Kendra and Saldana approached with caution, not wishing to startle Adam, who could be present in his mind in ways even they didn’t understand. He could be just below the surface of consciousness or almost in a coma-like state. His expression rarely gave away which was the case.
Kendra said, “Sweetie, are you there?”
Silence for a few seconds, then Adam was present and smiling that smile that all his mates said bordered on the erotic. It meant he was right with the world, and his women, and nothing bad could ever happen while he was near them.
Saldana said, “Is something bothering you? Something about last night. I felt you get up early and missed the warmth of your touch. But then I knew you were near and felt the comfort of the little one and rolled over into her arms where everything was safe and happy. But now I see the worry in that beautiful face. Want to talk about it?”
Saldana never said things like “Do you want to talk about it?” She believed you just shoved your feelings down into a tight ball deep, deep down inside and never dealt with them. Letting them out made you weak, and she hated feeling weak even when she wasn’t.
“I was so elated last night, and feeling, so happy and fulfilled, that I didn’t think enough about you and Kendra, and how some things might change. And if you knew about those changes how that might affect what we talked about. I wanted to tell you today, but then I also wanted to be selfish and not say a word. But I felt shame in hiding things from you, and now I realize I must say something; you have a right to know everything.”
Kendra and Saldana sat down next to Adam, one on either side. Kendra asked, “What could be so bad? We’re both overjoyed and look forward to consummating our mating with you.”
“It may not be as easy as you think, is the problem. But one thing preponderates over all others, so this is what I want to share with you the first. The others are just considerations; you probably already know all about them now anyway.”
Kendra said, “Mind communication with Alana, and the list of the countries and organizations who have executed death warrants for you and Alana. Right?”
“Well, two out of three. I didn’t think I could keep those secrets, but then I thought why worry you any more than necessary?”
Saldana once again astounded. “You’re sweet, but we all accepted long ago that to be with you meant a wild and dangerous ride. We love you, and there’s no risk we won’t gladly share being at your side. And being at your side is where we want to be. So please rid yourself of that worry line and be assured we love you and accept the risk.”
Adam looked down. Obviously, this wasn’t the big bother so neither Kendra nor Saldana had any idea what might be troubling him if it wasn’t these two tiny, almost irrelevant concerns. Given the other dangers that were far more pressing, assassins from the human world now seemed marginal.
“You know that when we agreed to mate that we also agreed to a union of minds beyond just journeying together.”
“Of course.”
“And you know that when we did that, we rearranged certain neural pathways in our brains, our receptors, and changed some of the functions of the way our minds operate. We’re different now than before, but just a little. And the process is slow and continuous. I feel differently now than I did just two years ago, and the change has been everything I ever wanted. I feel love and know how to return love. It has been such a Blessing, I can’t even find the words to describe it.”
Kendra said, “We know Adam. We both know. We feel what you do, and sometimes we just go to that part of your mind, so we can feel it a little longer too. It’s not something you can put in words. It’s just so … beautiful. You’ve never hidden anything from us that we should know, except maybe some of the shit with the Creator, but we know why you keep that from us. It doesn’t change anything. We’re happy to be your mates and happy to be, well, happy. Why the long face?”
“What if you changed some more though. Changed to be less like you are now, and more like, say Misti. Not much more, just some.”
“Like what?”
“When you decide to become mated, some of your mind/body experience changes too. You prepare for nurturing, and caring for another life that grows inside you, and for which you will be responsible for the rest of your life. It changes the way you think and feel; how you react to the world around you. Regular people, and Gens don’t experience this or at maybe it’s subtler. But with us it’s big, and who you will be is different than who you are now. I’m not sure you fully understand what that means for you Saldana or for you Kendra. And that’s why I was such a coward until now. I want to mate with you more than I wanted to be honest with you, and it was wrong. If we had consummated our mating last night, it would have been a deception on my part. Selfish and irresponsible. That’s not who we are; who we should be. And I’m sorry I didn’t say something right away. I guess I just got all carried away in the moment; but even that’s not entirely true. I wanted what I wanted. And I should’ve said something first.”
Both Kendra and Saldana burst out laughing, something of a reaction Adam, wasn’t expecting. He was sure that Saldana would be furious, matched or equaled by Kendra, whose hatred of men for their deceptive, and dishonest behaviors was practically genetic.
“Now please,” said Saldana, “please rid yourself of all your other worry lines. We both knew. We both talked about it, and we decided we loved you more than we hated anybody or anything else. Your ju-ju is strong, my boy. Your gravitational pull is like ten huge suns. We can’t escape how we feel when we’re near you. Don’t get the wrong idea, though. I’ll still be the Demon Queen, Matron of Hell, just not around the family. Just like you. And as far as the little one is concerned, I’m not sure how she can’t be any more loving or sweet than she already is. But I can’t wait to see.”
“But how?”
“You are right that we are yin and yang. I knew all of this the first time we joined in union. You are mostly all that is good, and I am mostly all that isn’t. But when it comes to knowledge, strength of will, and ability to command, we are equals. I have always known this about our change, for me and the Princess. We cannot do things we don’t willingly agree to, so with our new abilities, there was never any harm that Kendra or I might ‘accidently’ get pregnant if we didn’t wish it. We didn’t then, but we do now.”
Adam was on the verge of tears, something rare in his life.
Saldana continued, seeing Adam unable to speak.
“And I have a little surprise for you, and my little one.”
“What?”
“I broke into your fish tank last night after you were asleep. I poached a fishy and guess what? I’m pregnant! It’s a boy and we’re going to name him Adam, Jr. The others had their chance at the privilege, but I got the prize. So, tough tittie to them, and wait till you see how big my tits get when I’m as big as a whale! Ginormous!”
Chapter 4
It had been many months since the departure of Adam with Kendra and Saldana from the City of Light and, as everyone subsequently learned, Misti too. The communication between the City of Light and Germany had, at first, been non-existent, so everyone thought it would still remain so. This led everyone, other than Alana, to be even angrier with Adam, believing that he didn’t care enough about them to even wonder where everyone was, and how they were doing.
No one had left. They just kept quiet, thinking the anger would subside, tempers would cool, and they would all just go back to work as if nothing happened.
Only Alana and a few others in Nabataea knew the truth; Alana and the King were getting regular reports from Germany as a result of a secure communications project that Adam had discussed with the King before he left. Adam and the King talked occasionally, but the King passed on the state of affairs to Alana. Adam knew nothing of what Alana passed and, so a secret was kept that maybe shouldn’t have. But it was.
This time however, it wasn’t the arbitrary decision of Adam St. James who could be insensitive at best and
cruel at worst. This time it was the arbitrary decision of Alana for reasons of her own.
She assembled everyone in the larger family for a conversation.
She began, “Thank you all for coming to this urgent, and short notice meeting. We have arrived at a critical time when final decisions are being made. I asked Rod and Cindy Suarez to come too because they have something important to say.”
She looked over at Rod and Cindy, standing off to one side.
“When Adam left, he was angry, and said some very harsh things. Hannah, you were very angry with him, and told him so; he said things to you I know he didn’t mean. But things said cannot be unsaid, especially hurtful and unkind things. What Adam said to you was unforgiveable if he meant it; I can only say that he did not. He’s regretful and struggles with his intemperate actions toward everyone, you most of all. He’s in daily pain over it and wishes he could make it right somehow. He doesn’t know how. I don’t say this so you will forgive and forget, only so you understand that things aren’t always what they seem.
“His mind is tortured, and he aches from the anguish he feels.”
Hannah said, “And you know this how? None of us has heard from him or his most favored women since they left. Unless you’re suddenly a psychic, I fail to see how you can be telling me or anyone here the truth.”
“I am not psychic, but I have been in touch, and in communication every day with Germany. I have informed your wife of the anguish Adam feels, but asked her to not tell you. We are all in danger, now more than ever. From governments, not the least of which are our own American agencies, religious organizations, zealots who are threatened by the Way, the Collective, marauding bands of wild Gens, big business interests and organized crime. The governments that attacked us at the Manor have leaked out who we are, and what we are doing. They don’t tell the truth, of course, but this is their way of putting us under constant threat of danger, and pressure from all directions including those we may know little about. If we are killed, so much the better. Attrition, and pressure on Adam to quit, to relent, to give in. We know much of the deadliest resources arrayed against us, and we may never know who they are or where the threat comes from until it’s too late.”
Rod spoke up, “But, I can assure you, we will not be any less dead. If we stick together, we have a chance to win this whole thing. If we fight amongst ourselves and fall apart, we will surely lose. My brother is not just important, he’s essential to what we do, but he cannot do this on his own. He needs us even when he’s an ass, and arrogant, as he has been lately. But please try to understand why he acts this way. His concern over our safety is the most important thing, the uppermost concern in his mind. He believes if we breach his protocols about where we are, a simple slip of the tongue may mean we’re all dead. Adam doesn’t explain himself or his reasons well; he’s too impatient, and can be incredibly arbitrary and insensitive. He’s selfish, arrogant and self-centered. In the past, the only person who could tolerate him was Cindy, my wife. The rest of the family found ways to avoid being around him when he got into one of his ‘moods’. But that was different then; he was just a petulant child. This is just different, even if it feels the same. Like Alana says, please don’t leave us. I’m begging you please to all stay and fight this out. We need you to win this struggle, and we have no choice but to win.”
Cindy spoke up. “I have spoken to Adam a few times because I know where he is and have visited him. Literally for minutes at a time, alone in the deep of the night led to secret places by the Gens Germania. I have never criticized my brother, and always stayed out of his dealings with the world and women. But no longer. I have had very difficult and unfriendly discussions with him about his recent behavior, and especially about the women who love him. I can say that he believes at this point that it’s more important to keep you safe than it is for you to love him. It’s painful to see the anguish in his face. He understands the hurt he’s causing but doesn’t know any other way to keep you safe.”
Cindy paused and looked right at Hannah.
“Adam feels the weight, the heavy burden on his shoulders, and wants only to protect everyone he loves. That’s all of you here. He feels he can never be wrong and, if he is just once, the things that happened to Vera and to Hannah will happen over and over again. It has made him a different man than the boy I grew up with. He loses patience when he shouldn’t; not because he thinks he’s better or smarter than the rest of us, but because he knows what the consequences are to those who love him. He believes only one person can ultimately decide what to do, and that person is Adam St. James. He will bear the weight and the consequences. Misti has only recently figured this out. She’s with him in Germany and has become a convert to his way of thinking for the duration. I would have said that was a near impossibility only a few months ago.”
Hannah said, “All he ever had to do was say something and let us share the burden. I know you all want us to stay, but nothing said here today changes my mind. I’m leaving. So should all of you.”
Hannah turned, and left heading in the direction of her quarters. Vera remained.
Alana said, “We don’t have all the facts to do as Hannah suggests. There is much to share, and much to explain. Tomorrow a guest, actually several, have taken the time to come and visit us on a mission Adam gave her. She will tell us new, and fantastical things, and you must all attend. It’s vital to have the knowledge she will share before you decide what to do. Adam would go insane if he knew this but she’s tougher than even him. Her power and strength are not describable and there is nothing Adam could say or do to impede her decisions. When she acts, she acts for all of us. She’s calm and measured; a true follower of the Way and the Balance.”
She continued, “Please consider her plea, and her knowledge, and come to this place again at dawn. There is so much you need to learn, and I can only share a part. And the part I share may only make things worse, but it’s time and we must all now decide for ourselves.”
***
Vera arrived back at her quarters with her wife. “Well that was an interesting display and show you put on. Do you feel better now?”
“I’m not in the mood, Vera. You need to start packing. We leave tomorrow.”
“Since when did you start making decisions for me? When did you start deciding what I want, what’s best for me or what I want to do?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. You know I didn’t. But you’re my wife, and we must stick together.”
“Without consulting me. Even Adam wouldn’t do that. And by the way, pack for yourself because I’m not leaving. This is your decision, and I respect it, but do not, and I mean this, do not ever fucking try something like this again. You’re my wife, but I’m not a child, and will not be treated as one. I defer to you a lot because I trust you, and your judgment. But that doesn’t mean I work for you or can’t make my own decisions. I have made mind up and I’m staying.”
“How will that work, Vera,” Hannah snarled. “If you don’t come with me, you’re stuck here, on your own. How will you support yourself some day? You need me.”
“Don’t be absurd. I’m wealthier than you, more sophisticated than you, better travelled than you, and am independent, and far better equipped than you to fend for myself alone. I survived my father, his beatings and abuse. By contrast, you grew up in Disneyland. Don’t ever talk to me like that again or it’ll be me kicking you out on your ass. And don’t think I can’t do it because I can.”
“Your money is tied up or frozen, just like mine by the authorities. You’ve got zero. No credit cards, no reserves and nowhere to go. Your parents are dead; you can’t even go back to Portland. The estate is tied up by the IRS.”
“Nope. Not even close. Adam and Edward moved all their money around and took mine too. Buried it so, deep that no one will ever find it. I’m hot, rich and will soon be single. Good luck wherever you go, sweetie. No doubt you’ll be so much happier on your own.”
“Very smart. So,
I’m the one who’s screwed? Left out again by the St. James men.”
“Hardly. They moved your assets too. And your parents. You’ll do all right. Good luck.”
Hannah tried to change the subject.
“And it doesn’t bother you that we were kidnapped by that insane bitch that Adam is now likely sleeping with? You should hate him for even contemplating keeping her alive.”
“Is that what’s really bothering you Hannah. Really?”
“Of course, it is. That’s what this is about, and always has been. She’s still breathing and is now by his side.”
“You can fool yourself if you want, but don’t try to lie to me. You have never forgiven yourself for letting him go. You were mad at him, so you pushed him away. Then you punished him as much as you could. By the time you figured out what an asshole you had been, how foolish you were to treat him like that, it was too late. He was with Misti and you met me. You love me, I know that. But you still can’t hide how you feel about him. And about yourself.”
“You know nothing about how I feel.”
“I know everything, dearie. I’m not as dumb as you seem to think I am. And I tolerate your yearnings for the one thing you desire most but cannot ever have. Adam St. James all to yourself.”
Vera paused, then piled on.
“And I know that you feel like it should be you having his babies, it should be you at the center of his life, it should be you he comes home to each night and wraps his arms around. Not Misti the psycho or even Alana. You. And only you. But that fantasy will never come true, and now you make me feel like second prize. Well, I’m not. And you’re no longer first prize either. Leave. Leave in the morning but leave the keys on the table. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. We’re through.”
Vera turned and walked out, leaving for the Nabatean capital, and a visit with King Abdul. She had things to ask him; things she needed to plan. Then she would go to visit Alana and cry her eyes out for the one woman she had truly only ever loved. She would spend the night with Alana who would understand and comfort her.
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