by Amy DeMeritt
She palms her hands over my head and down to rest on the top of my chest with her fingers slightly pressing in, igniting my arousal. I glide my hands down her back and over her nice firm ass. I grip her ass and lift her to wrap her legs around me. She releases a small whimpering moan and hops up to wrap around me as she releases my mouth. Her eyes are glossy with tears and her toffee toned cheeks are blushing with passion.
“I missed you so fucking much.”
“I missed you too. What are you doing here? Are you done in Japan already?”
“No, I just really needed to see you. I also have some big news and I just had to talk to you about it in person.”
“This sounds serious. Are you ok?”
Her jaw tenses as her mouth pinches in an overwhelmed way. Tears break over the rims of her eyelids and streak her cheeks. She quickly wipes at her eyes and takes a deep breath as she tilts her head back, trying to compose herself. I tighten my arms around her and start walking towards the house. Jasmine lays her head on my shoulder and sobs against my neck, causing my own emotion to tighten my chest.
I unlock my bedroom, and after closing the locking the door behind us, I sit down on my bed. She lifts her head sniffling and firmly kisses my lips, cheeks, and forehead. I wipe her eyes and caress her cheeks as I draw her in to give her a slow soft kiss. Jasmine inhales deeply and releases me with a renewed calm as she sits upright on my lap to look in my eyes.
“My company offered me a promotion to Executive Director of Operations and Sales for our Tokyo location. They want me to relocate within the month. If I accept, my salary is going to increase by a hundred-grand annually, plus an additional twenty to forty-grand in potential bonuses. They’re also going to pay for my moving expenses and they’re going to set me up in a gorgeous house owned by corporate till I can find my own place.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. I run my hands up her back and pull her in tightly against me. I firmly kiss the side of her neck several times, and then she suddenly rips my head up to pull me into a kiss. She releases a whimpering sob into my mouth as her tongue stalls. I gently guide her head to lay on my shoulder and run my hands up and down her back, trying to comfort her.
“Tell me I should turn it down. Tell me I should stay.”
My eyes tear up and I press my lips against the side of her neck. I kiss her neck, jaw, and her ear.
“I can’t do that. It would be so fucking selfish of me to ask you to give up such a huge opportunity. I’m not worth giving up so much for.”
She lifts her head with pain and sadness pinching her beautiful face. Her lips tremble as she kisses mine for a moment.
“Jack, we’ve been together for six years. You’re the longest relationship I’ve ever had. Hell, I couldn’t even end things with you even when I was in real relationships with other people. I never told you this because it’s against your rules, but I want you to know I’m in love with you and I love what we have together. You are more than worth the sacrifice.”
My emotion finally breaks over the barriers and tears leap out of my eyes like geysers. I release a choked sounding sob and shake my head as I lean forward to rest my head on her chest. She runs her hand through my hair and over my back. Her hands knead my muscles, spawning pleasure and calm in my pressure filled head.
“I didn’t know you’re in love with me. I love you too, but I think I’m changing.”
She lifts my head off of her chest to look in my eyes and brushes her thumbs over my cheeks to wipe my tears away. “What do you mean?”
I haven’t told Jasmine about my sex cleanse because I didn’t want to worry her while she was dealing with work responsibilities in Japan. I take a deep breath and I tell her about the experiment and that I haven’t had sex with any other women aside from Carrie, Lindsay, and Tanisha in two months.
“It sounds like you’re at a crossroads, baby. What do you want? Are you ready to give up all of us and give yourself to Janae?”
I didn’t even mention my obsession of trying to decide if I could be the partner Janae needs – I didn’t mention Janae at all. The fact that everyone knows Janae is number one in my heart just causes this decision to gnaw at me even more. Everyone can see how much we’re in love with each other. Everyone knows we want to be together. The only thing standing between us is my fear of failure.
“I’m terrified I’ll mess up and lose her.”
“What have you learned while you’re doing your experiment?”
“Honestly, a lot, but I still can’t confidently answer the most important question – can I be monogamous? I haven’t been craving the on-night stands or the emotionless sex arrangements. But I still really enjoy being with the Carrie, Lindsay, and Tanisha. And you, of course.”
“What do you enjoy about it the most, the sex or the companionship?”
“I love both. Sometimes, if we’re just hanging out, a nice moment will lead into some great sex. Then we’ll just cuddle or go back to whatever we were doing before the passion took us over.”
Jasmine smiles in a sad way as she caresses my cheeks and pecks my lips. “Baby, you’re in a real relationship with these women. You’re dating all three of them.”
“What? No, I’m not. We’re just friends fucking.”
She releases a small laugh and shakes her head. “Baby, you’re dating. You are completely exclusive to the three of them and they are completely exclusive to you, and everyone knows it. You’re not just friends with benefits anymore.”
“Holy shit. How didn’t I realize that?”
“Probably because you have never dated before. As soon as you decided to be exclusive to them, you made them your girlfriends, even if none of you declared it. So, do you need so many girlfriends?”
“Tanisha asked me something similar earlier tonight. She asked me if I’m ready for the next experiment – to see if I could handle just being with one woman.”
“If you could choose between Janae and one of them to have in your bed every night, who would you choose?”
“Janae, even though she won’t let me have sex with her.”
Jasmine releases a small sad sounding laugh and shakes her head. “Baby, I think you solved your problem. The woman you would want in your bed every single night is the woman you should be with.”
Her eyes fill with fresh tears and she swallows hard as she places her hands on the top of my chest and traces my collarbone with her fingers.
“I traveled a very long distance just so I could be in your arms and feel your body against mine. I have missed you like crazy.” She takes a deep breath as her bottom lip trembles. She clears her throat and places a shaking hand on my cheek. “Jack, I love you, and because I love you, I have to let you go. You belong with Janae. I’ve known it for a long time, but for as long as you were still hooking up with other women, I just couldn’t get myself to end things with you. I guess part of me had always hoped you would fall for me and choose me. I guess that was stupid, but I…”
“It’s not stupid. I do love you and our time together has meant a lot to me. You’re my longest relationship as well. Are you really ending this?”
She releases a small sob as she nods and wipes her eyes. She firmly kisses my lips and presses her forehead against mine.
“I don’t want to, but it’s the right thing to do.”
Someone pounds on my bedroom door, and with laughter in her voice, Trish says, “Jack! Get your ass back to the party. You can sex her up later!”
“Go away!” My voice cracks with my emotion and the laughter outside of the door stops.
In a tentative voice, Trish asks, “Are you ok?”
“No. Go away!”
“Ok, I’m sorry. Let us know if you need anything.”
I swallow hard as I lift Jasmine’s face to look in her reddened tear filled hazel eyes. I trace her lips with my thumb and my chest tightens as a feeling of terrible loss fills me.
“The last time I felt like this – this sense of loss, was over six years ago
when Wren died. That was just a couple of months after we met and you were so amazing to help me through that. I can’t believe I’m going to lose you.”
“You’re not losing me, Jack. We’re going to continue to be friends. I can’t give you up completely, baby. I love you too damn much. If I take this promotion and move to Japan, will you come visit me?”
“Yes. Fuck, I just can’t believe…”
I swallow hard and shake my head. I pull her lips against mine and she accepts me to kiss her. I lean back and roll Jasmine onto her back. She releases a sobbing moan as her hands rub up my back and over my head. I bend into her neck and firmly suck and kiss the full length of the slender curve and her shoulder. I pull her up to a sitting position to take her tank top off, but she grabs my hands to stop me.
While lightly panting, she says, “Baby, wait. This isn’t good for you. You’re trying to…”
“Jasmine, I want to be with you right now. I can’t make that big of a decision right now. I can’t go through four breakups in one night. I can’t… This isn’t how this is supposed to be. Why does this hurt so much?”
“Ok, baby, shh, come here.” Jasmine pulls me down on top of her and lays my head on her chest. She scratches her nails over my scalp in a soothing way and kisses my head. “It hurts because you fell in love with us.”
“I don’t like this feeling.”
Jasmine makes a cooing sound of comfort and kisses my head again. “I know. Me either. But I don’t regret anything. A large portion of my favorite moments were with you. And no one has been able to kiss and touch me like you can. I will cherish our memories for the rest of my life.”
“We need at least one more night of memorable moments together.”
As I lift my head off of her chest, the look on her face changes from sadness to being completely content and present with me. We lock lips and begin tumbling over the bed to strip each other. Our bodies rock and thrust together while our hands and mouths seek out every sensitive spot on each other’s bodies. Her heavy breathing, moans, gasps, and small screams increase my arousal, but they also increase my feeling of loss. This could be the last time I experience this – experience the beauty and joy of having sex with Jasmine.
After a few years, I thought I’d always have Jasmine. She has been dependably perfect for six years. If I had to choose between Jasmine and Janae, I would choose Janae, but am I really strong enough to always choose Janae?
This moment of need to be with Jasmine is proof of my weaknesses. I have an attachment to Jasmine – an attachment I wasn’t supposed to have because of the rules I made for myself. I have known for nearly as long as I’ve known Jasmine that I love her, but she has always been respectful of the rules so I never cut it off.
Now, I’m also in love with Carrie, Lindsay, and Tanisha, and I’m faced with the decision to end every single relationship so I can be with Janae.
I wish magical crystal balls were real so I could just pay a psychic to tell me if I can do this or if I will fail and destroy my life completely.
After Jasmine climaxes with a loud gasping moan, she crumbles to the bed panting for air with an adorable lazy happy smile on her face.
“Oh, baby, that was great. Fuck, I missed you.”
“I missed you too. I really did.”
“Did you cum?”
“A little bit. My head is all messed up. I’m not sure if I can properly, well… It’s not you.”
“I know, sweetie. We’ve never had that problem before. I completely understand.”
“What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t go through this three more times? Are you still dumping me?”
Her sadness returns to her face and she places a hand on the side of my neck to trace my jawline with her thumb.
“Yes, because I know you can and you will do this. In fact, I am ordering you to do it.” I release a small laugh and she gives me a brave sort of smile and pecks my lips. “It’s time, Jack. It’s time for you to face your fears and rise above them. Just like you chose to succeed in your business against all of the odds and the opposition you have faced, you can choose to succeed in being loyal to Janae.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“When you have made the decision to end an arrangement, have you ever gone back on it? Have you ever engaged with the woman again?”
“Many times.”
She bites the corner of her bottom lip for a moment and tugs on my earlobe, before tracing my jaw again. “Well, I guess that theory is out. You haven’t hooked up with any other woman these past two months aside from your three girlfriends, right?”
“I can’t believe you just called them that. What the hell did I get myself into? No, I haven’t. I made out with Georgia a little bit, but we didn’t do anything besides kiss before Carrie interrupted us to lecture me on my experiment.”
“Really? Sounds like this girl is crazy about you. A lot has changed since I’ve been gone. I remember when she treated you like a criminal out on parole.”
“She is. Ending things with her is going to be hard. I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want to lose her. She’s been great. She cooks for me, gives me massages, the sex is great, we have some great conversations, and she’s just so fucking adorable. Damn it, why did I allow myself to fall in love with them?”
“If you hadn’t, do you think you would be at this crossroads to finally give yourself to Janae? I think it was necessary for you to experience a loving romantic relationship so you can finally see what you’re missing out on with Janae.”
“Why are you so smart about this stuff?”
“Understanding sex and relationships is a big part of my job, baby. But this is mostly just because I know you so well.”
“How long are you in town for? Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Yes, I’ll stay tonight. My flight back leaves Sunday morning. I need to visit with my family tomorrow to tell them the news about the promotion so I can try to decide what to do.”
“If you take this promotion, when will you be back?”
“We’re on schedule for the factory to launch production in two weeks. The staff has been well trained and they’ve been pretty great. I have a month left of the assignment to oversee everything and make sure the launch runs smoothly. I don’t anticipate having to stay longer, but if any issues come up, I could be stuck there till they’re ironed out. If I accept the promotion, I’ll have two weeks to come home, pack, and say goodbye to everyone.”
“When do you have to decide on the promotion?”
“Only a week. If I don’t accept, they’ll have to find someone else to do it and send them out for me to train before I leave. That’s going to be a huge insult – having to train the person for the job I’m supposed to have.”
I pull her over to lay on top of me and wrap my arms around her. She smiles down at me and kisses my lips.
“You’re going to accept it, aren’t you?”
“I’m eighty percent positive I want to accept it. I have busted my ass to be seen as a key figure in the success of the company and I’m finally being recognized for it. Turning down this promotion would be like discrediting myself. It would be like saying I’m not competent to do it. Plus, I loved it out there. I definitely would not hate having to live there.”
“I’m proud of you and I’m trying to be happy for you.”
She giggles and playfully flicks my nose. “You’re ‘trying’ to be happy for me?”
“Well, yeah, my selfish disappointments and feeling of loss are kind of outweighing the happiness right now. But I’ll get better at ignoring my selfishness so I can be fully supportive and happy for you eventually.”
“Thanks, baby. Come on, let’s get dressed and go back to the party. I could really use a drink and I’m getting hungry.”
She pulls me up from the bed and we toss each other garments as we collect them from being thrown around my room in our urgency to strip each other. I grab a fresh tee shirt from my dresser since I t
hrew my tank top at Jill earlier and never put it back on.
After sharing a brief kiss, I take her hand and lead her back through the crowded house and out to the backyard. I grab us a couple of beers from the bar, then we get in line to have the caterers prepare her a plate of food. I wrap my arms around her from behind and bend into her neck to give her soft kisses up and down the full long slender curve and over her collarbone and shoulder.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Thank you, baby, so are you.”
I press my nose against the hairline of her course auburn hair at the base of her skull, just behind her ear, and inhale deeply.
“You smell incredible.”
“Thank you, baby. You smell a bit like chlorine.” I laugh a little and she turns her face to look at me with a sad smile. “I’m going to miss this so much.”
“Good evening, what can we get for you?”
Jasmine releases a defeated sounding exhale and turns towards the caterers to order her food. After she has a loaded plate, we carefully negotiate our way through the crowd to find Janae and my closest friends. They’re all still sitting poolside in a half circle of about ten chairs with several people sitting and laying on the paving tiles in front of them. Jasmine and I take the only empty space close to Janae’s chair and I sit with Jasmine sitting between my thighs.
“Hey, Jasmine, welcome back to the party. Honey, are you ok?” Janae looks like she has a million questions she wants to ask and looks a little insecure and worried.
“Yeah, Jasmine had some bombshell news to give me.”
Jasmine looks over her shoulder at me for a moment with sadness dampening her eyes again and she takes a deep calming breath before looking up at Janae.
“My company offered me a promotion which will require me to relocate to Japan. I’m pretty certain I’m accepting. I just need to talk it out with my family tomorrow.”
“Wow, that’s huge. Congratulations. You mind if we come visit sometime? I’ve never been to Japan, but it has been a bucket list destination for me for years.”