Jake turned away from me to say hi to her. Then he said bye to me before heading down to the basement. Mom and I watched a romantic comedy, which didn’t help take my mind off what had happened between me and Jake. I had never thought about guys asking me out on dates. I had never even thought about romance at all, except in relation to other people. It might sound strange that I didn’t imagine myself in some kind of future relationship, but I was very much a person who lived in the moment.
Mom, of course, took this opportunity to engage in what she considered girls’ night talk. She somehow picked up on something in my demeanor when she asked me if there was anything new with
my love life. “Has someone asked you out?”
“Yes,” I admitted, deciding to get her opinion on this.
“A boy?” Mom asked uncertainly.
I smiled. So, she wasn’t sure about my sexuality either. “Yes, a boy.”
“What did you say?” She waited intently for my answer.
“I didn’t know what to say. I was just so surprised.” That last part was true. I had been surprised almost speechless.
“Is this one of your friends?” She must have some kind of mom radar to pick up on this stuff.
“Kind of.” I had considered Jake a friend until last night.
“And now you’re not sure how you feel about him,” she said, astounding me again with her correct guess.
“Yeah. How do you know when you like someone? Romantically I mean.”
“You’ve never had a crush on anyone?” Mom asked in surprise.
“No, and I’ve liked it that way. Some of the girls at school act crazy about boys half the time.”
Mom smiled. “I’ve been lucky to be spared you being boy crazy. You’re not fickle in your affections, so I suspect that if you think you like this boy romantically, then you probably do.”
“But I don’t want to like him,” I protested. “I want things to stay the way they are.”
“You can’t stop life from changing, Cam,” she said wistfully. “You and Connor are growing up. Sometimes I miss the days when you were little, but I can’t stop time.”
I gathered my courage to ask her the thing I had been wondering about for a long time. “Mom, why do you even bother with romantic relationships? They never seem to work out.”
She looked at me with understanding. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Your lack of physical fear worries me, so I forget that you’re emotionally sensitive. You’re afraid of getting hurt that way. Yes, love is complicated and scary, but I think it’s worth the risk. You can’t let fear stop you from living your life.”
“Whoa, nobody’s talking about love,” I said.
“Not yet,” she added.
Kyle’s take on the whole thing was more along the lines of what the hell are you waiting for? He had declared walking in on Jake having sex to be the second best thing that could happen to a person. The first, of course, would be to actually be the one having sex with him. “Who was the lucky girl? Does she go to school with us?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “She seemed kind of familiar, but I really didn’t pay much attention to her.”
He nodded his blond head. “Perfectly understandable. I wouldn’t have been able to tear my eyes off Jake either.”
“Yeah, about that. See, at the time I was mad. I was really mad,” I explained. “That was the normal reaction, but now...” I bit my lip. “Now, when I think about it, it’s not normal.”
“In what way?” Kyle asked.
“Remember when we were watching the porno movie? I said it was just body parts. Well, that’s the way this should be, but it’s not.” I looked at him to see if he could provide the answer to what had mystified me.
“It’s alive!” Kyle said in a Doctor Frankenstein voice.
“This isn’t funny,” I said in consternation. “I don’t know why—”
“You don’t know why you’re turned on by a hot guy who’s completely into you? I love you, Cam, but only you could be that clueless about your hormones. Remember when I said that you’re a late bloomer? Well, baby you’re blooming.”
“I’m turned on?”
“Oh my God!” Kyle pretended to slam his head into the steering wheel. “Are you really in that much denial?”
Since I had refused to talk about what had happened over the weekend inside the school where somebody might overhear, we were sitting in Kyle’s car during lunch so he could hear all the details. I had been relieved that Jake hadn’t come over on Sunday, because I had no idea how to deal with him.
“We need to get back,” I said. “Lunch is almost over.”
“We should go shopping after school. You need to dress like a girl for your first date with Jake.”
I had been just about to open the car door, but I turned back to look at him. “I already told you that I’m not going out with him.”
Kyle looked genuinely perplexed. “Why not? You already know that you’re attracted to him.”
“No, that’s just your theory. Besides, I caught him having sex with another girl in my room.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “You’re still hung up on that? That was—”
“Three days ago,” I supplied. “He just had sex with another girl three days ago, so why is he asking me out?”
“Because obviously that’s all it was with her. Just sex,” he said.
“Then how do I know that’s not all he wants from me?”
“That would be more than enough for me,” Kyle quipped. He held up his hand to stop my retort. “Seriously, I think he really likes you. Look how worried he was that you might be having sex with someone else. If you want to test him, you could go out with someone else and see how jealous he gets.”
“You’re no help at all with your schemes, and we have to go before we’re late.”
Despite what I had said, Kyle had given me a lot to think about. How did I feel about Jake? Was I attracted to him, and if I was, was that all there was between us? My complete lack of romantic experience was a hindrance to me in this case. I had a crazy idea, but I decided to go with it. Nobody was there when I got home from soccer practice on Tuesday, so I called Kyle and asked if he could come over.
“Sure,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“I need to ask you a favor, but I’ll tell you when you get here. Give me about half an hour to take a shower first.”
Kyle knew where we kept the spare key, so I wasn’t worried about him standing outside waiting for me to open the door. It took me awhile to get ready, because I washed and blow dried my long hair. It was still a little damp, because I was in a hurry to talk to Kyle, so I left it down. He was playing a video game in the living room when I went downstairs. I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.
“Hey! I was winning,” he protested.
“Later.” I listened for a moment. “Are we alone?”
Kyle rubbed his hands together. “Ooh, secrets.”
“Are we alone?” I asked again.
“Yeah, what’s the big mystery? Did something else happen with Jake? Are you ready to have sex with him?”
I rolled my eyes. “Come back from perverted land. It’s nothing to do with him. It’s about me. I want you to teach me how to kiss.”
Kyle laughed and then saw that I was serious. “I’m flattered, but why don’t you ask Adam or Jason or any of the other guys? I’m pretty sure they’re straight.”
“That’s exactly why I’m asking you,” I explained. “I don’t want things to be weird with them.”
“Cam, it’s sweet that you want to impress Jake, but I don’t think it’s necessary.”
“I told you that this has nothing to do with him. I’m just trying to figure some stuff out for myself. Now, are you going to help me or not?” I demanded.
“Come here.” He patted the seat beside him on the couch.
“Maybe we should go to my room in case somebody comes home.”
Kyle feigned a hurt look. �
�Ashamed to be seen kissing me?”
Even though he was joking, there was an underlying challenge in his words. I had never been one to back down from a challenge, so I planted myself next to him. I wasn’t sure what to do, but Kyle had no problem taking the lead. He tilted my chin and leaned in to kiss me. What was surprising to me was how enjoyable kissing was. His lips were soft against mine and caused a pleasant tingling sensation. I found myself getting into it until I abruptly ended the kiss.
I stared at him incredulously. “Did you just feel me up?”
“I just wanted to give you an authentic experience. How was it?”
“I could have skipped the groping, but the kissing was really good,” I said.
“Don’t sound so surprised. You’re not the first girl I’ve ever kissed. In fact, my first sexual experience was with a girl.”
I looked closely at him for a sign that this was another one of his made up stories, but he seemed sincere. “You never told me that. I thought you weren’t attracted to girls.”
“I’m not, but my body responded to her stimulation.”
Now I was really confused. “How is that possible?”
“She went down on me,” he explained. “When you close your eyes, it all feels the same.” The mischievous glint that entered his eyes told me that the next thing he said would be a joke. “So, if you ever want me to teach you how to—”
Jake exploded out of the kitchen and into the living room. “You’re not teaching her another damn
thing you sneaky little pervert!”
I jumped up out of my seat. “Where do you get off calling him a pervert? You had sex in my room!”
“And it wasn’t even with her,” Kyle added.
“Shut up, Kyle,” I yelled. I turned back to Jake. “Don’t you ever go home? Why are you always here?”
“Why is he always here?” Jake countered.
“You’re just jealous that I got further with her than you did,” Kyle said.
I threw myself in front of Kyle as Jake moved to attack him. “Leave him alone.”
“Well, my work here is done,” Kyle announced. “See you at school, Cam.”
“I’ll walk you out,” I said as Jake backed off.
I noticed that Kyle had parked behind Jake in our driveway. “Wait a minute. You knew that he was here!”
He winked at me. “Now you have proof of his jealousy.”
“So, it was all for show? Was any of that stuff you said even true?” I asked.
“All of it.” His expression was very serious now. “I was confused for a long time after what happened with her. What I told you about how it can be just sex is true. When you find that special person, though, there’s a spark there that you don’t have with just anyone.”
I smiled at him. “I’m glad you found your special person. Thanks for helping me out.”
“Anything for you, Cam.” Because he couldn’t stay serious for too long, he had to add something outrageous. “I just hope I haven’t ruined you for other men. They won’t be able to compare with my legendary skills.”
“Guess I’ll have to become a nun then,” I said with a smile.
“Not again!”
I laughed. “As much as I hate to see you leave, I have to do my homework.”
“You can always do Jake instead.” He ducked into the car before I could hit him. “I’m going, I’m going.”
He honked the horn and waved before he drove away. I took a deep breath and walked back into the house. Jake was waiting for me right by the front door. “Did you figure it out?”
His question threw me. “Figure what out?”
“You said that you wanted him to teach you how to kiss so you could figure something out for yourself,” Jake said.
So he had heard the whole thing. “I’m still working on it.”
He stepped closer, and I immediately stepped back. “Can I help?”
“Yes,” I said. “You can leave me alone.”
“I love when you wear your hair down like that. You’ve got such beautiful hair.” He took another step closer.
I took another step back and came up against the door. “Where’s Connor?”
“At his girlfriend’s house. Her parents are out of town all week.” He reached out to touch my hair. “It’s so thick and beautiful.”
“But his car is here.” It was bizarre to be carrying on a conversation with him while he touched my hair lovingly.
“She picked him up so your mom wouldn’t know he wasn’t home. I want to kiss you, Cam.” His voice sounded different now.
My heart had started beating faster. “You mean he’ll be gone all night? Why are you here when he’s not?”
“I volunteered to stay here and make sure that you’re safe. May I kiss you, Cam?”
I closed my eyes. “Yes.”
His hand moved to the back of my head and pulled slightly forward. With my eyes closed, I didn’t see him lean down, but I felt his warm breath before his lips touched mine. My lips were tingling in anticipation even before we made contact, but the kiss was nothing short of electric. Kyle had said that Jake turned me on, and now I couldn’t deny it any longer. I molded my body to his as I was consumed with the passion of our kiss. Jake responded by deepening the kiss until we were breathless.
I leaned back against the door and breathed heavily until I could speak. “I figured it out now.”
Chapter 5
“What did you figure out?” Jake asked.
“It’s sex.” I looked at him and wondered how I had failed to notice how sexy he was before now.
Even his smile was sexy. “What did you figure out about sex?”
“It’s what’s between us,” I said. “Once we get that out of the way, we can go back to normal.”
His smile disappeared. “What do you mean get it out of the way?”
“You were right when you said that I can’t stop thinking about you naked,” I admitted. “I need to have sex with you to get it out of my system, and then I’ll stop thinking about you that way.”
Jake didn’t seem too happy with my plan. “What do you know about sex? You only just had your first kiss today.”
“I know the basics of what to do. Besides, you know all about it, and you said that you wanted to have sex with me,” I reminded him.
The passion had faded from his eyes, and he now looked upset with me. “I said that I wanted to go out with you.”
“Isn’t that the whole point of dating? You get to know each other so you can have sex. My friends are always talking about how many dates they have to go on before they can have sex. We already know each other, so we can skip right to the sex. Anyway, we have the house to ourselves this week, so this is the perfect time to get it done.”
Now his anger flared. “You wouldn’t have such a screwed up idea of dating if you were friends with girls. Guys don’t tell their friends everything, Cam.”
“Like what?” I asked in bewilderment. I had thought that he’d be enthusiastic about having sex with me. He had made it clear that he was attracted to me.
Instead of answering me, he asked his own questions. “Why can’t we have a normal relationship? If you like me enough to have sex with me, then what’s wrong with being my girlfriend?”
“I don’t want that. I just want to go back to the way things were before. I don’t understand what the problem is. It’s not like you haven’t done this before. Obviously, that girl wasn’t your girlfriend or you wouldn’t be asking me out. It was just sex, right?”
“And that’s all you want from me, Cam? Just sex?” He regarded me with a sullen expression.
“I want to put this whole thing behind us.” I was disappointed that the mood between us had deteriorated so quickly.
“Do you really think that it’ll be that easy to go back to just being friends?” He let out an exasperated breath. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You have no experience with this.”
“I don’t understand you, Jake
. You said that you weren’t going to have sex in my room until it was with me, and now you don’t want to.”
“I do want to, but not like this.” He looked just as disappointed as I felt. “Go do your homework or something.”
I couldn’t believe it. I had just been dismissed in my own house. My shoulder knocked into his arm as I stormed past him. He couldn’t make up his damn mind about what he wanted. My solution was simple, and it would have solved the problem. In my distress, I wandered into my parents’ old bedroom. Here was more proof that romance ended in misery. Mom had turned this room into an office after the divorce, and she had taken a bedroom upstairs. She apparently couldn’t bear to sleep in this room alone after sharing it with Dad.
I did have to get my homework done, so I went up to my room to start on it. Jake appeared in my doorway about an hour later and told me that dinner was ready. He was often the one who cooked meals when he was over during the week. Mom thought it was great, because she always had leftovers for lunch the next day.
I remember being surprised as a child that he already knew how to cook, but he had told me that he helped his mom prepare the meals since they had a large family. Connor seemed to always sleep in longer on the weekends than Jake and I, and I had many memories of the two of us making breakfast together. He actually taught me more about cooking than my mom had. We had an easy companionship back then, but now we ate our spaghetti in silence. I loaded the dishwasher while Jake went to do his homework.
I didn’t see him after my shower when I defiantly walked out into the hallway wrapped in my towel. Later on, I heard the shower running when I left my room to use the bathroom, so I went downstairs. We both had cereal for breakfast in the morning and parted ways in the driveway. I drove Connor’s car to school so Mom wouldn’t know that he hadn’t been home. She had bought the car for us to share, but he seemed to drive it more than I did since he had a girlfriend. I usually rode with him to school, but often got a ride from one of my friends depending on what we did after school.
Kyle and I ate lunch in his car again while I told him about my evening with Jake. He was thrilled at first when I told him about Jake kissing me. Then I managed to shock him for the first time in my life when I told him about wanting to have sex with Jake.
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