You’d think she’d be used to betrayal by those who professed to love her, especially after her childhood. But as it turned out, it never got easier.
Erynn punched in the phone number, waited for her boss to answer.
“This is Sergeant Dunlap.”
“It’s Trooper Cooper, sir.”
“Cooper. I heard you were in a hospital, so why am I hearing from you? I told the Moose Haven police chief that I’d send another trooper to cover for you at the station and assist the PD with the serial killer case, including this wreck you had tonight. All of it.”
“It’s not necessary, sir. My injuries aren’t as...extensive as Chief Dawson may have led you to believe.” Her heart still felt like it was suffocating when she said Noah’s name, but at least referring to him as “Chief Dawson” gave her some emotional distance.
“He wasn’t sure of your injuries. That’s not why I’m sending someone. He mentioned a past you have with this case?”
Noah had been every bit as chatty as she’d hoped he hadn’t been. As she’d dialed, she’d desperately hoped he had not told her boss everything, prayed she’d misunderstood.
But no. It was as bad as she’d feared.
“I don’t have any kind of conflict of interest that could jeopardize my investigation, sir.”
“I believe I’m the one who decides if something could jeopardize an investigation. Do you know how it will look to the prosecution if we get this guy, take him to court, and then one of the officers who worked the case knew his victims? Had attempts made on her life personally and potentially lost a family member to the same suspect?”
And now Erynn felt like she couldn’t breathe. Not because of the bruises. Noah hadn’t just told him most of it. He’d told him everything. Her dad wasn’t officially a part of this case. Couldn’t Noah at least have left that out? It was speculation Erynn was convinced was true, but it wasn’t technically ethically necessary to have told her boss that—
“Listen, Cooper, I understand.”
“You don’t, sir.” She cleared her throat, tried to backtrack. “With all due respect.”
“Okay, I don’t. But I do know that you’re angry. I know you’re one of the best I have. And I also know we can’t risk a case of this magnitude not holding up in court because of some technicality like you being too involved.”
She had always known Sergeant Dunlap to be a fair man, and he still was, but his voice was like steel. No amount of talking was going to change his mind once it was made up. And Erynn was sure now, having heard him talk, that it was.
She was too late. She’d already lost the case.
Lost everything. All but her life, and that hung in the balance, as well. He’d killed so many of her friends.
Her head throbbed even worse, thrumming to the quickening beating of her heart. “So what now, medical leave? Are you transferring me?” Erynn wasn’t sure what answers she wanted to hear anymore. Everything she’d cared about had already been taken from her. The entire reason she’d had this job...
“I want you to stay in Moose Haven for now and recover. And stay safe.”
“If I’m not working currently, then my location is my choice, correct?”
“Yes, Trooper Cooper. But, as I’d like you to...informally assist, I would prefer you stayed there.”
Her brow furrowed, she shifted the phone so it wouldn’t press against her temple as she talked. “What does that mean?”
“I want you to rest and recover, but while you’re doing so, you are still law enforcement, so anything about the case can be discussed with you. I believe your perspective, your insights, into how the man we are after works will be invaluable solving this case. I’d like you to work closely with Trooper Miller, who I’m sending down from Anchorage, and the Moose Haven PD, and make sure they know everything there is to know about the case.”
That was more than she could have hoped for, given the circumstances. Erynn considered his words. “You want me to mentally work the case, but stay out of the way, and not be officially assigned to it.”
“Exactly. We need to get this guy, Erynn. And I see why you want to be a part of it. But I can’t have you officially working it...”
Erynn blew out a breath. “And you need me to work with N—Chief Dawson?”
“He cares about this case. I can hear in his voice it means almost as much to him as it does to you.”
She swallowed hard, not sure what to think about that. If he cared, how could he have done this to her?
“I’ll do my best to do what you want, sir.”
“Cooper?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Mostly, I want you safe. You take care of that, all right?”
Erynn nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
They said their goodbyes and she set the phone back in the cradle on the table. The thing he was asking for, her safety, was the one thing she couldn’t promise. Not even to herself.
NINE
Noah paced the hospital lobby, assessing his options. He’d assigned an officer to be outside Erynn’s room. By all accounts, he should leave the hospital now, go back to the crash site and help the team there examine the vehicle as well as the guardrail for any evidence of tampering. It could be that the person after Erynn had put planning into what could also seem like a chance encounter.
He’d just started for the door when he heard a voice calling him.
It was James, the officer he’d posted on Erynn’s temporary security detail.
“What’s wrong?” Every sense on alert, no matter how sleep-deprived he was, Noah was ready to fight if Erynn was in trouble. If she was even more hurt because he’d listened to her and left...
He knew forgiving himself would be impossible.
“She’s fine.”
Officer James could have led with those words. Noah would have a talk with him later about that, when he was sure he’d calmed down enough to handle it professionally.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I think the hospital is planning to discharge her. I heard them say she has a minor concussion and some bruising. Possibly a cracked rib, but nothing that merits her staying for further observation. I wasn’t sure where...” James cleared his throat. “I know you are...invested in Trooper Cooper’s safety.”
“I care about the safety of all the victims of crime in Moose Haven.” Noah kept his face expressionless, but his officer raised his eyebrows anyway. So, yes, Noah had been right in his assumption that everyone in Moose Haven had been watching the two of them dance around their attraction for the past several years. “Cut to the chase, James.”
“She wants to go home. I thought you told me she wasn’t going to stay there because it wasn’t safe, but she’s an adult... I’m not sure what to tell her.”
Noah should have known better than to think he could hand her off to someone else, like she was a responsibility to be delegated. She meant so much more than that to him. Always would, even if she never wanted to face that. Even if she left town and he was left trying to get over her.
She would never just be another person he knew, would certainly never be a victim of a crime that he’d helped keep safe.
He owed it to her not to leave her now, just because she was upset.
“Tell you what, Officer James. I can take over for you here if you can go down to the site of the accident and see if they need an extra hand.”
The other man was already nodding, his eyes wide. He was a relatively new officer on the Moose Haven force, the youngest by far. Now that Noah thought about it, he didn’t tend to give him as many interesting assignments as the more experienced officers. But if he didn’t, how was he going to learn?
Noah patted him on the shoulder as he walked past, feeling every one of his thirty-one years. He pushed through the doors back to the hospital hallway and almost ran ri
ght into Erynn.
“What are you doing here?”
Her voice did not sound angry, just surprised. Maybe...chagrined? Or was he hoping for that? She was wearing a pair of green scrubs and Noah could only hope she’d borrowed them from a nurse upon her discharge from the hospital rather than stolen them to try to make an escape.
“Hoping I wouldn’t catch you leaving?” He tried to keep his voice steady, raised his eyebrows even, to try for a casual look.
It was easier than admitting how much the sight of her in that hospital bed had shaken him, how thankful he was that she was up and about now. Even if she was angry with him for the decisions he’d made.
Erynn looked down at her clothes. “I borrowed these from a nurse. Seemed like a better option than leaving the hospital in doubled gowns.”
Noah was pretty sure she’d have fought someone before she’d let herself be put through that kind of humiliation.
“Should you be leaving already?”
“You sound doubtful, but I’d like to point out that you aren’t my doctor.”
“No, but did he give you permission to leave?”
She stopped walking and looked up at him, her face void of any humor. “I asked you to leave and you didn’t. And now you’re giving me a hard time.”
“Answer the question, Erynn.”
“Yes. I can leave. I’m supposed to take it easy.”
She wouldn’t, and they both knew it, but at least she’d answered. He stepped aside so she could pass, then walked behind her to the door. “Any particular place you’re headed?” He tried to ask it without sounding sarcastic, but the way she’d been treating him still stung enough that it was hard to shake off.
Her shoulders sank. She stopped walking again. Noah waited, thinking she’d continue any minute, but she didn’t. Instead her shoulders started to shake.
On alert again, Noah moved past her, looked down at her face to see what was wrong. “Are you hurting?” Her eyes were squeezed shut; her cheeks looked hollow. Hopeless.
She shook her head.
“Nothing hurts?”
She looked up at him, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. In the years he’d known her, he’d never seen Erynn cry. And they had worked a few cases together that could have shaken the calm of just about anybody.
“I don’t know what to do, okay? I told you to leave and you didn’t. I’m not surprised, because you never listen.” She sniffed. “But I want to get out of here and I don’t know where to go. My house isn’t safe. I have no real friends who know who I am, really...” She trailed off again.
Noah already had an arm around her, pulling her closer to him as they continued down the hallway.
“Come on, we’ll go to my house and talk there about what’s next.” The killer knew where it was, but he’d proven he could track Erynn anywhere. Noah would much prefer any confrontations happen on his turf. Having her there was a calculated risk, but one he felt good about.
She nodded, might have said, “Okay.” It was hard to tell with all the sniffling. He stopped in the lobby of the hospital, made sure he didn’t see the slightest sign of anything out of place outside, and then walked her to his car. Once they were inside, he drove to his house, the only location he could think to take her.
“You’re sure this is okay?” Her voice was soft, vulnerable.
“It’s safe.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
He met her eyes. She’d stopped crying but she looked like she was emotionally spent, and it broke his heart.
“I mean is it okay with you if I’m here? I’ve not exactly been the best friend the last couple of days.”
Not for the first time, Noah regretted his words to her earlier, when he’d told her how he felt. He’d pressured her, exactly what he shouldn’t have done when she had so much to deal with, and he hated knowing he was making her life more difficult. “You’re fine.”
“I’m serious, Noah.” Her voice was stronger now. Resolute.
Noah didn’t know what to say. So he didn’t. He just drove in silence till he finally reached his home, pulled up in front of it again. And prayed as he did so that he’d know how to handle Erynn’s exhaustion and stress. Because he wanted to take it away from her, something he knew he couldn’t do. But he could at least not make things worse for her, which was what he needed wisdom to do.
* * *
If she’d ever felt this much like a shell of herself before, it was in the days after her adoptive dad had been killed. She still remembered walking around, knowing people were going on with their lives and that her world had been shattered. She’d continued living with her adoptive mom, but nothing had been the same after that. Erynn felt almost worse now because she had no optimism to help give her hope, no real expectation that they would bring the man responsible for terrorizing her to justice. Instead she just had a heavy knowledge that she’d almost become another of his victims tonight. And that she hadn’t done anything to prevent it, at least not before the danger started. If Noah hadn’t showed up... Erynn didn’t know how she was going to keep driving over that creek without the past threatening to drown her.
Noah didn’t say anything as he led her inside. She could feel his tension, though, and wished she knew if it was from the case itself or from the weirdness between them. She wished they could go back, before Noah had mentioned anything about his feelings and wondered about hers. What had been so wrong with the past few years of dancing around the issue?
But it was too late now, she knew that, and they had no choice but to find a way to move forward. As friends. Because much as she might want to, Erynn could offer him no more than that, couldn’t take the risk that being part of a family would involve. That would mean you’d be gutted inside if something happened to someone in your family, meant that you were walking around all day with your heart outside of your body. She couldn’t do that to herself, either, not with as much as her dad’s death had hurt. And she’d only known him for a couple of years.
Erynn’s heart couldn’t take any more loss. She had told herself for years that she hadn’t let anyone close because of her job, because it made sense for her to maintain a certain amount of distance as a law enforcement officer. But maybe she’d been fooling herself. Or trying, anyway.
“I’ve got updates on the case,” Noah told her once he finished checking the house, presumably for bad guys. For half a second she debated staying quiet, not begging him to tell her anything he knew, but she couldn’t.
“What did you find out?”
“The identity of the Ice Maiden.”
Erynn’s inhale was sharp. She’d assumed when Janie had been the one to go missing that the Ice Maiden case was connected to the Foster Kid Killer. And up until Janie had walked into her office, she’d thought Janie was dead. This opened up another line of questions. Had a random woman been victimized to make it look like Janie had been killed? Or...
“Her name was Madison Reynolds.”
Erynn swallowed hard, closed her eyes and put her head between her legs.
Another person she’d known in high school, someone who had lost the only family she’d had because of their poor choices and gone into the foster system. And now she was dead.
Had been for three years. Three years and no one had reported her missing, at least not that Erynn had heard. She’d tried to keep tabs on anyone she had known in the foster care system, because of the danger they’d been in. But life was busy, her job...
Were those just excuses?
It was unconscionable that a person had died and for three years no one had missed her.
Erynn did not want that to become her. Could not let it.
But knew it would.
“But Michelle...?”
“Died in a car crash last year.”
“Suspicious circumstances?” Erynn wondered aloud.
“I need to go to sleep.” Those were the words that came out of her mouth, the only ones she could force through her lips. She was the furthest thing from tired, but she needed space. Needed Noah not to watch her every expression. Needed to keep them from getting any closer.
Because if she fell apart out here, he’d hold her, comfort her, make her feel like maybe it could be okay.
She couldn’t let him do that. But she wasn’t sure she had the strength not to let him. She stood.
“Erynn.”
His deep voice made her think of Moose Haven, of the mountains that surrounded the town, tucking it in against the water like something from a Hallmark movie. It made her think of home. Whatever that was.
Whoever that was.
She swallowed hard against the lump of grief building in her throat.
“Did you know her?”
A tear escaped her eye, slipped past her lashes and down across her cheek. Followed by a second. A third.
She nodded.
“Come here.”
He was on the couch, holding out his arms to her, and Erynn didn’t even try to stop herself. She sat on the couch, leaving hardly any space between her and Noah, and let him pull her to him, wrap an arm around her. Her head fit so well into the spot between his shoulder and his neck.
Unlike the way she’d leaked tears at the hospital earlier, Erynn really let herself cry now.
For Madison. Janie. Matt. William. Sydney.
For the lives they could have lived.
For her dad.
For her future and the ways she wished it could be different.
Erynn didn’t know when she finally stopped. All she knew was that the sobs kept coming, but less frequently and, with every one, Noah didn’t flinch, he just held her closer.
She fell asleep, sitting up on the couch, next to the man she knew she had always loved but who she could never tell.
Alaskan Christmas Cold Case Page 9