Dating has been a bust. My quest to find something more, to find love, has been unsuccessful. No matter who I go on a date with, every guy has been the same; they either claim to want a relationship only to bail after the first date, or they say straight up they’re only looking for a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits deal. It has me asking where all the good men are. Where are the men who actually want a relationship? The guys at the BDSM club Lost and Bound either want a Dom and nothing more, or the few who do want more hold no interest for me.
Yes, I’d like a submissive in the bedroom. But the idea of having someone to come home to after a long day’s work? Someone to simply lie naked in bed with and just rest in each other’s arms? It causes a heavy yearning in my chest. Sure, sex before or after we snuggle together would be a bonus, especially if he’s a submissive, but it’s not what I’m starving for. Now? I want affection and love. I don’t even want to consider how long it’s been since I was simply held. The desire brings Ryan to mind. The dark hair and chocolate eyes. His beautiful, tanned body I hope to one day see in its entirety.
Arriving at work, I open the door to Anderson’s Athletics, or Andy’s, and consider giving up dating for a little while. It’ll mean letting various friends know I’m over the set-ups, but I think it’s for the best. Shoving my bag in a pigeonhole behind the front desk, I grab my towel and water bottle before clipping my name badge on. Working as a fitness trainer at a gym south of the Swan River with my brother is awesome. When they first meet us, people assume Travis and I go crazy working and living together. But we make it work and we’re really close. There’s only been a few incidents throughout the years, and only one big fight. Of course, it was years ago and it revolved around a guy we were both interested in. Scanning my eyes over the day’s roster, I make note of which clients to expect at what times. Afterwards, my thoughts stray back to Ryan.
Ever since that night three weeks ago, when we hooked up on the balcony, we’ve seen each other a few times. Once at Trey and David’s, and a couple of times at the gym. Soon after meeting us all, Ryan became a member at Andy’s, and although I’ve been with a client during the times he’s come in, I’ve kept an eye on him. Admittedly for both professional and unprofessional reasons. Every time we’ve been in the same vicinity, Ryan’s ignored me as much as possible. My interest in him hasn’t faded away at all, but in the last week, a sense of hopelessness hit me. We’ve added each other on Facebook and follow one another on Instagram, but the guy doesn’t pick up anything I throw out. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe it’s because it reflects our interest levels. Clearly it’s unbalanced.
I should stop torturing myself and move on. I’m not usually one to waste energy and time on someone who isn’t interested. The worst part is, he doesn’t seem to care I’m out dating. Trey was retelling one of my blind date fiascos, and Ryan didn’t react at all. Even when my brother named a few other men who might be interested in me, he’d seemed bored. It irked me, because if I found out Ryan was going on a date, or had been on a date, I’d be jealous. Which frustrates me more than anything. How can I be jealous ? As much as I’d like him to be, Ryan isn’t anything more than my brother-in-law’s best friend.
It’s later in the day when I spin around and see the man, who’s been monopolising my thoughts, heading towards me. Taking my eyes off Ryan to check the time, it tells me I have fifteen minutes before my next client arrives for a PT session. Once again, Ryan’s in his black gym shorts and grey Everlast T-shirt. The outfit emphasises his wide shoulders and muscular legs. He’s so hot it should be illegal. Ryan’s welcoming, wide smile is a surprise and it makes my heart beat faster. Why is he smiling at me? Who’s made him this happy? For an unfortunate moment, I wonder if he got lucky recently.
“Hey, Henry,” he says, stopping a couple of feet in front of me. I like the way he says my name with his deep, sexy voice.
I smile and nod. “Hey.”
“Do you have a client at the moment?”
Shaking my head, I finish cleaning the treadmill in front of me. “Nah. Not for fifteen. You just get here?”
“Yeah. I have an hour lunch break so I figured I’d sneak in a workout.”
I frown at the idea of him skipping a meal. “What about lunch?”
Ryan pats his bag. “I’ll eat it after. You know I only work down the road.”
“True.” I smile and tell him to have a good session. Hopefully this time I’ll focus more on my client and less on him. The man is way too distracting.
“Uh, Henry?”
I pause and turn. “Yeah?”
He rubs his arm and looks down. He’s unsure of himself. “Do you um…. I mean, how’re your dates going?”
I chuckle. “Terrible.”
Ryan’s head snaps back up and he beams at me. “That’s great!” My eyes widen and he looks horrified. “I mean. Shit. Not great. Just. Okay. Um…” He fiddles with his bottle. “I just… I was just wondering if you’d like to…. Maybe we could… hang out sometime?”
Inside my chest, a spark of hope ignites. “Hang out?”
He nods enthusiastically. “Yeah. Like, grab some pizza? Watch the footy?”
I swear my heart skips a beat. He’s making a move. “Sounds great,” I say, giving him an encouraging smile. “There’s a game on Friday night, and the Eagles are playing. I usually watch it with my brothers, but we can watch it together. Did you want to come to mine, or we could go out?” I’m unsure if he just wants us to hang out as friends, or if he wants more.
“You could come to my place if you’d like?” Although he seems confident, he’s throwing off some nervous vibes. It’s like his body and mind are torn between wanting me to say yes and wanting me to say no. I think he honestly wants me to come over, for possibly more than a friendly get-together, but he’s shy about it. He’s nervous to have me over, but he wants the privacy his place offers.
“All right,” I say. “Well, you’ve got me on Facebook. Message me your address and I can swing by at like five? I’ll bring the pizza, you get the booze.”
He grins. “Okay, awesome.” Ryan pulls his phone out and hands it over. “How about you put your number in, and I’ll text my address to you.”
I do as he says and offer him a smile. We have each other on Facebook, but he wants my number anyway. The more time I spend with Ryan, it’s clear the man’s conflicted. He wants me, but he doesn’t like it. Maybe he’s even scared to like me. But he’s reaching out now. The part that wants me is winning out.
“I’ll see you Friday then.”
He nods determinedly. “Friday.”
Chapter Three
All day Friday, I’m excited. After I’ve come home from work and showered, the pizzas are ordered. One with plenty of meat and the other covered in vegetables. Along with two loaves of garlic bread, I figure I can’t go wrong. Tonight’s going to be different for me. Having no idea what the night will entail, and with no expectations, I feel protective of whatever might happen with Ryan. Because of that, I don’t mention it to my brothers when they make plans to watch the game together, only admitting to watching it with a friend. They probably assume I mean Kristen and Lindsay and I let them. At this stage, my brothers don’t need to know Ryan and I are getting together.
I’m not planning to instigate anything physical. Ryan calls the shots tonight. He’s the one who didn’t want to enter into anything—casual or otherwise—so he has to be the one to make the decision. Especially given his reaction the other night. Something about my being a Dom scares him. And if I’m right, it’s because he was hurt by one.
For all I know, Ryan just wants to be friends. Perhaps he wants a friend who’s connected to the BDSM scene? Given his aversion to Doms, I find myself feeling proud of him for reaching out. Tonight, I’ll let him make the first move. But if he does show interest? I might just have to show him all the benefits of having me as his Dom.
Ryan’s apartment isn’t far at all. Once he buzzes me through, I mak
e my way to his floor. He stands in his doorway waiting for me. In a shirt, jeans, and wearing a cap backwards, he resembles a hot, sexy, American jock. “Hey,” he greets me, moving to the side to let me in.
“Hey.” He closes the door, and I lead the way down the short hall. “So, not knowing what you like, I bought a vegetarian and a meat lover’s pizza.”
“Perfect,” he says. “I like both of those.”
I grin widely. “Same.”
Ryan stares at me for a moment before shaking his head. “Um… I’ve got beer, cider, and red or white wine. What’s your poison?”
“What type of cider?”
“Um… hang on.” He opens the fridge, and I unashamedly check out his ass as he bends over.
What I’d give to lick it… fuck it… spank it….
“I’ve got apple and pear.”
I clear my throat. “Actually, I’ll have a Coroner.”
“Cool, me too.” Ryan collects two beers and unscrews the caps. “We can just put all the food on my coffee table and eat on the couch.” He leads the way into the spacious living area. The furniture looks comfortable. Between the couch and the large flat screen is the coffee table. “Wow,” I praise. “This is an awesome setup. Must be great for watching sports and movies.”
“Thanks. Yeah, it’s cool.” A shy smile teases his lips.
He’s cute when he’s nervous.
We sit next to each other, and I moan at how comfy the couch is. “Nice.” Figuring I’d start off with the easy questions, I ask, “So what movies are you into?”
Ryan rests one ankle on the opposite knee and moves his hand in a see-saw motion. “Pretty much anything. I like comedy, horror, thriller, drama, sci-fi, you name it.”
I pick up a slice of pizza. “Same. Do you like Marvel movies?”
“Of course! X-men, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy . I like DC too.”
“Well, we like the same movies then.” I give him a wink. “Favourite music?”
“Again, anything really.”
My eyes find his, and I give him a flirty smile. “It sounds like you’re easy to please.”
Ryan smirks self-deprecatingly and it almost undoes me. “I think so.” The man puts on such a confident, intimidating front. He’s truly trying to hide his submissiveness in order to save himself from being hurt again.
When it becomes too much, I stop watching him eat. It’s too torturous. The way his mouth widens and how his teeth bite down, the tease of his tongue as it slides over his lips. All he has to do is eat pizza, actually probably anything, and it has me hot under the collar. His throat as he swallows is too enticing. The desire to lick his Adam’s apple is there again. We eat and drink as we watch the game, and the whole time, I’m fully aware of the man beside me. Ryan’s trying to seem calm and relaxed, but as time goes by and as close as we are, he’s giving off a lot of tension. Every time I move, he tenses and holds his breath. The physical awareness is distracting him. So much so, he jumps when I holler at the screen, “What the hell? That was a mark!”
He focuses on the game as they show a replay. Ryan moans in agreement. “Aw, shit! Now the other team’s gonna get a goal!” We watch as his assumption proves correct. With the game taking his attention, his passion is endearing and entertaining.
When he groans with a curse, I place my hand on his knee. “It’s all good. There’s only another ten minutes, and they’re thirty points behind. We’re going to win.”
Other than dropping his gaze to his knee, Ryan doesn’t react. Finally, he shakes his head seriously. “They could catch up. It’s unlikely, but they could.”
I frown. “They’d have to get at least five goals. It’s not going to happen.”
He grunts, and I can’t help but smile at him. “What?” he asks.
“Nothing.” I shrug and face the TV, pulling my hand back.
Ryan sighs and places his bottle down on the table. We’re on our third round of drinks. “You got something to say, Bromley, say it.”
The words make me grin. “It’s endearing how passionate you are, and you’re cute when you’re frustrated.”
His jaw drops before he mutters “cute” in a huff. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to say anything else, but he does. “Maybe I am frustrated.” We both know what he means, and it has nothing to do with the game. The way he said it and his body language. Sexual frustration. Since he brought it up, maybe I can acknowledge my interest again.
“I could help you with that, you know. All you’d have to do is ask.” Not wanting to make things uncomfortable, I finish my drink and place it on the table before leaning back into the couch. A few minutes go by with my eyes on the game, when I holler, “That’s it, Kennedy, yes!” I clap as our team gets another goal. I turn to Ryan with a grin, and he’s already looking at me. “See? Now they’d have to get six —”
Ryan’s mouth covers mine. Surprised, I blink when he pulls back after the hasty, warm kiss. My eyes search his for an explanation, for permission, for all the above. When he just smiles, I close the space between us and press my lips to his. He moans, and the game is completely forgotten. With my left palm on his cheek, I hold him steady as I slide my tongue into his mouth. He groans loudly, and when he starts to suck on it, I make a swift move to straddle him. But Ryan has other ideas and overpowers me. Pushing my back down into the couch, he holds himself over me. Hooking my leg over his hip, he presses his pelvis into mine. God, how long has it been since I let a man cover my body with his? To have most of Ryan’s weight pressing down on me is enlightening, because it makes me realise how much I missed this. The last time I let a man dominate me was years ago with Kyle, when he was training me. Yes, I’m a Dominant. But fuck, Ryan feels good on top of me, and I don’t want to say or do anything to scare him off. What this man does to me….
“Shit,” I grunt, using the heel of my foot on his thigh to press him down closer. I remove his cap and my fingers twine through his hair as I bring his lips to mine. Taking my hands, he raises them above my head and holds them still. It’s strange letting him have control, but surprisingly, it’s no hardship. I pant into his mouth and buck up into him. I’m so hot for him. I want Ryan, and I don’t care how I have him. For this to happen, he clearly needs to be the one calling the shots and, for now, that’s more than fine. When he starts sucking on my neck, I growl, “I want you, Ryan.”
My words seem to shock him. He freezes. The lost look in his eyes tells me he can’t believe his actions. As if he too had no control over them. But I know the only way we’ll hook up tonight is if he feels in control. This man is creating more passion in me than I’ve ever experienced. I simply have to be with him. Before he can stop what’s happening, I push his back into the couch and shift to kneel on the floor. With a hand on each knee, I separate his legs and move between them. My head hovers above his groin. “Do you want me to make you feel good, baby?”
Ryan’s eyes widen and he licks his lips. I don’t move an inch until he gives me the slightest nod.
Just as I’m about to strip him, I pause. He knows what I am and he still invited me over. Maybe, as scared as he is to admit it to himself, he does want to submit. He just needs to admit it and free himself. I sit back on my heels. “Remove your jeans.”
His nimble fingers move quickly. Ryan pushes his jeans down, along with his briefs. When he lifts his ass and yanks them down past his knees, to his ankles, I shift closer. Caressing his thick, hairy thighs, I moan at the sight of him. His dick is hard and there’s precum at the tip. Like mine, Ryan’s pubic hair is neat and trimmed.
“You’re beautiful, Ryan.”
His breath hitches as I grasp him around the base. “I’m not fully hard yet.”
“Oh, I know, baby. But I’m going to change that.”
A slight hesitation, and then, “Please,” he whispers. His fingers clench above his stomach. Bending my head down, I lick his tip. “Fuck yeah,” he moans. “Please.” Widening my mouth, I take him in as far as I can. “Oh, God
.”
Seeing this man in the throes of passion just increases my own pleasure. I hold his base with one hand and cover his hands with my other. Taking his cock with my mouth, I bob my head up and down. Holding him deep inside, I swallow around him. His moans, and the grip one of his hands has on mine, spur me on. Ryan’s breath hitches as his stomach tenses up. With his legs wide apart, he hooks his feet around my legs. Ryan’s back arches and he hisses. He’s close, and I can’t wait to taste him. “Coming!” he gasps. After his juices spill down my throat and he grunts, I swallow everything he offers before letting him slide out. Wanting to give him a few moments to recover, I start to stand, but Ryan’s lightning fast. He’s only just come, but the man is quick.
He pulls down my sweats and throws me down on the couch. Before I know it, Ryan has me down his throat, sucking me off like there’s no tomorrow. He’s like a starving man, and his mouth is divine. “Ah. Yes, boy.” I knot my fingers in his hair.
He massages my balls and lifts off my cock. “Huh. You’re eight inches when you’re fully hard too.”
“Yeah,” I pant.
“I like your cock, Henry. I like how it bends up like this.” His fingers grip gently onto what little hair I have. “And I love these ginger pubes.” Ryan’s other hand starts jerking me off harder and faster, and it makes me groan. “What?”
Lifting my lids, I meet his eyes. “Suck me, Ryan. Now. I want your mouth.”
He moans. “Mm. I’m hard again.” Lowering my gaze, I see he’s right. Ryan tilts his head, and whispers, “I wonder if I should jerk us off together, or if you’ll let me fuck you.”
I gaze up into his eyes. This man wants me. He wants to fuck me. I haven’t had a man inside me in years, but I know he won’t let me top. At least not tonight. And Ryan’s different. I want him so badly, and if the only way to be close to him is to let him inside me , I can do that. In that moment, I want it. I want to be connected to Ryan as physically as I can. “Do it,” I demand, my Dom status undeniable through the tone of my voice. “Fuck me.”
Healing Him Page 3