by Amy DeMeritt
I stand up with the empty bottle to throw away inside, and as I turn around, I come face to face with Carrie watching me from the window. I stop in my tracks and just wait to see her reaction from me approaching. She pushes the door open, and then walks away. I walk inside, and she turns to face me with about ten feet between us.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Carrie, I’m sorry I didn’t pay better attention to how much I was drinking. When I have that much hard liquor in a short timeframe, I lose control. I’m awake, but I sort of black out. I’m in a sort of auto-pilot situation where I’m not fully aware of what I’m doing. It feels more like a dream than reality. I know what my limits are, so I take full responsibility for not paying attention to what I was doing.
“You and me – we’re both on our own, you know? Neither of us have a family we can depend on. We just have ourselves and our friends. I feel like protecting you and looking out for you is my responsibility, and I like that. I like being here for you. I wanted to help you get your business started and help you be successful because I really believe you will be. I feel like I really let you down. I totally lost control of myself and I took advantage of you. I feel disgusting about what I did, so I really do understand if you want nothing to do with me anymore. I really am…”
She leaps forward, throwing her arms around me, and releases a sobbing cry against my neck. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Carrie. I really am.”
“I’m sorry too. I knew you were drunk. I shouldn’t have kissed you back. I just got caught up in the moment. Jack, I really like you and care about you a lot. I need you in my life. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
She lifts her head to look in my eyes, so I brush the tears off of her cheeks. She sniffles and swallows back her emotions.
“Jack, I really liked kissing you.” Sadness fills my chest again and my head droops because I’m unable to look in her eyes, but she lifts my head and holds it firmly. “Jack, why does that bother you so much? And don’t say because I’m a tenant. I can move out if that’s what’s standing between us.”
“I’m not the person for you. I don’t do relationships, but if I ever decide to…”
“You’ll be with Janae?”
“Yes.”
“Why can’t we just be friends who fool around together?”
“I have a different kind of attachment towards you. I feel like I’m supposed to protect you. Being with me would not be protecting you.”
“Why not?”
“Because, you’re not that kind of person. You need…”
“Don’t tell me what I need, Jack. I’ve been having people tell me what I need all my life. That’s why I moved here. I started over so I can be in charge of myself and decide everything for myself. I’m still trying to figure out what I need, so you sure as hell can’t possibly know what it is if I don’t. Read your fucking tattoos before you start preaching to me about how you think you know how I’m supposed to live.”
“I stand justly corrected. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. Are you attracted to me?”
“I have eyes that work, don’t I?”
Carrie smiles and her stress and pain seem to wash right off of her face. “Did you enjoy the kiss?”
“Even though I thought I was making out with that hot brunette, yeah, I did.”
She smacks my chest with a small scowl. “I’m tired of you giving that actress credit for my kiss.”
“Well, there is nothing I can…”
She presses her lips against mine and grips the back of my head in both hands, as if to prevent me from pulling away. If I was to pull away right now, it would be really bad. She’s still very upset with me. I’ll allow this kiss, but I just don’t think I can go all the way with her. I really need to talk to Janae and see what she thinks I should do.
Damn, this is a really good kiss. Her lips and tongue feel really nice and they definitely know what to do. I can feel my arousal growing with each pass of her tongue with mine, and each sucking nip of her lips. Her body is firmly pressed against mine, and her hands are rubbing my head and combing through my hair, which is a huge turn on for me.
Carrie pulls back panting for air and rests her forehead against the top of my chest as she wraps her arms to hold the backs of my shoulders.
“Now, which was better, me right now, or your delusion with the actress?”
“The brunette.” She lifts her head looking really hurt, and I smile as I kiss her lips. “You, of course.”
Her look softens and she lays her head on my chest again.
“Carrie, what’s going on with you and Jessy?”
“Nothing, we decided to just be friends.”
“Why?”
“She wanted me to commit to be her girlfriend, but I’m not ready to do that with anyone. Not even you, Jack, so stop thinking I’m going to ask you to give up being a tramp for me. I already know I’d lose to Janae in that race.”
“When you first started talking to Jessy, you couldn’t handle her profession. You couldn’t handle her working at a strip club, even though she wouldn’t be fucking her customers. How are you going to be able to handle what I’m about?”
“Because, I decided I don’t want a relationship.”
“So, what do you want?”
“I want to be able to act on my feelings.”
“Which are?”
“I want to be able to kiss you and touch you, and maybe have sex with you.”
“How long have you been…?”
She cuts me off, and says, “Since the day we met. When you looked at me, I wanted you. I was just too embarrassed and ashamed to admit it. I guess those emotions are a large part of why I was so rude to you. I’m sorry.”
“So, if people knew we were fucking, how would that make you feel? Would you be ashamed?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Jack, I allowed Jessy to make me cum in front of all of you. I think I have overcome any and all sex related shame.”
I laugh hard and she slaps my ass. Her lips curl into a smile, and she glides both hands over my ass and grips my cheeks.
“Find something you like?”
“Yes. Are you going to find something you like?”
“Yeah, I guess I can go find someone.” I pretend to push her off of me, and she grips my ass hard and yanks me forward to be flush against her. “Ok, in all seriousness – I need to think about all of this. I appreciate that you were finally honest with me and let me know what you want, but I need to figure out what I want. I need to figure out what I want our dynamic to be.”
“Why am I any different than your other friends? And don’t you dare say because you need to protect me.”
“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to…”
“Jack, stop. That is not something you can figure out. Stop putting this on me, like you know or think you know I’m going to get upset with you or decide I got what I wanted and then ditch you. If you don’t want to fuck me, then just say it.”
“It has nothing to…”
“Yes, it does. You either want to or you don’t. It’s that simple. If it’s not that simple, then you must not want to and you’re trying to spare my feelings. I don’t need your pity.”
She releases my ass and starts to walk away, but I grab her hand and pull her back into my arms. I grip her ass in both hands and lift up, causing her to release a small sound of arousal. She leans forward with her hands on the top of my chest for balance, and her eyes narrow in pleasure for a moment.
“Don’t assume that just because I have sex with a lot of women that my decisions are that simple. They’re not. And for the record, when I first laid eyes on you, I imagined at least five different ways I wanted to fuck you. And don’t think it has been easy for me to control those thoughts and feelings while you’ve been living here. Especial
ly when you’re doing that fucking yoga. God, have you been trying to kill me for the past month?”
“Fine. Go talk to Janae and figure out what you want to do and then let me know what I’m allowed to do.”
“Why do…?”
“Jack, come on, I know she’s your ‘checks and balance’ person. You’re always checking with her about everything.”
“And if I decide to keep things platonic with you?”
“We’ll still be friends.”
Chapter Fifteen
I wrap my arms around Janae from behind and rest my chin on her shoulder. She scoots back further to be flush against my chest while she sits between my legs. We dig our toes into the sand and release a long sigh at once, which makes us laugh.
“I could stay like this forever.”
“What about your hoes?”
I laugh a little and kiss the side of her neck. “Are you asking me to surrender my tramp badge?”
“I’ll never ask you to give up who you are. You have to make that decision all on your own, honey.”
“Can’t you just tell me what I should do with every minute of my life?”
“If I wanted a robot, I would ask you to build me one. Do you know why I can be so madly in love with you and still be ok with not having sex with you while you’re out sexing up half of Tampa?”
“Because I’m madly in love with you and no one else.”
“Exactly. I get the very best parts of you, and no one else does. So, is your hesitation to sleep with Carrie because you’re afraid you’ll fall in love with her?”
“No, I’m not worried about that. I think on some level I already love her, but it’s more of a protective way, like she’s still that lost puppy that I’m taking care of or something.”
“That’s going to make for a very weird bedroom chemistry if you look at her that way. Even if you don’t have sex with her, you really have to stop looking at her like that. She’s an adult, and a pretty smart one with guts and determination to succeed and be herself.”
“That’s true. I guess she was right. This decision is my issue, not hers.”
“If Jill had never asked you to give Carrie a room to rent, you wouldn’t be having this issue. You would have been at Spoons on a regular basis trying to win her over till she was chained up in your sex den.”
I laugh and playfully bite her neck. “I love how easily I can talk to you about this stuff.”
“Me too, honey.”
“What if I let it advance there, and she’s a vanilla sex kind of girl? What if she can’t get into what I’m into?”
Janae laughs hard and reaches up to rub my head. “Oh, my dirty little freak, you are just too damn adorable. Has she seen your den?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should show it to her first and then let her decide if she’s still interested.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ve never lived with someone I’m fucking. I might actually have to put her in an apartment or something for this to work.”
“What are you worried about happening with her living there?”
“What if she can’t handle seeing me coming and going with other women and gets territorial or jealous or something? And what if she starts trying to sleep in my bed every night? I guess I’m worried she’ll get clingy and things will just get weird.”
“You’ll have to lay out all of the rules before you allow anything to happen, just like you do with any other woman. You’ve had women get attached and clingy without them living with you. I don’t think your living situation should be your concern. Once you have explained the rules, it’s up to her to decide if she can handle it.”
“So, why are you changing your mind about me fucking my friends?”
“What do you mean? I’ve never…”
“When you cut me off from Jill because she got a boyfriend, you said I shouldn’t be fucking my friends.”
“Oh, yeah, I did say that.”
I kiss the side of her neck and nuzzle in her warm sweat moistened hairline, inhaling her sweet scent, which makes me hum against her ear.
“Tell me what I should do. Should I cut off all of my friends?”
“I can’t…”
“Baby, please boss me around.”
Janae releases a quiet humming moan as she presses in harder against my chest and pulls my arms tighter around her.
“I told you that because of this exact conversation. You spend so much time fretting over whether or not you should, and what will happen if you do. Sometimes, it feels like you’re allowing it because they want it, but you don’t. I don’t want you to feel used. Do you want to fuck Carrie?”
“Yeah, I do. But that doesn’t mean I need to.”
“Of course, you don’t ‘need’ to have her specifically. That’s not what you’re about. This is about what you want.”
“She said something like that. Are you two talking about me behind my back?”
She laughs hard and looks over her shoulder to kiss my lips. “No, honey.”
“Can I take you to lunch now?”
“Yeah, I’m ready to get off of this hot beach. I’m starting to sweat.”
I smile and press my nose against her hairline again. “I know. I like it. It’s sweet.”
She laughs and turns in my arms with an amazing smile. She kisses my lips and combs her fingers through my short hair. “You’re sweaty too. I like when you have that little layer of sweat dew on your upper lip. It’s very sexy.”
“God, you drive my engines crazy.”
“Breathe, baby. You look so turned on right now. It’s so fucking adorable. Come on, let’s go get some lunch.”
Janae pulls me up from the towel and we help each other dust our legs off. We walk down the promenade, hand in hand, to get to a nice steak and seafood restaurant that we both love. The food is delicious, the service is great, the décor is fun with a tiki hut theme, but the views are the best. The windows overlook the beach.
The restaurant is very busy with their usual lunch rush, and there are so many people waiting inside the door that we can’t even step inside.
I wrap my arms around Janae’s waist and lean in to whisper in ear. “Do you want me to take care of this?”
“Yes, I’m starving.”
I smile and kiss her neck. I take her hand and politely push through the crowd to get to the hostess. Janae doesn’t typically allow me to do this, unless she is really hungry.
The hostess looks up from her seating chart, looking a bit flustered, and says, “If you don’t have reservations, the wait is going to be at least an hour and a half.”
I pull my wallet out and pass her a tri-folded one-hundred-dollar-bill on her hostess stand.
“Yes, I have reservations.”
She smiles as she nonchalantly slides the money off of her stand and grabs two menus and bundles of flatware.
“Come with me.”
Most restaurants keep at least a handful of tables open, no matter how busy they are because they don’t want to spread their wait staff too thin. I never feel bad about ignoring the wait times and securing one of those tables, but Janae feels bad about receiving special treatment just because we can afford it.
As we’re seated at a two-seater booth along the window, I can tell Janae is happy with her choice to jump the line. She has a very happy serene closed lip smile on her face as she looks out at the view and around the busy restaurant.
“I’ll have your server come right over to get your drink orders.”
“Thank you.”
The hostess gives me a cute smile with a bounce in her step as she turns on her heels to leave.
“I can’t believe you gave her a hundred-dollars. She probably would have given us a table for twenty.”
“Yeah, but that’s not as flashy.”
Janae laughs as she lifts her menu. “True. You probably made her day. Do you want an appetizer?”
“I want whatever you want.”
Her lips curl into a p
roud grin as she raises her beautiful butterscotch eyes to look at me for a moment before looking back at her menu.
“Hi, there!”
An overly cheery girl hops forward with her hands behind her back and a giant smile on her face.
“Can I start you both off with something to drink?”
“Two mojitos, please. And we’d like to start with the shrimp tacos.”
“Absolutely, I’ll put that in for you right away.”
She bounces away to put Janae’s order in, and Janae releases a small laugh.
“The hostess probably told that girl you’re loaded. She’s going to be so over the top trying to get a good tip.”
“That’s good. I want you to have the best service.”
“Then get over here.”
I smile really big and start to stand up, but she laughs hard and places a hand on my shoulder to push me back down.
“You damn tease.”
“You love it. Stop drooling over me and look at your menu.”
“I want you to pick for me.”
“Ok, but I’m having a hard time deciding. I’m kind of in the mood for the habanero mango barbeque ribs, but the Santa Fe swordfish sounds really good too.”
“Fish is like eating water and air. You’ll be hungry again in ten minutes after eating that. Why don’t you just get both?”
“I am not eating two full meals on top of an appetizer. I’ll just get the ribs since I ordered the shrimp tacos.”
“Would you like me to get the swordfish so you can eat off of my plate?”
“No, I want you to get the blackened bison burger so I can have a few bites.”
“That sounds amazing. That reminds me. We haven’t been to New Orleans in a while. We should do that soon so we can get some good Cajun and Creole food.”
“I’m pretty booked for a few weeks with special order cakes, so I wouldn’t be able to do more than a couple of days right now. Maybe we can plan something for next month.”
“After you take a closer look at your schedule, let me know and I’ll make the travel arrangements. I definitely want at least a full week alone with you.”