“You’re pushing past all your barriers at lightning speed. Hell, by the time our six weeks are up, you could be teaching people about life and letting go. I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong.”
“Thanks. It just felt like the right thing to do. I can’t explain it.”
I knew how she felt. When I’d had to write my letters to my ex-wife, that was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, right under forgiving her. It was like a weight was gone inside that you hadn’t even known was dragging you down. And Mia had just done it without taking any break to feel that pain. She’d just known what to do.
“I know how you felt, and it’s just incredible how much you’re progressing. You’re going to be taking over the world in no time.”
Jay’s words were trying to claw their way up into the forefront of my mind, but I pushed them down. Mia and I still weren’t happening. Even though the thought of my hands running through her soft and shiny hair made my dick begin to swell. Or the images of her spunky spirit fighting for control in the bedroom, only to succumb to the overwhelming need to come on my tongue.
“Excuse me.” I stood and walked with haste toward the restroom, leaving Mia with a confused look on her face.
There was no one in the restroom, and I was grateful. No one needed to hear this particular talk with myself.
“Goddamn it, you can’t keep running away from her every time you have fantasies.” I braced myself against the counter with the sinks. “Stop thinking about your client coming on your tongue or squirming beneath you. Great, now, I sound like a man with multiple personalities with this talk.” I shook my head. I was acting like some teenager instead of a grown man.
I could handle the line I’d drawn for Mia even if my dick liked to poke at it.
My fingers turned on the cold water and then splashed some onto my face to knock some sense into myself. She’d just gotten over some issues, but there was more work to be done. Not including any incidents where she’d need to write an angry letter to me one day.
That brought my hard-on to a halt. I’d hate to be anyone’s reason to write an angry letter. Especially Mia’s.
Feeling better, I went back out to the table where the waiter had just set down our food. Perfect timing.
“You okay?” She peered up at me, those long eyelashes teasing me with what she’d look like if her eyes glanced at me with her lips around my cock.
Nope. Nope. Not going there.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
Good as long as I keep myself in control and don’t bend you over the spaghetti and then lick the marinara sauce off your tits.
But she didn’t need to know that part.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mia
Logan had been acting strange during the lunch we shared. I wished I had his ability to read emotions through facial features like he did.
“So, what is on your agenda for this week?”
He sat back, belly full of food, looking completely satisfied. Even though I hadn’t cooked it, I felt pride blossom inside me that he liked the meal my hotel had provided. It reminded me why I did what I did with my business. I created a place of comfort away from home. Great meals that made people feel full and happy. A place where they could sleep and wake up refreshed on their vacation, whether business or pleasure. A first memory of their most special day in saying I do. I loved being a part of people’s memories and happiness. They wouldn’t think of me, Mia, when they thought of these things. But they would always think of the hotel, my hotel, and remember how they felt.
“I’ve got dinner with my family tonight, a board meeting tomorrow, to look over barn plans at some point, and a gala on Friday for charity.”
This week was going to be busy, as were most of my weeks. But I was looking forward to dinner with the fam. I missed them, and whoever this new me was, she wanted to be with her family who loved her more. Board meetings were whatever; I’d be happy that was over until the next one in two weeks. Barn plans were with the architect right now, and I was mentally jumping up and down, waiting to see them. Then, getting all dressed up for the gala would be fun. I had no date, but for once in my life, I felt okay about that.
But I still asked regardless, “Do you think I should bring a date to the gala?” I was sure I could ask Gia to go with me, or maybe Jay could find me a date if I needed one.
Logan shook his head though. “I think you should just go by yourself. I’m proud of you for doing what you did, but now, it’s time to do the hard stuff, which is loving yourself again. So, this gala, I want you to date yourself. You are enough and all you need.”
It was his job to talk to me like this, but there was no denying that it made me like him a little bit more.
“You’re right. I’m gonna go get my nails done and take myself out for breakfast. Good idea.”
He was right about not feeling like enough being an issue of mine. I forever felt like I could be better in every facet of my life. This sounded like a good idea toward being okay with who I was right now, in this moment.
“Great!” Logan was smiling at me, as always, but there was something else there. It was in the way his eyes lit up as I started to come into my own. Like watching me learn and grow into myself made him happy. And not just because it was his job, but also because he just genuinely wanted that for me.
Taking a deep breath, I felt myself relax, and I enjoyed the full feeling in my belly. Silently being grateful for the life I had. I was quickly learning it wasn’t about the money spent or money earned. So far, all of these things Logan had had me do were free. The real problems were on the inside, and no amount of money could fix that. Only the person could if they truly wanted it. I wasn’t done healing. I’d made progress, but there was more inside me that needed relief.
“Would you mind if I came with you to your family’s get together? They don’t need to feed me or entertain me. I think it’s a good idea for me to see you around them.”
Made sense. But the thought did make me cringe slightly.
“They would be more than happy to feed you. Actually, they will all but shove manicotti down your throat. But they will assume we are together, and our denials will fall on deaf ears. They can be a little much. Big Italian family and all.”
Poor thing wanted to subject himself to my family. He must have some issues up there to want that.
“I think I can handle it.” He chuckled, and I felt my body leaning in toward his, needing to bask in his laugh. His constant happiness was alluring to someone like me. Like a moth to a bug zapper.
“Okay then. Don’t judge me too hard by my family. They are nuts, but they are a good group.”
They really were.
Logan ran a hand through his blond hair and took a deep breath. Yeah, I felt like a nap would be nice, but I still had some work to do before leaving early to go to my parents’ house.
“I’m leaving at four to head over. You can meet me here then, and we’ll go together. Sound good?”
He nodded and rubbed his belly like he had some Buddha tummy instead of the muscled six-pack he was hiding under there.
He paid for our meal even though I was the boss and food was free to me. But it was nice still. These moments with him weren’t dates, but if they were, he would have scored many times over with all his good manners and smiles.
“What are you thinking?” he asked as we walked toward the exit.
Oh boy, there was no stopping the flush coating my cheeks. I’d been caught thinking about sex with Logan. Now, should I lie? Or tell the truth?
“I don’t think you want me to say.” I did neither and mentally crossed my fingers that he would let it go.
But, really, it was Logan I was talking to. He wanted to know my every thought, my every sensation rolling through my body. He wanted everything.
He didn’t answer, but his arched brow and obvious expression that stated, Really? was enough.
“Fine, I was thinking that, even though our little
meetings weren’t dates, if they were, then you would have scored many times because you are such a gentleman, and you make me feel good. Right. I’m gonna go now. See you at four.”
I didn’t look back to see what he thought of my words. I felt so embarrassed, but a tiny part of me felt amazing for saying such things out loud. Like I really was this new badass Mia who could let go and do what she wanted. Including bang the life coach if she chose to do so.
Thinking over how confident I had been to speak my thoughts, I let that feeling fill me up. I was a kick-ass chick and hot as hell with my new haircut and clothes. I smacked my own ass once inside the elevator alone, feeling amazing. Even did a little dance in the mirror, flirting with myself for being so smooth.
Then, I remembered there were cameras in every elevator, and the security man on staff had just watched me act a fool.
“Um, hi, John.” I waved at the camera and wished for the elevator to hurry up to my floor.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Mia
Logan showed up right on time for us to leave, and my stomach was all twisted in knots. My family was going to eat him alive, or maybe they were going to stuff him so full of food that he would explode. Also, I just knew I would be getting a headache from having to tell everyone over and over that Logan and I weren’t a couple.
“You really don’t need to be nervous.” Logan patted my knee in a friendly, comforting way.
I tried to give him my best I’m fine smile, but he knew better.
“Have you ever been around a true Italian family?”
“No. If I say the wrong thing, are they gonna make me swim with the fishes in the bay?” he teased.
I felt that knot wring more inside me. Oh God, he was gonna die.
“No, but I’d keep the Mafia jokes to a minimum. They take that kind of stuff very seriously. And, while Uncle Tony swears we have no ties to the Mafia in any way, everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows someone. And, when you’re Italian, no matter if you share blood or not, you’re family.”
I just ignored all those parts of my family. Everyone knew someone who knew someone that you might know.
He started to laugh, and I rolled my eyes.
“You just wait. You’ll be wanting to bang your head on the wall when my aunt Sofia starts telling you about the people she’s run into lately.” I cleared my throat and tried to do my best impression of my always nasally congested aunt. “Oh, I met this woman at the grocery store, and I’ll tell you, I was stunned to learn her sister’s husband’s second cousin went to the same church that Uncle Patricio’s mother-in-law went to when she was in second grade. What a coincidence.”
His earlier chuckle turned into a full-on belly laugh.
“Laugh now, but just remember, I signed the dotted line that said, No refunds. If my family scares you away from helping me, you can’t run away. You’re stuck for another five weeks.”
I tilted up my chin and looked out the window of the luxury sedan we were in. Changing my thoughts from Logan’s demise via my family to earlier.
He’d been slightly hesitant to get in the car with me since I wasn’t actually driving. I had a driver take me everywhere in an awesome SUV. I honestly hadn’t driven a car in years, since college. This way, I could do work in the back if I needed to. But, for the first five minutes of the drive, I considered maybe he felt uncomfortable with this. I had money—lots of it. I didn’t go crazy like other rich people I knew. I liked to consider myself down to earth, but I just always felt having a driver helped me do one less thing.
“What are you thinking?” Logan the ever-perceptive fellow had caught on. Again.
“Are you uncomfortable with my money?”
Sadly, I thought of my ex at that moment. Wallace had money, like me, although not as much as I did. Plus, he liked the life of luxury. But to some people, being rich made people uncomfortable.
That sexy dark blond eyebrow of Logan’s popped up with another expression that made me feel lame for asking. Logan didn’t care about that stuff as far as I could tell. Based on what I’d paid for his services, I was sure he made enough to live comfortably, but yet he still drove an older-model Jeep. And looked like a surfer dude instead of a rich businessman.
“Right, sorry.” I quickly righted myself.
“There is no reason to be sorry for your thoughts. They are your thoughts. And, no, I’m not uncomfortable with money—or your money. My hesitation earlier was about something different.”
Oh? I tilted my head toward him, wondering what could have made the cool and ever-relaxed life coach hesitant.
“Do you need to talk about it? We are besties and all.”
His gaze fell upon me. Heat flaring in those blue eyes made me wiggle a bit against the leather seat. Oh boy.
“I think it’s best if I don’t.”
Yeah, I thought he was right about that. There was something brewing between us that neither one of us was ready to let out of the pot. So, instead of meeting his burning gaze with a fire of my own, I turned my head back to look out the window. Letting my thoughts drift toward something else.
“After this dinner, later, I want you to read me your letter. To finish up the forgiveness process,” he said hoarsely.
My fingers flexed against my clutch and then gripped it again. We needed to get out of this car and have enough space apart that I didn’t feel his radiating body heat caressing my skin.
“Sounds good.”
We stayed quiet for the remainder of the thirty-minute drive. By the time we arrived at my parents’ driveway, there were cars lining the street.
“Wow, looks like a party is happening here,” Logan commented as we hopped out of the car.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Nope. Just a normal Sunday dinner with the Moretti family.”
Logan once again chuckled at my dramatics, but he would soon see. With every step we took, I began thinking of the kind words I’d say at his funeral.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mia
It really shouldn’t have surprised me. I didn’t know why I felt so shocked that Logan had won my whole family over so entirely that everyone had forgotten that I was even there. Logan stole the show. Not that I had been expecting alot of hoots and hollers for me actually making the time to come to a dinner. Something I’d been avoiding for a few months in my state. But, within thirty minutes of being at my parents, I’d been moved out of the way more times than I could count, so they could get closer to my life coach and listen to his many stories.
No biggie. I just plopped my ass down by the little kids table and had fake tea with the small folk.
At least they were happy to see me.
Mom, Dad, Gia, and everyone else were completely enamored by the outsider.
“Aunt Mia, your boobs look big. Do you have a baby in your belly like Mommy did with Reese? Her boobies were like as big as my head when her belly got fat with a baby.”
“Mom! Candace said boobs!”
“Boobies, boobies, boobies. Mom said there is nothing bad about the word. They are a natural part of our bodies. Even boys have boobs.”
“Aunt Mia’s gonna have a baby fall out of her butt.”
“I thought babies came from Mommy’s belly button.”
Oh dear Lord, I surrender. Someone save me!
Where was Logan’s crazy mind-reading skills when I needed him to rescue me from the children with no filter?
“I’ll be back.” I stood up and ran as fast as I could to the back porch where I could clear my thoughts and get some fresh air.
The soft summer breeze was calming as I breathed it in. Hints of jasmine tickled my nose from my mother’s garden. They had a decent-sized house, nothing too large or crazy. They lived in a great neighborhood where kids still played in the streets and stayed out until sundown before coming home for dinner. Coming here always used to help me feel connected to myself, to my past. Someone I’d forgotten until stepping through the front door to t
he scent of Nonna’s red sauce with the secret ingredients that she was determined to take to the grave. Unless you asked her nicely. No one kept secrets. They were open and honest, even when it was hard to hear. Everyone, even your third cousin who you never spoke to, would drop everything to help you if you asked.
I needed this. That feeling of home and belonging. To know that, even though Logan was a shiny toy my family was playing with right now, I loved them. They were proud of me, and they would do anything for me. I wanted to do better by them. If the price to pay for that love was Sunday dinners, having my cheeks pinched and my belly stuffed full of food, then I could deal.
“I like your life coach.” Gia joined me outside. She was looking beautiful in a blue maxi dress and her hair up in a bun.
“He’s been great. I’m really starting to find my way because of him.” I smiled at her, a true smile that was so different than the last one I had given her at the dinner she’d brought me only a week and change ago.
“I can see a lightness in you. You seem happier. And I like that you came instead of finding some reason to blow us off, like you’d been.”
Guilt clutched my chest. I felt awful for having done that, but I couldn’t go back now. I could only go forward and make it right.
“Me, too. I’ve missed this. Although I don’t know if they will let me back without Logan in the future,” I teased.
Gia looked at me with narrowed eyes. Probably seeing much more than I wanted her to. Apparently, I was just an open book to everyone.
“You like him, like him.”
“It won’t work between us,” I admitted since there was no denying I had a thing for my life coach. It was obvious. Especially after every time one of my cousins got a little too close to him, I either walked away or told Logan embarrassing stories about them. They’d get off him all on their own after that.
“Why does it have to be about permanence? Can’t you just have consensual adult time with someone, and when your time together is done, you part ways?”
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