The Hearts We Burn

by Briana Cole

  “Just pictures, Key,” I said. “That’s it.”

  He looked doubtful as he turned, putting his hands to his head. His pacing took up the little space in front of me as he looked more and more like a caged tiger.

  “How could you do this?”

  “I’m sick, Keon. I mean look at me!” I gestured wildly to the sunroom in the mental health facility I was currently residing in, as if it wasn’t obvious. “I came because you were right. I can’t do anything but apologize. I’m so sorry.”

  I rose to my feet on shaky legs, pausing only to see if Keon would step back at my advance. He didn’t so I crossed to him to put my arms around him. Now I was full on sobbing, a mess and I realized how much I desperately needed him.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured against his shoulder. “Please, babe.” I thought for a moment, then added, “I was only doing it to get back at you.”

  That confession prompted him to whirl around, his face twisted in confused angst. “What the hell are you talking about, get back at me?”

  Maybe, just maybe, I could weasel out of this. “I saw you,” I said, “at the hotel next to Spa Jadore. I followed you and I saw you get out to meet someone there.”

  Keon shook his head, clearly baffled by my words. “And how do you figure I was meeting someone?” he asked, his eyes accusatory. “Did you see someone?”

  “No.”

  “So you just assumed I was out cheating and you thought it would be fitting to retaliate, right?” Keon scoffed at the absurdity of his own comment. “That’s some low-class hoe shit right there Adria. I really didn’t think you would stoop that low.”

  Damn his words were piercing my heart. Still, I couldn’t be angry. He had caught me red-handed. “Then what were you doing?” I asked instead.

  Keon stared at me a moment longer before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a receipt. He tossed the flimsy piece of paper in my direction and I watched it flutter to the floor, the print side up, displaying two gift certificates he had purchased. The date matched up with the date I had followed him.

  “I figured you would assume some shit,” he said, the utter disappointment evident in his tone. “So I brought this along just to show you. I was getting CeeCee and Jahmad a gift. I didn’t realize that would have been an issue for you. And certainly not an issue to go cheat on me for.”

  I shook my head, refusing to believe the evidence lying in front of me. “But the late nights,” I went on. “Always working late, never paying me any attention. I thought . . .”

  “Come on Adria, look at us.” Keon gestured to us and then to the room we were in. “We got too much shit to be worried about for me to be sitting up here cheating on you. But instead of sneaking around, why the hell didn’t you just say something?”

  He was right and I had no comeback. I had really let everything spiral out of control and now, I was grasping at straws trying to reel it all back in. No use. It was clear I had crossed the line.

  After a moment of silence, I spoke again, the only words that seemed to be a reflection of me. “I’m sorry.” I still clung to him, needing him to feel me, to understand my heart. This man was my everything. Didn’t he recognize me enough to know when I wasn’t even myself? Surely he couldn’t fault me for my actions when dealing with my mental issues.

  Keon stayed in the embrace for a few seconds before he put his hands on my forearm and nudged me back. No longer propped, I sank to my knees. If anyone walked by, they probably would have thought I was praying.

  I didn’t hear him leave but I did catch his feet moving to the door, stopping only briefly before he disappeared altogether. I cried alone from the depths of my soul.

  My phone lit at my side with a new notification that startled me. I wasn’t allowed phones but he’d mistakenly left mine. I picked it up to look at the screen. A new voicemail message. Well, to be honest I couldn’t tell if it was new or old since the icon had been there since Keon handed me the phone.

  I looked around and not seeing anyone, I quickly logged into my mailbox to listen.

  Some junk messages but the very last one was from Ms. Davis. I would have hung up, resolving to speak to her another time, if it wasn’t for the concern in her voice that stopped me. To be sure, I had heard what I had heard, I played the message again. Sure enough, it was the same. “Adria please call me when you get this sweetie. I wanted to talk to you without getting Keon involved just in case this was someone playing a cruel practical joke. But I got this strange letter in the mail today . . .”

  Chapter 14

  Kimera

  One thing I could say, I was sick and tired of weddings, that’s for damn sure. The whole ordeal was becoming more and more nauseating and it was becoming harder to keep up the song and dance, feigning like I was happy. My wedding was the same way, déjà vu reincarnated.

  Freddie Jackson’s You Are My Lady wafted through the overhead speakers. Tulle draped from the ceiling in a canopy effect that drew attention to the altar. Two pillars stood on either side with silk wedding flowers weaved around each pole. An aisle runner covered the length of space from the door to the altar which had been customized: Naomi and Leo. And the two shall become one. A little tacky in my opinion, and not to mention deceiving given there were three of us.

  Of course Adria’s wedding had been different. The thought immediately saddened me as I reflected on that day. My brother, my best friend, my father officiating, that was genuine, real love. And Jahmad, I didn’t allow my mind to crowd too often with thoughts of Jahmad, because it would thrust me into an even deeper depression. He was the one I was supposed to be with. I’d taken him through so much that no longer did I even feel deserving of him. He was much too good of a man for that.

  I brought my attention back to the bride and groom standing beside me. Leo was, again, professing his love for yet another woman, and Naomi was eating that shit up like it was Thanksgiving dinner. Pathetic. Could I really blame her though? I had been the exact same way. I’m sure if I looked in her face now I would see huge dollar signs. Because at the end of the day that was all that mattered.

  Much like Tina and Lena had done in my wedding, I stood next to Naomi at the altar, my wedding dress a little subtler than the elaborate gown she wore. The white, A-line dress I wore was light and airy in the satin material, but this white birdcage was itching my face, plus these heels were killing me. I was counting down the minutes until I could retreat back to my bedroom. At least because it was the wedding night, I could sleep in peace knowing Leo wouldn’t bother me. Naomi could have all of that, all the time, if she so chose.

  I looked out into the audience, saw Obi with his wives. I shuddered, still thinking about the stuff Kareem had revealed to me. I saw the man now in a whole new light. To be honest, I saw him in a whole new light when Leo stuffed my ass in the dog crate, claiming his father said he needed to get me under control. And even though Leo hadn’t gone to that extreme since, memories of that kind of torture humbled my ass with a quickness. And that Obi, smiling in my face like the dutiful father-in-law, had suggested that shit.

  Obi turned and tossed a little wink in my direction, his smile spreading like a proud father. I let a little smile of my own hit my lips before shifting my gaze elsewhere. The man was some next level devil. And here I was sleeping with the enemy.

  Kareem was standing off to one side of the room, his eyes trained on the couple as if he were waiting for something, anything, to rear its ugly head. He looked good in his suit and it only took me back to when we all went out to dinner and the man had every part of me melting. And after our discussion and me realizing I could put my guard down and trust him, well let’s just say he was beginning to invade my senses. I was beginning to notice everything about Kareem. The way he licked his lips, that subtle lazy stare when he was listening to me talk, the casual touches of my arm or hand. Shit was becoming intoxicating. He was awakening things in me I had long since buried, long since forgotten even existed. Now the question was, what the
hell was I going to do about it?

  As if Kareem knew he was all up and through my thoughts, he turned and locked eyes with me. I couldn’t bring myself to turn away. I was yearning for this man. I caught the corner of Kareem’s lip turn up, silent recognition, and he winked. Damn.

  “I promise to love you,” Naomi said bringing me back to reality. “Honor you. Give you everything you could need and want. Leo, you are my one true love and I vow to spend the rest of my life showing you that.”

  It took everything in me to keep from rolling my eyes. That probably wouldn’t have looked so polite given the circumstances.

  Because this wasn’t an official marriage, the ceremony just consisted of some music, exchanging vows and rings, a kiss and then it was over. The audience cheered in delight as Leo turned and held out his hand to me. I accepted it and he kissed me as well as the claps intensified.

  He turned to the audience. “Family, I give you my two wives, Saida and Naomi Owusu.”

  More claps, more hollers, more congrats as Leo turned to first Naomi to kiss her again, and then me. I tried not to wince at the public display of affection. His intimacy with me was revolting.

  Hand-in-hand, we walked up the aisle, the three of us, our heads ducked under the rain of rice that was thrown in our recessional. Thank God that part was over.

  The photographer took some pictures and again, I had to fake happiness I didn’t feel. As soon as the band started, I pulled Leo to the side.

  “What’s wrong, my love?”

  I wrapped my arm around my stomach and leaned forward for emphasis. “Sweetie I think I ate something that didn’t agree with me,” I said on a moan. “I just really need to lie down. Please.”

  Leo didn’t bother hiding his disappointment. “My love, I need you here.”

  “I know—”

  “Babe, I thought we were dancing.” Naomi flounced up and threw her arms around Leo’s neck. She placed a firm kiss on his lips before looking to me, her face crinkling in concern. “Saida, what’s wrong? You don’t look too good.”

  I turned my act on to Naomi. Maybe she could work in my favor. “My stomach is just killing me. But don’t worry about me. I don’t want to ruin your wedding, Naomi.”

  “Oh no. Go lie down, Saida. I don’t want you here if you’re not feeling good.”

  I cast pleading eyes to Leo who, to my relief, nodded in agreement. Damn he was eating out of the palm of Naomi’s hand. And I loved it.

  “One hour,” Leo instructed. “Get yourself together and then come back downstairs.”

  I bit back my disappointment.

  “Want me to get Fernando to send you up some soup or something?” Naomi asked and I shook my head as I backed away.

  “Maybe later. I just need to use the restroom and lie down for now. Thank you. And congratulations. Welcome to the family.”

  Because I knew they were probably still looking, I trudged my way up the stairs, even stopped a few times to double over as if my stomach pain was excruciating. That was just for dramatic effect. At that point I really didn’t care if Leo believed me or not. Just as long as he let me leave.

  The door hadn’t even closed all the way before I was stripping from the dress and kicking off my shoes. A bubble bath was calling my name.

  I had just run my water and submerged myself in the scalding hot liquid when I heard the bedroom door open. I groaned inwardly. Of course Leo would come in to check on me.

  I heard him approach and stop short at the doorway. When he made no move to speak, I sighed and let my eyes close. “What is it Leo?”

  “I was just checking on you.”

  My eyes snapped open and I sat up so quick that water sloshed over the lip of the tub. Kareem hadn’t taken his eyes off me and though the water was high enough to cover everything, I suddenly felt myself blushing.

  “Thank you,” I said. “I’m feeling okay. Just wanted to rest for a moment.”

  He moved slow and I saw his gaze drop down to the top of the water, right where the bubbles met my breasts. I squeezed my legs together under the water.

  “Well, do you need anything else?” he asked.

  I turned the loaded question over and over in my mind and the naughty thoughts played like some kind of porno. It was erotic. Oh, he knew what he was doing, that was for damn sure.

  He knelt down at the tub and dipped his arm in the water. It came up to his elbow and drenched the sleeve of his shirt but he didn’t seem to care as he fumbled for something. At one point, I shuddered when I felt his fingers graze my thigh but he didn’t linger, just kept on. Then he pulled my washcloth from the water and used his other hand to grab the liquid soap from the side of the tub. I let out a staggering sigh and he grinned.

  “Turn around,” he instructed.

  I did as I was told.

  He was gentle as he washed my back, so gentle that one would almost think my body was overreacting. I mean it had been a long time, but still, if I was just yearning for sex I wouldn’t be withholding it from Leo.

  “Kimmy,” Kareem said to get my attention.

  “Huh?”

  He chuckled. “You heard me?”

  Not a damn word. Now it was my turn to laugh. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “I said what did you think of the ceremony.”

  “Oh,” I tossed up a hand. “You forget I’ve been down this road with him before. Shit is fake as fake can be. I’m just going through the motions.” I paused remembering Obi while I stood up at the altar. Watching me, a little too closely. “I’m not sure, but I think they’re planning something.”

  Kareem’s hand stilled. “Yeah, I think so too.”

  “Leo mentioned taking me back home.”

  “He said that? When?”

  I turned back to face Kareem. “You didn’t know? You always know what’s going on.”

  Kareem seemed to settle into his own thoughts but obviously, he found that just as strange. “I may have a way I can get you what you need,” he said suddenly. “I just don’t know how far I can go with you though because if Obi finds out—”

  “Yeah, I know.” I was dead that was for sure. But then what? What about the kids? “Do you think I should go through with it, Kareem? Honestly?”

  Kareem sighed and leaned back. “Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. That’s a choice for you to make. But just know either way, I’m here for you.”

  There it was. That tenderness. That compassion. Hell, in so many ways, Kareem reminded me of Jahmad. Rough, rugged exterior. But when he opened up, his heart was a complex work of art that beckoned me like a coy finger. A distraction. That’s what I used to tell myself about him. But now, a welcome distraction, no less.

  The tension between us had thickened and now, both of us were taking long shallow breaths, as if even inhaling oxygen was a chore. I snapped out of it first and averted my eyes. What was I doing? What were we doing? Leo would kill both of us, that much was certain. Why were we even flirting with the danger? But then, hadn’t we been doing that all along?

  Kareem rose and I was sure it was to create some much-needed distance between us. But to my surprise he reached for my hand and guided me up out of the water. I stood there completely naked as the suds drizzled down the curves of my breasts and hips, my whole body heating under his stare as his eyes wandered down, then back up, appreciating the view.

  Again, he tugged on my arm, prompting me to step out and over the lip of the bathtub, the water now dripping down my slender legs to dampen the plush bathroom rug at my feet. I didn’t speak but I knew my face was doing the talking, screaming, no begging him to take all of me. But he seemed to be relishing in drawing out this agony, all the while looking like he wanted to devour me right then and there.

  He lifted his hands and cupped my breasts, and I was surprised at how tender his fingers felt on my flesh. I tried my best to grapple the edges of my sanity as I looked to the bathroom door, half-expecting someone to catch us. Muffled music could be
heard through the walls, but other than that, nothing, no one there to catch us in our forbidden tryst.

  “Cameras?” I whispered and though my mouth formed the word, I almost didn’t give a damn. Let them see.

  “Turned them off,” Kareem said and he leaned forward, taking one of my nipples in his lips until it ripened like a provocative gemstone against his tongue. That was all it took. I opened for him, wrapping my arms around his neck, urging him to continue. I moaned as he propped my foot up on the tub and used his tongue and hands to guide his head down. He closed the distance, his tongue moving expertly to drink in all my flavor. My head fell back and the way he was working that mouth on me, I thought my knees were going to give out. It wouldn’t take long, I could already feel the orgasm building. I had gone without for so long, I had almost forgotten what ecstasy felt like. But Kareem was sure to use all of the tips and tricks to remind me just how much my body had been craving.

  I gasped and tried to catch my breath. Too much, too much. I felt like I would explode. I gripped his head as he used his tongue to trace each neat, pink fold. My thighs clenched his face and the orgasm left me shaking.

  When he came up, my wetness soaking his beard, he gave me a soft kiss and I tasted my own juices. “Come in the bed with me,” he said simply.

  I didn’t know why the simple statement sent my heart racing. The insinuation was clear, the bulge in his pants was even more so, but still, I was nervous. I sat my hand in his and let him lead me to the adjoining bedroom.

  I stood in the middle of the room, the air prickling anxious goose bumps along my arm. He circled me, my body shuddering as he stroked my back, then neck, with his fingertips. “Ask me what I’m doing?” His voice was as soft and silky as his caress.

  I opened my mouth, let out a shaky breath. “What are you doing?” I whispered.

  He placed his hand over my eyes, using his fingertips to motion for me to close them. I obeyed, but I could still feel his eyes on me, casually taking in my body inch by agonizing inch. I felt him ease closer, felt his cheek against mine, his breath stroking my ear.