by Cassie Beebe
“Oh, please, you can take her for one day,” Callie quipped. “I mean, if it was a dissection day, I might feel bad for you.”
“I wouldn’t,” Jacob scoffed. “I deal with her three days a week. It’s your turn,” he gave her a playful kick under the table.
“Whatever,” Angela sulked, popping another ravioli into her mouth.
“Besides, we could use the extra practice. This one gets in her head too much,” he nodded toward Callie, and she blushed.
“I do not!” she giggled, tucking her sleek hair behind her ear.
“You do,” Jacob retorted with a smirk. “But it’s okay, it just means you care too much. And if you have to have a flaw, that’s not the worst you could ask for.”
Callie smiled, and Jacob turned his attention back to his food. Angela was still sulking about having to endure biology class the next morning without the buffer of Jacob and Callie to make class with Amber easier to endure, and Jenna was glancing between Jacob and Callie with a dubious look.
At the end of the meal, Angela reached for the check, and she and Callie insisted that Jacob’s dinner was their treat, as congratulations for his new job. Jenna hopped on board, offering to pay the tip and shutting down Jacob’s attempts to protest.
Once the check was paid and they received their post-meal, complementary chocolates, Angela and Callie retreated to the bathroom and Jacob and Jenna stepped outside to wait for them before heading to the theater.
Jacob shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans to combat the chill of the breeze. Jenna stared at him for a long moment, crossing her arms against the cold and pursing her lips as she appraised him.
“Okay, I’m gonna ask you something,” she declared.
“Alright,” Jacob hesitantly agreed, skeptical of her sudden severity.
Huffing out a sigh, Jenna blurted out the question on her mind. “Are you into Callie?”
Jacob’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand why this thought was on her mind. “Uh... no,” he answered. Given the complications of his life, he wasn’t really “into” anyone at the moment. “Why do you ask?”
She gave him a sympathetic look as she replied, “Because she’s into you.”
He chuckled once in disbelief, but Jenna’s intensity remained. “Seriously?” he asked, surprised by the revelation. “Did she tell you that?”
She shook her head with a smirk and rolled her eyes. “She didn’t have to. It’s pretty obvious, if you’re not a clueless boy.”
Jacob took a deep breath, befuddled by the idea that Callie would be interested in him romantically. “Isn’t she, like... nineteen?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think so,” Jenna replied. “But what are you, like, mid-twenties or something?”
He let out a hard laugh, flattered by her underestimation. “Try mid-thirties.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Wow, really?”
He nodded.
“Hm... well that is a bit of a gap,” she chuckled.
“Yeah,” he smirked. The humor of the idea faded as he considered Callie’s feelings, trying to decide how to diffuse the situation without hurting her. “But honestly, it wouldn’t really matter if she was older. I just don’t see her that way. She’s… like a little sister.”
Jenna winced. “Yikes,” she muttered. “I wouldn’t phrase it that way when you talk to her.”
“I have to talk to her?” His eyebrows shot up.
Jenna gave him another sympathetic grin and nodded. He took a breath, anxiety rising as he pondered how that conversation would go.
“Couldn’t I just... stop hanging out with her or something until she gets the hint?”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you could do that,” she teased, “if you don’t mind being a dick.”
Jacob sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “Well,” he moaned, “then what should I say?”
“You just have to tell her the truth,” she shrugged. “Tell her that you just think of her as a friend. Friend,” she emphasized with wide eyes to highlight the importance of the distinction. “Not sister!”
He nodded.
“And, also...,” she hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip, “maybe make sure she knows it doesn’t have anything to do with… me.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I mean,” she sighed, trying to explain the intrinsic complexity of the female mind, “you don’t want her to think that the only reason you don’t like her is because you like someone else.”
Jacob stared at her for a moment, his anxiety rising again as he realized that two uncomfortable conversations may be in store for the evening.
“I…,” he trailed off, trying to think of a good way to explain that his life is far too complicated for romance at the moment.
“Oh, no, I know,” Jenna shook her head, holding up a dismissive palm. “I mean, I know you don’t like me like that,” she quickly elaborated, calming his nerves. “But I think maybe she thinks that you do.”
“Why would she think that?” His head was starting to ache from the mental gymnastics.
Jenna chuckled and gave a shrug, like it should be obvious. “Well, we hang out all the time. And you haven’t been hanging out with her hardly at all since you and I started hanging out,” she explained. “And you flirt with me all the time.”
Jacob’s eyes went wide. “I do?”
Jenna stared at him with a slightly condescending smirk. “Wow,” she muttered under her breath, shaking her head at his cluelessness. Taking a step closer to him to avoid the crowd coming into the restaurant, she continued. “Yes, you do. But that’s not the point. The point is, if she thinks that the only reason you don’t like her is because you like me, then there will always be this... hope that maybe, if things don’t work out with me, she might have a chance with you.”
“Ugh,” Jacob sighed, rubbing his face again and wondering why women had to be so complicated.
Jenna smirked at his overwhelmed expression. “Look, all you have to do is make sure that she knows that you’re never going to be into her like that,” she stated. “Assuming… you know, that that’s the truth.”
“Won’t that hurt her feelings?” he asked, cringing at the thought of saying those blunt words to Callie’s face.
“Yeah, probably,” Jenna agreed. “But it’s better than having false hope. Trust me.”
Jacob let out a heavy sigh, leaning against the wall of the restaurant with a groan. “Could you do it for me?” he smirked.
“Nope,” she laughed, shaking her head. “Sorry. This one’s all you, bud,” she said, patting him on the chest.
He groaned again and stood up from the wall, pulling himself together. It was a tough situation, but thanks to Jenna informing him of Callie’s apparently obvious feelings, he knew what he needed to do. It would be hard to say and probably harder to hear, but she was right; if that’s how Callie was feeling, then it needed to be done. He knew what it felt like to have false hope, and he didn’t want to do that to her.
The chill in the air was growing almost as uncomfortable as the conversation. Jacob peeked around the corner, through the glass door of the building. “I wonder what’s taking so long,” he said.
Just then, Callie and Angela came out of the restaurant, and Angela bypassed them without a word, heading straight for the parking lot.
“Ang is sick,” Callie said with a frown. “I guess the food didn’t agree with her. So…,” she hesitated, glancing between Jacob and Jenna. “I guess… you guys should just go to the movie without us.”
Jumping on the opportunity, Jenna piped up. “Why don’t we just cancel the movie?” she suggested. “In fact, why don’t I drive Angela back to campus, and you two can ride together? Give you some time to…catch up,” she gave Jacob a look.
“Oh. Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Jacob agreed, picking up on her plan. “Um… Actually, Callie, could we go for a walk real quick? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” he smiled stiffly, turning back to Jenna. “So, um, I’ll come by later, then?” he said under his breath, knowing she would be itching to hear how the conversation went.
“Sure thing,” she answered, giving him an encouraging nod as she headed toward the parking lot, giving Callie a wave as she left.
“So,” Callie began with a grin, “where should we go?”
“Uh, it doesn’t really matter,” Jacob replied, trying to ignore his rising nerves. “This way, I guess,” he gestured to the right, and they began walking slowly down the dark, empty sidewalk, dimly illuminated by street lamps.
Jacob shoved his hands in his pockets, tapping his thumbs against his jeans as he tried to think of a way to begin the awkward conversation. Callie casually moved her purse to her other shoulder, letting the arm closest to Jacob hang freely in hopeful anticipation.
“So,” he began hesitantly, hoping more words would come to him as he went. “So, Jenna and I were talking, and... um,” he cringed at himself for mentioning Jenna already. Peeking at Callie’s patient gaze beside him, he halted their walk and ripped off the band aid. “Do you like me?”
She stared at him, flustered. “Uh,” she muttered, looking down at her shoes with a blush.
“I’m sorry,” he held up a palm to stop her from answering, realizing that forcing her to admit her feelings toward him when he knew they wouldn’t be reciprocated probably wasn’t the kindest way to go about this. “That’s not really fair of me to ask. It’s just that,” he bit his lip and recoiled against the words that were to come. “It’s just that I don’t really feel that way about you.”
She looked up to meet his gaze with poorly hidden disappointment in her eyes. “Oh,” she muttered.
“I’m sorry,” he said with an apologetic grin. “I think you’re a really great girl,” he continued, hoping to dissuade some of the negative emotions she must be feeling, “I mean, you’re sweet and smart and I love hanging out with you. It’s like…,” he trailed off, trying to put his thoughts into words. “You kind of remind me of my little sister. I mean, you’re very different, but it’s the same kind of relationship, which is great, because….”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized he probably should have listened to Jenna’s advice about keeping that comparison to himself. He didn’t understand how being compared to Maggie could be a bad thing, but the look on Callie’s face made it clear that his attempted encouragement wasn’t helping. She avoided his gaze in embarrassment, and her eyes were wide and glassy with tears she was desperately trying to hold in.
“Um… I mean…,” he began, trying to think of anything to say to ease her mind. “For the record, my sister was incredible,” he added with a smile, ducking his head closer to her level until she met his eyes. “She was my best friend.”
She finally peeked up at him. “Was?”
“Yeah,” he muttered, his smile fading a bit. “Yeah, she passed away a long time ago.”
Reading the distant sadness behind his eyes, her tears faded and she muttered, “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” he gave her a grateful half-grin, happy to see that she was comfortable enough to look him in the eye again. “But, um, anyway… I hope this doesn’t have to change anything between us. I mean, I really enjoy our friendship, and I would hate for that to be ruined over a little bit of awkwardness.”
She sighed. “Yeah, I would hate that, too.”
“So... friends?” he asked with a hopeful grin.
“Yeah,” she nodded, a small smile returning, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Friends.”
“Good,” he nodded.
After a moment of silence, Jacob commented on the late hour and suggested they head back to campus. As they drove, Callie was deep in thought, and after a few minutes, she gathered enough courage to broach the subject.
“So, you said your sister died a long time ago?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he answered.
She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “How long ago?”
“Well, I was almost eighteen, so...,” he paused, doing the math in his head. “Wow. About sixteen years. Huh.”
He took note of her wide eyes, and she was lost in thought for a moment, focusing hard on something.
“You’re…,” she paused, squinting in concentration, “thirty-four?”
He chuckled at her expression. “Yes,” he answered with a smirk.
She nodded for a moment, taking in that news. “Oh,” she muttered, her blush returning. “You… don’t look thirty-four.”
Jacob laughed again. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”
He appraised her for a moment, taking note of her embarrassment.
“It’s okay,” he encouraged with a smile.
She giggled a bit at the uncomfortable situation. “So,” she began again, changing the subject, “how did she die?”
His smile faded as the memory returned, and he wasn’t sure if he was close enough with Callie to share such an intimate detail.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she added, sensing his hesitance.
Jacob thought about that for a moment. Discussing his past was a slippery slope, as one question could easily lead to another. While talking about his sister may not be a bad thing, he couldn’t help but think of the many other questions he wasn’t willing to answer.
With an apologetic look, he admitted, “I’d rather not.”
“That’s okay,” she assured him with an understanding smile.
After a few minutes of silence in the car, Callie paused her incessant chewing on her lip to interject with another inquiry.
“Jacob, can I ask you something?” she began. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I’m just… curious.”
“Sure,” he hesitantly agreed.
Peering at him from the side of her vision, she asked, “Are you and Jenna... together? I mean, I realize you might not want to tell me if you were, but I’m not judging or anything. Just wondering.”
Damn. Jenna was spot on.
“Oh, um,” Jacob stuttered, momentarily distracted wondering what she meant by I’m not judging. “No, we’re not together. Just friends.”
Callie nodded and turned her eyes back to the road.
“To be honest, I kind of just got out of a pretty… complicated situation,” he vaguely explained. “So, I’m not really looking for anything like that right now.”
“Oh,” she replied more enthusiastically, her interest peaked by his elaboration.
He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to use his past as an excuse for his lack of romance with Jenna, but for some reason it didn’t seem plausible enough to simply say that he wasn’t interested in her. He hoped Callie wouldn’t ask any questions about his “complicated situation,” as that was another slippery slope he wasn’t sure he wanted to go down. But if she did have any thoughts, she kept them to herself, and they arrived on campus a few minutes later, bidding farewell with a warm hug at the car before parting ways to their respective buildings.
Jacob bypassed his room on the first floor, heading to the stairs instead to report his conversation with Callie back to Jenna. He would have been eager to tell her how it all went down, but after his conversation with Callie in the car, he couldn’t keep Maggie off of his mind. No matter how much time had passed since her death, the memory always brought sadness in its wake, and a wave of loneliness usually followed, since he didn’t have anyone to discuss his feelings with. Though his therapist had given him her cell phone number for emergencies, this certainly wasn’t one, and he still had nearly a week until his next session.
Reaching the second floor of their building, he knocked on Jenna’s door several times without response. Slowly, he twisted the knob and stepped inside, knocking again on his way in. She was sitting on her bed with her computer in her l
ap and headphones covering her ears. She glanced up at his entrance and removed the headphones, pausing the movie on her laptop screen and shoving it to the side.
“Hey,” she greeted with surprise, checking the clock on the desk beside her bed. “That was fast,” she commented. “How did it go?”
Jacob sighed as he sat sideways at the foot of her bed and kicked off his shoes, leaning his back against the wall. He noted with gratitude that Jenna’s roommate must have been staying with her boyfriend that night, as her bed was empty.
“I think it went well,” he answered. “She was a little embarrassed at first, but I think she’s okay now.”
“Good,” Jenna nodded with a smile, patting him on the leg. “You did good, kid.”
He snorted a half-hearted snicker. “Yeah, I know,” he said. “Thanks for telling me. I don’t think I ever would have noticed that on my own.”
“Yeah, probably not,” she chuckled. “So, what did you say?”
Peeking at her from the corner of his eye, he cringed and said, “I told her she reminds me of my sister.”
Jenna laughed. “Oh? And how did she take that news?”
“Not very well,” he chuckled, smirking as she gave him her best “I told you so” look. His tone turned more serious as he sighed. “She, um,” he started, feigning casualty, “she seemed to understand more, though, once I told her that my sister died a long time ago.”
“Oh,” Jenna said, her laughter fading as she thought about that statement. “You never told me that.”
Jacob briefly met her gaze. “Yeah, well,” he said, turning his eyes to his hands. “It’s not exactly something I love talking about.”
Nodding in understanding, Jenna appraised his sadness. “How old were you?” she asked.
“Almost eighteen.”
She nodded. “How old was she?”
With another deep sigh, he replied, “Fifteen.”
“Hm,” Jenna muttered with an empathetic wince. “What happened?” she asked, watching him carefully with sad eyes.
Returning her pensive gaze, he answered without hesitance, “She was murdered.”
She took in a breath of surprise. “Oh, Jacob,” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief and setting her hand on his leg in consolation.