Twenty minutes later I had emailed five job possibilities to my personal email address to follow up with later.
By summer I would have a new job and finally be working my way to where I want to be. With the email sent I felt lighter. For too long I'd been standing still and getting on with it while I should have been making things happen for myself. Things were looking up and I was so positive that I didn't even care when The Ogre started calling for coffee.
I was so engrossed in making Harry a spread sheet that I didn't notice the time and Harry was knocking on my door. "Someone's here for you," he said.
"Oh," I replied, grabbing my handbag in a fluster. I wasn't prepared for Damon or his anger towards my boss and his shithead of a son. "I lost track of time."
"Perhaps in future you could have your men meet you somewhere else," he sneered.
Cheeky bastard. He made it sound like I met up with someone different every day.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Damon spat. I couldn't see him yet but I sure as hell would soon. I leapt out of my seat and ran to the door just as he stopped in front of Harry.
Holding my arm to his chest, I tried to stop him getting closer to Harry. "Damon, it's fine, let's go."
"It's not fine, Nell."
The Ogre came stomping over and I groaned inwardly. "What's going on here?"
"I was just letting Nell know her friend had arrived," Harry replied.
"You arse kissing little prick," Damon said. "You know exactly what you said to her."
"Now listen here," Ogre said, "I don't know who you are, nor do I care but I won't have you coming in here and talking to my son like that."
"You don't seem to give a shit about how you and your son talk to Nell."
"She's an employee," he said.
That was clearly not the right answer for Damon. Or me. I put my hand on his chest as he stepped forwards, tilting his head in a threatening manner. "You fucking what? You hired her so that gives you a right to treat her like shit, is that what you're telling me?"
"I'm not telling you anything. I don't need to justify anything to you or anyone else."
Damon's body tensed under my hand and any other time it would have turned me on. "It's not about justification, it's about not being a tosser. You treat her with the respect she deserves or I'll be coming back."
"Damon, please," I whispered. I was so goddam pissed off with him for coming in here I wanted to kick and punch him.
"Are you threatening me?" Ogre asked, trying to straighten his back but the weight of his gut prevented him moving too much.
"Yes," Damon replied, not missing a beat. "What the fuck else could I have meant by that?"
Sighing, I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry for the second time. Crying made me feel like a helpless, scared child and I didn't ever want to feel like that again. A dark cloud wrapped its way around me and I felt sick. I'm okay, I'm not a kid anymore.
"Come on, Damon," I snapped, pushing him towards the door.
I looked back and winced.
The Ogre's face was bright red as he added, "Back by one, Nell." As if I'd suddenly forgotten when my lunch break ended.
I didn't reply or look back again as we left the building. "What the hell was that?" I yelled the second the door closed.
Sighing sharply through his teeth, he threw his hands up. "I'm not sorry, Nell. I wasn't going to do that but the more I thought about it the more it pissed me off and then I heard what he said. He has no right to treat you that way."
"I know he doesn't but I can handle it. Damon, shit, I need this job."
"No you don't."
"I can't live off hopes and fucking dreams, can I?" I hissed, throwing my arms in the air.
He caught my hand and I felt him instantly calm down a fraction. "How many times do I have to tell you there's a job where I work? Can working with me really be worse than what you put up with?"
"Of course not, Damon, but..."
"But what?"
"Things would get complicated if we worked together as well as slept together. You said yourself years ago that there were certain rules to making this work."
He looked at me like I'd grown another head. We were both comfortable with being friends and hanging out but we didn't want to cross the line by putting ourselves into positions we couldn't easily get out of, like not sharing student accommodation when we went on to the same Uni and working in the same place.
"Yeah, back when we were sixteen and still feeling our way through the boundaries that worked for us. Things have changed, Nell. We're older, more mature, and I'd like to think we're capable of working for the same company without killing each other. Or whatever else you assume will happen."
I assumed that being around him so much would make me need more than I already did and when that all blew up I'd be heartbroken and still have to see him every day.
Narrowing my eyes, I pulled my wrist free of his grip. "That's not the only reason. I don't want help to get wherever I go."
"It's not always a bad thing, Nell. You shouldn't turn down great opportunities just because of some misplaced pride. You may hear about the job through me, I could recommend you, but at the end of the day getting the job and working your way up would be on your own merit. Jesus, why are you so fucking difficult?"
"Me?" I asked. "You're the one changing things without talking it through."
"Like what?"
Like making me fall in love with you, you bastard! Instead of the whole truth I went with, "Duh, the work thing."
He signed in frustration. "Fine. I think we should change the work rules."
I narrowed my eyes. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind. "Look, I'm getting hungry and I need to be back by one. Can we please go and argue over lunch?"
"Absolutely," he replied, gesturing to his car.
Actually I had hoped he'd apologise for shouting at my boss and tell me he didn't want to argue anymore. For the hour I got away from work I didn't want to talk about it.
Damon drove us to a nice restaurant five minutes from my office and we were shown to a table. The place was just starting to get busy with the lunchtime rush but we'd managed to get there just in time.
Once we ordered it was time to continue our argument. "So," he said. "Are you going to finish being a brat about me wanting to protect you?"
"I was not being a brat. Excuse me for not wanting the guy I fuck to threaten my boss."
His eye twitched and shoulders stiffened. "And excuse me for giving a shit about you. Obviously I made a mistake."
He pushed his chair out but before he could get up I reached across and grabbed his wrist. My heart leapt in the worst way. The fear and panic I felt at him leaving, killed me.
"No, don't leave. Please. I'm sorry, okay. That came out badly. You know what I mean, though. This could cause more issues at work."
Looking up, he closed his eyes and blew out a deep breath. I didn't know which way this was going to go but I knew I hated the thought of him walking away from me right now. Finally, he lowered his head. "Maybe it will, but you can't let them talk to you like that."
"I like a roof over my head, Damon. I found a few jobs to apply for and I will leave sooner rather than later, but until then, I have to be earning money."
"Have you handed your notice in yet?"
I smiled shyly. "No, I kind of planned to tell him to shove it one day and walk out. Completely immature of me, I know, but it's something I've wanted to do for a long time."
"Well, I fully support you."
"I know you do. Thank you for having my back."
"But?" He asked.
"But please speak to me before you go rushing in and shouting at the people who pay my wages."
He raised his eyebrow and took a sip of his beer. "Just to let you know beforehand or so you have an opportunity to stop me?"
"Damon!"
Putting his glass down, he laughed and held his hands up. "Alright, fine. I apologise for the way I handle
d it."
"Thank you."
"Hey, can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure. You want to get together later? Feeling randy?"
He deadpanned. "No. Well, yes."
"What's up?"
Licking his lips, he looked me dead in the eye. "Do you still just see me as the guy you're fucking?"
The waitress, having the most impeccable timing ever, placed Damon's plate down with a fire engine red face. She didn't look me in the eye as she put my pizza in front of me. "Can I get you anything else?" She asked timidly.
I bit my lip and looked away. He could call me immature all he wanted but I couldn't talk to the woman without laughing.
"No, thank you, we're fine."
I actually did want ketchup but I wasn't going to ask for it now.
"Enjoy your meal," she said, hightailing it off the second she'd finished talking.
"Did you see her coming?" I asked. Nodding, he flashed me a guilty smile. "You arsehole! The poor girl was so embarrassed."
"She works in a restaurant, Nell, I bet she's overheard worse."
I cut my pizza into slices and picked up one. "Not the point."
"Are you going to answer the question?" He asked.
"Oh, that wasn't just to make the waitress uncomfortable?"
He rolled his eyes. "Of course not. I was asking it anyway and decided not to stop just because she was there."
Like normal people would have.
"No, I don't just see you as the guy I'm fucking. I like to think we're friends, since, you know, we're friends."
He blinked a few times and then cleared his throat. I thought he was going to say something else but he tucked into his steak without another word. Whatever was going on in his head it was clearly eating away at him. Usually he'd be joking around and flirting shamelessly.
I watched him concentrate too hard on his food. He cut the meat a little too vigorously, chewed a little too hard and held himself a little too rigidly. There was no denying he was pissed off but even with the tension in his eyes and his hostility, I could barely take my eyes off him.
To me Damon was perfect. I loved everything about him, even his protective tendencies.
"You okay?" I asked after an unbearable few minute's silence.
"Mmm hmm, I'm fine. Your pizza good?"
It was but I suddenly didn't feel at all hungry. Nodding my head, I forced in what I could. The shift from Scotland Nell and Damon to normal Nell and Damon was harder than imagined it would be.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
He dropped his knife and fork on the plate, making me jump at the clattering sound. "What do you want me to say, Nell?" I had absolutely no idea. "Forget it," he said, shaking his head. "Can we please just enjoy lunch?"
With a twist in my stomach, I nodded. "Yeah, sure."
I couldn't enjoy lunch. There was a dark, heavy feeling that enveloped me, making me want to skip the rest of the day and hibernate at home.
Damon
Lunch yesterday was a disaster. Not only had we argued but she'd just cemented what I'd known all along: Nell wasn't going to want more. Shit, even if she did, she'd never let herself have it. Something was really wrong because no one just decided to be alone when they didn't want to.
I put in a fairly fucking desperate sounding call to Chloe. Nell had claimed my heart and every other piece of me so if there was even a glimmer of hope I was going to run with it.
"Damon," Chloe said. "Now what could you possibly be calling me about?"
"Very cute," I muttered dryly, earning a laugh.
"Go on, what's she done."
"Nothing. She's not done anything. Nell's perfectly okay to keep on the way we've been for years. I know full well that that's what I signed up for so I can't complain but... No, fuck it, I want to complain."
"Please do."
"I love her. I want everything. Hell, I'd marry her right now if she was willing."
"Err, you probably shouldn't say things like that to her."
I laughed humourlessly. "Don't I know it? How do I get her to open up? Do you even know why she's so bloody stubborn when it comes to relationships? If anyone knows it'd be you."
"Not really. All I know is that her parents had a rocky marriage and it put Nell off. I kind of thought that as she grew up she'd get out of the physical-only phase and realise she could have something real. God, last year she said she wanted more but very quickly changed her mind."
"She did? She's wanted that before?" Hope, hello you beautiful bastard. If she'd been open to it once, no matter how briefly, then there was a possibility she could again.
"Yes, but not for long. I think she was trying out just considering it."
And there hope goes. She couldn't even get past considering it.
"Right," I said.
"Look, Damon, if you really want to know I think you need to be having this conversation with Nell."
"I know but what if..."
"If she doesn't want anything?"
"Yeah."
"What would happen then?"
Wincing, I rubbed the ache in my chest. "I can't keep doing this. We said as long as there were no real feelings and it has gone way past that now. How am I supposed to have her that close to me but have no real part of her?"
Chloe sucked in a deep breath. "Are you going to break things off with her?"
"I don't think I have a choice, Chlo."
"I do understand where you're coming from. There is no way I could have a casual relationship with Logan. But I'm worried about what this'll do to her."
"So am I, don't get me wrong. I think I have to put myself first right now. I want her so bad. I want to go home to her, wake up to her, be the one she goes to for help and support, cook with her, have her steal my side of the bed, have her girlie shit all over the place. But she won't give me that and I don't know how to be around her knowing that. Loving her like this is killing me."
"God, I hate to be the one to say this because I love that girl but if you carry on you're both going to end up getting even more hurt. Just please, please tell me so I can be there for her."
Things got very real, very fast. Chloe's words were like a bucket of ice-cold water being tipped over my head. I already missed Nell and I hadn't made my final decision yet - even though I knew full well what I needed to do.
"Alright. Thanks for the chat, Chlo."
"Of course," she replied softly. "And you know if you want to talk more first or if there's absolutely anything I can do to help before... Well, you know, then just pick up the phone."
"I will."
We hung up and I felt like I had a fucking truck parked on my chest. And the only person I wanted was the one person that was shredding me from the inside out.
Nell walked into my flat with two Dominos boxes, a six-pack of Becks and a bottle of wine. It was times like these where we were so much like any normal couple it was easy to get lost and think it was real.
"How was your day?" She asked as she put the boxes on the worktop and got a wine glass out of my cupboard. She was comfortable enough to help herself around my place and treat it like her own, and she had absolutely no idea of what that really meant. Which was probably a good thing at the minute.
My conversation with Chloe was still at the forefront of my mind, fucking me up further.
"Not bad," I replied, flipping the lids of open and popping the top on the bottle. "Yours?"
"I didn't kill my boss and his son so the day was a success."
Gritting my teeth, I asked, "They still giving you shit?"
"Yep. Nothing I can't handle, though."
"Sure?" I wanted her to say no and ask for my help. There wasn't much chance of that, especially after the last time I paid her boss a visit.
She took a sip of wine and sat beside me at the island. "I'm fine, honestly. I won't be there forever. God, I'm so starving. I think I'll take your slices bet today."
"Ah, will you," I said.
"I'm eating
you under the table, Mr."
I laughed at what she's said. "Not going to say no to that."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, funny. After pizza if you're lucky..."
My heart thumped and I felt a stir in my pants. "I'm suddenly not at all hungry."
"You're such a pervert, Damon. Eat your pizza."
"Are you staying over tonight?"
"I can do," she replied.
"Well," I said, running my finger along her thigh. "I think that's a good idea."
She raised a jet-black eyebrow. "So do I. Maybe you should eat up so you have enough energy for me later."
I would make a joke about how I wouldn't need to eat but that wasn't true. Nell was a demon between the sheets. I adored how much she loved sex and how unashamed she was about what she liked. It was the sexiest thing about her.
"Eat up, Nell."
My phone rang as Nell elbowed me in the side, smiling up at me in a way she hadn't done before. For a second I forgot the phone, the fact that we were only supposed to be friends, hell, I forgot my own fucking name because Nell was looking at me like she loved me.
She clicked her fingers in front of my face and I blinked. "It's your mum."
I took the phone off her and gulped before answering the call.
"Hey, Mum."
"Hi, darling. How are you?"
"I'm good, just eating dinner with Nell."
"Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you had company." The way she said company made me press the phone to my ear harder in the hope Nell wouldn't hear. My mother was just waiting for me to tell her me and Nell were exclusive.
"No, it's fine. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's great," she replied. Her voice had risen suspiciously after finding out Nell was here with me. "So how is she?"
I looked over and saw her smirking at me. "She's fine." Soon going to be very fine.
"Can I speak to her?"
"Err, she's eating, Mum."
Nell mouthed 'speaker phone'. My mum could be a little overenthusiastic sometimes so I was reluctant but I wanted Nell to get along and be comfortable with my family. "Hold on, Mum," I said and put her on speaker. "We can both hear you."
"Nell, how are you, darling?" Mum asked, sounding a lot happier to talk to her than to me. She was bloody desperate to marry me off.
"I'm great, thanks, how're you?"
"Much better now. What has Damon cooked for you?"
Nell laughed and then pouted at me. "He hasn't, I brought pizza with me."
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