by Sarah Noffke
“Nope,” Lee chirped. “She was furious when she woke up. Then she told me about the dream, and my response made her livid.”
Sophia groaned. “What did you say?”
“Well, I don’t get a lot of people flirting with me anymore, being married and running multiple businesses,” Lee explained. “So I was curious if this woman that I cheated on Cat with was hot.”
Sophia slumped, sighing. “You didn’t…”
“I did,” Lee stated victoriously. “I then wanted to know the full details about this mystery woman. Was she young? Did she have a good body?”
“You sort of deserve to be murdered,” Sophia replied.
“Yeah, well, what really set Cat off was when I asked her if she’d point this hot chick out if we saw her in real life.”
Sophia covered her forehead with her hand. “I might kill you for Cat.”
Lee laughed. “You can try, pony rider.”
“Dragonrider,” Sophia corrected.
“Same thing, really.”
“It’s not,” Sophia argued. “Anyway, I hope you don’t die, not before you help me with something.”
“See, that’s why I make myself invaluable with my baking skills.”
“That’s not it,” Sophia countered. “This has to do with your water treatment skills. There’s a country whose water supply has been poisoned. I need your help fixing it before they go to war with their neighbors, who they’re blaming.”
“I’m happy to help,” Lee replied.
“You are?”
The baker assassin nodded. “Sounds like it needs my immediate attention. I’ll drop everything.”
Sophia glared at the woman. “What’s the catch?”
A sly smile lit up Lee’s face. “Oh, you know me so well. Yes, there’s a catch.”
“Of course there is. What is it?”
“Well, as you might be aware, my wife might try to kill me—”
“Because she said, ‘I’m going to murder you,’” Sophia interrupted.
“Right!” Lee affirmed. “Anyway, I think she’s mad enough to go through with something that could work. Thanks to having to take on your little side project of fixing water supplies, I’m not as much on my vigilante game as I usually am.”
“You could always quit the assassin business to free up time,” Sophia suggested.
Lee shook her head. “Nope. Some things are worth dying for.”
“Says the assassin,” Sophia retorted dryly.
“Anyway, instead of putting all my attention into figuring out how Cat will kill me next and avoiding it, I think I’d rather let it happen and give her a real scare,” Lee explained.
Sophia glanced at the ceiling. “Angels above, why can’t I have normal friends?”
“Because we’re more fun and you know it,” Lee answered. “So I hear that Ramy, the guy who is running Heals Pills, can’t be killed.”
“Well, he can, but not easily.” Sophia repeated the line he always said.
“Still, he dies and comes back to life.”
“Repeatedly,” Sophia added.
“So, I think if you get me a vial of his blood, I can make it into something. Then I’ll be immune to Cat’s next murder attempt,” Lee imparted.
“That’s pretty smart. How do you know it will work?”
Lee shrugged. “I don’t. It’s a risk, but it will be worth it when Cat thinks I’m dead and is happy, then devastated, and I pop back up to life to continue annoying her for the next several decades.”
“You two have a romance for the story books.”
“Don’t we, though?”
“Fine,” Sophia acquiesced. “I’ll get you a vial of Ramy’s blood. In return…”
Lee sighed dramatically. “In return, I’ll use my genius to go and fix some silly nation’s problems.”
“Water supply,” Sophia corrected. “The one thing that every creature needs to survive. That’s what you’ll fix.”
“Koalas,” Lee said abruptly.
Sophia blinked back at her. “What?”
“Koalas don’t drink water,” Lee explained. “If they did, they’d be waylaid by predators at the drinking hole, and the dumb creatures wouldn’t survive so the weak adapt.”
Sophia nodded. “Yeah, they don’t have the folds in their brains, I learned. The thinky-thinky parts.”
“Anyway, yes, I’ll save this nation’s water supply,” Lee stated. “You get me something to save my life from my wife’s murder attempt.”
“You got yourself a deal.” Sophia sighed as she headed for the door, wondering how her errands could get any stranger. All in a day’s work, she thought while exiting the shop.
Chapter Thirteen
Shouts echoed from Heals Pills as Sophia approached. She sped up, hoping that she was mistaken and the commotion was coming from the Rose Apothecary next door. It wasn’t.
To her horror, the front window of the shop that she co-owned with King Rudolf Sweetwater had been shattered. Large sharp shards of glass lay all over the pavement in front of the shop. Angrily trampling the glass were half a dozen gnomes, magicians, and elves. Most of them had their fists in the air and were shouting obscenities in the store’s direction, which appeared to have a magical barrier protecting it, keeping any of the protestors from entering.
Through the crowd, Sophia could see Ramy bobbing around in the store, his face frantic with worry and his hands waving wildly over his head. He was obviously the one keeping the shield up and protecting the store, but judging by his appearance, he was running out of magic, and soon the mob would be able to storm Heals Pills.
Sophia needed to do something and quick.
As a Dragon Elite, she didn’t have authority over the magical creatures causing the disturbance. They governed mortals. The House of Fourteen were the ones who could put the smackdown on lawbreakers on Roya Lane.
However, as a person with a powerful sword and a temper that was quickly growing, Sophia could do whatever she damn well pleased, she decided.
She yanked Inexorabilis from its sheath and sliced the blade through the air while powering it up using a combat spell she’d recently learned. The weapon glowed in her hands, and a melodic buzzing noise radiated from the elfin-made blade. It vibrated, but Sophia held it firmly.
The sound emanating from Inexorabilis grew louder, overcoming the shouts from the angry crowd. Many of them turned, looking at Sophia standing in a lunge, her glowing sword extended to the side and making an ever-growing noise.
Suddenly, the voices seized and all eyes were directly on her.
“This powerup spell is almost at full strength,” she began through clenched teeth. “All I have to do is release it, and my sword will spin through the air unleashing a blast that will knock down anything within thirty feet.”
She narrowed her eyes at the protestors attacking her shop. “That’s you all.”
None in the crowd needed any more motivation. The mob dispersed at once, nearly stumbling over each other as they all sprinted in opposite directions, leaving the front of the shop, which was sadly in ruins.
Chapter Fourteen
Sophia absorbed the spell and lowered her sword, shaking her head at the rubble all over the place. They’d smashed the front window and busted the shop's door into pieces. The inside of the store was complete chaos with products littering the floor.
Standing squarely in Heals Pills and catching his breath was Ramy—the shop’s clerk. Sophia started forward, assuming the other magician would drop the shielding spell when she tried to enter. He didn’t.
Sophia hit an invisible wall of sorts, took a step back, lowered her chin, and gave Ramy a brooding look. “Will you please let me into my store?”
“Are you going to try and kill me?” he asked, his voice vibrating.
“Probably,” she answered at once. “If you make me wait out here much longer and don’t have a good explanation for why my shop has been destroyed.”
It wouldn’t take much for Soph
ia to take down Ramy’s shielding spell. She was quite impressed. It was a good spell and had worked to keep out the angry magicians, elves, and gnomes, but it wouldn’t keep her out for long. Sophia was surprised to find Ramy using magic at all since he’d admitted to giving it up, similar to Liv Beaufont. Being back on Roya Lane must have encouraged him to embrace his magic once more. Or he’d simply had to rely on it to survive the protestors’ attacks.
Ramy waved his hand and pulled down the shielding spell, letting out a long sigh.
Sophia stepped forward and surveyed the wreckage, her anger growing as she took in all the destroyed products. “What happened?”
Ramy pointed out the broken window to Roya Lane. “They attacked the shop.”
Batting her eyelashes at him with annoyance, she nodded. “Yeah, I gathered that. My question was more about why.”
“Oh,” he hiccupped. “Well, from what I can gather during the more than ten times that I’ve died from their attacks today, it’s because they don’t agree with the ethics surrounding the products we sell.”
“Did you say ten times?”
He shrugged. “At least. I lost track. When those freaks found out that I could come back, they pretty much assaulted me upon waking so they could continue to trash the place. It was only when I caught a break and used magic to force them out that I was able to stay alive long enough to put up the shield.”
Sophia nodded. “Yeah, smart thinking there. Good job on embracing your magic. So now my question is about these ethics. How is it wrong to sell products that save lives?”
Ramy grinned at this. “You’re a bit naïve if you think that most want the world to go along all healthy and all.”
“Oh, yeah, I guess I’m a regular simpleton then.”
He nodded. “You must be because people love drama. That’s why thrillers sell.”
“Yeah, but people also love happy endings, which is what we’re trying to do here.” Sophia threw her arms wide, indicating the shop of broken Heals Pills. “People get ill, and we help them. Or as King Rudolf likes to say, they’re born ugly, and we make them look better.”
Ramy shook his head. “People also love movies without happy endings. Look at the biggest ones.” He started ticking off his fingers as he listed movies. “Psycho, Planet of the Apes, Night of the Living Dead, A Clockwork Orange, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, An American Werewolf in London, Gorillas in the Mist—”
Sophia paused him, holding up her hand. “Can you name anything from this century?”
“I can’t,” he answered. “I’m on an old-school kick so that way I don’t see any of the guys I used to protect.”
“You’re very strange,” she remarked.
“My point is that there are some,” Ramy pointed out the broken window, “like those you scared off, and they don’t want you healing the world. They stated that it was wrong. That you were playing God. That it wasn’t our place. Whatever their reason, they’d convinced themselves of it.”
Sophia nodded, remembering why she’d recruited Ramy to work at the shop. It had been Mae Ling who had stated that she needed someone who was seemingly indestructible because Heals Pills would be in danger. Now she understood how and why. It was sad that even when there was a way to heal the world, people were against it. Ramy was right. It appeared that some people would do anything they could to squash solutions and ensure that disease and curable problems crushed the world. Some thrived on sadness, but Sophia wouldn’t accept that. She would never accept that.
“Well, I’ll find a way of dealing with these freaks who want suffering over healing.” She nodded and tried to build her resolve. She thought she could enlist Liv and a few others to take down these protestors and protect the shop. Maybe Rudolf could station a few hippie elves outside Heals Pills with pamphlets on new age meditations and happy herbs. The same types who didn’t want world peace were also against evangelical types. They preferred to sit in their basement and research conspiracies and thrive on the bad news in the world.
“Do you think you’ll be able to clean up the shop?” Sophia looked around. “I’ll have Bep replace the inventory.”
Ramy nodded. “Yeah, it’s not a problem. As a bodyguard, I’m used to cleaning up after binges and whatnot. This is like when one of my movie stars had a party, and I walked in to find that he and his friends destroyed his trophy room of Golden Globes. I had to spend the next day hot-gluing them back together.” He let out a sigh of longing. “Oh, I miss those days…”
“You’re such a weirdo.”
“It’s true. Honestly, I like this life better. It’s a line of work that suits me because it’s much more fulfilling. Before, I kept together a creative soul, but you’ve given me an opportunity to save the next creative soul not yet discovered.” Ramy clapped his hand to his chest and looked out with a dreamy expression. “Just imagine, I’ve probably sold the healing elixir to the next Sean Connery or Jack Nicholson or Marlon Brando.”
“Again, can you name any new actors popular in this century?”
Ramy sniffed. “No, it’s still too tender. I can’t even say Z’s name without choking up.”
“You mean Zac Efron?” Sophia remembered when Ramy was his bodyguard.
He put up his hand. “Please don’t. It simply hurts too much to hear his name, let alone speak it.”
“Right,” Sophia drew out the word. “Anyway, I’m glad I stopped by when I did, but I didn’t come by about the shop. I need something from you.”
He glanced at her, his face lighting up. “Of course. You saved me earlier…well, saved me from dying yet again, which is always a little taxing. I’m always happy to help with whatever you need. What can I do for you?”
Sophia smiled inside, grateful for once that her side quest wouldn’t be too difficult. “I only need a single vial of your blood, and I’ll be on my way.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Not a problem.” Ramy spun and trotted for the back room where they kept extra supplies and stock.
Sophia hadn’t expected such a quick response and no follow-up questions. She followed the store clerk. “So you’re okay with this?”
“Okay with it,” he stated over his shoulder. “I have the perfect set up for a quick blood draw.”
“You do?” Sophia was surprised. “Why?”
“Well, my hobby is making poison darts by extracting the substance from killer frogs,” he explained while leading her to a small work area in the back.
“What’s wrong with a normal hobby like bowling or jogging?”
Ramy shook his head. “I don’t do cardio. Sweating is gross.”
“And working with poisonous frogs doesn’t make you sweat?” Sophia asked.
“They’re pretty sweet creatures,” Ramy admitted, unveiling a table filled with various pieces of equipment. There were vials of liquid and syringes and parts of poison darts and a small tank of colorful frogs.
“What do you do with these poison darts you make?”
He shrugged. “Sell them on the internet.”
She nodded. “Seems about right. Remind me to have my sister arrest you later.”
“No problem. I’m great at providing reminders, and I’ve been dying to meet Liv Beaufont in person.”
“Ha-ha,” Sophia said dryly. “You’re always dying to do something or dying doing something.”
He smiled victoriously. “Oh, but I’ve hit my quota today. I’ve never died more than ten times in a day, so I have to be at my limit.”
“Good,” Sophia chirped. “Because the store is a mess and I’ll need your help cleaning it up. Don’t worry. I’ll pay you overtime or hazard pay or buy your dinner or do all three. Whatever it takes.”
“Anyone can get money.” Ramy grabbed an empty vial from the table and a syringe. “I’ll take dinner.”
Sophia lowered her chin. “You get that you can buy dinner with money, right?”
He tapped his arm, trying to find a vein. “I prefer for
other people to buy my dinners.”
“Like a southern debutante,” Sophia muttered.
When a vein surfaced, Ramy stuck the needle in his arm and extracted his blood.
Sophia turned away, not wanting to see it. It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last, by any means. She also wasn’t applying to medical school. Usually, Sophia only saw blood when she was slaying an enemy, and she could somewhat disconnect from the situation or rationalize that it was necessary.
“Ooopsssss,” Ramy said with a sharp hiss at the end.
Sophia spun around, suddenly on guard. The shop clerk was swaying back and forth, looking like he was about to topple over.
“What is it?” Sophia asked in a rush, looking around for the cause of the problem. The needle had been pulled from Ramy’s arm and clattered to the floor along with the vial of blood, splattering everywhere, causing a huge, gross mess.
“T-T-The needle,” Ramy stuttered, falling onto the chair next to the table and slumping. “I accidentally chose a used one.”
Sophia looked between the used needle on the floor and the tank of poisonous frogs. “Do you mean you used one that had poison on it?”
He nodded while shaking violently and sweating.
“What, do you keep those with the clean needles or something?” Sophia was ready to strangle the guy if he wasn’t about to die—yet again. Apparently, today would set a new record for him.
“I-I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered. “I can’t give you my blood right now.”
Sophia sighed. “Well, when you come to, send a vial to Lee at the Crying Cat Bakery. A nation’s water supply depends on it.”
“Okay,” he managed in a squeak.
Sophia backed for the door, not wanting to watch him die again. “Try not to kill yourself in the process.”
“I’ll try,” he answered, slumping onto the table, dying one more time.
Sophia shook her head, turned, and hurried out of the shop. “Damn that guy! That death totally could have been avoided.”