“Frigid bitch?” I say out loud, when it’s only intended for me to hear. How fucking dare he, I’m actually glad I didn’t go through sleeping with him now. The horrible, mean bastard. I wipe away the single tear that falls down my face. I don’t know why I let him get to me, he’s obviously nothing to lose any sleep over.
I pull myself together just in time before Donna makes an appearance at the bar.
“Yo, bitch.. Where’s your friend gone?” She asks me whilst looking in every direction trying to seek him out before she looks at me. Good luck with that because you won’t find him, he’s long gone.
“Oh, him… he had… err, something come up and he had to leave.” I hate lying to her, she’s my best friend. And just like I knew she would, she knows I’m lying.
“I call bullshit, you backed out didn’t you? Because of Kane?” She hits the nail on the head straight away.
“Shit Donna, I couldn’t go through with it, I totally freaked out on him. And then he said I was a frigid bitch. I mean who says that these days.” I place my head in my hands, I’ve not felt this stupid or humiliated in a long time.
“Come on, I’m bored. Let’s get out of here, we can grab a bottle of vodka on our way back to the hotel and you can tell me all about it, whilst I sit and laugh at you. Yeah?” She laughs at me and pulls me out the club with my hand in hers.
“I swear to god, I’m going to become a lesbian, everything would be easier then.” And I’m telling the truth. She doesn’t answer me, but her laughing gets louder so I know she heard me.
Another cold shiver breaks out over my body, making me have goose bumps as I bring myself back from that bloody horrific, most embarrassing night of my life.
Slurping her drink through her straw, Don looks at me like I’ve grown two heads.
“What?” I ask. My voice going up an octave higher.
After swallowing her fruity drink, she slams her glass back down onto the table.
“Don’t you ‘what’ me young lady, we both know that no matter how far you run, or the number of miles you put between you both or how much time you take, it’s always going to be Kane for you. He may have fucked up but that’s what men do bitch, you’ve either got get past it and love him like I know you do or let him go altogether. At the end of the day that man went to prison for protecting you. No one else Luce… just you.”
Picking her glass back up, she goes back to sucking on her straw as if she hasn’t just floored me with her little speech, I never knew she could be so deep. What a shocker.
I sit back on my sun chair, cocktail in hand and completely lose myself in thoughts of Kane.
Can I get past him and Sophie? Yes. I think I can, we’re all human and make mistakes. He’s made it pretty clear he hates her, he wouldn’t be divorcing her if he didn’t.
As for the whole going to prison for protecting me thing, well I’d be a total bitch if I didn’t give him a chance after what he did.
At the end of the day, I can sit here and pick apart all the reasons why I shouldn’t go home and throw my arms around him, but it doesn’t ignore the fact that for me Kane's my life.
Turning to Don, I go to open my mouth to speak but she cuts me off before I get the chance to say a word.
“Don’t worry bitch, I knew you’d see sense eventually. So, I’ve changed our flights, we leave first thing tomorrow morning instead of in three days' time.”
God I love that girl.
I rush out of my seat, wrapping my arms around her.
“Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You’re the best.”
“I know.” She replies, with a shrug of her shoulders.
The next day, I’m packed up and sat in my seat on the plane back to Heathrow. I’m anxious, my knee won’t stop bouncing and my stomach is in knots. My brain is also screaming at me thinking about all the what ifs.
What if he’s gone back to Sophie?
What if he thinks I’m not worth all the hassle anymore?
What if he’s realised we were a mistake?
The list is endless. If he rejects me, then I’ll have to make him see what I see in us, that after all these years we’re meant to be together.
Once me and Donna have got our suitcases from baggage claim, we climb into the waiting taxi with only one destination on my mind. Kane’s office building. I can’t wait any longer, I have to see him, no I need to see him.
“Calm down will you, you’re making me nervous, plus you’ll be seeing him soon.” Don promptly tells me.
“I know, I’m just so nervous, I feel physically sick, like I might barf at any given time, I know I shouldn’t be, I mean it’s Kane but with the way I left things with him, I have all these what ifs running around in my head.” Finally voicing my worries.
“Well bloody pack it in, and if he does turn you away then he’s a dick and I will happily kick him in the bollocks for you.”
I burst out laughing at her threat to Kane’s balls, but my laughter is short lived when I suddenly see pure terror on Donna's face before she tries to jump on me, or pull me towards her I’m not entirely sure but I don’t get the chance to ask her what’s wrong, because for some unknown reason, out of nowhere the taxi is barrelling along the road and flipped upside down.
I can't feel any of the right side of my body at all, I’m numb. I try to twist my neck over to my left to see if Donna is ok, I can see her head is bleeding, and there's a crack in the window just above her. It's obvious she’s took a nasty bang to the head, leaving her unconscious.
“Don, if you can hear me you need to stay awake...please.” I try my best to say to her, but my throat is closing off on me, so it was only a whisper I could manage. I try to look around a bit more at my surroundings but with being upside down I’m disoriented and can’t make out much. I can just about make out the driver of the taxi, and from what I can see he’s not injured as bad as me or Donna, looks like the back of the taxi took the brunt end of it. I don’t see another vehicle around so I don’t know what’s hit us, or if we’ve hit anything. In fact I can’t see much at all, my eyes are starting to burn and my head is banging that hard, and if it wasn’t for my current situation I’d say my brain cells were throwing a party up in there.
I look down at myself to try and see what state I’m in and to see if I can get out of my seat belt. It’s no use my weight is pushing down on it, and there’s too much pressure for me to release it, I think it might be jammed from the impact of the crash, and the force of been tipped upside down.
Then I see blood, only this time it's on me. My legs are covered in a dark red murky colour, I know it’s definitely blood, and I know it's mine, even though I can't feel much of my body right now. Just as I see the blood I get an almighty pain ricochet across my lower abdomen. Oh god, I’ve never felt pain like it. I scream out from the pain and shock….
They say your life flashes before your eyes, all I see is grey sparkling eyes and his smile.
“I love you.” I whisper to myself before my world goes utterly black.
Kane
T hree weeks since I let Luce walk out of my office, three fucking weeks. I just let her go like the dickhead I am. She asked for time and space and after what I did with Sophie, I thought it was the least I could do for her. When all I wanted to do was wrap her up in my arms and beg her not to go, I had to force myself not to go after her, lift her over my shoulder and drag her stubborn arse back up to my office and plead with her not to leave me. She promised me she wouldn't leave after I told her want she wanted to know, but she still left anyway. She even passed my divorce case onto some other partner at her firm like she said she would, I’m not complaining the bloke is fantastic, at this rate Sophie won’t be seeing a fucking penny of mine ever again, and with Lucy doing that, then disappearing from London, told me all I needed to know.
She was done, she’d clearly had enough.
I had fucked it up more than ever before.
Only this time it was all on me, it was my fault last time b
ut that time was different, I wouldn’t of done what I did if they weren’t planning on hurting my girl the way they were.
I haven’t been back to the club much since the night she left, for some reason all I see when I go there is her dancing and smiling with her friends and it kills me. I’ve made Ashley my head barman my new manager, so he’s now over seeing everything for me and just checks in with any important stuff.
Thanks to Cole, I also found out that Lucy ran off to Gran Canaria with Donna her best friend. The thoughts I’ve had running through my head of what she could be doing, or who she could be doing have nearly had me on a plane so fast it’s actually insane. Marcus took my car keys off me, then camped out at mine for the first week we knew where she was, just to make sure I wouldn’t go chasing after her. Reminding me I’m the one who agreed to letting her time and space she needed..
The club isn’t the only thing I’ve not put a hundred percent of my time into, for the first time since I started my company I’ve just neglected it and delegated to all my project managers. They’ve had it easy over the years, so now I’ve made them earn the wages I pay them.
I’ve practically become a hermit, all I do is drink my scotch and work out in the hotel gym. Is it healthy? Hell no it isn’t, but it’s my way of dealing with shit. So sue me, see if I give a shit. The only thing I’m guilty of is losing the girl I love, twice.
I’ve been killing myself in the gym for nearly two hours now, the more I work out the less scotch I actually drink.
I’m pounding my feet on the treadmill when a song comes on the radio.
Sybil’s- The Love I lost.
The first four lines of the song hit a nerve so bad, I miss step on the treadmill, almost tripping over my own two feet. Thank fuck I know where the emergency stop button is on these things.
Leaning my arms and head on the treadmill keyboard, I take deep long breaths as I listen.
I can remember planning,
Building my whole world around you.
And I can remember hoping,
That you and I could make it on through.
But something went wrong.
Something went wrong alright. And if taunting me further, the chorus and the next verse kicks in.
Reaching over I flick the radio off before the song even finishes, it’s more than hit a nerve now, it’s cracked me wide open making me feel more vulnerable than I've ever been before.
I’ve lost her.
There’s no denying that now. She’s not coming back to me not now, not ever.
But I’ll always love her. No matter what.
I guess this really is karma's way of fucking me up the arse. I protected her in a way that you would expect her to leave me for if she ever found out, then I fuck it up with something so stupid, that even I would leave me if I could.
My gut churns with the thought of never having her in my arms again, my heart cracks that little bit more as I think about never seeing her smile or hearing her laugh again. I’ve never been a self-pity man, I always take responsibility for my own actions and I will this time, only the consequences of them actions have cost me more than I could ever stand to lose.
Getting a grip of myself, I snatch my towel up from the bench, ridding my body of the sweat I’ve got dripping off me.
I’ve never been a quitter and I’m not going to start being one now, it’s time to go and fight for what’s mine, and has been mine since I was a geeky, spotty teenager.
With raw determination running through my veins, I head on up back to my hotel suite to shower, there’s no way on this earth I’m going to fight for my girl smelling like shit.
So first things first, personal hygiene, then I’ll make all the necessary phone calls.
If what Cole told me is true, then Luce is due back in London in three days, that's three days too long for me. I need a flight and I need one now. I’ve sulked around long enough. It’s time for me to buck my ideas up and bring her home.
Once I’m clean and sweat free, I wrap a towel around my waist and go in search of my phone. I don’t have to look far, just as I’m walking out of the bathroom I hear Nickelback's- Far Away singing at me, locating it on my bed where I must have thrown it when I came in, I see it’s just the person I wanted.
“Hey fuckwit, I was just about to call you, I need your help. I need you to get me a flight to Gran Canarias… like now… please. I’m not sitting around any longer.”
Marcus doesn't answer me right away, all I can hear is a sharp intake of breath.
“Marcus… Marcus.” I call down the phone. “For the love of god, if you don’t answer me, you're going to wish you had, best friend or not.”
“Just turn your television on dude, I… I can’t do it. The news will tell you what I can’t.” His voice laden down with fear. I go to speak again but the lines dead.
Marcus is never lost for words there's nothing he hasn’t been able to tell me in the many years I’ve known him. So for him to be so vague with his call, I know that what I’m about to find out is going to kill me. I feel my stomach knotting, my legs are like dead weights as I try to get them to move so I can get to the television remote, dread filling my entire body the closer I get to it.
Grabbing the remote from the bedside table, I switch the television on going straight to the channel I need.
That’s when my whole world crumbles around me.
And for the first time in thirteen years, I breakdown and cry, If I thought my heart was cracked from just her leaving me alone in my office with nothing but my own thoughts, well having witnessed what I’ve just seen, my hearts now utterly and completely shattered into a million pieces and everything around me ceases to exist anymore, everything I have and own seem inconsequential.
I have no idea how I got here, but I’m here.
All I remember is Valerie and Marcus banging on my hotel door with hotel security, screaming at me to open the door. After that everything was a complete blur. The only thing I can remember clearly is the reporter who was at the scene, telling the whole country how some pissed up driver had crashed into a taxi on one of the main roads in London, making a whole lot of traffic. Then on my tele screen came a picture of Lucy and Donna. Saying that they were the ones involved in the car crash, therefore they had been rushed into hospital. That picture they showed is not the Lucy I’m seeing right now in this hospital bed, but the Lucy who’ll kick ass and will bulldoze anyone who gets in her way.
Not the Lucy I’m seeing right now, she’s battered and bruised, looking at her you would think that’s all that was wrong with her but it isn’t.
She has a couple of cracked ribs from the blow to her chest which they haven’t mended or operated on. They told me that if you injure your ribs, you'll often be able to look after them yourself at home, as ribs can't be easily splinted or supported like other bones, so they're usually left to heal naturally, that wasn’t their main concern. Apparently, she lost an awful lot of blood from the crash, making her very weak, and they couldn’t understand where it was coming from, so they had to do further tests on her. Like she isn’t battered and bruised enough already. After all that, they gave her something for the pain making her sleepy and out of it most of the time and also to help make her more comfortable. They wouldn’t tell much more after that as I’m not a family member and it’s against the rules to give out any patient's details. The fucking rules, like her mum would fucking care she’s in here, I doubt she’ll even show her face at all.
They even tried getting me to leave, or at least take up residence in the waiting room, yeah well, they can go suck a dick because I’m not leaving her, not now, not ever. It helps who I am as well, offer to throw money or make a huge donation at the place and they will let you do pretty much anything you want.
After a few days, not much had changed in regards to Lucy, even though the doctors kept reassuring me she was on the mend. Donna’s shown her face a couple of times, she only suffered minor bruising and a concussion from the bang to h
er head, so she’s almost back to her old self. Looks like Lucy took the most impact from the crash and is the one still suffering. The taxi driver was in and out of the hospital the same day with only a broken arm and some slight bruising. That was after I gave him a beating down. Asking him what the fuck happened. All he could tell me was a car came out of nowhere and ploughed in the side of the taxi, there wasn’t enough time for him to do anything, he said he tried putting his foot down to swerve out of the way, but before he could the car crashed into the back-right hand side of it. Hence why Lucy is still lying in this goddamn hospital bed.
The doctors have now started reducing her medication. She’s yet to wake up fully and show me her pretty green eyes, but I know she’s there and can hear me.
Lucy
A m I dead? I feel like I am, I feel like I’m floating on a big white fluffy cloud.
But this can’t be right, the last thing I can remember is being in the back of the taxi and on my way to see Kane. Wasn’t I?
Oh shit, the pain, I can remember feeling a god awful pain in my stomach before I passed out.
The crash…. Donna……
I couldn’t even get to her if wanted to. I have no clue where she is…. Or me for that matter.
I can’t seem to get my eyes to open, I’m trying my hardest but nothing's happening, It’s like being in a dream when you’re trying to run but something’s stopping you from doing it, like you’re being pulled back, only for me right now, it’s like something or someone is holding my eyes shut, like they’ve been stitched together. I don’t understand why I can’t form this simple task.
I can hear voices some I recognise, some I don’t. And will annoying beeping I can hear just stop for a goddamn minute, it’s continuous and it’s starting to drive me mad.
“You have a visitor, shall I send them in?” I hear out of nowhere and I try, god do I try to answer, but my eyes still won’t open and I can’t move my mouth to answer the voice that spoke. There’s a long pause before I hear the door open again and a voice I’ve longed to hear.
Making Our Way Back Page 16