“Right. Well, thanks for helping with the tables. Got some exercise in for the day. Um, I don’t have anything else to do besides a few e-mails to answer. Do you have any life coach homework to give me or anything?”
I didn’t think I could take much more emotional revelations today. First, Jay had told me about my whole becoming-a-hermit thing and then Logan’s forgiveness speech. I felt drained and needed a break from thinking and feeling about myself. A yawn caught me by surprise, just from thinking about how tired I felt mentally, and my hand came up to cover my mouth to be polite.
“Yeah. Go answer your e-mails, and then get dressed in something comfy and meet me in the fitness room in an hour.”
“Fitness room?”
“Yep. Do your thing. I’ll see you in a bit!” He walked off without another look or word.
I would do as he’d said, as per the agreement I’d hired him for. Surely, being such a perceptive man, he would have noticed I was tired. Working out was the last thing on my mind.
“You signed the dotted line, Mia,” I grumbled as I took the elevator back up to my office and started sorting through my e-mails.
Five minutes to five, I shut down my computer and went upstairs to get dressed. I did have an image to protect, so instead of the huge-shirt-and-sweatpants look I craved, I put my hair in a ponytail and dressed myself in leggings, tank top, and running shoes. In the mirror, I looked a lot better than I felt inside, which was still very drained. E-mails only made it worse. A few were announcements of weddings and babies, and all I could think about was, I was so beyond happy for them, but they were doing better than me in life because I didn’t have those things. Had been married, and now, that was gone. No babies despite my parents’ dismay. I knew Logan would probably quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” like I’d heard and read many times, but I still did it sometimes. Like how I knew fast food was bad for me and probably going to give me a heart attack one day, but I still dabbled in some salty, greasy fries.
So, not only was I tired, but I was also in an ugly mood for feeling shitty toward people when I should just be happy and move on.
I was pathetic.
Logan was talking with a woman when I walked in, and while we had a completely client-and-life-coach-based relationship and nothing more, I did not like the feeling in my stomach, seeing him smile at another woman.
Cue more self-pity for being upset about something that wasn’t even mine.
“I’m here,” I announced, ready to get whatever physical torture he was about to put me through over.
His head whipped around to mine with that sexy grin he’d had on for the fit, short-haired brunette with her perfectly done makeup and pink push-up bra.
But then that grin fell, and he read me like the open book I seemed to be for him. I smiled, trying to backpedal and not be so transparent, but he’d seen through it, which I was sure I was going to get a talking-to right now about my feelings.
“Great. This is Lindsey. We’re going to do some yoga. Don’t worry; it’s only going to be about a half hour,” he said.
He didn’t try to dig into what horrible bitch stick had crawled up my ass in the past hour. Weird. I felt like I’d gotten the hang of this when I feel off, he helps type of thing.
“I thought we could do this outside on the yoga gazebo. This place is beautiful, Ms. Moretti.” The woman was nice, and I couldn’t fault her for that.
“Thank you. Let’s do this.”
Be positive. Be positive, I chanted the whole way to the gazebo outside the fitness room.
I’d been to another hotel and seen they had a gazebo for picnics, and I’d thought I’d love to do yoga in it. Hence, the idea was born. Of course, I’d done yoga in it once and gotten too busy to ever do it again.
Logan didn’t glance my way again as we walked outside, and it had me feeling strange. I was waiting for him to try to figure out my problem, and he wasn’t going to, it seemed.
Lindsey got me set up with a mat, and that was it. No block or anything else was needed, so I plopped down into a sitting position and looked at Logan, who was doing the same next to me. His eyes were closed, and his breaths were even. He looked like the world around him was in peace, as was the world inside him.
“Welcome, you guys. We’re going to start our practice today in extended child’s pose. Reach those fingers far out, touching the mat, and then melt your body down. Head to the mat. Now, just breathe while you settle into your pose.”
My legs tightened in this position. I guessed it had been a while since my legs were wide, even this much, but I made sure to breathe through the stretch and relax my shoulders.
“Feel the space you’re in right now. Be present as our minds let go of the past. Respect it and let it go. We breathe, and as we exhale, we let go of those desires, of that need for control. We can’t control the future. So many times, we stress and worry. If we just could take the time to pause and be in the moment, realize that things were out of our control, we would save ourselves a lot of time, anxiety, and sufferings of our mind. So, take this time to invite new beginnings into your soul. Just close your eyes and drop into whatever is going on in the present and use this opportunity to acknowledge the moment. To let go of the past, to let go of things that have even happened today. Maybe even acknowledge today with a little bit of gratitude.”
What she’d said made so much sense. Whether Logan had known I needed this or not, I was going to really try to take her words to heart. I didn’t want to hold on to this stress and anxiety that I was causing myself. I needed to learn to let go.
I took a deep breath and thought of the bitterness of my own failed marriage, letting the feelings leak out with my exhale.
I took another breath and focused on my feelings of sadness for having isolated myself and then being envious that others were happy, and I let the air in my lungs rush out from my lips.
“Thank you to all the things that happened this year. That helped me become exactly who I am and where I am in this exact moment. Begin to gently deepen your breath.”
Mentally, I said those words. I thanked the universe or whoever we were thanking for still being alive. For having a successful business year. And for finally getting help. As much as what I was going through sucked, I was learning about life that I wasn’t sure I would have learned otherwise.
For the next half hour, I gave this yoga session my all. I stretched, I breathed, and I let go of the shit that had been weighing on me recently. I knew this wasn’t a cure-all to my problems, but I was in this moment where I was supposed to be, and I was okay with that. Bitchiness was gone, and I was simply Mia doing letting that shit go yoga.
Until I let too much go while deepening my stretch and the ever-clear sound of my tiny fart permeated the gazebo.
Chapter Sixteen
Logan
In the past thirty minutes, I’d been watching out of the corner of my eye as Mia stretched and moved her body with purpose. The creases in her forehead relaxed, and her features softened. She had been tense and filled with emotions when she entered the work out room. I didn’t know which emotions, but there was fire in her and not the good kind. Still, she needed to let it go herself. To see that she was her own superhero and not me all the time.
Throughout the session, that was exactly what she had been doing. She’d been saving herself with the guidance of Lindsey and her breathing.
But, now, one fart might change everything that we’d accomplished.
Would she get embarrassed? Would she ignore and keep the final stretch? As silly as it was to be nervous about something so trivial, her mindset was one that could flip from being at peace to chaos in seconds.
“I guess I let too much go.” She giggled.
I swore, I’d never wanted to reach over and kiss her more. Her smile and her infectious laugh made me want to feel that wide smile against my own.
She kept the downward dog, and then we ended the session in mountain pose.
�
�Namaste. Well done.” Lindsey ended our session.
I helped roll up the mats before joining the girls, who were talking about the practice.
“I’ll definitely call you. Thank you. Thanks, Logan, for the opportunity.” Lindsey smiled at me, and it had zero effect on me compared to Mia’s smile.
She was a nice woman and had helped me a lot with clients and I was constantly helping drum up interest in her business. When Mia had said she wanted to get over her ex earlier, I had known this wasn’t going to fix that—only forgiveness would, like I’d said. But this was a step in the right direction. Learning to let shit go was a weapon against being a control freak.
Lindsey left the gazebo while Mia and I watched her go back inside the building.
“I’m glad you made me do this. Sorry about disturbing your flow with my passing of wind.” Her cheeks reddened, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“It was the highlight of my week,” I teased.
She shook her head, arms going above her tiny frame for one last stretch.
“Are you feeling better than before?” I asked curiously.
The answer was written all over her body. But I wanted to hear her thoughts about the session.
She walked over to a bench that faced the beach a few yards away. “I am. What I was feeling was stupid and petty. And that made me feel even worse, but I stretched it out. I honestly thought you were going to step in and Yoda me first. But I’m glad I did it myself. Well, Lindsey helped, but you know what I mean.”
I mentally patted myself on the back. She was beginning to feel more confident in herself. Her steps in the program were moving along nicely. At lightning speed really.
“You did it on your own. That was all you, Mia.” An extra compliment as the cherry on top.
“Mia, there you are. I looked in the fitness room but didn’t see you. Hey, Logan. Sup, man?” Jay walked over to the gazebo with a phone in his hand.
Instantly, the relaxed Mia changed into business Mia. Her posture was one of authority, and she radiated those vibes, even in workout attire. I hoped that her calm mental state would help her deal with whoever she was about to talk to on the cell phone.
“It’s Terrance Jackson. Things are hot in New York.” He looked at his boss with a regretful expression of a fake smile and pleading eyes.
Mia was immediately on the phone and started to walk away toward the beach for more privacy. Quickly, her movements became more rapid, pacing back and forth, as did her hands, waving in the air in frustration. Business was tough for anyone, but I could imagine the stress of someone running an empire was times ten of the average person. The more complicated you made life, the more complicated it was. That was why I liked things simple. I had this job that helped people, and that was it. No further complications.
“So …” Jay stepped up closer, eyeing me while I watched Mia as she started to raise her voice in a mixture of Italian and English. Even I had to admit, her speaking in Italian, even if she was cussing that person out, was attractive.
“So …” I commented and then turned to look at him, giving whatever he was about to say my full attention.
“I like what you’re doing with her. I’ve seen a change since you walked in her office. A good one. But, from one man to another, besides her sister, I’m the closest person to her.” He looked at her, loyalty brimming in his gaze.
I prepared myself for the you hurt her, and I’ll hurt you speech, but I wasn’t ready for what actually came next.
“If you aren’t ready for something truly beautiful in your life, then you might wanna guard your heart. You’re seeing Mia in her low, and when she finally shakes the mud off, you won’t even know you’re hers until it’s too late. She’s that true beauty inside and out that captures you in the best way. If you’re not ready for that, man, make a plan to get out of Dodge because you’re only going to hurt yourself and her. She doesn’t know it, but she wears her heart on her sleeve, a complete open book. You won’t be able to stop falling in love with her.”
That he didn’t have to worry about.
“Love is not for me, so no worries there. But I see the beauty you’re talking about. It’s right under the surface, dying to escape.”
He nodded, his eyes narrowing, trying to figure me out.
“Were you two romantically involved?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No. I tried in the beginning, but we were meant to be friends. Hardest part was watching her with her husband. He was a real dick.”
A common denominator I was beginning to see had been a problem here and with her ex. Everyone hated the ex.
“She’s gonna be okay.” I tried to comfort him.
He didn’t need to worry about me or her. She would come out of this brighter than before.
“I know that. She’s a force to be reckoned with. You’ll see.” He winked and then held his hand out just as Mia marched back up the stairs into the gazebo with a scowl present on her face.
“Fire up the plane?” he asked.
She nodded. “Fire up the plane. I’ll be ready in an hour. Sorry, Logan. I’m apparently needed in New York for a few days. I, um … you’re welcome to come with if you think that’s necessary, but I’m going to be pretty busy, cleaning up a mess. Not sure how this is gonna work.”
I held up my hand to stop her from rambling some more. “All good. Just keep communicating with me. Text, call, e-mail whenever you’re feeling happy or pissed off. I’m your BFF, remember?”
“Right. Okay. Thanks for the session, and I will keep in touch.” She turned and stomped back into the building to get ready for her flight.
I’d text her in a few hours to check in and remind her to control what she could and let go of what she couldn’t. Either way, this time not being face-to-face was going to work. She was a busy woman, and that required us to adapt.
Instead of heading home, I decided now was as good a time as any to free my mind and enjoy the beach.
My shirt was gone, ditched in the sand with my shoes, and then I was in the salty waves. Soaking up the moment and digesting Jay’s warning to me. I already was crossing some mental boundaries when it came to Mia. As long as we kept things professional, it would go smoothly, and we could part ways at the end of the six weeks nicely.
As I waded in the water, a nagging thought in my mind told me my life was going to get a lot more complicated than evenings spent swimming in the ocean.
I let those thoughts go with the waves as they crashed into me. Not willing myself to stress over something that might not even come to pass.
Chapter Seventeen
Mia
“Good riddance,” Jay commented as we made it back to my two-room suite.
Jay was my right-hand man. If I went somewhere, he was right alongside me. My assistant helped me manage everything.
“Yeah, he showed his true character by choosing the coward’s way and quitting like that. I had given him a three-week chance to up his game, and he just left me high and dry. I’ll have him replaced by the end of the day tomorrow.” I took off my heels on the couch and rubbed my temples, attempting to ease the tension throbbing in them.
Being a business owner was not all glory and stress-free, as a lot of people assumed. But, alas, I’d made this company into what it was, and I had to deal with it. A gift of being successful and a curse. The more I gained, the more stressful life became.
“So, there isn’t anything left on the agenda for tonight. Interviews have been called for tomorrow, and that’s all for today. Is there anything you need me for?”
He suggestively waggled his eyebrows, which made me chuckle, but I shook my head. I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
“Okay. Well, we’re in New York. Although we’ve been here a bunch, I think we need to get out and do something. I’m sure Logan would agree with me. You need to live a little. Let the load off your shoulders, boss. So, what is something you’ve always wanted to do in the big city?”
I wanted to rest
or snuggle up with a book, but I thought Jay was right. I could read anytime. But, now, I was in a city that some people never got a chance to see in their lifetime, and I needed to forget my worries for a little bit. Being in my head was the worst, so this was the opportune moment to do something different.
“I think you’re right. I’ve never had a real greasy, cheesy New York pizza. Only the kind at fancy restaurants for business meetings. I want a hole-in-the-wall, next-to-Chinese-takeout type of place. And I’ve never seen a Broadway show. I’d like to.” There. I’d spoken what I was feeling and didn’t let the should or should-nots get in my way.
“On it, boss. Give me ten minutes. Change out of that horrendous pantsuit, and then we’ll be set.”
Jay got to work on his phone, and I rolled off the couch and marched into my room to find something more suitable for a night out than what I was wearing.
“My pantsuit isn’t horrendous,” I grumbled as I peeled back the blazer and unbuttoned the pants. It was nice business attire.
Once I was down to my bra and panties, I looked in the closet at my choices. Brown pantsuit. High-collar blue shirt with a pencil skirt. Sweatpants and an old T-shirt from college. White blouse and dress pants.
I didn’t know what I should wear for a night out on the town. Everything I had looked like I was going to sue someone if they looked at me funny.
I heard someone knock on the door, and Jay answered it. Hopefully, it wasn’t anything important. Quietly, I cracked the door and stuck my head out, hoping to hear who was there. But Jay closed it and carried what looked to be a large box in his hand.
“Gotta give it to the man. He’s like a psychic in a hot body. Here you go.” He didn’t even glance at my half-naked form from the crack in the door as he set the box down before me. Then, he turned to get back to his work while pulling his tie loose.
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