by Nicole Locke
‘I thank you for staying until he was. I could not have accomplished as much if you had not been here.’ He gave a slight smile. ‘I was right about you.’
‘You’re never right about me.’
‘In this I was. When I first saw you with that foolish goblet game and all the servants rallied behind you, playing along in the middle of the day in flagrant abuse of supplies and duties, I said to myself that I would use you if I could.’
‘Well, that was a nice thought,’ she said as drily as she could, though she knew she couldn’t quite keep a stern expression.
‘It was one of my more cunning thoughts to ally myself with such a clever woman.’
‘You do like to woo with words,’ she said, knowing her cheeks were now flushed with the compliment.
He frowned. ‘What we share here had nothing to do with the games.’
She stretched and tossed the comb onto the table. ‘Oh, I know. I think if we could have avoided the entanglement in a linen room we would have.’
He looked sharply to the side, and exhaled roughly as if she...as if she gutted him. Did he think she didn’t want him? No, he was so confident in everything, and absolutely glorious, any woman would want him. Except that foolish Mary and... Why was she even contemplating this?
‘Why did you tell him you’d think about the fortress?’ she said. ‘Hadn’t you told me that all you ever wanted was a home? Well, this is quite the shelter.’
He looked down at his feet, swallowed and looked up at her. What was in his eyes...
‘What do you want, Bied? I’ve said what I wanted enough, though the finer bits are different as I said, but ultimately, it’s the same.’
‘What do I want?’ she said.
‘I know you wanted to rescue your sister, but now what? Why do I get the impression that, even if I handed you everything—coin for your family, a place for them all to live, why does my soul tell me you’d still say no?’
He looked down, then back up. ‘I love you, Bied, and at this point I’ll do anything you want if it would just make the difference between having you in my life and not, but even if I did, I still feel you won’t accept me.’
How was any woman to resist him? Biedeluue knew she couldn’t and hadn’t been since the moment she looked into his eyes. ‘Accept you? I love you. How could I not?’
Two steps and he was before her. ‘Those words, yet still you hesitate. Why?’
‘It’s my family,’ she said. How could her heart pound this hard and not escape?
Was it him because he stood as still as any man, yet she could feel his body vibrate with the need to sweep her off the bed...or keep her very firmly on it?
Was it her? Could it be her heart trying to escape the pain in her past, or did it fear telling him would change his opinion of her?
Or...was her heart trying to reach him because it knew it would be safe?
How she wished she knew the answer to that before she had to go through voicing her agony. But he needed to know, and it was time to tell him.
Slowly he took a step, another, and gently sat on the bed, so close she could be wrapped in his arms. She knew he wanted her there, could see the wary joy in his eyes at her telling him that she cared for him, but he was also far enough away not to scare her.
How could this man know the inner workings of her heart?
‘Margery’s here with Evrart,’ he said, his voice calm, soothing almost. ‘Your mother, your brothers and sister, with all her daughters, are welcome. You’d never have to work in the kitchens or the fields. You could rearrange everyone’s positions until I’m the garderobe cleaner. Anything. Is it the games?’
She shook her head. ‘This is a fortress, Louve, how could we not be safe?’
‘You know the answer to that. There will always be plots and danger here. I’ll always have to—’
‘No,’ she interrupted. ‘Remember how you said I took it all so easily? That I’m able to contribute and make suggestions? I might like the games as well. I may not always like the results, however, but I understand why they must be played.’
‘Then what?’
‘It’s difficult for me to have... How could all my worries for them be solved so easily?’ It was unfathomable.
‘Oh, we have conflicts to overcome, Bied.’ He gave her a look. ‘But I won’t be distracted again. Tell me.’
‘My hesitations on any of this begin with Margery. Her birth was difficult, and my mother’s health was never the same. She tilled what she could, fed us if there was anything more after tenancy fees, but it wasn’t possible for her to do it all, so when we could, we helped.
‘Matters became harder and my father... I was angry at him for so long and consequently every man I’ve met since. I harshly judged your entire gender for his weakness of leaving a wife and five children who needed him.’
‘Bied, I would never—’
She laid a hand on his arm. ‘You’re different. You stay. You...grab my wrist to keep me by you.’
‘If I could keep you permanently at my side, I would,’ he said, then he dipped his chin in that way he had. ‘And I like grabbing your wrists and also your—’
She hit his arm. ‘Don’t say it. Just don’t.’
‘Hand! I was going to say your hand.’
As if she was fooled.
‘Bied, tell me of you, please.’
‘It’s difficult.’ She took her hand off his arm and clasped both hands in her lap.
‘I’m beginning to understand that,’ he said.
‘I am the eldest, so I helped with everything that needed it. Nothing of this is anything unusual in any home. Servet and Isnard helped with the fields, Mabile with Margery, but what was unusual was Margery.’
Louve adjusted on the bed. Bied felt a moment where she wanted to start kissing him right on the scar under his left eye and never stop, never say a word more of her ugly past. His eyes dropped to her lips and back up as if he, too, knew the directions of her thoughts. She had to do this.
‘There we were, my father left us, my mother weak, becoming more broken as the years went on, Margery becoming more beautiful. We worked well together, though. Then the rains came late, or winter arrived early, I can’t remember how the true difficulty began.
‘That’s when the neighbours came by to offer help, but what they truly wanted was Margery.’
‘How old was she, then?’
‘Eight, perhaps. I feared some of them wouldn’t wait until she came of age. Thus, for their generosity to use an ox, or to help in the fields some afternoon...they had me.’
He clasped her hands then, waited a heartbeat, two. She was grateful for those beats, the fact he just sat with her and didn’t move her hands to his lap, but kept them in hers.
She’d seen so much of this man, his patience, his determination, but the quiet strength he gave her when the world was just too much...that was another reason why she loved him.
‘Did you not have any other family, or some leniency from taxes, or villagers? I ask not because of the choice you made, Bied, but because I hate to think you were alone.’
She released one of her hands and covered his. ‘I know no other family and I told you how the other neighbours stole her when she was an infant just to hold her for a while. I think they all hated and coveted her.’
‘She’s the youngest,’ he said. ‘How old were you when she was eight?’
‘Thirteen or fourteen when the neighbour approached me about using his ox and the price.’
His hand flinched. ‘Does he still live?’
‘Louve,’ she said. What did he think he would do? ‘I don’t often return to the village and, when I do, I don’t stay long.’
‘I don’t want you there ever again. There’s no making this...right. My first feeling is to—’ Louve shook his head. ‘Even what I want to d
o in my thoughts isn’t enough.’
‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘I hated that time. My father leaving broke my mother and the work did the rest. Since then I have done everything I can to avoid it, but I wouldn’t change what I did. What happened to me, I did for my family and I haven’t had to make those choices since.’
‘I’m beginning to understand why you avoid the outside...and the inside,’ he said.
‘I worked and worked and worked...and it still wasn’t enough. Still they came for me, then they came for her. I was gone from the village when a nobleman rode through and saw her. I knew we couldn’t keep her, that eventually she would have a husband and children. My brother said that the man was older, kind, and my sister has never spoken of it. I’d always assumed she did it for herself, though. But knowing she’s been helping, I now wonder if she didn’t...if she didn’t sacrifice for us, like I did.
‘Mother broken by a man was enough, I don’t want anyone else I love to—’
He upturned her hands and began to trace along the curves of her palms.
‘No kitchens, no fields, no husband...and here we are.’
‘I knew no other men other than my father and our neighbours. Only those who shirked their responsibility or took advantage. And after travelling from one village to the other, I saw the same.’
‘That’s why you asked me about taxes.’
She blushed, glanced away. ‘I would never ask that of you now. But I wasn’t certain at first. You told me Mary was a widow and men...’
He wouldn’t, couldn’t, take her words to heart, but he did. Patience, he reminded himself; she’d been through so much. ‘Nicholas’s request for taxes was so lenient his estate fell apart and he left to become a mercenary to earn the coin himself. There are some men who are different.’
‘Like the Warstones,’ she said.
He blinked. ‘That’s not the direction I thought this conversation would go.’
‘I know, but I think we need to talk of them now.’
‘I don’t want them anywhere in this room.’
‘I think I understand why you stay with them. There’s good in them, isn’t there? I saw it in Balthus’s eyes when you got so angry at him for not telling you of the extent of his injury. They don’t know love or family, do they?’ When he shook his head, she continued, ‘I can see why you care for them now. His parents, though...’
‘Bied, are you saying you’ll stay here? Is that why you’re bringing them up? If you want me to, I will accept this fortress, but that means we could be under siege tomorrow, or your family would be at risk or... I can’t let them win. Not after that woman broke his finger or damaged Ian so—’
She placed her hand on his mouth. ‘I think we both might share in that overprotectiveness. I know you told me of the danger. What I witnessed in that Hall was far beyond anything I could imagine or that I could ever want for me or my family, but it’s you, isn’t it?’
‘I thought I wanted peace, but you’re right,’ he said. ‘I kept pursuing danger and gained skills navigating it, and there’s too much at stake for me to walk away. I can’t, I won’t leave it.’
‘I don’t want you to walk away. I understand it, I’ll just...throw more linens and shove people out of danger in the future,’ she said. ‘It will be nothing new—I always came to the rescue of my family and I couldn’t stay in one position for very long before I caused trouble. I don’t think I was meant for much peace.
‘Moreover, you’ve already given up on everything else you wanted. Living with danger and ridding the world of those parents would be worth it.’
‘Giving up on what I want? Bied, you are all—’
‘This fortress and land aren’t some small plot somewhere. And that biddable wife?’
He dipped his chin. ‘That certainly isn’t you. I have no idea who will cook my food, or till my fields.’
‘Not me, never...that is, if it’s me you still want,’ she said.
‘You think anything you told me changed how I feel for you?’
She smiled, knowing her heart was wise to choose him. ‘For the briefest, tiniest of moments. I never...shared what happened with me with anyone. But now that I have—’
‘Feel better?’
Blinking back the tears that threatened to mar the sight of her seeing this glorious man, she nodded. ‘I know you are not my father, or like those men in the village. I never wanted a husband, but if I did, he’d be you.’
He grabbed her wrist and her smile became a grin.
‘So you get everything you ever wanted, but I don’t, yet how could I be so happy?’ he said. ‘My life will be full of trouble, recklessness—’
‘Don’t forget how I’ll torture you with Bess’s gowns that are entirely too small.’
He groaned. ‘I can’t believe your friend thought that was a good choice.’
‘Just wait until I get Tess to help me. You’ll wish I would only put thistles in your braies.’
When that light hit his eyes, the one he got when he was about to kiss her, she laid a hand on his chest. ‘I...may be pregnant.’ she blurted. ‘I’ve been careful before. Not that that is any certainty, but we haven’t been careful at all.’
His eyes held no disquiet, just more of that calmness and strength. Around her wrist, she felt that little tug that told her he was about to pull her onto his lap. ‘This worries you?’
‘In the past, I was relieved when I wasn’t, but, no, it doesn’t worry me with you,’ she said. ‘Would it worry you, if I couldn’t?’
‘There’s children here with no parents because Ian had no regard for the lives of his guards. That little red-haired boy...’
‘Thomas,’ she said.
‘Could be part of our family.’ He flashed a grin. ‘I am not worried whether we have children of our own or we have to permanently borrow ten children or more.’
‘Ten!’
‘I can’t see us with any fewer...given we’re both overly protective.’
‘So,’ she said, ‘we live in this fortress with my family and at least ten children. All while we’re under siege, securing legends and battling between kingdoms. Sounds...complicated. We could simply pack our bags and sneak out of here. You haven’t given Balthus your agreement. Maybe we could live in inns the rest of our lives and have other people bring us food.’
Her trying to hold back a grin and look serious was what broke Louve’s laughter and he gathered her close, holding her as he wanted to the moment she’d nervously told him she loved him.
If it was difficult for her to tell him, it was thrice as hard for him to hear the words he’d ached for from her.
‘Leave all this danger behind us?’ he said. ‘How could you give up dodging arrows...or turnips?’
‘Don’t! I know, there will be hardship ahead, but there can be laughter now.’
Balthus would recover. Ian was dead and his parents would want revenge. Somewhere a legend needed to be captured and hidden again. In the meantime, he’d protect this woman and her family, and the large family they’d grow.
He rubbed her back. ‘There can be laughter. For instance, your travelling idea was humorous.’
She eyed him, already guessing he was jesting, already thinking of how to best him. ‘No, it wasn’t.’
‘When you travel, you have to rest. And there won’t be an inn for miles who would take us.’
Bied grabbed a pillow. ‘Because of our laughter, because we’ll talk too much with words that make no sense?’
Eyeing that pillow which she held like a weapon, Louve pretended to give merit to her argument. ‘Perhaps, but I think it’ll be for something else.’
‘Because we’ll have ten children and be far too boisterous.’
‘There could be ten of us, or...twenty,’ he said, loving how her eyes widened, ‘but that still won’t be the reason.’
/>
She narrowed her eyes. Partly in play, partly because she was becoming full of that ire he liked. ‘Because you don’t have enough coin to pay for rooms?’
‘You know better than that.’
‘Why, then?’ She raised the pillow a bit higher, all the more ready to throw it at him. ‘Why would no inn take us?’
‘Because they’ll fear for their goblets!’ He laughed.
Bied threw the pillow over her shoulder and kissed him instead.
* * *
If you enjoyed this story, be sure to read
the previous books in Nicole Locke’s
Lovers and Legends miniseries
The Knight’s Broken Promise
Her Enemy Highlander
The Highland Laird’s Bride
In Debt to the Enemy Lord
The Knight’s Scarred Maiden
Her Christmas Knight
Reclaimed by the Knight
Her Dark Knight’s Redemption
Captured by Her Enemy Knight
Keep reading for an excerpt from The Governess’s Secret Longing by Elizabeth Beacon.
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The Governess’s Secret Longing
by Elizabeth Beacon
Chapter One
March 1813
‘How is Emma?’ Sir Harry Marbeck asked Miss Thibett’s famous junior teacher and told himself he was glad they were talking privately in a sunny spring garden far too cold for impropriety.
Although, from the look of her stern cap and sludge-coloured gown, Miss Yelverton did not encourage impropriety in any weather. Best not to think about breaking the rules with her wary gaze on him. She already looked as if she had been asked to meet a hungry tiger in the headmistress’s garden instead of a grieving baronet. Best not to think about pouncing on her to confirm her darkest suspicions about him either, or wonder how it would feel to unwrap her stern draperies layer by intriguing layer to find the real woman underneath. Except it might be too late not to think any of that after seeing the dreams and promise in her sky-blue eyes when she first met his gaze, as if she was holding her breath as well.