by Amy Clipston
Anna looped her arm around Marlene’s shoulder and steered her back toward the barn. Her pretty face broke out into a grin. “You have a date?”
“No,” Marlene said, trying to hush Anna. “It’s not a date. Rudy just invited me to visit with freinden. That’s all it is, so don’t make more of it than that.”
“I think he likes you.”
“Why would you say that?” Marlene tried to ignore how her heart danced at the idea.
“He was watching you during the service.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
“Ya, he was.” Anna spun to face her. “He was watching you a lot.” She wagged a finger at Marlene. “He likes you, and I think it’s wunderbaar. He’s a really nice man. He’d be gut for you.”
Marlene grabbed her sister’s finger to stop it from wagging. “Stop it. Just knock it off. Rudy is mei freind, and that’s it.”
“If you say so.” Anna grinned and then hugged her. “See you later. Go have some fun.”
“You too.” Marlene turned and headed toward where Rudy stood, leaning against his buggy door and talking to Neil. He looked so handsome in his Sunday black-and-white suit. He seemed taller, and his shoulders seemed even wider and broader than usual. The thought sent a tingly wave of warmth through her.
Where was this attraction coming from? The last thing she needed was a relationship to complicate her already complicated life. She needed Rudy to be her friend and nothing more.
He turned toward her and smiled, his handsome face brightening. “Are you ready?”
“Ya.” She straightened the hem of her apron as she approached him.
“Great.” Rudy looked at Neil. “We’ll see you there.”
Neil smiled at them both, then headed to his buggy.
Marlene climbed into the passenger side and crossed her arms over her waist as Rudy hopped in and grabbed the reins.
“Did Anna and Betsy go to their youth group?” Rudy asked, guiding the horse toward the road.
“Ya.” Marlene turned toward him. “Anna was froh to see me actually getting out of the haus today.”
“Oh ya?” He grinned. “That’s gut.”
“Sometimes I feel like the odd one out, you know?”
He gave her a sideways glance. “Why is that?”
“Well, Anna and Betsy are both the same age, and I’m the older one. It’s as if they’re schweschdere and I’m not.” Why was it so easy to confess her innermost thoughts and feelings to him?
He nodded slowly. “That makes sense, but you’re here with me. We’ll have our own fun this afternoon.”
“Right.” She settled back in the seat and smiled. She wouldn’t let her worries get her down today.
An amiable silence settled over them as she watched the traffic and farmland speed by outside the buggy. When Rudy guided the horse onto the road that led to her former farmhouse, her heart lurched and she gasped.
“Are you all right?” Rudy asked.
She nodded, but a pang lit in her chest—a mixture of grief, longing, and panic—when the little white farmhouse came into view. How had she not realized they were driving this way?
“This used to be our farmhouse, Rudy.”
“Oh, Marlene, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about—”
“It’s okay.” She turned toward him. “Can we stop for a minute?”
“Of course.” Rudy guided the horse to the grass in front of the house and halted. “Take your time.”
“Danki.” Marlene climbed out of the buggy and came around to the grass. Her legs wobbled as she took in the little two-story house with its wraparound porch and red barn. A knot of emotion tightened inside of her as memories of her mother overtook her mind. She recalled her mother humming as she made breakfast and smiling as she hung out the laundry from the back porch. She could almost see her mother standing in front of her, could almost hear her voice. Her body thrummed, and wetness gathered beneath her eyes.
Marlene blinked away a tear when she realized Rudy had come to stand beside her. She gave him a sad smile as heaviness settled around her heart. “I could get lost in the memories. I have been too nervous to come by here.” Her eyes closed. “You must think I’m a coward.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t think that at all.”
“It feels like we lived here just yesterday.” Marlene turned back toward the house. “I can still smell the kitchen when she was baking bread. Hear the sound of her voice when she sang, believing no one was listening.”
Her hand shook as she rubbed at a knot forming in her shoulder. “She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. She gave the best hugs. She always knew how to make me smile, even when I’d had a bad day or someone at school had hurt my feelings.”
“Who hurt your feelings?”
When she turned to face him, his expression was bold. Why was Rudy worried about something that had happened when they were children?
“Oh, it was nothing.” She waved off the comment as more memories doused her. Then something deep inside of her unlocked, allowing a torrent of words to flow from her lips. “When we found out she had cancer, the doctors said it was too advanced for the treatments to work. I prayed and prayed for her, begging God not to take her, but she was gone in only a matter of months.”
“I’m so sorry.” Rudy reached for her hand, and Marlene gasped when their skin brushed. A startling pulse zipped up her arm as his fingers enveloped hers.
Marlene studied his milk chocolate eyes. Had he noticed the sizzle between them, or was she the only one to feel it?
Then he let go of her hand and stepped away from her. “Sorry. What were you saying?” When he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed.
Marlene’s hand still tingled where Rudy’s hand had been. “She was gone so quickly, and mei dat changed. He worked later hours at his roofing jobs. He hardly ever spoke and he never smiled.” She sniffed and shook her head. “And then one day he said we were moving. There was no discussion. I think he wanted to escape the memories.”
Closing her eyes, she spoke through the rawness. “Some days I wonder what life would be like if Mamm had never gotten sick. Would my parents still live here? Would I have met someone in my former church district and gotten married? Would I be living on a farm and starting a family right now?” She turned toward Rudy and found him studying her. The intensity in his eyes sent a shiver through her.
She turned toward the buggy to escape his eyes and the unfamiliar feelings they rendered. “We should go. I’m sorry for holding us up.”
“Marlene. Wait.”
She spun to face him, and he gestured back toward the house.
“We can stay here as long as you want.” He pointed to the ground. “If you want to sit here and talk all afternoon, we can. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”
His thoughtfulness surprised her, and she paused to gather her thoughts. “Danki, Rudy. But I’m ready to go.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. I really want to meet your freinden.” She turned her back on the house and climbed into the buggy as he hopped up on the other side.
He took hold of the reins and faced her. “They’re going to be your freinden too before the end of the day.”
“I hope so.” And she did.
Marlene sipped her lemonade and sat on a bale of hay while Rudy and Neil played Ping-Pong in the middle of Paul’s barn. She set the cup next to her on the bale and looked toward three young women talking in the corner. Across the barn, four more young men stood clustered near the Ping-Pong table, laughing and heckling each other good-naturedly.
Folding her arms over her apron, Marlene watched Rudy as he hit the ball so hard it launched over Neil’s head and flew to the other side of the barn. When Rudy bent at the waist and laughed, Marlene delighted in the sound.
Though she was grateful he had invited her today, she still felt like an outsider. Everyone had said hello to her, but she had faded into the corner as conversations ab
out people she didn’t know filled the air. She couldn’t possibly catch up with the years of friendship and closeness that connected the other members of the group.
While Rudy continued playing Ping-Pong with Neil, Marlene stood and headed outside of the barn. She wandered toward the pasture fence, breathing in the mid-June evening air as the sunset above her stained the sky with brilliant streaks of orange and yellow. She leaned forward on the split rail and watched Paul’s father’s horses frolic in the lush field. She was admiring one of the mares when an arm brushed against hers.
“Were you going to steal my horse and buggy and sneak home while I was busy beating Neil?”
She looked up at Rudy and chuckled. “Of course not!”
“Likely story.” He leaned back against the fence and pursed his lips. “So, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
She blinked. That was the second time in two days that Rudy had called her pretty. Did he truly believe it, or was he simply being kind?
The thought sent excitement fluttering through her like a hummingbird’s wings. After all of these years, maybe Rudy Swarey had finally noticed her.
“Are you going to make me guess?” He rubbed his chin, oblivious to her inner turmoil. “Let’s see. You’re bored out of your mind and you regret your decision to come today.”
“I’m not bored.”
“Ach. But you do regret coming with me.” He placed a hand on his chest. “That hurts.”
“Not exactly.” She turned back toward the horses. “I just feel so out of place. I was born here, but I haven’t lived here for ten years. I barely know anyone, and I can’t compete with the history you and your freinden share.”
“Well, you won’t get to know anyone until you try talking to them.” He gestured toward the barn. “Why don’t you come back inside, and I can introduce you around again?” When she hesitated, he bumped his shoulder against hers. “Come on, Marlene. Please do it for me.”
She looked up at his puppy dog expression and couldn’t suppress her laugh. “Okay.”
“Great.” He held out his hand, and she took it, enjoying the warmth and comfort of his skin. Had she ever felt so protected and cherished when she was with Colin?
The thought left her dizzy with confusion for a moment—but then she chided herself. Stop thinking of Rudy as more than a friend, Marlene!
When they reached the barn, he steered her over to the group of young women.
“Aary Mae,” he said. “Don’t you have relatives in Shipshewana?”
“Ya, I do.” A pretty brunette turned toward them. “I have a few cousins there. I was just there to visit last fall.”
“Really?” Rudy drew out the word. “Well, Marlene lived there for ten years.”
“No kidding.” Aary Mae smiled at her as the other young women gathered around them. “Where in Shipshewana did you live?”
Rudy walked back over to the Ping-Pong table as Marlene began to chat with the other young woman.
When Marlene glanced over at Rudy, he winked at her and returned to the game.
CHAPTER 6
Did you have fun today?” Rudy glanced over at Marlene as he guided the horse down the main road toward the street where her aunt’s farm was located.
“I did.” She nodded with enthusiasm, her face lighting up with a smile. “Danki for inviting me.”
“Danki for coming with me.” He directed the horse onto her aunt’s road. “Did you have a good conversation with Aary Mae?”
“Ya.” She offered an adorable, sheepish expression. “Talking about Shipshewana broke the ice. We wound up discussing all kinds of other subjects, like recipes, sewing, and our favorite kinds of books. The other maed were nice too. I feel like I made some new freinden tonight.”
“Great.” Relief flooded him. Even if she’d only made one friend, then she’d made a connection to the community. Perhaps she wouldn’t feel like a stranger in Bird-in-Hand anymore.
“Why haven’t you dated any of them?”
“What?” Rudy gave her a quick glance before turning into her aunt’s driveway.
“I asked why you haven’t dated any of the maed. They all seem to like you. Aary Mae is really schee, and so is Suzanne. They all spoke very highly of you when I told them you had invited me to come today.” She touched the buggy door as she looked at him. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked one of them out.”
His mouth moved, but he was unsure of how to respond. He’d never once considered asking out Aary Mae, Suzanne, or any of the young women who had been at Paul’s house today. The idea had never occurred to him.
“I don’t like them that way,” he said.
“I’m surprised.” When he halted the horse by the back porch, she picked up her purse from the floorboard of the buggy and turned to Rudy. “I had a really nice time today.”
“I did too. Thanks again for coming with me.”
“Gern gschehne.” She smiled warmly at him, and the tendril of hair that she’d brushed out of her face several times today cascaded down her cheek.
Without any forethought, Rudy reached out and brushed the lock of hair back, anchoring it behind her ear. She sucked in a breath at his touch, and warmth spread through him as he breathed in the flowery scent of her perfume.
When he felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to kiss her, he leaned down and then froze.
What am I doing? We’re not dating! She’s only mei freind!
He shifted away from her and cleared his throat, but she continued to stare up at him—her chest moving up and down as she breathed deeply.
“Gut nacht.” He grabbed the reins and looked out the windshield. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Gut nacht,” she said, climbing out of the buggy. Then she hurried up the back porch steps and disappeared into the house.
Once she was gone, Rudy cupped his hand to his forehead and tried to calm his racing pulse. Then he closed his eyes and tried to even out his breaths.
He had almost kissed Marlene! What had come over him?
When he touched her cheek, he’d felt an invisible magnet pulling him toward her. The thought of kissing her had felt natural, but it was wrong. Wasn’t it?
They didn’t know each other well, and she had even implied that he should date someone else. She’d even stated that she wasn’t sure if she belonged in Bird-in-Hand. Trying to date Marlene would only end in heartbreak.
“I’m losing my mind,” he whispered as he guided the horse back down the driveway and toward the road.
He had to put all thoughts of dating her out of his mind. She was his friend—his good friend—and also his coworker. To see her would complicate things too much, and he’d run the risk of ruining both their friendship and their working rapport.
The horse trotted onto the road where his parents’ farmhouse was located. Rudy knew as he maneuvered toward a stopping point that he had to erase all romantic thoughts about Marlene from his mind.
But somehow, he already knew how hard that task would be.
Marlene rushed up to the bedroom she shared with Anna and flopped on their bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she cupped her hands to her burning cheeks. She was almost certain Rudy had nearly kissed her in the buggy. And she’d wanted him to kiss her!
Hold on a minute, Marlene. You aren’t a teenager with a crush anymore. Rudy is a grown man!
She rolled over and moaned into her pillow. What was she thinking? Rudy was wonderful. He was handsome, funny, kind, thoughtful, and understanding. He was almost perfect. He had become her best friend in Bird-in-Hand, and he’d gone out of his way to make her feel at home. But wanting more than that from Rudy would run the risk of destroying their very special friendship.
After all, they both had long-term relationships behind them that had ended with painful breakups. Why would she want to chance dating Rudy if losing him forever were a possibility?
With a sigh, Marlene leaned forward, stood up, and changed into her nightgown. After brushing her teeth, she ret
urned to the bed and scooted under the sheet.
As she rolled to face the window, her thoughts lingered on Rudy and the fun afternoon she’d spent with him and his friends. She was so grateful for his friendship, and she hoped one day he would understand just how much it meant to her.
She also hoped her friendship meant a lot to him.
A month later, Rudy came up behind Marlene in the tool aisle. “Is that what you call stocking shelves?” he teased.
“Excuse me?” She spun to face him, her hand jammed on her small hip. “You think you could stock it better?”
“I most certainly do.” He reached for the tape measure in her hand, but she waved it above her head. “Give me that!”
“Nope!” She stepped to her right and then her left. “It’s mine.”
“Hand it over.” He went after her, and she squealed when he grabbed her arm. “Give it to me.”
“No! No!” She giggled and tried to free her arm. “I’ll never let you have it! Let me go!” She giggled again.
“Ahem.”
When someone cleared his throat behind them, Rudy spun to find Neil watching with a wide grin on his face.
“Hi, Neil,” Marlene said.
“Hey, Neil.” Rudy did his best to sound casual. “What are you doing here?”
“I just came for my paycheck.” Neil’s grin widened. “Apparently I interrupted something.”
“No, you didn’t.” Marlene stuck her tongue out at Rudy, then hurried to the tape measure display and resumed stocking the shelves.
Rudy resisted the urge to continue their little game. How he enjoyed teasing her and laughing with her!
For the past month, he had done his best to put the notion of dating her out of his mind. Instead, he just relished her company. He cherished the days they worked together since she made them more enjoyable. She brightened up the store with their conversations at lunch, and as they worked out on the floor together, they often found themselves joking around.
Since the first Sunday she’d gone to Paul’s house, she had joined Rudy to visit friends on Sundays when her family didn’t insist she and Anna stay home. Rudy knew their friendship had grown by leaps and bounds, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that they could be more than friends. Still, his worry about losing her kept him from pursuing something more.