that.”
“I’m all alone here.” I lifted my head slightly. “Everyone I care about is in Los Angeles.”
That part is true…
“You’ll be back here soon.” His voice had an encouraging tone.
“Yeah.” I forced another smile. “For less than a week. How’s the new job going?”
A subject change—I need it now more than ever.
“It’s good.” Everette nodded, and thankfully, seemed to go along with my attempt to change the subject. “I didn’t realize how many patients doctors get to see at an Urgent Care center. I’m seeing twice as many as I did at the ER.”
“Wow.” I blinked in surprise. “Are you still thinking that it will be temporary?”
“I don’t know.” Everette shrugged. “I’ve got some time to figure it out.”
That’s not all you’re going to have to figure out—I just wish I felt better about telling you the truth.
My conversation with Everette was brief, like most of our recent ones. I did my best to hold it together when I was talking with him, but as soon he was gone from the screen, I broke down and started crying. My emotions were just turning into a constant train wreck. I knew that was part of being pregnant, but the worst part of it was being consciously aware of it while bounced through different moods like I was trying on different outfits at the mall and couldn’t make up my mind about any of them. I wanted to be happy—I didn’t want to cry—the baby growing inside me didn’t need a mother that couldn’t hold her shit together for more than a few minutes at a time. I just hoped that my mood swings would settle down some once I told Everette the truth, came clean with my parents and started figuring out what was going to happen next. Until then, I was stuck in a constant cycle of being unsure of what my future held.
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