by Jacqui Penn
‘You broke in?’
‘No! I still had a key from when I stayed.’
He laughed and then raised his eyebrows. ‘Why did you go there?’
She shrugged her shoulders and swilled the wine in her glass. ‘Curiosity, I suppose.’ For a second their eyes met and she quickly averted hers and bit her lip. Her heart pounded. She shouldn’t be here. She couldn’t leave. Why did he have to show up now?
‘What are you thinking?’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing.’
He reached across the table and took her hand. ‘You know there’s nothing wrong in admitting we were fond of each other.
She should pull her hand away. His felt so soft and comforting. ‘I know.’ He felt it too. She had to stop this! She pulled her hand back and reached into her bag on the pretence of looking for something. She brought out her mobile phone and stared at the screen. ‘I thought I heard it go off.’
He looked into her eyes. ‘I didn’t hear it.’ He averted his gaze. ‘Here comes lunch; I can smell the garlic from here, we’re going to stink.’ She giggled, glad to break from her feelings for a moment.
Two hours later, they left the restaurant. ‘Gio looked at his watch. ‘I have to shoot.’
‘Can I give you a lift somewhere?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s been lovely seeing you and catching up.’ He put his arms around her and kissed both cheeks, then hugged her tight. He released his hold and walked away.
She stood for a moment and watched as he walked further away. Her heart lurched and she had a lump in her throat. Don’t go. There’s so much more to say. Turn around, turn around, Gio! He walked without a backward glance, and for a second, she recalled her father not looking back when he left her at the home. Gio disappeared from sight as he turned the corner.
She took a deep breath and climbed into her car. All the way home, she went over the afternoon as though she wanted to hang on to every second. Guilt washed over her. She shouldn’t be feeling like this. He’s only a blast from the past! Get over it! He’s gone. How dare he turn up and make her feel like this? She pulled up outside the house and then remembered she was supposed to be collecting the children from school. She slammed the car into gear and headed off at speed.
Chapter 19
Anna turned up the following weekend, climbed down from the train, hugged her friend, repositioned her hideous hat and looked at Sophia for a moment. ‘What?’
Sophia frowned. ‘What do you mean, what?’
Anna looked at her. ‘You’re doing that eyes everywhere thing that you do when something’s wrong.’
‘Nothing’s wrong,’ Sophia said, dismissing Anna’s statement. The problem was that she couldn’t get Gio out of her mind. He turned up in her thoughts too regularly for her liking. Why couldn’t she just get on with her life? ‘Nellie’s waiting for us. I bought a baguette and cheese for lunch.’
‘I’m glad I’m staying at Nellie’s. We’d never get a moment’s peace with the boys listening in to everything and I’d never find out the gossip.’
Sophia chortled as she opened her car door. ‘There is no gossip. Get in the car and that hat is the worst yet. I hope you’re wearing a better one for the wedding.’
‘Ah yes! The wedding! This is all a bit sudden; is there more news you’re waiting to tell me? The patter of little feet! Have you told Nellie?’
Sophia tittered loudly. ‘Will you shut-up or I’ll put you on the next train back.’ How could she confess to anyone that the man she was due to marry in a couple of weeks was not the man filling her thoughts? She’d worried over going through with the wedding a zillion times. Sophia was being unfair and dishonest but letting Simon and the boys down was much worse. She hadn’t done anything. Her thoughts weren’t like she was committing a crime. It wasn’t like she’d run off with Gio. He hadn’t even looked back. He’d treated her as a friend, just as he always had done. The thoughts of anything more were in her imagination. Maybe she was grasping at something that wasn’t there due to nervousness. Getting married was a big step. She knew Simon said he loved her, but there was saying, and showing. Her mind flitted back to Nellie’s lecture on stars and rainbows and happy ever afters.
‘So what are you wearing? Traditional white? Does he think you’re a virgin?’
‘Anna! You’re terrible! You don’t even try to gloss over anything.’ She giggled. ‘No! He knows I’m not a virgin after last Saturday night.’
Anna laughed. ‘You didn’t! You should have at least waited for the wedding, it’s only a couple of weeks away.’
‘It just sort of happened. I wasn’t planning it. Anyway, Nellie said I should try it out in case he wasn’t any good in that department.’
Anna shrieked with laughter. ‘She never said that!’
‘She did! I tell you, she’s led a colourful life. She keeps coming out with little bits here and there. She has me in fits.’
‘So?’
‘So what?’ Sophia pulled up outside Nellie’s house and turned off the engine.
‘Was he any good in that department?’ Anna undid her seatbelt and looked at her friends face. ‘Oh, God! That isn’t the problem, is it? What’s wrong?’
Sophia climbed out of the car and slammed her door shut. ‘Will you leave it out? There is no problem sexual or otherwise.’
Nellie pushed herself down the path to meet them. ‘What’s the problem?’
Sophia shook her head in disbelief. ‘Now there’s two of you on at me.’
‘I knew there was something wrong the other day. Hello, Anna. Lovely to see you again. How are you?’
Anna bent over and kissed Nellie. ‘I’m fine, thanks. And you?’
Nellie turned her chair around. ‘Yes, I’m still going strong. Let’s get inside, they say there might be rain later.’ Sophia had marched ahead towards the bungalow with Mutley at her heels.
Sophia busied herself preparing lunch, then she called to the others who were in the lounge talking in low voices.
‘Lunch is ready. You can stop talking about me now. What would you like to drink? I don’t think it’s too early for wine.’
‘Absolutely,’ Anna said as she entered the kitchen. ‘This looks good.’ She sat and Nellie parked her chair next to her. Sophia poured the wine and they began to help themselves to ham, cheese, freshly sliced bread and a side salad. ‘So we got waylaid on the question of what you’re wearing when we started talking about sex with Simon,’ Anna said just before biting into her baguette.
‘Oh good! You got that out of the way. Tell me that’s not why you’re quiet,’ Nellie said, looking concerned.
Anna laughed. ‘That’s exactly what I said.’
Sophia filled her wine glass to the brim. ‘I can see I’m going to need alcohol to get me through this weekend. You two are like partners in crime or more like nosey parkers.’ She raised her glass and chinked it on Anna’s and Nellie’s. ‘Can I put your minds at rest? The department was well equipped and managed well! That is all I’m saying.’
The kitchen filled with laughter. ‘Good to hear someone’s getting it,’ Anna said. ‘I’m on my own again.’
‘And I haven’t been there for more years than I care to remember,’ Nellie chimed in.
Anna piled cheese onto her bread. ‘So what are you wearing?’
‘Pale pink. A flowy three-quarter length dress.’
Nellie put some ham on her plate and kept her eyes on the table. ‘And very pretty it is too. Sophia was hoping we could go shopping sometime over the weekend for a hat to match.’
Anna’s face lit up. ‘Yes! I’d love to do that. Let’s finish lunch and head into town.’ Sophia’s face dropped and she glared at Nellie who shrugged her shoulders with a look of devilment in her eyes while she tried to look innocent. ‘That’ll be the something old taken care of.’ Anna topped up the glasses. ‘We can walk into town; best not take the car, we might want to stop for refreshment en route.’
Sophia exhaled. She’d kill
Nellie for this later. An afternoon of charity shops, great; at least her mind might be averted from thinking about Gio. Deep down she knew they’d have a laugh and she’d come home with some head contraption chosen by Anna which she’d give back to her as a Christmas present. No way would she wear it on her wedding day.
Sophia shoved the hat, with feathers and small pink roses in a cluster, to one side in the back of her wardrobe never to be seen again. She’d had a wonderful weekend and now the wedding date loomed closer as another arrangement was scrawled through on the calendar.
Simon looked from the newspaper he’d been skimming through. ‘I’ve been thinking.’
Sophia stopped filling the dishwasher. ‘Oh no! Not again, what is it this time?’
‘No need to be like that. I thought you’d like the idea of doing a Salsa performance after the ceremony.’
Sophia giggled. ‘I can’t believe you even had that thought. So what is it you’ve thought about this time?’
‘A bit more serious. I know I said I’d leave telling Margo and Pete until after the wedding, but I don’t feel right. They were Marie’s parents and I feel I owe it to them.’
Sophia nodded. ‘I don’t mind what you do.’ She went back to the dishwasher.
‘I’ll take the boys for a visit this weekend coming. Will you come with us? It’s not like you don’t know them and I’m sure they’d be pleased to hear the news.’
She closed the appliance door. ‘I’d feel uncomfortable. It’s only just over a year since their daughter died and I think it’d be better for them if I wasn’t there. I’d be embarrassed.’
‘Okay. Whatever you think, but you shouldn’t feel like that.’ He looked back at the paper and then back at her. ‘It’ll be your last weekend of freedom. You should have a hen-party.’
She threw the tea-towel at him. ‘Me and Nellie you mean?’
‘No. Those girls at the Salsa club. You’d enjoy it. I don’t like going and leaving you here alone.’
She shook her head. ‘I only just had a girl’s weekend three days ago. I’ll be fine. You go and do what you have to.’
On Saturday morning, she stood at the gate and waved them off. A weekend to herself was a rarity and the house was still and empty. She picked up her keys and headed off to visit Nellie for an hour.
‘What a lovely surprise,’ Nellie said as she opened the door. ‘I saw you pull up and I thought no, Sophia would be far too busy making the cake this weekend.’
‘Hello, Mutley, stop licking.’ She screwed up her face as Mutley licked her cheek. ‘I’ve made it, but I still need to decorate it. There’s plenty of time.’
‘Come through and we’ll put the kettle on, unless you’d like something stronger?’
‘Don’t tempt me. I’ll have tea, thanks.’
‘So how are you feeling?’
‘Okay…’ She looked thoughtful. ‘You know.’
‘I don’t know because you won’t tell me. It’s not too late if you’re having second thoughts. The whole thing bounced ahead very quickly.’
Sophia took a deep breath. ‘There was this friend from way back, and I met him again a few weeks ago… Well, it sort of unsettled me.’
‘A close friend?’
Sophia wriggled to get comfortable. ‘A good friend who I really liked.’
‘The one who got away. There’s always one; the what if?’
Sophia smiled. ‘Was there one for you?’
Nellie poured the tea. ‘Two. One decided he was gay after we got engaged and the less said about him the better, but then there was Bob.’ She pushed the cup towards Sophia. ‘I waited for Bob for years and then he upped and married someone else. She was one of those dolly birds, at least ten years younger than him, and he was besotted. He said sorry and broke my heart.’
‘Did they stay together?’
Nellie’s face hardened. ‘No. She flitted off with the best man, his best friend since school days.’
Sophia sipped her tea. ‘So did he come back to you?’
‘He tried, but by then I’d met George, my husband to be. I tried to put Bob out of my mind, but it’s easier said than done. I dillied and dallied, didn’t know what to do and then I realised that if he’d really loved me, the dolly bird would have meant nothing to him. So I married George and never looked back.’ She smiled. ‘Well, I suppose I thought about him, but only in a fleeting moment now and again.’
‘I don’t have to make a decision. I wouldn’t even know where to find him and we were only friends.’
Nellie helped herself to a second slice of banana cake. ‘If it was meant to be, it would have been. Did he know you were getting married?’
Sophia took a small piece of the cake. ‘Yes, and before you ask he didn’t try and stop me. If I’m honest, he cared about me, but that’s where it stopped. I think I’ve blown it up into something unreal. I’m marrying Simon and that’s what I want to do. I couldn’t let them all down now, not after all they’ve been through.’
‘Whoa! You have to marry for the right reasons, not because of letting others down. You have to marry for you, no one else.’
‘I am. If I hadn’t bumped into Gio, I wouldn’t be doubting my feelings at all. I think I’m a bit emotional at the moment. And changing the subject, what was the hat buying expedition about?’
Nellie chuckled. ‘I knew you had something on your mind. I thought it’d do you good and I was right. Anna is so funny. What have you done with the hat?’
‘Hidden it well out of sight. Thanks for the chat.’ She stood and put the cups and plates in the sink. ‘I’m going home to decorate a cake. One of us has a wedding next weekend.’
‘I hope I helped a bit.’
‘You did. See you soon.’ She bent and kissed Nellie’s cheek. ‘I’ll see myself out. Bye… Bye Mutley.’ The little dog had settled on Nellie’s lap and didn’t look up.
The film was halfway through when her phone rang. Sophia pressed the pause button on the TV remote. ‘Hello Simon, how are you doing? Oh right, that’s good. Give them my best wishes too… Yes, okay… See you tomorrow evening… Love you too.’ She ended the call. Ah, that was kind of them to wish us well. Lovely people.
The phone rang again. ‘Hi, what did you forget? Oh, Gio! Hello… Yes… Why do you need to see me? No, I can’t… No, it isn’t awkward, No one’s here, I just can’t... I’m sorry, I have to go.’ She stared at her phone, her heart racing and her breathing erratic. Don’t call back. Please don’t call back. I won’t be able to not answer. Don’t do this, Gio. Ring phone, ring! If you care about me, you’ll call back.
Chapter 20
Sophia sat, watching the phone willing it to ring, but the very thought of that happening, frightened her. I must be a bad person. Why am I being so disloyal to Simon? What the hell is wrong with me?
She flicked the film back on, but her concentration had gone. The characters moved around on the screen, seemingly with no purpose; even their speech was incoherent. Her thoughts made no sense, her mind flipping from one scenario to another, with no certainty. Gio get out of my head! I was fine until I met you again. How did he know her number? She berated herself for not being stronger.
She wandered through to the kitchen. She couldn’t decide what she wanted to drink. She should eat. The fridge was full, but nothing tempted her. She stared at the brightly coloured contents for too long, before swinging the door closed.
The doorbell made her jump. It couldn’t be? Probably Debbie from next door. The sobering thought of Debbie made her sigh as she pulled the door open. ‘Gio!’
He ran his hand through his hair. ‘I had to speak to you… Sorry.’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t think straight. You’re doing my head in.’
She knew that feeling. She couldn’t invite him in. ‘How did you know where I live? You shouldn’t have come here.’
‘I know. Can we go for a drink or a walk…? Anything. I just need to talk to you.’
She shouldn’t. She could hear herself breathe a
nd her heart raced. They did need to talk. She needed to get this sorted. ‘Okay. I’ll get my bag.’ She went upstairs and headed for the bathroom mirror. You look a state! She brushed her hair, applied fresh lipstick and smoothed her top. She would have used her mascara if her hand hadn’t been shaking.
Minutes later, they walked towards the town, neither one speaking. Gio broke the silence. ‘Where do you fancy going?’
‘I don’t mind.’
‘So why were you home alone?’
‘Simon’s taken the children to their grandparents for the weekend. What’s this about, Gio?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m going crazy. It’s been like going back in time, to when I left. I can’t stop thinking about you… I know you’re getting married. I know it’s wrong of me and I just have to get over it, but I can’t… Not without at least telling you… You must think I’m mad!’
Her heart lurched while her mind whirled. ‘No. I don’t think you’re mad.’ She daren’t tell him she felt the same. How could she be that disloyal to Simon and the children? Nellie’s words flooded back, it’s not about other people. But it was! How could she let them all down? She couldn’t be that uncaring and cruel. She had to be strong. ‘I’m getting married. I love Simon, and his children, I couldn’t hurt them.’
They strolled on through the town, past several pubs and made no attempt to stop.
‘So are you saying that you feel you have to go ahead with the wedding? Does that mean you do have feelings for me?’
She hesitated. ‘Yes, but—’
‘I just ask that you think about it… about us… what your true feelings are.’ He stopped walking and put his hand over his eyes. ‘I feel like my heart is being wrenched out. I love you, Sophia. I should have told you back then. Tristan was my best friend, and I felt guilty. I didn’t want to lose you both. I know exactly what you mean about letting people down, but sometimes you have to think of yourself and what you want.’ He slowly lowered his hand to look at her.