Survivor (Dragon Shifter Book 4)

by Naomi Sparks

  My mind drifts back to that day. I'd been scared out of my mind, but that didn't stop me from being able to hear his thoughts. Amasis was excited, far more than any sane person should have been. He was hopeful, since he’d been giving me his venom for so long, that I would be one of the success cases. I don't want to be one of the success cases, though. I don't want to have Amasis's baby. A miscarriage is preferable, but if I’m being honest with myself, being among the ones who die isn’t so bad. It would be better than having the baby and both of us becoming his prisoner.

  More than once since I planned my escape, I've considered an abortion. But even if that solves the immediate problem, it will most likely just create new ones. There's a good chance any doctor would notice something is different about my pregnancy, possibly figure out I was having a dragon's baby. Which could expose their kind to the public.

  And I know that wouldn't be a good idea. If dragons are exposed, it will just fuel Amasis's thirst for power. He won't settle for just bringing the supernatural world under his heel. He'll want the entire world bowing down before him. It's impossible to guage how many people would die in a war against him. I don't want to have those deaths hanging over my head.

  I lean back against the couch, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. I need to figure out what to do, where to go, but I can't seem to make a concrete plan form. I'd spent so much time planning the first stage of my escape, had everything nailed down, but now, I can't seem to think even five minutes into the future. It's like my mind is overwhelmed. Like it hadn't actually expected me to get this far.

  "Are you okay?" Hannah asks, making me jump. She's standing in the doorway looking at me with a concerned expression on her face. I can hear the worried thoughts coming from her.

  It makes me smile, hearing someone who actually cares. She doesn't seem to have any ulterior motives, she just wants to make sure I'm okay. I nod and push down my anxiety, letting myself pretend there's not an angry dragon and his mob after me.

  "I'm sorry Ezra put you through that," Hannah says as she takes a seat next to me. Having her close is comforting. How long has it been since I've just sat with another woman and talked? There's no interrogation or anything. Just two people sitting together, having a conversation. "He didn't mean to be an ass or anything. And he’s had it worse than most when it comes to Amasis, believe it or not."

  I nod, knowing she's right. I'd heard it myself. His anger hadn't been directed at me. It had been at Amasis. I'm not even sure why I'd gotten so upset over it. It was like something inside me had broken, and I couldn't stop until I'd gotten it all out. All the anger and rage I'd been bottling up for years just came pouring out all at once. And I wasn't even mad at Ezra either, it was Amasis I was truly angry with. Ezra just made an easy scapegoat, I guess.

  "I know. And I'm sorry for getting so angry at him. It all just came out, and I couldn't stop it." I let out a sigh and shake my head. "I guess I owe him an apology, huh?"

  To my surprise, Hannah just shakes her head. "Nah. Trust me, he wasn't upset at your outburst. None of us were. We all know how hard it must've been for you, being trapped like that." Hannah reaches out and takes my hands in hers. "None of them are big supporters of Amasis. They all have their reasons. Which is why I think you should stay here, with us. It'll be the safest place for you."

  "Hannah's right," another voice says from the doorway. It's Kyra this time, and she walks over to sit on the arm of the couch, on the other side of Hannah. "The guys will protect you. They won't let anyone come after you if you're with us."

  I know they mean the words they're saying, but I also know they're not saying everything they're thinking. Hannah's thoughts are clearest, her fears for Lex coming through like a beacon in the night. Amasis is after him, and she knows it. She just doesn't want to say it out loud and worry me.

  "And what about Lex? And the others? Amasis is after them, too," I say. I'm not sure why I contradicted what she'd said, but once again, the words are coming out of my mouth without me being able to stop them. "It's not exactly safe to stay with a group of dragons Amasis is already chasing, is it?"

  Both women flinch slightly, and I kick myself. They probably both think I'm an ass now. As if they hadn't already been worried about their mates, I had to drive the point home. God, I'm such an idiot. These two are being nice to me. I should be nice to them, too.

  "Well, he hasn't found them yet, has he?" Hannah says, still smiling and trying to stay positive. I liked that about her. She seemed to be unshakeable, like she could handle anything the world threw at her. She reminds me a lot of myself, before I'd met Amasis. For a moment, I wonder if I spend enough time with her, will that part of me resurface again?

  "It's because he's not hunting for them anymore," I say, offering to give them a little bit of hope again. Being Amasis’s prisoner hadn't been fun, but I imagine being on the run from him isn't much better. They're trapped in their own way.

  "He's not?" Lex's voice makes me jump again, and I curse myself. For someone who can read minds, I'm sure slipping today, letting people sneak up on me.

  I take a couple deep breaths to get my heart to settle back down, then I shake my head. "No, he's not mad at you any longer. He considers you a son. He's told the council more than once that he's forgiven you for your indiscretion. He wants you to come back to him, to join The Clutch and be by his side once more. Supposedly, that’s the reason he’s been looking for you."

  Lex snorts, as if he doesn't believe me. I can't blame him, since it wasn't until listening to Hannah's thoughts that I connected the dots and figured out who Lex really was. Amasis may not be angry at him anymore, but I know if he shields me from Amasis, it'll just anger him again. I don't want to be the reason Amasis comes after these guys, not after how they've all been so kind to me. They deserve better than that.

  "Did he tell you why he forgives me?" Lex asks suddenly. His thoughts are jammed now, he's suppressing them. I can probably break through his mental block if I tried, but I really don't want to. There's no reason for me to, now that I'm no longer Amasis's lapdog.

  I shake my head. It had never come up in any of the meetings. Besides, I'd never really been able to read Amasis's thoughts fully. So, I honestly have no idea why Amasis would forgive someone who betrayed him.

  "Her name was Siobhan." I can't get any clear thoughts from Lex, but I can feel the sadness leaking from his mind. It's tinged with anger and regret. I can tell he's fighting hard to control himself. "She was my lover for about a century."

  Hannah's eyes go wide, and I don't need to be a mind reader to know she hasn't heard this story before. Still, she doesn't seem upset at knowing Lex had a lover for a century, long before she came around.

  "She was a Fae woman. For a while, things were good between us. I loved her deeply. Which is why, when I found out what Amasis and the Clutch were doing to her and her people, I tried to get her to safety. We fled the Dragon Kingdom, but even though she was my lover, Amasis considered her entire race his property." Lex took deep breaths. His hands were balled into fists now, like he wanted to hit someone, anyone. "Amasis killed her in retribution. He said it was to teach me a lesson."

  I felt his pain as clearly as he did. Even without getting complete thoughts from him, I feel all of his emotions washing over me at once. I feel Hannah and Kyra's anguish and fear mixing together beneath the surface.

  "I tried to kill Amasis for that. I might have succeeded, too, if the rest of the council hadn't been there to defend him. They all turned their magic against me and drove me back, nearly killing me. It was only because of Galen that I was able to survive. He got me out and kept me from running back there to take my revenge on him while I recovered."

  No wonder he doesn't want to storm into the stronghold. He's learned from a previous attempt on Amasis's life. But I still feel his need for revenge, which is why he considered Jerrick's proposal to storm the castle and kill everyone in sight. He had reasons for considering both options, which is probabl
y what makes him such a good leader.

  It's probably why Amasis wants him back so badly, too. Lex is strong, and he's smart. He would be a valuable addition to the council, if he decided to rejoin The Clutch. With Lex on their side, it would probably cement Amasis's power and prevent anyone from daring to challenge him.

  "That sounds like something Amasis would do. I'm sorry you had to endure the loss of someone you loved deeply," I say at last, I know the pain he'd felt all too well. The image of Reggie appears in my mind, but I quickly push it away, not wanting to let those feeling surface again. "I can see why he's forgiven you now. He thinks you've suffered enough for your crimes. You could walk into his stronghold today, and he would welcome you with open arms."

  Just as he'd welcomed me back when I'd escaped before. He claims to be a merciful man, one who only does what is necessary. But I know it's all just a lie that he's convinced himself is the truth. Amasis is vindictive and controlling. He doesn't want to lose anyone he considers an asset. Which is why he won't kill me, no matter how many times I defy him and try to escape. He'll just make each attempt more painful than the last.

  "It would be safer, for you and your mate, if you went back to him," I say. What's that all about? I wonder. Why can't I control what I say to people? Why do my words just spill out of my mouth like this?

  I shouldn't try to convince Lex to go back to Amasis. If he goes back, he'll take me with him, and I'll be the one that faces punishment.

  But Lex shakes his head. "No. I won't go back to him. Sure, it'll be easier, and probably safer, but I'll never forgive him for what he's done. Not just to me, but to all the Fae and the other dragons and the humans he's abused."

  A wave of relief washes over me. Maybe all dragons aren't as bad as Amasis and the ones who serve him, maybe there are ones who could eventually take Amasis down and put an end to the way he treats the rest of the world. But, I won't get my hopes up just yet. There's still a lot that can go wrong, a lot of ways that lead me right back into Amasis's clutches.

  Then I notice the rest of the guys are back, standing near the doorway. They keep their distance, allowing us our space, but I notice none of them seem all that surprised about Lex's story. But then, why would they? They've probably all been together for a handful of my lifetimes at least. Of course, they would already know the hell Amasis put Lex through. They probably each have their personal stories as well.

  I lock eyes with Jerrick from across the room. I still can't pick up a stray thought from him. All the others, if I focus, I can get at least glimpses into what they're thinking, fragments or emotions. But with Jerrick, there's a brick wall right in front of me. I can't even see around it, much less get through. It's strange, and as much as I enjoy the silence, I find myself wondering what he's thinking.

  But then, I realize, I don't care all that much. Ever since Amasis started feeding me his venom, my powers have made it so only a few people can hide their thoughts from me. Even before then, before Amasis, being able to hear a person's thoughts made relationships difficult. Everyone needs some privacy, even from their lover.

  Even now, I can remember all the things Leon has thought about me. No matter how hard I tried to block it out, I would get his vivid dreams and fantasies. My stomach rolls as those thoughts come flooding back to me. I jump up off the couch and run toward the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I can hear their thoughts of confusion, even from the bathroom, but I can't focus on them as my breakfast comes back up.

  As I stand in front of the sink and rinse my mouth out, I hope it was just the memories that turned my stomach. I try to tell myself that it's too early to have morning sickness.

  When I step back out of the bathroom, everyone is watching me. Jerrick though, seems to be nearly staring a hole right through me. Once again, I wish I could hear his thoughts, but I quickly suppress that desire again. It throws me off to not hear what he's thinking, but I can adjust.

  "Thank you for letting me stay here," I blurt out, looking over at everyone. "I really appreciate it."

  Hannah and Kyra move to stand next to me again. They're both grinning as they take me by the hand and lead me upstairs. "Come on, let's go talk away from everyone. Then Kyra and I can run out and get you some things. You’re so tall, I don't think you'll fit in any of our outfits, and with these lug-heads around, we don't want you running around naked."

  I smile and let them lead me off, glad for a chance for forget everyone once again, a chance to be a normal woman for a little while.

  5

  Jerrick

  I stay downstairs with the guys and let Faith have some space away from everyone. Lex is talking with the others again, rehashing all of the options. I can see in his eyes how conflicted he is. He has more reason than most of us to hate Amasis, and I can tell it's killing him not being able to gather everyone up and bust into the stronghold. I want to do that too, but I get him not wanting to risk Hannah's life. Just like Farris doesn't want to risk Kyra either.

  It's still frustrating though, because we all know this is probably our best shot to strike a blow against The Clutch. The only question is whether we can make it a successful one. It won't be much of a blow against them if we all end up dead in the aftermath.

  Battle planning isn't exactly my strong suit, though. I’m not terrible at it, but I’m much better at the actual fighting. Galen is more suited to that way of thinking than I am. So, I stand there, leaning against the wall, thinking about Faith. She was helpful, giving us everything we asked about, but I still have the feeling she's hiding something from us, something important.

  At the same time, I don't want to push her. If she has secrets, there's probably a reason for them. It's not like she knows us all that well to trust us yet. I hope she'll eventually get there, but I know it will take time. Time is just another one of those things I'm not great at. You'd think after all this time I'd be better at waiting and being patient, but it's gotten worse over the years.

  I feel like I should do something, recon or interrogate some of Amasis's guys. Anything that might give us an advantage if Lex decides we should attack. Instead, I'm standing around here, doing nothing, and feeling useless.

  When Lex walks over, I perk up, hoping he had something for me to do. "I need to go up and talk to Faith, without everyone around. I'd like you to go up with me though, if you don't mind."

  "Yeah, sure," I say with a nod, even though that’s exactly what I don't want to do. If I go back up there with Faith, I’m not sure what will happen to me. I enjoy being around her, probably more than I should. I haven't lost control, but I’m also not completely in control of myself, either. It’s a strange feeling, one I’m not super excited about.

  Still, if Lex wants me to be up there while he speaks with Faith, I’ll do it. Part of being a Fire Rider is doing what he needs me to do, even if I don't always want to do it.

  So while the other guys stay downstairs, discussing God knows what, I follow Lex upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, the sound of female giggling reaches my ears, drifting from the direction of Lex's room.

  Lex chuckles and shakes his head. "I swear Hannah can get even the most stoic person to open up. Must be all those years she spent as a bartender."

  I nod, but I’m not really paying attention. I’m too focused on the laughter. It’s like music to my ears, making my heart flutter around inside again. This is the what worried me. I’m not even in the same room as her, and yet here I am, already feeling drawn toward her. I’m supposed to be a warrior, someone who can suppress their emotions and focus on the task at hand.

  With Faith though, it’s like all the training I went through, everything I've done over the years, has come undone.

  How can I successfully help fight against Amasis if my thoughts are constantly on her? What if I see Amasis and have a flash of the scars on her back? Will I be able to contain my rage and anger or will I act out of blind vengeance, heedless of the dangers?

  Is this what Lex and Faris feel for Han
nah and Kyra? Did they have to fight harder to control themselves when it comes to their mates?

  Is that what Faith is to me? My mate? Part of me thinks that would explain how I feel around her. But my attraction isn't anything like what the other two described, nor what Bo termed as the mating lust. Sure, there is an attraction there, something drawing me to her, but it isn't a deep, seething desire.

  I don't have an undeniable urge to claim her and make her mine. Instead, I’m more nervous and anxious than anything.

  Lex knocks on the door, jarring me out of my thoughts. Hannah opens it moments later, grinning at him. I watch as she steps forward, stands on her toes, and gives Lex a quick kiss. "What's up? Kyra and I were just about to run out and get some stuff for Faith. Did you need something?"

  Lex shakes his head, then pulls his mate into his arms. He kisses the top of her head and looks like he never wants to let her go. Isn't that how mates are supposed to act? Not looking at the other with distrust and confusion? "No, I just have a few more questions for Faith about the stronghold. I want to get a clearer idea of the place before I make any final decisions."

  "Okay," Hannah says with a nod. She looks up at him and smiles again. "Just don't push her too hard, okay? She's been through a lot."

  The two say their goodbyes, then Hannah and Kyra head downstairs. Lex and I walk into the room, and I close the door behind us, not wanting any of the others to eavesdrop. With a dragon's advanced hearing, it isn't like we can totally keep them from listening in, but it gives the appearance of privacy.

  She’s sitting at the edge of Lex and Hannah's bed, watching us. Her eyes are sharp, and even though she sometimes gives off the air of a broken woman, I doubt there’s much she misses. She’s sharp and intelligent, traits I admire in a woman. Still though, that reinforces the feeling she’s hiding something from us.