by Eden French
Carson sat up straight and wiped the tears away with his hands. Of course he owed Brand an explanation. He owed Brand everything. Seeing Brand again one day was the only thing that kept him from crumbling on those lonely Hollywood nights when people who only liked him for his name surrounded him.
He just hoped he could convince Brand to listen.
Chapter Ten
“I’m so happy you’re home.” His mom walked into his room as he unpacked his clothes, a gauze bandage affixed to her temple. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Carson cringed. He felt horrible for leaving his mother with only a lame note to explain his disappearance, but he couldn’t have given her the real reason. What could he have said? ‘I’m leaving for Hollywood, Mom. Oh, by the way, Dad is a bigot and a homophobe, and he threated to hurt you, and kill me and Brand if I stay in town.’
Not likely.
His father had been very good at hiding his hatred. He was a lawyer, after all. His poker face was unreadable. But the night his father had seen him and Brand in the tool shed, the man’s true colors had shown. He’d confronted Carson and threatened both his life and Brand’s.
At first, he didn’t believe his father would do anything, but then the threats became more real. Fanatical religious, homophobic literature found its way into his backpack. Various articles on hate crimes kept popping up in his room… the horrific photos of what could happen to him if he didn’t listen.
When it’d become too much, he’d confronted his father, who handed him a one-way bus ticket to Hollywood—“Where all the deviants go”—and a few thousand dollars to get started and ensure that he wouldn’t return.
Fucking bigot. His father had been a coward and a monster. And Carson had been terrified of him. He believed the man would do more than verbally harass him and the people he loved. He thoroughly believed his father would find a way to kill him.
He shook his head and shoved the nightmares out of his brain. Carson had come a long way since the scrawny, scared boy he used to be.
“I missed you, too, Mom,” he said, offering a smile.
His mom walked over and sat down on the bed. “Car, I… I have something I need to say.”
The atmosphere in the room thickened. Carson held up his hand. “If it’s about Dad, there’s nothing more to say. I don’t blame you for anything. It wasn’t your fault. And now that he’s gone, I just want us to move forward. Can we please do that?”
His mom pressed her lips together and nodded. She watched as he put away the items he’d brought and placed the suitcase in the closet. When the silence grew awkward, she repositioned herself on the bed.
“So… are you going to WinterFest? You used to love that when you were in school. Gosh, you and Brand used to—”
“Things change, Mom. I’m sure Brand doesn’t spend his time at WinterFest like when we were kids.”
His mother wrinkled her nose. “Well, of course he does. The fire department has a booth every year. Not to mention the medical tent. In fact, I bet you anything that’s where he’ll be the entire weekend. That boy works so hard. Such a good person.”
Brand at WinterFest? He probably shouldn’t show his face anywhere near there, but Carson couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him again. A prickling sensation tickled the back of his neck, and he brushed it with his hand.
Holy shit. Does she really know about Brand and me?
Carson lifted his gaze to meet his mother’s eyes. They were red and puffy, an indicator of either having just finished a good cry or about to begin one. He imagined it was probably both. Perhaps it was time to clear the air.
“Mom,” he said in a low voice. “Cass mentioned the things… of Dad’s that you found. She, um… she said you know about me and, I know you know, but we’ve never specifically talked about it and maybe if we just get it out in the open, God, I don’t know how to do this, um—” He blew out a breath. “I’m gay. Not bisexual. I have no interest in women like that at all. And Brand… Brand and I were involved.”
A sob escaped his mom’s mouth, and she clamped her hand over it to keep the rest at bay. She reached over and pulled him into her arms. “I’m so sorry. A mother is supposed to protect her children and I… I lived with the monster that sent you away.”
He closed his eyes and held on to her. “Mom, please don’t. You didn’t know what he was like. None of us did.”
She leaned back and looked at him. She held his face in between her hands. “Listen to me. I love you no matter what. I accept you. Completely. I feel like the past seven years have been nothing but secrets and lies. And, I’m tired of not talking about it. This is you. This is who you are. I am so proud of the person you have always been, who you are, who you’re becoming. And, it doesn’t matter to me who you love. I want to know all about any man you want to tell me about. I don’t care who it is.” She paused. “But if Brand is the person you want to be with, the one who makes you happy, then you need to go for it.”
His lip trembled. “I left, Mom. Just vanished on him. I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”
His mother brushed his hair from his face and kissed his cheek. “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Life’s too short to not try, hon. Just tell him the truth. He’ll understand. He was a good kid, and he’s a good man.”
He nodded.
“Go to WinterFest. Find him. Tell him you want him back. Hell, stand up on the stage and protest your love in front of the whole damn town, if that’ll get his attention. Do whatever it takes to get him to understand the real reason behind why you left. And if he doesn’t take you back, then he’s a fuckin’ idiot.”
Carson blanched. “Jeez, Mom. Tone it down a notch. That’s a bit dramatic, and I should know, I play an angsty vampire for a living.” He smiled. “I think you hit your head harder than we thought.”
His mom laughed. “That may be true, but you know what’s also true? Love doesn’t always give second chances. And somehow, here you are with a chance to make things right with the person you love. Don’t miss out on it. Take it. Brand loved you once. He can love you again.”
He inhaled deeply through his nose and held it in his lungs before releasing it out through his mouth. His mother was right. This was his chance to win Brand back, to explain what really happened. To find forgiveness. The only problem he had now was convincing Brand to listen.
Chapter Eleven
The showers at the firehouse had the best water pressure. Brand stood in the steamy fog and let the hard stream beat on his sore upper back like a machine gun. The heat was nearly at capacity, but he wasn’t bothered; he preferred the scalding water wash away the events of the day. He leaned back and let the water calm him as it traveled down the top of his head, trickling over his muscled chest, and along the creases of his abdomen.
And boy, did he need to let go.
Of all the scenarios that could’ve occurred over the course of his shift, seeing Carson was dead last on the list. He was utterly upended. He replayed the event in his mind. Arriving at the house, Cassie opening the door, Mrs. Keaton sitting on the dining room chair with a bloody towel pressed to her head. It was all very routine. Minus the small detail of Carson’s unexpected appearance.
He sucked in some air. Damn, Carson had looked good, too. He hadn’t changed at all. Well, that wasn’t necessarily true. In fact, Brand was pretty sure he was even better looking than when he’d left. Which seemed damn hard to imagine considering how just the way Carson used to look at him with his signature crooked smile sent Brand’s blood on a fiery trip through his body.
He reached forward and turned the shower to the highest pressure. Jesus Christ, he couldn’t get the guy out of his head. As photogenic as Carson was, the many pictures Brand had seen in magazines and on the internet did not do his ex any justice. Hell, even television couldn’t harness his true beauty. Not that Brand would know, he’d actively avoided the show. But after seeing him today? It was clear that age and maturity had been very kind. And he
was sure regular workouts were factored in there somewhere. Carson had really filled out since the last time he saw him. Brand’s cock stirred at the image in his mind and he brought his hand down to settle it.
No. No. You are not turned on by him. He left you. He broke your heart. You’re with Teo now. You’re finally moving on.
He closed his eyes and remembered how Teo’s lips felt touching his. The image of their last date flew through his mind. Teo pressing him against the wall, leaning in closer and closer until Brand could feel the heat of his mouth on his. He squeezed his eyes tighter and imagined himself getting lost in Teo’s kiss. When his imagined self pulled back to look into Teo’s eyes, his heart stopped. Carson’s face had replaced his new beau’s.
“I’ve waited so long to kiss you again, Brand.”
Imagined Carson’s voice was husky. His dirty blond hair fell in front of his sparkling blue eyes and sent Brand’s cock into full-on erection mode.
“Christ,” he muttered, shaking the image away. He couldn’t seem to get away from Carson.
He straightened up and listened. He was the only one in the locker room. What would it hurt to rub one out? He could do it fast, get Carson out of his system, and be done with it. No one would have to know. Not Teo. Not Carson. Especially not Ryan. She was already blowing up his phone since he texted her from the ambulance. She didn’t need to know he was now seriously considering making Carson the leading man in his shower room fantasy. No thank you.
The water sluiced down his back and he rolled his neck in a circle. Now would be a perfect time. He was all alone. Just one and done and it could remain his little secret. Just entertaining the thought made his cock rock hard. Damn, if he didn’t do something soon, he was sure his balls were going to fall off. His gaze shot to the faucet. He could blast cold water on himself. That would surely chase away his massive hard-on. But where was the fun in that?
Decision made, he soaped himself up. He wrapped his palm around his length and began to rub up and down along his thick shaft. He closed his eyes, taking a slow, rhythmic pace. Carson’s face flashed in his mind, and a montage of old memories flicked through his brain—a slide show of sex. Brand leaned forward and propped himself up with one hand against the shower wall. His pace grew faster.
The first time they kissed. The way Carson held his face between both hands as he devoured his mouth.
Faster.
The hours spent together on the slopes. Secret kisses in the trees. The long afternoons on Carson’s family boat. My God, skinny-dipping on warm evenings.
His hand moved faster still.
The first time they made love after graduation. How Carson’s cock felt in his mouth. How amazing their bodies felt pressed together, muscle against muscle, hot, sweaty, sticky.
“Oh, fuck,” Brand moaned as his orgasm hit him suddenly.
His hand gripped tight and squeezed his shaft, milking each thrust with precision. He pressed his forehead against the cool tile wall and let his fluid drip down his hand.
When the pleasure subsided, Brand laughed. Well, that was fast. Hell, he hadn’t come that quickly since he was a teenager. His sex drive had always been healthy, but this lack of control was unfamiliar to him. Only Carson could get under his skin like that. Maybe now he could let things go.
Or maybe you’re still in love. His inner voice snaked through his thoughts.
“Yeah, right… in love my ass.”
He shook off the thought and straightened up, moving back under the steaming water, letting the stream wash over him and carry what was left of his cum, and that traitorous thought, down the drain.
Chapter Twelve
Brand stood in the locker room and pulled his shirt over his head. He swiped both his hands through his dark brown hair, pushing the wavy strands off his face. Green eyes stared back at him as he examined his reflection in the mirror inside his locker. His gaze ran over his skin, tanned from his obsession with the outdoors. He tilted his head to the side and brushed his jaw with his hand, his two-day stubble poking his palm. He should shave. If he bumped into Carson again, he’d rather not look like a scruff. Not that it mattered. Teo rather liked his mountain man look. Fuck. What was wrong with him? Teo was a solid, good-looking, smart man who wanted to be with him. Brand hadn’t felt such a strong connection with anyone on an intimate level since Carson had left. Teo was what he wanted. Wasn’t he? Shit. He scrubbed his face with his hands and blew out a long breath.
Why was he so concerned about what Carson thought anyway? It wasn’t like they were together. Or even on speaking terms for that matter. Sure, they had a past. A connection so strong it had sent Brand reeling for years after the whole disappearing act. Anger rose in his throat. That’s right, damn it. He fucking left. Straight up ghosted him. Brand nodded to his reflection. His steamy shower scene was just the product of the novelty of seeing Carson for the first time in forever. Why wouldn’t he get a quickie from thinking about him? It wouldn’t be the first time. And yes, they had history, but now Carson was just a smoking-hot television star to him, nothing more. How many people in the world got off thinking about him?
Probably thousands.
He grimaced. He so did not need to think about that. Still, seeing his ex shook him more than he cared to admit. He rolled his lips. He was just caught off guard, that’s all. Completely and totally unprepared. It was simple. The suddenness of the meeting hit his adrenaline full force and his hormones went haywire. That’s all. There was no way he could’ve known Carson would be back in town.
What was he doing there anyway? He hadn’t even shown for his own father’s funeral. Brand was sure he’d have seen him then. He’d even mentally prepared for it the entire week before. But Carson had been a no show. Why now? Brand pursed his lips. It made no difference; he was so over him. Over him and with Teo. And next time he saw that self-serving TV star, he’d be ready.
“Hey, Magic Mike, are you getting out of here for the night or do you need more time to admire your pretty face?”
Brand jumped and pretended to brush something off his cheek. “Yeah, yeah, I just had something on my…. I was making sure that….” He shook his head as his cheeks burned. “Never mind.”
He spun around and grabbed his equipment bag. James stood in the doorway and laughed. “Sure, you did,” he said teasing Brand. “Okay, I’m outta here. Miranda made dinner reservations at The Lodge for our anniversary. See you in a couple days.” He turned to leave. “Oh, I almost forgot, this message was on the board for you.” James held out a slip of paper.
Brand stared at the paper as his face paled. Time stopped. A glimpse of the name on the paper blared.
Carson.
“Hey man, you sure you’re feeling all right? First, you rushed outta that call earlier. Now you look like you’ve seen a ghost. You need me to get you some water or something?”
Present time slammed Brand in the chest, and he snapped out of his trance. “Nah, I’m fine, thanks. Must’ve just eaten something funky earlier.” He took the message from James. “Thanks, man. I’ll see you in a couple days. Say hi to Miranda for me.”
James studied him a moment longer before shrugging and exiting the locker room. Brand waited until he was certain he was alone before sitting down on the bench and reading the message scrawled across the shred of paper.
Carson called. In town for a while. Important. 805-574-5000.
Brand’s breath caught in his throat. Shit. Why was he calling the station? His heart thrummed in his chest. The massive knot in his stomach twisted and rolled. The man wasn’t going to leave him alone. Brand could feel it in his bones. Maybe it was time to tell Teo about his past. He folded the paper and shoved it into his jeans pocket. Maybe. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out his cell. He opened his favorites and touched the name at the top of the list.
“Hey, Ry,” he said when she picked up after half a ring. “You around?”
“Get your ass to my place, stat. I’ve already opened the bottle of wine.”
She hung up and he smiled. He slipped the phone into his back pocket and headed out for the night. Thank God she’d already opened the wine. He was ready for a glass, or three, right about now.
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan swung the door open before Brand even raised his hand to knock.
“What the hell took you so long? Get in here… now.”
She grabbed his wrist and pulled him into her apartment. The inside of her studio was warm and cozy. A fire had already been lit, and the small blaze kept the temperature of the space toasty. Brand looked around the tidy home. She was a neat freak in every sense of the word. She had been since high school. Everything had a place. Books lined the shelves by color, every pillow was propped upright, and decorative storage boxes towered in perfect stacks throughout the living area. He hesitated before he flopped down on her couch, kicking off his shoes and propping his feet up on its arm. She glared at his feet on the furniture and tossed them aside as she took a seat next to him.
“Okay, West, spill it. I want every dirty detail.” Her eyes were wide as she waited. “Oh, wait!” She leaned over and poured him a generous glass of a cabernet they had purchased on their wine tasting excursion in the Alexander Valley earlier that year. Brand took the glass from her hand and drank heavily from it before leaning his head back against the couch.
“I don’t know, Ry. It all happened so fast.”