by Ilana Waters
“It’s not! I mean, you can. I mean . . . you’re already perfect to me.” I tried to think of what to say. Although certain parts of me were getting very uncomfortable, I couldn’t imagine I was more uncomfortable than Colleen.
“If others have a problem with the way I am, or with anyone who’s intersex, that’s their problem,” Colleen grumbled, almost to herself.
Intersex. A definition—borne from years of reading encyclopedias on long car rides—popped into my head:
A personal whose anatomy does not wholly fit the definition of male or female.
Now, I understood why Colleen had been reluctant to tell me. She probably figured I would take her for a freak. But I didn’t, because she wasn’t. Besides, practically everyone already thought I was a freak. We were perfect for each other.
Colleen turned to me. “Most people don’t know the truth about me, anyway. Oh, why did I ever believe this would work?” She squeezed her eyes shut and hung her head again. “Why did you? What were you thinking?”
At that moment, what I was thinking was that I really, really wanted to get laid.
But it was more than that. I was thinking how this was everything I’d tried to avoid. Not sex, of course. But getting close. Getting involved. Being subject to every ridiculous, fairy-tale cliché in the book. But they still all happened.
“Truthfully, I don’t see any reason to be upset here.” I took a chance and sat closer to her, our hips and the sides of our naked bums touching. “Why are you interpreting anything other than immediate acceptance as rejection? Can’t I be surprised first? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you. That I’m not still mad about you. About your body. That I don’t still desperately want to . . . you know.”
Colleen’s face softened. She looked at me and bit her lip. “Sure you do,” she said quietly. “Now. When it’s a novelty. But when that’s over, it won’t be exciting anymore. You’ll get bored with me. You’ll want to go back to . . .” She waved her hand vaguely in the air. “Whatever you knew before.”
“Which was essentially nothing. Colleen, you’re a person, not a novelty. I’m not here because I’m craving some new thrill. I’m craving you. I mean, of course, I want thrills . . .” My gaze wandered toward her inner thigh, where the pillow blocked the crucial bits. “But I want to experience them with you. That’s kind of the point. I want to fence with you, and fight with you, and do every important thing with you.”
“Look.” I called the hem of the bedsheet to my hand and dabbed Colleen’s wet cheek with it. “I’ll admit, when I came to Equinox, I thought love was a crock. That I was doomed to be a lonely, miserable pariah my entire life. That nothing in my life would ever change for the better. But then, in the blink of an eye, it did. Because of you, Colleen. You made me realize that anything is possible. You taught me that, Colleen. It’s the most profound magic I’ve ever known.”
“Really?” She wiped the hollow beneath her eyes in that way girls do when they don’t want to smudge their makeup.
“Really.”
Colleen’s entire face lit up, transforming her back into the girl I knew, the girl I loved. She pulled me into her arms. The pillow covering her body fell away. Our mouths and chests and hips pressed together all at once as I felt her weight on top of me.
Finally, we were skin to skin, our hearts throbbing against one another as they beat in unison. Gardenia scent rose off Colleen in waves. Heat rose off both of us. Even with my face against hers, I could see our energy fusing, red and yellow clinging to one another until they melted into one indistinguishable color. It was so real and so right and so true. Our pulses were pounding, and everything was soaring, soaring, resounding in one triumphant YES!
Nothing was as I’d ever imagined. Not this school. Not Colleen. Nothing. The things I was sure were important turned out not to be. The ones I couldn’t care less about turned out to be vital. But as I lay there later that night with Colleen in my arms, I thought about how Specs hadn’t lied when he said life was full of surprises. Maybe, somewhere in there, was hope.
I can honestly say, even after the bizarre decades of events that followed, it was probably the most magical night of my life.
***
I have no memory of how I got back to my own room in the wee hours of the morning. All I knew was that Oliver didn’t wake up, for which I was grateful. I do remember feeling like I was floating. Dreaming. Not quite part of this reality. Past the euphoria was a place of serenity, a peacefulness in my heart I thought I’d never feel. I closed my eyes in sleep just as dawn was peeking over the horizon, and for once, did not dread waking.
That was before Miles started pounding on my door an hour later.
I groaned and looked at the clock on my nightstand. Crap. I’d slept through breakfast. I sat up, yawned, and rubbed my eyes. I was so drowsy. I wondered how I’d make it through the day, let alone Tournament, after staying up all night. Even with a mage’s reduced need for sleep, my energy expenditure over the last several hours had gone through the roof. But none of that mattered now. I smiled as I stretched and walked to the door. After all, I had Colleen.
“Josh! Josh, mate, open up!” Miles’s fist was still hammering the other side of the door. “It’s urgent.”
“What it is?” I yawned again, then pulled the door open. A frantic, wild-eyed Miles was on the other side.
“Why are you still here?” Miles demanded. “MacLeod said he tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world. Eventually, he just gave up.” I glanced at Oliver’s side of the room. As usual, it was neat as a pin. The bed was empty and completely made up—hospital corners and all.
“And why are you still in your clothes from yesterday?” Miles’s face scrunched in confusion as he looked me up and down. Then, he shook his head. “Never mind. You have to come quick.” He grabbed my arm and started dragging me out of the room.
“So I missed breakfast. I’ll have a big lunch. It’ll be fine. What’s the rush?”
Miles shook his head again as he pulled me through the hall. “Forget breakfast and lunch, mate. It’s Colleen.”
“She’s dying.”
Chapter 22
My heart stopped.
“Dying?” I echoed. “But she can’t be. I just saw her a few hours ago. She was fine.” Any lingering drowsiness burned away in a surge of adrenaline. My heart started up again. Now, it was pounding uncontrollably.
“Well, she’s not fine anymore,” Miles said. From the paleness in his face, I knew he wasn’t kidding. He let go of my arm, and together, we dashed down out of the House of Air. “Look, there’s no time to explain. We’ve got to get to the infirmary now.”
Colleen’s a witch, I thought. We ran hell-for-leather, skidding down the halls of Equinox’s main building. She’s supposed to live forever. How can she be dying? Was it possible that sleeping with her did . . . something? I’d heard of sex magic that opened portals to hell, but generally, that kind of thing had to be planned in advance.
We burst into the infirmary to see Specs, the four housemasters, and Nurse Garcia, as well as Pen and Suyin. They surrounded a bed similar to the one I’d seen Rosemary in only a few months ago. Their faces were grim. Miles and I arrived at the bedside, and when the group parted, we could see Colleen lying there.
Her complexion was beyond ashen. Her lips were practically white. Her breath came in shallow gasps, hair undone and spread around her like a yellow snow angel. The corner of her shirt was lifted up. I could see a gauze bandage pressed just below her rib cage, with bright red blood in the center.
“She keeps asking for you, Joshua.” Miles bit his lip.
“Are you sure we should be letting this young man into the infirmary?” asked Burgess. “I’m not sure he’s such a good influence—”
“Joshua.” Colleen tried to smile when she saw me. She mouthed my name again. “Joshua.”
“I’m here, darling.” I knelt by Colleen’s head and clasped her hand in both of min
e. It was covered with dried blood. “I’m right here.”
“I’ve already called her father,” Specs said. “He’s on his way. But I must confess . . .” He lowered his voice. “It doesn’t look good.”
“What happened?” I demanded.
“We were practicing early for Tournament.” Pen motioned to herself and Suyin. “The whole fire team. Colleen was supposed to be there, as captain, but she was late. Then, she comes stumbling out onto the field, holding her side, all bloody—” Tears spilled from Pen’s eyes, and her voice caught in her throat. “And she just collapsed. I don’t understand it,” Pen sobbed. Miles put his arm around her. Suyin rubbed her other arm, weeping silently. “She looked all green and waxy, and then she just collapsed.”
“I was in the bleachers with a few mates from House of Water,” Miles said. “Had a free period, so I came to cheer Pen on. Saw the whole thing.” He shook his head. “I don’t get it, either.”
“And Victor and his lot just walked off.” Suyin’s face twisted in disgust. “Victor said he was sure we had everything ‘under control.’ ”
“Rather nonchalant in the face of his captain’s sudden fall,” Professor Yen said.
“That’s Victor for you,” Suyin said bitterly.
Probably skulked away so he could plot his next move. Like trying to kill someone else. Why did I have a gut feeling Victor was behind this?
“Did she say anything?” I asked. I mopped beads of perspiration from Colleen’s forehead with my coat cuff. “Did she tell you what happened? Who did this to her?”
“From what we can make out,” Professor Martinez put one hand to her collar, “Ms. McKay was getting the fencing weapons ready, like she does every morning. She said she thought she saw someone running toward the swords, which were facing with their tips out—”
“Running toward them?” I echoed. Colleen winced when Nurse Garcia taped another bandage on top of the first, which was soaked with blood. I grasped her fingers even more tightly in mine, but her grip was growing weaker. “With the sharpest end pointing out?”
Martinez gestured helplessly. “That’s what she said. That a figure who looked like the one Rosemary described—tall, pale, definitely a boy—well, she thought they were trying to cause themselves an injury.”
“But how’s that possible?” Miles asked. “All the foils and things have safety tips.”
“The ends of these foils had their safety tips removed,” said Professor Yen. “We don’t know when, or by whom.”
“It couldn’t have been Colleen,” Suyin said adamantly. “She would never do something so reckless. And she’d never be daft enough to store swords with their tips facing out.”
“Anyway,” Martinez continued, “Ms. McKay says she rushed forward to stop them, but the figure vanished. When she looked down, she realized she’d been stabbed with one of the swords.”
“But why is she still bleeding?” I practically shouted. “She’s a witch. The wound should have healed by now.” Sure enough, Nurse Garcia was taping a third bandage over the second blood-soaked one.
“We tried suturing it, and even cauterizing it,” Garcia said. Colleen shuddered at the word “cauterizing.” I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt. I clutched Colleen’s hand even harder. “But this wound isn’t an ordinary wound.”
“A closer examination of the sword points revealed they had all been tinged with witch-poison.” Specs removed his glasses and polished them with a small cloth from his breast pocket. “A potion that keeps wounds from healing.”
Pen sucked in her breath. “So even a blood transfusion wouldn’t do any good,” she whispered.
Professor Burgess shook his head. “It’s like I said before, Gilliam: that’s not possible. I know which potion you’re talking about, and we don’t keep it on the premises. It’s only used for the most advanced classes, and is destroyed as soon as it’s made. The formula isn’t even written down.” He tapped a finger on the side of his head. “I had to memorize it.”
A feeling of dread came over me. “I don’t think you need that formula to work this kind of spell,” I said. “All you’d need was an ordinary healing potion—without enough bloodmoss.” Everyone was giving me confused looks. “Think about it.” I stood up and let go of Colleen’s hand, but only so Nurse Garcia could bring a cup of water to her lips. “A witch gets stabbed. Her magic instantly works to close the wound. Now, add a healing potion. The potion’s magic would keep trying to work with the witch’s system, over and over, because that’s the way it’s designed. But the cycle would never complete without the bloodmoss, so the person would bleed out.” Colleen will bleed out. I looked back down at her. She was moaning, even paler than before, her breathing shallower.
Miles snapped his fingers. “Then all we need is bloodmoss. Right?” He looked from person to person. “That should let the spell’s cycle complete, and Colleen will heal right up.”
“It’s worth a try.” Burgess nodded sharply. “Nurse Garcia, if you would be so kind as to hurry—” But the nurse had already retrieved a patch of bloodmoss. She lifted Colleen’s bandages and placed it over the wound. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. Coward, I could all but hear my father say. Such squeamishness isn’t fit for a general’s son. Have I taught you nothing? But I told the voice in my head to go to hell. The woman I loved lay before me, dying. Forgive me for not wanting to witness it in gory detail.
As it turned out, I didn’t have to watch Colleen die. Not this day, anyway. Miraculously, the bloodmoss was absorbed into the wound. We watched it turn the color of Colleen’s flesh. Then, it disappeared completely, leaving clear, scar-free skin in its place. Immediately, some of the color returned to Colleen’s cheeks, and she took deeper breaths. The bloody bandages fell to the floor.
Nurse Garcia gasped. Pen sobbed with joy and buried her head in Miles’s shoulder. Miles pumped his fist in the air and cried, “Yes!” Suyin squealed. The professors smiled and clapped each other on the shoulders. I leaned over and kissed Colleen harder than I ever had. Even harder than last night.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, I thought to no one in particular as she pressed her lips against mine. Thank you with everything I have in me. Everyone saw us kissing like mad, but I didn’t care. Specs just stood, arms folded, staring severely at Colleen. As if he still expected her to die at any moment.
“It . . . it worked,” Colleen croaked as our lips broke apart. She struggled to sit up. I gently held her shoulders forward as Nurse Garcia arranged the pillows behind her. “I can’t believe it worked. Joshua . . . Miles . . . everyone . . .” She glanced around. “Thank you. Thank gods it’s over.”
“Not yet, I’m afraid, Ms. McKay.” Specs adjusted his glasses. “Although we’re grateful you’re all right, there is still the small matter of how this happened in the first place. Professor Stone,” he said quietly, “please ring Mr. McKay immediately and let him know his daughter is well again. And that other aspects of this morning’s events are still under investigation.” Stone nodded. She picked up her skirts, and ran out of the room faster than I’d ever seen her do anything.
“It’s like I told Professor Martinez.” Colleen sucked water through a straw, Nurse Garcia holding the cup in front of her. “I was trying to stop whoever it was from dashing into the foils.”
“Ms. McKay, no one in their right mind would willfully run into a row full of swords,” Professor Yen said.
“I can’t tell you why I saw what I saw.” Colleen licked her cracked lips. “Only that I did. And I know I didn’t leave the foils like that the night before. Or ever, for that matter.”
“We knew you weren’t daft,” Suyin said. Pen nodded vigorously, trying to discreetly wipe the tears from her cheeks.
“Thanks, Su.” Colleen put her hand to her face, then touched her hair. Gawds! she thought to me. I must look ghastly.
You look beautiful, I thought back. They were the truest words I’d ever spoken.
&
nbsp; “Anyway,” Colleen continued, trying to smooth her tangled hair, “the figure was just like Rosemary described. Tall, thin, with dark hair.”
“The ghostly figure that doesn’t exist?” Professor Yen put his hand to his chin. “Are you sure? Perhaps you and Rosemary were seeing things because . . . oh, I don’t know . . . lack of sleep or something?”
Colleen met my eyes for a fraction of a second, then looked away. She shook her head fiercely. “No. Rosemary was right. I know I saw someone. I called for him to get away from the foils, but he wouldn’t listen. I saw him running forward. I knew I had to stop him. And then I was running, and he was gone, and I was . . .” Colleen looked to where her wound had been, and fell back on the pillows.
“Maybe it really is a ghost, then.” Miles’s eyes widened. “Maybe that’s how they killed themselves. It’s the spirit of someone who met death at the end of a sword.”
Specs heaved a deep sigh. “No student of Equinox has ever been killed by swordfight—partnered or solo—in all the years I have been headmaster. Until last autumn, Mr. Alderman and Ms. McKay were the only ones who came close.”
I remembered how Colleen told me she’d always been in charge of the swords. I’m the first to get them out in the morning and the last to lock them up at night. And it wasn’t a secret; the whole school knew. Including an evil little blighter named Wright.
“Victor engineered this somehow.” I pounded my fist into my palm. “I’m sure of it. He knew he could never best Colleen in physical combat magic. If he wanted to harm her, it had to be with some kind of trick.”
Professor Burgess clucked his tongue. “Now, why would Mr. Wright want to harm Ms. McKay?”
“Victor doesn’t need a reason to be an ass,” I replied. “He just is.” But there must be a reason, I thought to myself. He may be a sadist, but he’s a calculating sadist. Taking out Colleen was a big risk. Something he’d only do if there was the possibility of a substantial reward.