by K. C. Crowne
“So, what you’re sayin’ is that I’ve got less of a coinflip’s chance of seein’ right again.”
“We can fix the black spots over your eyes,” she said. “But you need to be prepared for the possibility that you might need stronger glasses than the ones you have now.”
“The ones you never wear, that is.”
No doubt in my mind Finn had a shit-eating grin on his face, one meant to lighten the mood. But I didn’t even look in his direction. What would’ve been the damn point, anyway? Not like I could see his face.
“I don’t believe this,” I said. “My eyes are my job, they’re my passion. How the hell am I supposed to be a photographer if I can’t see?”
“You’re going to see again, Patrick,” Finn said. “Just need a little patchin’ up.”
Anger and fear and panic and all the worst emotions whirled inside me. I wanted to scream, and the rational part of me, the one that was always there to keep me in check when I got too hot under the collar was faltering by the minute.
“I’ll get you taken care of,” Lola promised. “I can see to it personally.”
The way she was talking to me, like I was just some patient, began to get to me. I knew I needed to be alone or I’d really lose my cool, say something I’d regret.
“Leave me be,” I said. “My whole body’s sore and my head’s killin’ me, and I can’t even watch the damn TV to take my mind off it.”
“I’ll be here,” Lola murmured. “You want to talk, you have any questions about the surgery – I’m here.”
“And I’m here too, Patrick,” Finn added. “You wanna scream at someone, you pull me in.”
I said nothing, closing my useless eyes as they left the room.
When the door shut and I was alone, I felt even worse than I had before. Lola and Finn had come to be there for me, to give me some kind of comfort, and I’d lashed out at them like a spoiled child.
But the matter of my vision…
I’d never been a man to let fear get the better of me. I’d been in warzones; I’d been in slums torn apart by gangs. I’d seen the worst the world had to offer.
But at that moment, I was more scared than I’d been in a long, long time.
I had to fight through it, to get a handle on myself. But as I considered the idea of a life without the camera, without the art that had given it meaning…it hurt like hell.
A single tear formed in my eye and rolled down my cheek.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do.
Chapter 24
LOLA
“I’m sorry about him,” Finn apologized.
We were seated in one of the staff break rooms, two Styrofoam cups of coffee in front of us. The hospital had given me temporary privileges to help in the aftermath of the disaster.
“It’s alright,” I said. “Telling someone their vision might never be the same again…it’s a hell of a lot to take.”
“It’s our father,” Finn said.
I was confused. “How do you mean?”
“Our old man – he’s as damn cantankerous as they come. The slightest thing doesn’t go the man’s way and it’s like the apocalypse. Our ma…she was a little more even keeled. So, Patrick and me, we got a little bit of both. We’ve got our ma’s easy-going disposition for the most part, but every now and then the old man comes out to play.”
He smiled slightly, and I did the same.
“It’s alright,” I said. “I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now. I mean, he makes his living with his eyes – it’s his art. He’s on the verge of his world being turned upside down, and all I’ve got for him are words and percentages.”
I shook my head, dropping my eyes to the coffee in front of me. Finn reached over and placed his hand on mine, giving it a squeeze.
“This right here, this is why you’re a damn good doctor.”
A weak smile formed on my lips. “Why’s that, because someone needs reassurance and all I can give them are maybes?”
“Maybes are all we get sometimes. We knew when we got into this line of work that now and then we’d have to break bad news to people, turn their worlds upside down with nothing more than a sentence. But you’ve got empathy, Lola. You give a damn for your patients in a way that makes certain you’ll give them the best damn treatment you can. Even if they’re cranky about it, like my brother in there.”
His words did some good. “I just wish I could give him some more reassurance.”
Finn shook his head. “It’s not up to you right now – it’s all Patrick. He needs to come to terms with it and trust that we’re gonna do whatever we can to get him right again. I’ve got no doubt that you’ll nail the surgery, so that’s a non-issue.”
“He must feel so powerless right now,” I said, wrapping my hands around the cup.
“You’re right. And that’s not a spot I or he or our da would do well in. But that’s part of life, yeah? Sometimes you’ve just gotta wait and hope for the best. You can’t control everything.”
He spoke the truth, and I was damn glad he was there.
“How long until you can open up those peepers of his?” he asked.
“Few more days. It’s not a good idea to do that kind of operation when he has a concussion. We need to wait for the swelling to go down before it can happen.”
“Damn,” Finn lamented. “That means he’s gonna have a few days of goin’ stir-crazy in that hospital room. I’ll tell you what – I’ve got to go home and grab a few things, but I’ll be back later tonight. Kenna took a few days off work, so I’ll be around as much as I can.”
“Thanks, Finn,” I said. “You’re a hell of a brother, you know that?”
He flashed me a sly grin, the same one I’d seen on his brother’s face so many times. “I have my moments. See you in a bit, yeah?”
I nodded, and he gave my shoulder a friendly pat as he rose, taking his coffee with him.
When he was gone, I slumped in my seat and turned my attention to the TV in the upper corner of the room. A news program was on, the subject the same as it’d been for the last two days – the double avalanche at the Stanley. The story was beginning to wane, however, now that everyone had been rescued and there were no fatalities. The footage was of the grounds crew sweeping snow off the decks, coupled with an interview with a member of the ski staff.
I closed my eyes, the image that had appeared so many times since the other day reappearing – the white wave of snow pouring down the slope, Patrick in his big puffy coat with a silly green stripe vanishing among it in an instant.
One of the receptionists appeared in the doorway, leaning over and poking in her upper body. “Dr. Bridges?”
“Yes?” I lifted my eyes from the coffee.
“Someone’s here to see you – two someones, actually.”
I furrowed my brow in confusion as I got up, not sure who to expect. I made my way to the reception room, smiling as I saw who’d come to visit me – Mom. And she wasn’t alone. At her side, his arm wrapped around hers, was a handsome man a good decade or more younger than her. He nudged Mom as I approached, her face lighting up.
“There’s my little girl,” she said as I approached, opening her arms wide for me.
“Mom!” I hugged her hard. “What’s up? And who’s the gentleman?”
“This is Frankie,” she said with a sly grin. “One of my, ah, gentleman callers.”
“I should’ve known.” I had to suppress a smile that she mentioned he was one of many in front of Frankie and he didn’t even bat an eye. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Likewise,” he said. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
“Not for long,” she said, reaching over and grabbing his butt for a quick squeeze as he headed off.
“Mom!” I exclaimed.
“That’s nothing,” she said slyly. “You should see what we get up to when we’re alone.”
“I shouldn’t see that, actually,” I said. “Or hear about it.”
Mom l
et out a wicked laugh as she took my arm. I led her to a set of chairs by the window, the day outside bright, the sky blue and the ground snow-covered.
“So,” she said. “How’s your little Irish friend doing?”
“God, where to even begin,” I said, letting my emotions speak a little. “We almost lost him, for one. That giant rock he was on ended up being the thing that saved his life. He took a spill, but when he fell, he fell in front of it, pulling that woman he was helping in with him. It formed a little pocket of air that was enough to keep them both alive until we found them.”
“Lucky man,” she mused. “And a brave one, too.”
“I think he’s at the limits of luck and bravery. He hit his head hard and now we have to do surgery on his eyes.”
She cocked her head to the side, confused. “What’re you talking about? That’s even more luck – he’s got the best eye doctor in the state in his corner.”
I smiled softly. “That’s nice of you to say, Mom, but he’s in a bad spot right now. He’s worried he’ll never see again, and I can tell it’s getting to him.”
“Someone can only put up a brave face for so long.”
“I know. And I don’t blame him for lashing out.”
“Then what’s wrong, sweetheart? You sound like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
I sighed. “When that avalanche hit and I didn’t know if I was going to see him again, I was so scared, Mom. One moment he was there, and the next he was gone. I…”
Mom felt around for my hand and took it, squeezing hard. “That’s a sign, you know – a sign that you love him.”
“And that’s the other thing. I’ve spent so much of my life scared of love, and now I know why – because it can be taken from you in a second.”
“But that’s no reason to be afraid, baby,” she comforted. “That’s part of life; that’s what makes love and everything else worth it. Not to mention you can’t hide from love – it’ll come find you, just like it did with Patrick.”
Tears formed in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away. “Now I’m the one who’s going to fix his eyes. What if—”
“No-no-no,” Mom interrupted me. “Don’t you what-if even for a second. You’ve helped hundreds of people with their vision over the years, and Patrick’s going to be one among many. Don’t you question that, even for a second.”
Another soft smile took hold. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You love him, and if he doesn’t love you back, then he’s a dumbass who doesn’t deserve you. And you fix his eyes just so he can watch you walk away.”
I laughed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Frankie approach with a coffee for him and Mom.
“You guys get out of here,” I said. “Go on a date or something.”
“Sure. But don’t forget I’m here for you. I always am.”
We hugged and said our goodbyes. Once they were gone, I returned to Patrick’s room to see him sleeping – which was good. He was likely in a lot of pain, and the more hours he could sleep until the surgery, the better.
I pulled a chair up to the bed, the same one I’d been sitting in since he’d been brought in and sat down to take his hand.
I was going to do whatever I could for him.
The man I loved.
Chapter 25
PATRICK
I opened my eyes from my rest to Finn seated in the chair near the window. I was getting pretty damn good at being able to make out people by their bodies, or by holding their faces in my peripheral vision.
“You got a stain on your shirt, brother,” I said. My eyes were focused on his face, the now-familiar black dots there. Below, a little under the focus on my eyes, I could make out a greasy smudge.
“Huh?” he asked, setting down his book and putting hands on his shirt. “Ah, hell. Sam peppered me with a handful of cereal this morning. Thought I’d been quick enough to duck it.” He let go of his shirt and turned his attention to me. “How you feelin’, lad?”
I grumbled a response. “Just wanna get this damn thing over with.”
“I understand. No fun in hurryin’ up and waitin’.”
“My head doesn’t even hurt anymore. Why the hell can’t they do the surgery now?”
He sighed.
“And what’s that all about?” I grouched. “Why are you huffin’ and puffin’ at me?”
“Brother, I love you more than just about anyone on this earth, but you haven’t been makin’ it easy.”
“Well, fuckin’ pardon me for wantin’ to find out whether or not my life is over.”
He let his hands drop to his knees. “I get it, I really do. But you can’t be lashin’ out at everyone while you wait. It’s not good for you, Patrick.”
I knew there was something to his words, knew that I was letting my worst instincts get the better of me. But I was scared, and being scared wasn’t a feeling I was used to. I had no idea how to handle it.
A knock sounded at the open door to the room, and I recognized the body – Lola.
“Hey,” she said, stepping closer. “How’s it going in here?”
“Just wonderin’ when I can get my surgery and get back to normal.”
Neither of them said anything, and I didn’t even need to see to know they were sharing a pointed look.
“I swear, you two must be developin’ a language here with those glances. Just say what’s on your damn minds.”
“Patrick, calm it down,” Finn warned. “We’re here to help – we’re not your damn enemies.”
Some choice words came to mind, but I managed to keep them at bay. I rolled over where I lay, dull pain radiating through my body from the broken ribs.
“Just wanted to come in and let you know the surgery’s scheduled for the day after tomorrow,” Lola told me. “I’m going to get you in bright and early in the morning, so you’re really only going to be waiting a day and a half.”
“Well, that’s some damn good news!” Finn spoke cheerily. “Hear that, Patrick?”
“I’ll keep the celebratin’ until after.”
“Fair enough,” my brother acquiesced.
Then a silence followed.
“Lola, mind givin’ my brother and me a moment alone?”
“Of course. I’ll be around.”
I wasn’t facing her, but I felt her hand on my leg. She gave it a soft squeeze before leaving the room.
“Lad, you need to get your head out of your arse, and you need to do it right now.”
“My head’s not in my arse,” I defended. “I’m just in the middle of some shit right now and I want to get it over with.”
“I understand that, but you can’t treat everyone who gives a damn about you like shite in the process. You know who’d get a bug up his arse and take it out on everyone, includin’ people who had not a damn thing to do with whatever he was chaffed about?”
I knew the answer. “I don’t wanna hear it.”
“You’re gonna hear it – Da. The way you’re actin’ now…it’s like he’s possesin’ you from across the pond,” he accused. “Now, you’re my brother and I’m here for you ‘til doomsday. But her?” He pointed to the door where Lola had been only a few moments ago. “She’s not obligated to extend you that same courtesy. In fact, every time you go off on her like that, I’m more surprised she doesn’t just throw her damn hands up and leave you to fend for yourself.”
“You done?” I asked.
He sighed as his phone vibrated on the table next to him. “It’s Aunt Roxie. You wanna do a little FaceTime?”
“What’s the damn point? Not like I can see her anyway.”
“Well, it’s happenin’. Lord willin’ she’ll tear you a new one. Christ knows you’re not listenin’ to me.”
He answered the phone, standing up and slowly making his way over to shut the door. I heard Aunt Roxie’s boisterous voice on the other line, but I didn’t bother saying anything. I wanted to be alone. But Finn, being the brother he was, filled Aunt Roxie in
on all the dirty details, and by the time he was done recounting my behavior, I felt pretty damn ashamed of myself.
“Let me see the little cuss,” she said. “Someone needs to set his scrawny arse straight.”
“Happy to do it,” Finn said with a chuckle.
He stepped over to the bedside and set the phone down on the small table next to me. He propped the phone up with a coffee mug, and Aunt Roxie’s face glared at me from the corner of my eye. I couldn’t see her face all that well, but I didn’t need to in order to feel the daggers she was shooting at me.
“Alright, boy – turn your arse around and look at me.”
“I can’t look at you. That’s the whole problem.”
“Two seconds into this conversation and you’re already feelin’ sorry for yourself. Good Lord.” She sighed. “You know, lad, I saw the news about what happened at that hotel. Terrifying stuff. And you were in the middle of it. And I saw the video goin’ around YouTube, with you savin’ that woman’s life. And you know what I thought when I saw it?”
“What?”
“I thought, that’s my Paddy,” she said proudly. “You’ve always been brave, boy, always been one to rush into danger whether it was to help someone or just to see what the fuss was for yourself. I wasn’t even surprised when I saw what you did. Hell, I would’ve been surprised if you hadn’t been running headlong into disaster, that damned camera in your hand and a desire to help in your heart. But this…I know it’s not you.”
I said nothing but did look in Roxie’s direction. A big, black dot covered her face, but at the very least she could see that I was looking at her.
“And I get it. You’re scared. You’re scared and you’re right in the middle of a situation that you’ve got no power over,” she said. Her voice was gentle, then hardened as she continued. “But that’s no excuse to lash out at those who’re tryin’ to care for you. You’re gonna get through this, boy, but to do it, you’re gonna have to do somethin’ that doesn’t come natural to you or Finn or your da – you’re gonna have to let go.”
I kept my mouth shut as I listened.