by James, Lylah
Killian shifted behind me, leaning in closer. My brow furrowed when I felt a hardness poking into my back. When I realized what it was, I let out a barely audible gasp.
Yes, I was a virgin, inexperienced, knowing very little about sex. But I wasn’t innocent. I watched porn a few times. I knew enough about the male anatomy to know what was currently pressing against the curve of my ass.
But fuck – I didn’t know how to react. Do I lean back into him?
Except he made the decision for me. Killian shifted again and I no longer felt his erection pressing into me. I almost whimpered in disappointment.
“Perfect, baby,” he whispered roughly in my ears. “You’re a natural, Grace.”
Sweet hell, I almost combusted right there.
Fire blazed through my veins and I nodded, licking my lips. “Thank you.”
We did one more lap around the open field before we slowed to a stop. “How do you feel?” Killian asked.
“I… I don’t… know,” I stuttered.
He grasped my right hand in his and brought it to my chest, pressing my open palm over my beating heart. “Let me ask you again, how do you feel?”
My heart thudded, adrenaline coursing through my body. I felt hazy and… almost intoxicated.
“I feel… exhilarated. Like I had just done the impossible,” I breathed through the lump in my throat. “I feel heady and fuzzy. And happy. I feel… warm.”
“Good,” Killian praised, releasing my hand.
He dismounted first. Coal neighed in response, stomping once. I leaned down to Killian and he pulled me off the horse. It was a clumsy attempt and I stumbled into him, once my feet were on the ground. My legs were shaky, but he wrapped one strong arm around my waist, anchoring me to him.
Killian helped me to a stack of hay, before leading Coal back into his stall.
When he returned, he found me still perched in the spot he had left me. “You look beautifully flushed,” Killian noted, coming to stand in front of me. Our shoes touched and he was close enough for me to reach out and touch him.
I looked up at his face, into his dark eyes. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“Oh, is the lady looking for a compliment?”
My lips pursed. “Fine. You know what, don’t say anything else. I’m leaving.”
He chuckled but when I made a move to get off the hay, Killian leaned forward and braced his hands on either side of me. He caged me between his arms. “I know very well how to tame brats, Gracelynn. So, don’t be a brat.”
I flushed, feeling the heat rise up to my cheeks. “How dare you–”
“Gorgeous,” he said and I shut up.
“Fascinating. Delicate. Graceful. Dazzling. Stunning. You’re not just beautiful, Grace. You’re bewitching and so fucking divine. I want–”
My fingers gripped the collar of his shirt and I pulled him to me, slamming my lips against his. I gasped and he groaned.
The deep rumble resonated through my body. His lips were full and soft. He tasted of mint, rich chocolate and sin.
My heart dipped into my stomach and my head swam. We stayed like this for a second, both of us surprised by my impulsive action.
One heartbeat. Thud.
Two heartbeats. Thud. Thud.
His scent surrounded me; his taste engulfed me.
Killian nipped my lower lips, teasingly. The gentle bite stung and I whimpered.
My eyes fluttered closed as Killian lowered his body atop of mine, pushing me back into the hay. He clutched the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss, fiercely and almost obsessively. As if he had hungered for me for a decade. Like he had been dying to do just that for the longest time. To kiss me.
To devour me.
He licked the seams of my lips and I gasped, which opened my mouth for him. His tongue slid inside, tasting me. I burned for him, my body melting into his solid strength, and I was weak and powerless.
A woman full of need. I craved Killian Spencer.
I had never been kissed before and had nothing to compare to this moment – but this kiss, it was everything.
His lips on mine.
His body against mine.
His need reflecting my own.
Killian swallowed my moan and breathed into my mouth, feeding me his taste. It wasn’t just a nest of butterflies in my stomach. It was the whole damn zoo, while my heart was torn.
My body was no longer my own as I curled my arms around the back of his neck. My tongue met his, inexperienced and tentative. His tongue tangled with mine and then he used his teeth, biting down on my swollen lips.
I was starved for him and he kissed me like he was a warrior who had just come from a bloody battle and I was his prize.
Killian brutalized my lips and the kiss turned feral.
Sweet hell.
The inside of my thighs was coated with lust for him and I squeezed my legs together, trying to alleviate the intense ache between them. My hips arched up, involuntarily rocking against his. His hard length dug between the juncture of my thighs.
“Grace,” he groaned.
That did it. As if cold water had been dumped over my head, I froze. My brain scurried, chasing the haze away.
What have I done?
My eyes snapped open and I gasped, pushing against Killian’s chest.
He pulled back, our lips finally finding reprieve from each other. His dark gaze, intense and burning with desires, landed on mine. His black hair was tousled and he licked his lips, deliberately slow, as if to taste the remnant of our kiss.
Guilt slashed through me, like a sharp blade cutting my flesh open. I bled, with agony coursing through my cold veins.
I exhaled, my chest rattling with a shudder. “We shouldn’t have–”
Killian pressed his index finger to my swollen lips, effectively shutting me up. “Don’t regret this now, Grace.”
My eyes squeezed shut as he said that name – her name.
His lips whispered over the corner of my mouth and then along my jaw, a featherlight touch. “Please,” he said, his voice deep and thick like sweet molasses.
“I don’t regret it.” I lied between my teeth.
I felt his smile on my skin. “Good. Because I want to do it again. Not today. You already look well ravished and I don’t want to scare you away.”
“You can’t scare me away,” I breathed, my eyes fluttering open.
It is me who will scare you away. My truth will.
Killian pulled me up and he let out a deep chuckle, picking the hay out of my hair. “Jesus, I’m a mess,” I grumbled under my breath.
“I quite approve of you being a mess, Miss Romano,” he rasped, with a pleased look on his handsome face. “Especially since I’m responsible for it.”
I patted my rumpled dress, making sure I was decent enough. “And you’re a rogue, Mr. Spencer.”
Killian raked his fingers through my wild, platinum-blonde hair, before curling a strand around his index finger. “Your hair… was the first thing that captured my attention. It’s such a light blonde, it’s almost white when the sunlight catches it.”
Bringing the curled strand to his nose, he inhaled. “And it smells like strawberry.”
“It’s my shampoo,” I said, my voice quaking.
Killian’s lips curled up into a crooked grin. “I have a newfound appetite for strawberries.”
He released my hair and I licked my lips, taking a step back away from him. “I have to go now.”
Killian gave me a slight bow. “Good day, Miss Romano.”
“Good day, Killian.”
I spun around and ran.
I didn’t stop until I bolted through the door of my room and crashed onto my bed. Shoving my face into my pillows.
A wounded scream spilled from my throat.
And for the first time since I met Killian Spencer, a lonely tear slid down my cheek.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE PAST
Julianna
I sat on my bed,
wringing my hands on my lap while my sister paced back and forth.
“Julianna,” she hissed through clenched teeth. Her forehead creased with tension lines, and I worried that the stress wouldn’t be good for her and the baby.
Four hour ago, her pregnancy test came back positive. My sister was pregnant, and the way she had collapsed in horror, I knew this wasn’t planned.
After the shock had worn off, I realized just how much more complicated the situation had become. And it was time to tell Gracelynn the truth.
About my forbidden affair… with the man she was betrothed to.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. For the fourth time. But my apologies weren’t going to fix this situation. I couldn’t go back and change the past. And as much as I hated to admit it, I didn’t want to undo my lies.
As bitter as my lies were – I found peace within them. I found Killian.
“Do you realize what you’ve done?”
I nodded, voicelessly. I wanted to defend myself, but I couldn’t find the words to do so. Gracelynn speared me with a dark look before she resumed going back and forth, her fists clenched at her sides. Her pacing was making me dizzy.
My left leg jerked, barely noticeable, but I felt the muscle spasm. My fingertips tingled and I worried that this could be one of my symptoms for an oncoming seizure. God, I hoped not. I haven’t had a seizure in almost four months. This was my longest streak.
“Dad is going to blow a fuse,” she warned.
“You’re not interested in Killian, anyway. You’re in love with Simon,” I muttered, as if that excused what I had done.
“Yes, but I am betrothed to Killian! You – oh for Pete’s sake. This is a mess! How did you even fool him?”
“I didn’t fool him,” I cried. “That was never my intention. When I introduced myself as Gracelynn, I never expected to see him again. But then, it was like something kept pulling me to him. I tried to stop, Gracelynn. Trust me, I tried.”
“You didn’t try hard enough,” she accused. “You don’t realize just how dangerous your lies are.”
“It’s more than that. We, uh…kissed.”
“What? When?” she growled.
“Two weeks ago… and there have been a lot more kisses since then.”
She rubbed a hand over her face, an exasperated sound rumbling from her throat. “How long has this been going on? When did you and Killian start – whatever it is you started?”
“About two months,” I whispered.
Gracelynn gasped. “Two months! And you’re just telling me this now?”
“I was scared!” I cried.
“Scared of me?”
I blinked, appalled she’d think such a thing. “What – no! I just wanted… I didn’t want it to end. I was, am scared of losing Killian.”
My sister and I had always been very close and the only reason I told her the truth was because I trusted her. Gracelynn would never betray me. Especially when it came to my happiness.
Her expression turned forlorn, almost like she pitied me. “You’ve lost him anyway when you started this relationship based on a lie.”
“You don’t understand,” I whispered, my voice breaking.
Gracelynn came closer, kneeling in front of me. She grasped my hands in hers, squeezing. There was tenderness in her gaze, almost motherly. “Then make me understand, Jules. Tell me what’s in your head. I need to know.”
I remembered the first time I saw Killian, when I thought he was a simple stableman. A man with no status. And now, I wished he really was. It would have made it so much easier to love him.
And I did. Love him.
I didn’t know when it happened or how it happened. It was painful loving someone from afar, in the shadows – in secret, while knowing your love was never to be. From the beginning.
I let a secret love kindle within me, knowing full well it could never be returned. But when it was reciprocated, I realized just how dangerous it was. Just how cruel fate could be.
Killian Spencer was everything I could ever need – the Prince Charming I had dreamed of when I was a little girl – but he was nothing I could ever have.
Still, I loved him.
And I wanted to defy the odds to have him.
For once, I wanted to be selfish.
“Killian,” I started, swallowing. “No one ever sees me for who I am, but with Killian, he makes me feel important and heard. I feel seen for the first time in my life, Gracelynn. Wanted and desired. He understands me, the woman behind Julianna Romano.”
I squeezed Gracelynn’s hand, remembering the day I told him about my accident and my fear of horses. How he neither judged, nor looked at me like I was someone insignificant.
While my father sought to trap me, Killian simply wanted me to let go of my fear. To live. To feel.
“Killian doesn’t see me as a weakness or treat me like I’m fragile. He doesn’t look at me as if I lack something and I don’t feel incomplete with him. Or that my existence is wrong and futile. Because Killian sees me for who I am and that’s enough. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Gracelynn sighed, her brows furrowing. “Oh, Julianna.”
“I fear losing that. Him. The feeling he gives me. The emotions he evokes in me. I don’t want to lose that, Gracelynn,” I confessed, my deepest fear pouring into my words.
“Yes, but our father – I am the woman Killian is meant to marry,” my sister said, deeply troubled. “In fact, Killian thinks he’s marrying Gracelynn, the eldest daughter of Bishop Romano.”
Even though my sister wasn’t in love with Killian, she would never disappoint our father. She’d go ahead with this marriage, even if it meant losing the man she loved.
She was selfless.
And I was selfish.
My heart seized in my chest. The mere thought of my sister and Killian together made me sick. I imagined his lips on hers and bitter jealous crawled up my body, digging itself deep into the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t bear it – to watch him hold Gracelynn as tenderly as he held me.
I knew that eventually Killian would fall in love with my sister. It was bound to happen. Gracelynn was beautiful, smart, selfless, understanding… everything Killian Spencer needed in a wife. Someone who would rule by his side – his Queen. His equal.
My stomach hollowed and I fought the urge to retch.
“But he’s been courting me,” I whispered. “He’s mine.”
“Killian is not an object, sister.”
“I know that,” I hissed.
When I tried to pull my hand away, Gracelynn held fast. Our eyes locked and she held my gaze with utter seriousness. “He needs to know the truth, so he can make his choice.”
“I can’t,” I choked, my chest tightening in a way that hurt. “He’ll hate me.”
My sister shook her head, solemnly. “He’ll find out either way. Soon enough. But he needs to hear it from you than someone else.”
“You don’t even want to marry him,” I said, lamely. “You’re pregnant with Simon’s child and I know abortion is not an option for you. How unfair is that to Killian if you marry him?”
That made Gracelynn pause. She cocked her head to the side, her brows furrowing thoughtfully. “You’re right. I don’t want to marry Killian. I think… we might have a solution to our problems.”
I straightened at that, hope blooming in my chest like a fragile rose. “What do you mean?”
Gracelynn had been in love with Simon for three years. He was her bodyguard in France. They spent every breathing moment together – of course, it was bound to happen. Simon was everything my sister wanted in a man.
And I knew their love was true. I saw it in Simon’s eyes. The way his gaze tracked my sister, so carefully, so tenderly whenever they were in the same room together.
I noticed his mischievous grin and her hidden smile.
The look of longing and the little stolen touches.
Their love was never meant to be, like my own with Killian.
But fate – oh how cruel it was. Destiny brought two men into our lives. Men we couldn’t have, yet we had succumbed to their charms. Such forbidden love was a tragedy in the making.
Gracelynn’s gaze met mine. “What?” I breathed, my heart galloping.
“I think I have a plan.”
I curled my arm around Killian’s waist, pressing my face into his neck. My nose brushed along his throat and I inhaled his musky and earthy scent. “My father would blow a fuse if he were to see us like this, alone,” I whispered.
Killian worked through my thick tresses with expert fingers. My lips twitched with a knowing smile. “You do this on purpose,” he accused, softly. “I used to hate strawberries, but now I find myself eating them more often because they remind me of you.”
I swooned. For the third time in my life.
All three times had to do with Killian Spencer.
Once my tresses had come undone, he made a sound of approval in the back of his throat and my smile widened. Killian raked his fingers through my blonde hair, curling a strand around his finger. “You’re my wife-to-be. Your father can’t stop me from seeing you.”
“Yes, but he specifically said we needed a chaperone,” I said. “He’s old-fashioned like that.”
“Fuck that.” Killian rolled over, dragging me under his body and pushing my back into the blanket. He hovered over me. “We were seeing each other before we were even betrothed. If I hadn’t defiled you then, I promise to protect your virtue now. I mean, apart from some stolen kisses and touches…”
We were both still fully clothed, but his warmth seeped through our many layers and I could feel it on my skin. “Oh please, don’t ever say that in front of my father.”
Killian gave me his signature crooked grin. “It’s our secret,” he breathed.
“Our secret,” I whispered.
Little does he know…
My eyes darted to the dark sky, just in time to catch what we had been waiting for. “Look!” I whisper-yelled, excitement coursing through my body. “The first shooting star. Oh my, it’s beautiful.”
“Hmm.”
I pushed at his shoulders. “Killian, look!”
“I am,” he rasped, before leaning down and claiming my lips.