It’s Kane!
I lick my lips to try and add some moisture to them but it’s not working, my lower stomach as this deep ache gnawing at me. It needs to be taken care off… and fast.
“Ready?” He asks, snapping me back to the here and now.
“Yeah.” I answer on a sigh. Hoping I don’t give myself away that I’m ready for more than just a lift home.
He flips a switch and the engine roars to life, the vibrations not helping my current wanton situation.
My boy shorts beneath my dress are getting wetter by the minute and he hasn’t even touched me. If only he knew. The radio comes on and Matchbox Twenty's- Push is crooning in the background. That’s when I look at the system in front of me and it clicks in my sex fogged brain, that it’s a cd playing not the radio. He really is reliving his youth through music but I don’t say anything, I just lean back in my seat and enjoy the music as well as the company. I come to my senses when it hits me we aren’t moving.
“Well? Are you taking me home or not?”
“Yeah I am… but first you have to tell me where you live.” He looks amused. I’m not surprised, I’ve done nothing but act like a bloody idiot since he caught me leaving the club.
I finally put my brain into gear and give him my address.
Putting the car into gear, he slowly reverses out from his parking spot, that's when I’m hit with another wave of lust.
He looks even sexier driving his car.
At this rate I’m not going to make the drive home without jumping his bones, and right now I don’t think I care.
“Luce… you're staring baby girl.” He says looking at me all wide eyed.
I don’t stop staring at him, I certainly don’t deny that he’s right, instead I direct him to a bunch of abandoned warehouses down by St Katharine Docks. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, I probably have but if I don’t do this now I more than likely never will.
Once we arrive he stops the car, I take in where we are, everywhere is pitch black, no one is around for miles. It’s why I think I subconsciously brought him here.
He unfastens his belt then turns in his seat to face me.
“Luce, why are we here?” He doesn’t sound nervous or confused. He sounds just like my Kane. We’re are far cry from being fixed, there’s still so unanswered questions between us, still so many secrets he’s keeping, but my body doesn’t give a shit about any of that in this precise moment.
Instead of answering him, I lean forward wrapping my hand behind his neck pulling him towards me, he doesn’t resist which helps settle some of the butterflies that are going crazy in my stomach right now.
“Just shhh Kane… let me do this.” I whisper against his lips.
I’ve never been one to be so forward with a man, with him though I can’t stop myself. It’s just instinct pushing me forward, giving me the confidence to do this. If he were to reject me I don’t know what I would do, probably die on the spot.
I slowly brush my lips against his, darting my tongue out and licking his top lip, he tastes of fresh mint which gives me tingles everywhere. It’s weird I know, but it is what it is.
I hear him growl in the back of his throat when I repeat the same action for a third time, it’s his undoing.
He takes my face in both of his hands and he’s kissing me back, it’s with so much hunger and furiousness I’m convinced my lips will bruise, but yet again I don’t care. I wanted this, so I’m clearly getting it.
I manage to detangle myself from my belt and with confidence I never knew I had, I push him back and climb on top of him so I’m straddling him in his seat, my dress rising above the top of my thighs.
“Fuck me baby girl.” He strangles out.
“That’s my plan.” I warn him. Even though he only meant it as a figure of speech.
His hands go to my bare legs, his fingers inching their way under my dress brushing against my underwear.
“So wet.” He murmurs against my lips.
He’s just as turned on if not more, I can feel the evidence straining against his jeans, screaming at me to be let loose.
I try to squeeze my thighs together to help with the buzzing that’s going on between my legs, but it’s extremely difficult in my current position. I’m going to explode the minute he touches me, I can’t stop the inevitable from happening.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you like this Luce. You were never just my best friend, you were my everything.”
His words make me gasp, making me even more determined to do this.
My hips seem to have a mind of their own as they rock against him, causing me to burn with even more lust.
“Kane.” His name a strangled moan. “You need to touch me.”
And he doesn’t disappoint me.
His fingers go from brushing the outside of my underwear, to inside them. He then proceeds to lightly brush his thumb over my bundle of nerves that are screaming at me to get their release.
“Jesus baby girl, you're so fucking hot.” How he can talk right now is beyond me, I can barely breath let alone talk.
He builds his speed up and I’m so close to falling over the edge, but then I feel nothing.
What the fuck?
He must see the horror on my face, because he chuckles slightly.
“Don’t worry Luce, I’m not stopping this, I just need to taste you and to do that we need to get out.”
I can’t walk, my legs are like bloody jelly. He’s got be having a laugh.
He opens the car door, somehow manoeuvring us so that I don’t have to move. Swinging his legs out, he holds my head to his chest as he shuffles forward out of the car. Once he’s stood my legs instantly tighten around his waist, like some sort of reflex. Slamming the door shut with his hip, he makes his way to the front of the car, laying me down gently onto the bonnet.
Oh bloody hell, he was serious.
When he hasn’t made a move to touch me, I lean up on my elbows to find that he’s just looking at me, as if he’s expecting me to tell him that I no longer want this. Suddenly I get the strongest urge to reassure him that I’m not going anywhere.
“I’m sure Kane, I want this... and…” Before I can finish my sentence is lips are back on mine, kissing me as if his life depended on it. His hands start to glide up my legs, starting from my ankles up towards the top of my thighs. Once he’s close enough I wrap my hands around the back of his neck pulling him even closer to me. I’m panting like some sort of rabid dog on heat, to me it’s not sexy at all but from the growl I hear from him it’s turning him on even more.
“This isn’t going to be soft and gentle Luce, I’ve waited far too long for this. I promise you though, I will worship your body inch by inch later. Now though I just need to be inside you, I’ve changed my mind about tasting you because I want to savour you when I do.” He says as he kisses down my neck, leaving wet hot trails on my already burning skin.
His words are like adding fuel to an already lit fire, my heart racing with so much excitement.
My dress is suddenly yanked up to my waist, then I hear something rip. Looking back to Kane, he has a smug smile on his face as he holds my lace boxers up to my face with one lone finger.
Cocky fucker.
If I didn’t think that was hot as hell, what he does next makes me gasp. He takes my boxers and sniffs them, fucking sniffs them, I don’t know if I should be getting more aroused or if I should be mortified. But as I’m getting wetter by the second I’d go with the former.
He stuffs them in the back pocket of his trousers.
“Mine.” He whispers in my ear, making all the hairs on my body stand to attention, a cold shiver breaking out all over my skin. He’s now looking at me, his eyes never leaving mine. If I thought they sparkled on a normal day, then right now they are like pure grey diamonds staring at me, they’re mesmerizing.
The next thing I know I hear the zipper on his jeans come undone, then in one shift move he’s inside of me, but he doesn�
�t move. My eyes roll into the back of my sockets, making me throw my head back, he’s so big I feel like he’s stretching me to the point of no return.
“Fuck, you feel so good wrapped around my dick, it’s like you were made for me and only me, lie back for me baby girl.” I do as he asks, relaxing a little so I can get use to the sheer size of him.
“You ready for the ride of your life beautiful?” With that he starts to move, pumping in and out of me. At first I think it’s going to be slow and sweet, then he starts to hit me with slow yet hard thrusts of his hips, making it anything but slow and sweet. My eyes close on their own accord as I’m pushed and pulled up and down the bonnet of his magnificent car.
Placing both of his hands either side of me, he leans over me trapping me between solid muscle and the car, all whilst his body does things to me I never knew existed until now. He starts kissing my neck, making his way to my mouth. He bites my lip softly and that’s when I open my eyes to catch a glance at him, he’s looking at me like I’m his prey and he’s about to have his feast.
In one swift move he stands to his full height between my open legs, then when I least expect it I have the breath fucked out of me when I’m skyrocketed further up the bonnet of the car, that for a split second I think my head may actually go through the windshield. That’s until I feel his hands grip my hips tightly, and he yanks me back down on to him and impales me down on his cock.
“Oh my god.” I shout, my lungs burning with the sheer powerfulness of it all.
He repeats that action more than once, not giving me time to recover from the last assault. I’m not complaining though, right now I don’t care if I walk like John Wayne tomorrow, it’s going to be worth it.
I wrap my legs tightly around his narrow trim waist, digging the spiky heels of my shoes into his lower back, which sends him over the edge.
Seeing him coming undone like this, knowing it’s me who’s causing him too, ignites the final blow I need to give me what my entire body is craving.
“H… H… Holy shit… Kaneeeee.” I practically scream. I’ve never been so glad that there isn’t anyone around for miles. My inner wall muscles squeezing him so tight, he would have to be a dead man not to know I’m currently having the best orgasm of my life.
We were going at it like a pair of animals, it was so raw and unplanned. I’m just reaching the peak of my orgasm when he goes at me full force.
“I’m going come… Shit…. Fuck.” He spills his load into me, making sure I get every last bit of it. We’re both panting trying to catch our breaths, both of us coming down from our blissful highs. Just as he lays his head on my chest something dawns on me. I didn’t hear the sound of a condom wrapper being open nor did I see him put one on.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Kane” I have a feeling he hasn’t even noticed the mistake we’ve both just made. This can’t be happening. How have I let this happen? I know why. Kane. He only has to touch me and I lose sense of where I am or what I’m doing.
“Yes?” He moves his body slightly, he’s still inside of me that’s not changed, but he moves just enough so he can face me. I know the moment he sees the fear and panic written on my face, that it’s clicked in his head we made a mistake.
“Shit, I’m sorry Luce, I never thought about it, fuck.. It never even crossed my mind. But…. you're on the pill right?” How can I tell him that I’m not, I haven’t wanted to sleep with a man for the last thirteen years so I didn’t feel the need to take it. When I’ve had sex in the past… which was a rarity, I’ve always made sure there was a condom involved. How can I be so bloody stupid. I know why, it’s because when I’m with him I lose all rational thought and all I see is him.
“Lucy?” My silence giving him the answer I don’t think he wants to hear. He removes himself from my body, leaving me feeling empty and slightly depressed.
He tucks himself back into his jeans before grabbing my hands to help me up from the car bonnet, my dress falling back down to my knees as I go. He hasn’t said a word to me, shame and regret washing over me in an instant, taking away my post orgasm smile.
“We should get a move on, before someone catches us.” That's the only thing he says to me before we’re back in his car and driving back to my apartment.
Kane
How could I have been so fucking stupid, what was I thinking.
I wasn’t thinking that’s the thing, my dick did all the thinking for me. I was so desperate to be inside her after all this time, the last thing that was running through my mind was that I needed to be careful. Shit, in this day and age every woman is on some sort of contraception, I assumed she would be too. I guess this is what happens when you just assume something. And now I haven’t uttered a single word to her since this I fucked up. Not that I regret what we just did, because I don’t. Weaving the car between all the abandoned warehouses, I head for the exit of the docks with my head in complete turmoil.
I’m gripping the steering wheel tighter than is necessary making my knuckles turn white, at the same time praying to almighty god I didn’t just fuck up her life. Knowing I need to say something, anything to break the silence between us, I ask for her address, as that’s all that comes to mind.
“What’s your address, you never did tell me?” I don’t turn to look at her, I just wait for her to give me an answer. I may sound cold and bitter, but I’m just a bit shocked.
“Oh yeah, err… sorry, Sloane Square.” She seems hesitant to tell me the rest, which I understand. I haven’t actually been forthcoming since we did the dirty on my car only a few minutes ago.
How we went from not being each other's lives for so long, to screwing each other the way we just did is a total mind fuck.
We drive the rest of the way in stony silence, the atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Taking a deep breath, I risk a glance over to my left and see that she’s looking out the window. In this moment I think I’m losing her all over again, which is all down to my own stupidity. I won’t let that happen though, if I have fucked up her life, then I’ve fucked up my own and we can get through this together because I am not letting her go again. She was meant to be mine thirteen years ago, but because of one particular selfish bastard in the world I lost her, I’m not going to take that risk again because I can’t pull my head out of my own butt.
As I enter Sloane Square I know I’m going to have to say something to bring her back to me, before I get chance to put my brain in gear she grumbles.
“This is me just up here.” I pull the car over in front of the building she’s pointing to. Before I’ve even cut the engine off she’s already got the car door open with one foot on the pavement and one foot still in the car.
I place my hand on her arm and she suddenly goes stiff as a board beneath my palm.
“Luce… I.. what we….” I trail off, having no idea where I’m going with this.
She turns to look at me, hoping I can shine some light on the situation but I can’t seem to find the right words. It’s not like I’ve ever been in this position before, but what can I say to her that she wouldn’t take the wrong way.
So me being the pussy that I am, I stop trying. Turning away from her like a coward I just stare out the front window.
“It’s ok Kane, it’s my fault, I’ll sort it. I should’ve stopped it, in fact I shouldn’t have even started it but we both got carried away and before you know it, the deed is done. I’ll go to the doctors and ask for the morning after pill. It’s no biggy… honestly.” She makes it sound so easy, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like a dickhead or stop me from wondering why she’s cold and distant with me about it.
She starts to climb out of the car but I know I can’t leave things like this between us, I have to stop her, so I push away everything that’s running around in my head, and for once in my life, I want be honest with her.
“Wait.. Lucy… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, it’s just ….I’ve only just got you back in my life, I don
’t want to lose you again. I’m scared shitless that when you find out the reasons for my GBH charge I’m going to lose you anyway. That thought alone has me a nervous wreck, so whilst I still have you in my life I want us to be happy… together.”
I’m under no illusion that we will be together forever, that happy ending just isn’t on the cards for us. There’s far too many secrets that have been swept under the carpet.
Secrets that will eventually come out.
Because in the end they always do.
“You don’t think I know that? I wanted you to tell me Kane, I wanted you to open up to me, the one thing we always had growing up was honesty between us, but somewhere along the line shit changed. Yes, you’ve been through a lot, I get that but I’m still me, don’t think for one minute you can’t talk to me. I know you haven’t told me the full story, I’m not that fucking dumb. If you wanted to tell me, you would have, and the fact you haven’t tells me it’s something big. So I have to accept that and hope you’ll tell me when you're ready, you always do, you could never keep secrets from me when we we’re younger, you were never any good at it.”
Fuck why did she have to go and say that?
The guilt I’m feeling weighs heavy on my heart and mind, she has no idea how good I’ve gotten at keeping secrets from her, I didn’t have a choice. I wish they could stay that way. Hidden. Never to be spoken of again. They’re called secrets for a reason, because they’re meant to stay that way.
Right?
Wrong!
And as I’m finding out now, no matter how hard you try to bury them they bite you in the ass at every turn. Catching you out when you least expect it, with the possibility of ruining any future happiness.
Making Our Way Back Page 8