“You didn’t go to work today?” I ask, like an idiot. I step aside to let him in, notice the smile playing on his face.
“No. Father had nothing for me to do today.”
I close the door behind him, and we walk in silence to the couch. I sit on one end and he sits on the other. It’s just like the night where he confessed everything to me. The murder, his involvement. I still feel the same need to close the distance between us, but I know that I can’t.
He runs his hands over his jeans, “What did you want to talk about, Cassidy?”
I can’t make eye contact; I just stare forward.
Before I can respond, Oliver is speaking again.
“Are you feeling any better? I heard that Noelle took you to the doctor...”
“Yeah,” I don’t let him ask anything more. “I’m going to be okay. I actually had a follow-up today.”
“Follow up...”
“Oliver, I need to tell you something,” I say as quickly as possible, grabbing his attention almost immediately.
He straightens up on the couch, his grey eyes focused solely on me right now.
“What is it, Cassidy?”
I look at the coffee table, look back at him, and then back at the coffee table. I don’t know the best way to do this. I don’t know what the right words are. Do I just force the ultrasound into his hands? That seems too aggressive, but maybe that’s what is needed. I just need to do whatever I can to get this out in the open between us.
“I went to the doctor,” I say, deciding to approach the topic in just a little less of an aggressive way, “earlier today.”
“Uh-huh,” he nods, wondering where I’m going with this. “That’s usually what a follow up is...”
“And...um,” fuck. I reached a snag in my plan. I have to say it. I have to tell him, but it feels uncomfortable just coming out with it. I don’t know how to say it. I never imagined myself in this position.
I’ve never been the type of girl to imagine her future. I never quite pictured a picket fence or a big family. I never imagined having a family. But I always assumed that if I did get pregnant, I would be in a relationship with the father. We’d be serious.
I never pictured it turning out like this. But it did and that’s something I have to deal with.
Finally, I just blurt it out.
“I’m pregnant.”
I say it quickly and quietly, praying that he hears me, and that I don’t have to repeat it.
Silence.
Oliver isn’t looking at me any longer. He stares at the coffee table in front of him, hands still on his thighs. I’m stuck staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Waiting for this never-ending silence to break. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking right now...but I wish that I could.
Oliver opens his mouth and I’m on the edge of my seat. When he closes his mouth again, my heart drops. He’s speechless. I don’t want to push him, but I need to know his reaction.
Finally, he clears his throat and speaks again.
“Are you sure?” His quiet tone matches the one I used when I confessed to him.
I reach forward to the coffee table, grabbing one of the only pieces of evidence that I have to prove that I’m not just making it up. I hand it to him, face down.
“Pretty sure.”
He takes the ultrasound from me, flipping it open in his hand to look at it. He observes it, taking it in. I watch as his grey eyes scan the picture before he places it back on the coffee table.
“Cassidy,” he says my name quietly.
I don’t know why we’re being so quiet when we’re the only two in the room, but we are. The silence surrounds us, settles into our bones. We only speak in whispers, never quite making eye contact.
“Yes?”
He swallows.
“You’re sure that it’s...mine. That’s why you’re telling me, right? It’s mine.”
I should be insulted...or at least I think I should. It makes sense though. We haven’t been together in about two months; I’ve been seeing someone else. I know he has to be on guard.
“Oliver, I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”
“I know,” he admits. “I just...I had to make sure.”
More silence. In my before fantasy, the one where I’m in a happy relationship and pregnant, we would be celebrating. He’d pull me into his arms and kiss me, tell me how excited he is to be a father, but the gap between us is huge. It’s gets further and further each day.
I was determined not to get close to him again. I made sure we grew apart.
I decide to break the silence.
“I’m not asking you for anything, I just wanted you to know.”
“I didn’t think you were. I like to think I know you better than that,” Oliver smiles at me for the first time since my confession. “Thank you for telling me, Cassidy.”
He turns his body so he’s facing me, relaxing just a bit more on the couch.
“Where do we go from here?”
I shake my head.
“I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself that all day.”
“You’re keeping it?”
“Yes.”
Oliver nods.
“Should we...talk custody? Should I be at doctor’s appointments with you? I don’t know what to do here, Cassidy.”
He’s calm on the outside, but I can tell he’s starting to freak out. He runs a hand through his hair, starting to mess it up. At least we’re both in the same boat now. Neither of us knows where to go or what to do from here.
“I guess... you should do whatever you feel comfortable with.”
Oliver looks at me then, sucking on his bottom lip.
“I just want you to be comfortable, Cassidy. We both know that I can be...overbearing...and I realize that in this situation that may be too much for you to handle,” he says. “Because if I had my way, with this news, you’d move into the mansion with me and stop working so you don’t risk getting stressed out. However, I know you well, I think, and I know you won’t allow that to happen.”
I shake my head.
“We’re not doing that. I still want to maintain boundaries, as much as possible.”
Oliver’s face falls at that.
“If that’s what you want to do, Cassidy.”
I wish it wasn’t. I wish things were different. I wish I didn’t have to keep myself at arm’s length from Oliver, but I do. I know who he is at his core, and I can’t let myself get wrapped up in it. I can’t justify what he’s done, nor can he. He has blood on his hands whether he likes that or not.
I miss those hands touching me... God, do I. But, no more. I can’t let myself fall for him again or my conscience will never be clear.
“It is,” I tell him softly. “It’s for the best.”
His face twists and I think I see pain. I don’t think Oliver has ever faced rejection like this. I don’t think I ever imagined myself rejecting him like this.
“Okay,” he rubs his hands on his jeans again before standing up. “Thank you for telling me, Cassidy. I’ll let you decide where we go next.”
I stand up as well, staring over at him.
“Oliver...”
“Cassidy, you want to keep the boundaries between us. I’m going to respect that, but I don’t know what you want from me. Should I be here for you? Should I continue pretending like we don’t exist to one another? Should I pretend that I didn’t have feelings for you? That I still have feelings for you? What do you want?” He asks in exasperation.
I run a hand through my hair.
“I...don’t know. Okay? I don’t know” I sigh. “I know I can’t let up on the boundaries, Oliver. I can’t let you back in.”
“Fine. I’ll be here, waiting for you to tell me what you want from me. I’ll see you later.”
And like that, the softness from Oliver is gone. He’s back to steel. He takes one final look at me before strutting out of my apartment, leaving me standing there, mouth slightly agape.
I don’t k
now what to do. I don’t know what the best course of action is going to be.
I just hope I’m making all the right choices.
Chapter Five
I wake up the next morning to an email from Alan Windsor himself. Alan never sends personalized emails, so I immediately start to panic. It’s a very simple message:
Cassidy,
Please come see me when you get in today.
Thank you,
Alan Geoffrey Windsor
I try to push the worry out of my mind. It’s probably to talk about the upcoming press conference, the one opportunity he has to speak about his divorce before the tabloids run wild. Everything should be finalized tomorrow, and we’re going to announce it. My hope is to make Alan look a little bit better than he currently does in the public eye before Camille can smear his name to hell and back.
I get ready for the day, subtly checking out my figure in the bathroom mirror. There’s not a noticeable bump yet. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to hide it for a few more weeks. That’ll give me much more time to figure out how I’m going to handle this. I’ll hopefully be able to figure out what I’m going to say.
My heart is pounding when I step into the lobby of Windsor Publishing this morning. Noelle is sitting behind the desk. She eagerly waves at me when I walk by and I return the wave, unable to go speak to her. I just want to talk to Alan, get rid of the anxiety that’s settling inside of me. So, I mouth to her that I’ll see her at lunch. Hopefully, she understands what I’m saying and doesn’t think I’m just blowing her off.
I take the elevator up and step out, coming face to face with Alan’s office. The door is closed, but I can see him through the little window on the side. I take a breath, try to steady myself, reminding myself that I can handle whatever will be thrown at me.
I reach forward and knock on the door.
“Come in,” Alan calls.
I open the door, step inside, and realize that it’s not just the two of us. Oliver is sitting in the other chair in front of Alan’s desk and I automatically know what this is about.
He told his father. Great.
I should have expected it if we’re being honest. Oliver goes to his father with everything. They’re close in a way I don’t quite understand. Alan puts so much pressure on Oliver, so Oliver does everything he can to please his father. Not that I’m the expert on father-son relationships, but it’s not healthy.
I close the door behind me as I step inside, taking a seat in the chair next to Oliver.
“Good morning,” I greet both of them, trying to keep up some sense of normality.
“You’re not drinking coffee. Good,” Oliver says he glances over at me.
“I can still drink caffeine, Oliver. Just not a lot.”
“I’d prefer if you didn’t at all.”
“Good thing you don’t get a choice.”
Alan sighs, interrupting the both of us.
“Oliver, Cassidy. I’m not here to mediate between the two of you. We’re here to have a proper discussion about this.”
I turn to look at Oliver again.
“I thought we had a proper discussion.”
“This is evidently much bigger than us,” he says, but I’m not sure if he believes it or not.
“Cassidy, I suppose congratulations are in order?” Alan asks, raising an eyebrow.
I just shrug sheepishly.
He continues.
“There are a few things we need to work out first,” he states. “Now, I don’t want to assume anything of you, and please don’t take offense, but I think a paternity test is in order. Just to be sure. It wouldn’t be the first time that a girl has tried to trap Oliver with a baby.”
I should be offended. I really should. To think that I would try to trap Oliver with a baby after I was the one who broke up with him. They should know by now that I don’t want the Windsor money, but I understand his fear.
I nod.
“Understood. We can set that up.”
“Great. I knew you would be understanding. Now, the next issue is the relationship between the two of you...” he trails off, looking over at Oliver before speaking.
Oliver slowly nods at him and I begin to get nervous again. This can’t be good, can it?
“I don’t want the Windsor heir to be a bastard child. Not when they don’t have to be.”
Now, I’m offended.
“Alan, please don’t refer to my child as a bastard.”
This is the first time I’ve thought of this baby as ‘my child’. It’s the first time I’ve felt like a mother since I found out that I was pregnant.
“I apologize,” he says hurriedly. “The point is, I think it would be better for everyone involved if you and Oliver were to be together.”
I glance over at Oliver, shock clear on my face. Did he really run to his father about this? I adjust myself in my seat, making sure I’m sitting straight up.
“Alan,” I start, searching for the right words. I want to maintain a professional level of respect; it’s really not the time to burn all my bridges. “I feel like this is something that Oliver and I should handle ourselves. And after our conversation last night, I thought that we had.”
I glance back over at Oliver, this time my eyes narrowed in his direction.
“Cassidy,” he says my name with a sigh. “Neither of us knows what to do in this situation. I decided my father might have a better idea.”
“I understand you want to deal with this privately, Cassidy,” says Alan. “But the truth of the matter is that this baby is going to become a very public matter rather quickly. So, will you do me a favor and hear me out? Completely? I think you’ll find that we haven’t led you astray so far, have we?”
Yes they have. One hundred percent yes. They tricked me into getting involved with their murder case. They lied to me when they told me that they had no idea what had happened to Matthew - when all along they were the ones behind it. There’s still so much I don’t know about the Windsor family that I feel like I’d be a fool to trust them. But I can’t say that to their face, especially not to Alan. I like my job.
I sigh, allowing myself to relax ever-so-slightly in my chair.
“No,” I say, not making eye contact. “I’ll hear you out.”
I speak quietly, hoping that reluctance isn’t clear in my voice. I hope that I can mask that and the rest of my emotions.
Alan smiles at me. It’s a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s a fake one, meant to please people and make them feel relaxed.
“Thank you,” he says. Another non-genuine thing from Alan.
“Now, I understand, and respect, your choice to break off your relationship with Oliver. I would be out-of-line as an employer to try to force you back with him. But, for the sake of the public eye,” he pauses to focus his steely gaze solely on me. “I think you’ll find that it’s best if you and Oliver at least put up a front of a relationship. Especially throughout your pregnancy. After that, you’re free to announce a public split.”
I’m silent, trying to process what Alan’s telling me. Am I supposed to fake a relationship with Oliver just for publicity?
“I can’t see what pretending we’re together will do, Alan,” I admit.
“Cassidy, you understand how the public views things better than anyone else in the room,” Alan says. He looks disappointed in me and now I understand the immense pressure that Oliver and Allison must have felt growing up. If he can look this disappointed at me, a practical stranger, I can’t imagine how he’d look at his children.
“Your reputation, along with Oliver’s, is not going to look good if the press gets a hold of the fact that you’re pregnant with his child and the two of you aren’t together. Windsor doesn’t need any more bad publicity right now and I doubt you want this as a stain on your career.”
Sitting here, I realize just how much I hate this man. I hate him because Alan has manipulated me into seeing his point of view. As much as I want to argue against his point
, I see it entirely. Forgetting the Windsor family, I focus on myself. I’m at the height of my career. Any type of scandal could take me down immediately. Especially the fact I slept with and became impregnated by my last client. What does that say about me?
But if Oliver and I appear to be in a relationship, the pregnancy looks better. It’ll look like I genuinely fell in love - which I did - it just makes sense.
I let out a sigh, shifting in my chair again. I feel the need to get out of there. I feel panicked. Trapped.
“You’re right, Alan,” I finally say, refusing to look over at Oliver. I’m sure he looks ridiculously smug.
“I’m glad you think so, Cassidy. So, I guess that leaves it up to the two of you. All I can say is please make it believable,” he says, folding his hands together.
I assume that’s all. I don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to deal with this. I nod.
“Thank you for the advice, Alan.”
I don’t look at Oliver again as I stand and gather my things, finally stepping out of the room that felt like it was becoming a prison.
I walk down the hallway to my office and open the door. I take a seat on the small white couch that’s off to the side, dropping my bags by it. I put my head in my hands, panic racing through me. What have I gotten myself into? What in the world am I going to do? I still have so many questions that have gone unanswered.
How long do I pretend that Oliver and I are a couple? What am I going to tell Noelle? Gavin? My mother? I feel overwhelmed and I wish that I would have taken a sick day so I could have stayed in bed. I hear a soft knock on my office door. I can’t even turn to it to see who it is.
I don’t care anymore.
“I want to be alone,” I say.
No one responds. Suddenly, there’s a weight on the couch next to me. Without warning, a strong arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me into a solid chest. I recognize the cologne instantly. It’s the oh-so-familiar scent of expensive cologne. Musky and woody. It’s Oliver.
I should fight it. I should be angry at him, and I am. But I can’t deny how nice it feels to be this close to him when it feels like my life is falling apart.
“Cassidy,” he says my name quietly, and I don’t respond. “I want you to know that this wasn’t my intention when I went to speak to him. I just wanted him to know what was going on. I didn’t want to trick you into being back with me.”
Fake Love Rich Boss Series Page 20