“Tigritsa,” he says. It sounds animalistic, guttural.
“Bates,” I whisper.
He doesn’t come for me. He doesn’t console me or pick me up and tell me everything is going to be okay. Instead, he turns from me. He leaves. He walks away, leaving me on my knees surrounded by my husband’s blood.
Immediately, tears fill my eyes—not because Scotty has died, but because Bates has left me. I’m under no illusion that he needs a moment to collect his thoughts. No, I saw the light dim; the horrors return in his eyes. He’s gone.
“Come on, babe,” Paxton says, crouching down next to me. I watch as a Prospect and Johnny drag my husband out of the dirty bathroom. I look up to Paxton with tears in my eyes.
“He’s gone,” I whisper.
“Yeah, babe, and he ain’t never comin’ back,” he grunts.
“No, not Scotty. Bates,” I mutter.
“He’ll come around,” he says. The look on his face is telling me what I already know.
Bates is gone. Done. Out.
I let Paxton guide me toward the bedroom’s when Fury stops in front of us.
“Take my room, it has a bathroom attached, you can clean up there,” he mutters, handing Paxton the key.
I turn around to thank him and see Bates leaning against the wall, a joint in his hand and his eyes focused on me. They aren’t dead, heated, or full of horror, no he looks—bored. I turn back around, unable to look at him another second.
How did this happen?
Why did this happen?
Haven’t I suffered enough?
I finally find my happiness and now it’s all fucked up. All fucked up because of Scotty, because Bates had to kill for me.
I hate that it happened and I wish he would talk to me, hold me, assure me that everything is going to be okay, instead of staring at me with that bored expression on his face.
Paxton locks us inside of Fury’s room and I’m glad for it. I don’t want to be around anybody, but I need this fucking blood off of me—now.
“Will you, can you…” I begin.
Thankfully, he understands and nods. I stand against the locked door as he checks out the bathroom.
“All clear,” he says softly.
I nod once and make my way toward the bathroom. Once I step past him, he takes the door handle and starts to close it. I put my hand up, stopping his movement.
“Please, leave it open. I just can’t. Can you stay in here? I don’t care if you see me, I just can’t be alone,” I murmur.
“I’ll do whatever you want me to, Brentlee,” he whispers.
I have a feeling he means more than just helping me right now. I don’t care, though. Right now, I can’t think.
I quickly strip out of my bloodied clothes and completely disrobe. I look in the mirror, but avoid my face.
Instead, my eyes focus on the reflection of my Bates tattoo. My fingers trace his name when I hear Pax clear his throat.
“He’ll get his head outta his ass, babe,” he states.
“I don’t think he will,” I murmur. “Not unless I fight for him.”
Paxton doesn’t say another word as I step into the hot stream of water that he started for me. I use Fury’s soap and what appears to be Kentlee’s fruity shampoo.
I let the clean smell envelope me. I close my eyes and wash away the blood and the hurt from my marriage with Scotty.
After this shower, I never want to think of him again. I’ll tell Stella about him when she’s old enough.
For now, she knows enough, more than enough.
I want to move on with my life. I want my daughter to live in a world where she isn’t afraid of anything—ever.
“Babe,” Paxton’s voice floats through the shower.
“Yeah,” I call out.
“I need to get you home,” he murmurs.
I turn the shower off and he thrusts a towel through the curtain. I dry off and wrap it around myself.
“I need something to wear,” I say, standing in front of him, fresh faced and wrapped in a towel.
I feel better. At least my body does. My mind, however, is a completely different story. I’m a jumbled up mess.
“Come on, I’ll take you to my room, get you some clothes,” he murmurs.
I bend down to grab my bloodied clothes and he presses his hand against my back. I look up into his coffee colored eyes and he shakes his head.
“I’ll take care of all that later tonight. Let me get you outta here, babe,” he says, his voice soft, sweet, and even.
I nod and allow him to guide me toward his room, his hand on the small of my back.
When we arrive at Paxton’s room, I look up and tears immediately well in my eyes. Standing with his back against the wall is Bates. His dazed eyes are on me, completely focused on me. When I trail the length of his body, there’s Star.
On her knees, sucking his cock.
My stomach turns at the sight. He’s mine. His dick is mine. I look back up to him and my eyes connect with his.
A smirk tugs on his lips, but his eyes, they’re still dazed and bored. I don’t see his fire. I don’t see anything of the Bates I know and love. It makes my heart ache. It pisses me off.
What a fucking asshole.
Chapter Twenty-Three
SNIPER
I wrap my hand in Star’s hair and pull her off of my dick. She looks up at me with wide eyes, hopeful eyes, and it makes me sick.
I release her and slide away from the wall, tucking my semi-hard cock in my pants. I’m surprised it’s even a semi. I’m not in the least bit turned on.
“Sniper,” Star whines from her place on her knees.
“Get the fuck outta here,” I grunt.
Star opens her mouth to say something else, but I can’t muster a fuck to give. I turn and walk away from her, straight to my room.
I slam and lock the door behind me before I walk over to the bed. I sink down and reach between my legs for a bottle of Jack. I say a silent thanks when I find a completely brand-new, unopened bottle.
I open it and take a long drink of the amber liquor. I’m such a fucking fuck-up. I lean against the headboard and I continue to drink.
One pull after the other.
I close my eyes and think back to earlier tonight. I was so fucking excited to see my woman, my Brentlee. A week being away from her was excruciating.
I didn’t want to ever do it again. I missed her, not just her pussy, but her. I missed her smell, the way she smiled up at me, the way she looked at me.
I walked into the clubhouse and asked the prospect behind the bar where she was. When he told me the bathroom, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get my dick wet before she went back to work.
When I tried the handle and the door was locked, I knew something was wrong. Hearing a man’s voice on the other side sent a shiver down my spine. I pulled my gun out of my shoulder holster and kicked the flimsy as fuck door down.
He had her on her knees. Scotty had my woman on her knees for him. I pulled the trigger. One shot was all I needed, and I took it.
I added another soul to the notch on my belt in hell.
I killed another human.
I didn’t want to think about what that made my number. The devil is keeping a tally; I don’t need to.
The look of shock on her face, I’ll never forget it. I ruined her. I sullied her. I killed in front of her.
Brentlee was covered in blood because of me.
I’m not good for her.
I’m not good for her daughter.
I’ll keep making her dirty.
I’ll continue to ruin her.
I ruin everything.
There’s no way around it, she’s seen a portion of the evil I can inflict on another person without batting an eyelash. No way in fuck is she going to want me anywhere near her or her innocent child. I’m the piece of shit my dad always said I was, useless and fucking dumb.
I close my eyes and all I can see is her face covered in ano
ther person’s blood, as a result of me. I’m not sad I killed Scotty. I should have done it earlier.
I’m pissed at myself for doing it in front of her. For giving her more brutality in her life. She should be living easy now, I should be making her shit easy, not fucking her up even more.
* * *
I wake the next morning and take a sip from the Jack, swishing it around my mouth before I spit it out on the floor. No reason to keep my room clean. I could live in my own filth, because that’s what I am—filthy.
I look off into the empty space and think back to the night before. Brentlee is gone. I made sure she wouldn’t come back and fight for me, too. I would give in to her pretty honey colored eyes in a heartbeat.
I spend the day in solitary.
Alone.
Drinking.
I don’t want to see another person. I don’t want to see the look of pity in their eyes, and I don’t want to give in to my own temptations and go to Brentlee. I need to be alone.
BRENTLEE
I wake up, my eyes swollen, my head hurting like hell. I roll over and crash into a hard body. For a split second, I think it’s Bates, that he’s come home, but when my hand flies to his chest I discover it’s covered in a shirt.
Bates doesn’t sleep next to me with clothes on. I open my eyes and see Paxton Hill looking down on me.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble. He shrugs sitting up.
“For what, Brent?” he asks as if he hasn’t a care in the world.
How nice that must be. I couldn’t remember a time I was carefree.
“Everything. Making you stay,” I sigh, standing.
I look down and realize that I’m in Paxton’s shirt and gym shorts. I’m surprised I didn’t catch fire wearing another man’s clothes in Bates’ bed.
“I’ll always be here for you, babe,” he murmurs.
“Pax…” I start. He puts his hand up.
“I know you’re in love with him, Brent. But he ain’t here. I’ll help you anyway you’ll let me, but I ain’t gonna slide into his bed, babe. That ain’t me. You’re a good woman and you need a man that’s gonna take care of you,” he says.
I nod, unable to say another word. All I can think about is the fact that Scotty’s dead and Bates doesn’t want me anymore, or he’s just fucked up about what’s happened.
I don’t know what he’s thinking.
He killed for me and then went to the arms of another woman.
Who does that?
“Go take a hot shower. I’ll get Stella some breakfast started,” he murmurs.
I’m so fucking thankful for him right now, I don’t question his motives for helping; instead, I nod and practically run into the bathroom.
Once I am finally under the spray of the warm water, I cry, again. Everything is shit. Bates is gone. I can’t even think about Scotty and what almost happened.
All I can focus on is Bates and how he doesn’t want me anymore. God, I’m so fucking pathetic and needy. I shake off the doom, the pain, and the feelings of desperation.
Bates doesn’t want me.
So what?
Even if my heart and body want him, it doesn’t matter. I’ve marked my body with his name, I gave all of me to him. All of his talk was nothing but bullshit. Something major happens and he runs instead of talking to me, instead of dealing with it together.
I don’t understand him.
Fuck Scotty and fuck Bates.
I dress in a pair of cut off shorts and a loose oversized t-shirt. I have to tuck it in in the front so that it doesn’t look like I’m going pantless.
I glance in the mirror and cringe at my face. I look pretty beat up. Not the worst I’ve been, but certainly not the best. I gather my makeup and begin to apply it. I know how to minimize bruises with contouring and layering.
I’ve studied at length how to look flawless. Hopefully this is the last time I ever have to use this knowledge I have.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Paxton says as I walk into the kitchen.
He’s sitting at the table, shoveling scrambled eggs and toast into his mouth. Stella mimics him, doing the same. She turns to me and gives me her huge bright smile.
I know in this moment, no matter what happens in my love life, she’s what’s most important—her and her happiness.
“Hey,” I say shyly.
I take a plate and load it with eggs and toast before I join Paxton and Stella at the table. It should feel awkward and uncomfortable, eating breakfast with another man, but it doesn’t. It feels friendly, like eating breakfast with Fury.
Paxton is hot, but he doesn’t make me hot. Only one man can do that. But Paxton is comfortable, and there is something to be said about comfort.
Don’t we always love our most comforting clothes, or our food? Paxton is like Mac & Cheese, comfy and warm.
“What are you planning for the day?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I murmur.
“You’re free now, babe. No reason to hide out. Go and do whatever you want.” He winks.
I suck in a breath. He’s right. I’m not stuck. I’m completely free to go about my own business.
“What’ll happen to his house and all his things?” I murmur.
“You want anything from there?” he asks, his eyes darkening.
“No, just curious,” I shrug, taking a sip from my orange juice.
“When his body’s found, they’ll probably, eventually, contact you. It could all be yours, but his parents will probably fight it because you guys were in the middle of a divorce,” he shrugs.
“Makes sense,” I say.
“So you didn’t answer my question. What are you planning today?” he asks, smirking at me before he winks.
“No clue,” I say.
“Spend it with me and Stella,” he suggests. I look down to Stella who is looking at us with confusion. “At the BBQ. Did you forget?” he asks chuckling.
“I shouldn’t go there,” I mutter. Paxton lifts his hand and cups my uninjured cheek.
“You should. That’s your family. Fury, Kentlee, Bear, Ellie and all us brothers, we’re your family, babe. Have a few beers, eat some good food, and just relax,” he says. I give him a shaky smile.
“Okay,” I agree with a nod.
“I’ll take you two, but we gotta leave soon so I can get changed into some clean clothes before the party,” he says.
I spend the next thirty minutes getting Stella and myself ready while Paxton watches television on the couch. I change my top, leaving my short cut-offs on, since it’s warm outside.
I put on a loose fitting, flowing tank top. I style my hair in a simple side braid and slide a pair of converse on my feet. I touch up my makeup and hope that it holds in the heat.
I dress Stella in a cute little girl maxi dress, putting her blonde curls in pigtails and giggle at how adorable she is.
I take her hand and guide her to the living room, where Paxton is focused on the television. He turns to us and smiles widely.
“Prettiest girls I’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on,” he says dramatically. I roll my eyes.
“You’re cheesy,” I grumble. He chuckles as he wraps his hand around my waist.
“I am. But you are pretty,” he says softly.
“Pax…”
“Don’t. I know,” he says, dropping his hand from my waist and stalking out the door. With a heavy sigh, I follow him.
“Where Bates?” Stella asks a few minutes later as we wait outside of Paxton’s apartment while he changes.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “He is… away,” I lie.
“Miss him,” she murmurs. She hasn’t mentioned her actual father once, yet she misses Bates after just over a week.
“Me too,” I whisper as I watch Paxton descend the staircase of his apartment complex.
We drive in silence to the party. I’m nervous, and my stomach is in knots. Bates is going to be there and it’s going to hurt to see him. Just yesterday, I was his woman, and he�
��s walked away from me.
Could I forgive him if he asked for it? I probably would, without question.
I’d throw myself at him because I love him, and I’m committed to him. Committed to make it work, at whatever the cost. I’ve seen him kill, and yet I still love him and still want him. Nothing could make me love him less, nothing but his betrayal of me or Stella.
Betrayal I’m not sure he hasn’t already committed. I knew it was too soon to get into this with Bates. I should have listened to my heart and not let my body rule my decisions. Here I am dependent on him, waiting for him to tell me what’s going to happen next.
I feel a warmth squeeze my hand, and I look down and then over to Paxton. He’s comforting me. He’s so fucking sweet, I don’t deserve him. Not when I know we’d never be anything more than bed partners, if that.
“You should just leave me alone, Paxton. I’m a mess,” I whisper.
“Yeah, know that. You’re a gorgeous mess, though. Also, I’m a big boy, I can handle being fucked around a little,” he chuckles before he gets out of the car and shuts the door behind him. I try not to think about his words. I need to ignore them—ignore him.
Stella and I climb out of the pick-up and quickly walk over to a waiting Paxton. He’s got a grin on his face as he takes Stella’s offered hand.
She may not know what’s happening, but I like the fact that she’s comfortable around Paxton.
Regardless of what goes down in my personal life, I know that Paxton’s a good man, always has been.
When Kentlee see’s us walking toward the party as a unit, her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. Then, she’s on me. She’s charging me like a bull.
It’s a little frightening, but I know she’s probably just worried and confused. Paxton rests his hand on my back and leans down so that his lips are practically touching my ear.
“I’ll take Stella to the other kids,” he murmurs.
“Thanks,” I croak.
Kentlee reaches me as Paxton straightens. He winks at her and guides Stella ahead of us. I watch as he drops her off with her cousin, Bear, and a bunch of other kids playing on a little playground gym they have set up.
The Notorious Devils MC: Complete Collection BoxSet Page 47