I lift my head, and my eyes catch a glimpse of the dark tattoo that sits just above his heart. I’ve seen it so many times before, but never really looked at it. Now I can’t seem to look away. It’s different from the other ink that decorates his body. The others are bright and multicolored, but this tattoo has meaning. Not that the others don’t. But this dark ink is a symbol of something that has the potential to break my heart.
My fingers twitch to touch his skin. The skin where the dark shattered heart lives. Because that’s what it is—small pieces of what used to be a black heart. God, why didn’t I see it before?
Because you were too busy looking at his dick.
He sits on my bed with me still in his lap. I wrap my hands around his neck and hold him tight. I do this, because I know this is exactly where I need to be when he answers my questions. The closer I am, the easier it will be to handle the truth.
“Will you tell me something?” I ask hesitantly.
“Anything.” He kisses the top of my head.
As I tilt my head back away from his body, my gaze meets his.
“What does this tattoo mean?”
I release my hold around his neck and trace the broken heart with my finger. Then I place a soft kiss on the area of his chest where his heart beats strong.
His voice trembles, as he says, “It’s actually part of the reason I can’t go tonight.”
That is not the answer I was expecting, but I’ll take it. He’s gonna need elaborate a little, because there must be so much more. I rotate my body until I’m straddling him. Now we’re face-to-face. His breathing is rapid, and his eyes are searching mine for a reaction to his answer.
“Tell me more,” I say calmly.
“I’ve wanted to tell you about my life ever since that first night we were together. I’ve wanted you to know me. The real me, but I’ve been so afraid you would run—again. And I can’t lose you. Not now. Not after we’ve spent so much time together. You have to promise me that if I tell you everything, you won’t run again.” His mouth twitches slightly before he cuts his eyes away from me.
I cup his face and force his gaze back to mine. Then I kiss him. Our lips move together in a perfect rhythm. Like two people obsessed. I need him. Oh, God, please don’t let his words break me.
I move away from the kiss, and whisper, “I promise.”
“This tattoo represents everything that was bad in my life,” he tells me as he wraps his hands gently around my wrists. I pull my right hand away from his face and out of his grasp before slowly tracing the tattoo again.
“Bad?” I ask.
“Yeah. My previous life almost fucking killed me, Henley. It has taken close to a year for me to feel normal. I’m not the person you think I am.” His voice is raw, full of emotion.
I’m afraid. So fucking afraid of what he’s about to tell me, but what he doesn’t realize is that he and I, we’re the same. Because I’m not the person he thinks I am, either.
“I’m not going anywhere, Caleb, no matter what you tell me. I swear,” I whisper.
He draws in a deep breath, and then continues, “I fell in love once. Her name was Piper. We were young. I guess you could say we were high school sweethearts. At least that’s where I met her.” His voice is shaky. Something tells me he hasn’t told this story in a while, or maybe he just hasn’t told it very many times. I don’t know, but he looks gutted.
I offer him a slight smile as I rest my forehead on his. He closes his eyes, before saying, “We were together a while. Maybe a little more than a year. I loved her but couldn’t tell her. So she left me for him. Jack. He was my coworker and friend. I had to watch the two of them together every fucking day. I did it to myself, so I accepted it… until she told me she was leaving town. Then I lost my shit and that’s when everything went so fucking wrong.”
He opens his eyes and pulls his forehead from mine, and I know this is where the story is about to get worse.
“You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want to or if you can’t. I understand,” I assure him.
He shifts slightly underneath me before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in closer to him.
“That same night she told me she was leaving town, Jack walked in on us. Piper and me. He was so fucking pissed. Then, for some reason, a reason I’ll never know, she left with him before I had a chance to tell her how I really felt. By the time I found her, it was too late. Too fucking late.” He looks away for a second before bringing his gaze back to mine. Then he continues. “There was an accident. I got there just after it happened. It was Piper and Jack. She died that night. Before I could tell her that I loved her,” he says slowly.
My eyes fill with tears. Tears for Caleb. Tears for Piper. Tears for her death and tears for his life.
“Caleb,” I whisper before wrapping my arms around him. Then I pull him in closer to me and hold him so damn tight, because this is what he needs. This is what we both need.
“She died in my arms,” he mumbles into my neck.
I hold him for what seems like forever, but it’s okay. It’s what he needs and what I want. Finally, he pulls away and stares deeply into my eyes.
“The night she died, I left Houston. I left my job and my family. I drove for two days until I ended up in Las Vegas. It didn’t take me long to find a job. A good job at an upscale tattoo parlor. But it wasn’t long after I arrived that I lost my life to drugs, alcohol, and sex. I didn’t care if I lived or died. I had no reason. No purpose. I drank most nights and some days. And still managed to work. To keep a job. That was my life for years. Seven years to be exact. It’s still a fucking blur. And then one day, I found out Piper’s baby sister, Jovie, was all grown up and living in Houston. That’s when I loaded up my 4Runner and headed back home. I wanted to tell her everything. Somebody needed to know, and I wanted it to be her.” He huffs out the words so fast.
“Caleb,” I plead. I want to scream at him. To tell him to stop talking, because I don’t want to hear any more. The pain is so plainly evident on his face. In those eyes that I love so much. But he doesn’t stop. He keeps talking, saying all the things I don’t want to know about him and his past.
“I was too late. Jack had already found her. They were together. I mean like dating together. It’s something I’ll never understand. I don’t know how she could be with him after everything that happened with Piper.” He takes a deep breath, before continuing, “Then my life really went to shit. Either I didn’t have any coping skills or they just plain sucked, because after I got back to Houston, I hit fucking rock-bottom. I drank and took pills and then drank some more. And then one day, I overdosed and almost died.” He squeezes his eyes shut.
“A few days in the hospital and then six months of rehabilitation was supposed to get rid of my demons—cure me. Make me a new man. One that I would be proud to be, but I wasn’t new or better. Only thankful to be alive. To have another chance to redirect my life. An old friend in Houston knew Smitty and got me the job at The Drunken Peacock. I go to AA meetings every morning and spend a lot of time with a guy named Mike.” He chuckles.
He actually kind of laughed after all of that. He fucking chuckled.
“Mike?” I ask.
“Yeah, my sponsor.”
Caleb was right. I want to run. Run so far away from his past that it will never enter my mind again. But I know that’s not possible. My heart aches for him. For losing Piper and for losing all those years of his life.
“And that, my sweet girl, is why I can’t go with you to the Copper Penny.” He kisses the tip of my nose.
There is so much processing going on in my brain right now. I had no idea he went to AA meetings every day. I had no idea he was originally from Houston. I had no idea he did drugs and had so much sex. I can only pray that he doesn’t have a disease. Shit. We stopped using condoms because I’ve been on the pill forever, and he said he was clean. But does he really know? It sounds like he doesn’t even remember how much sex he actu
ally had when he lived in Vegas. Some incurable sexually transmitted disease is the last thing I need in my situation.
Fuck. I haven’t told him about—
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not there anymore. I don’t live that life. I’m here, with you, and I’ve never been happier. So please don’t be sad for me. For my past,” Caleb cuts into my thoughts.
My eyes are glassy. But why? I don’t cry. I’m not a crier. This is the second time tears have filled my eyes since I met him.
“Please don’t cry. I didn’t tell you all of this to upset you. I just wanted you to know about my past. Because I didn’t want anything between us,” he says as recognition dawns on his face. Then he continues, “You’re worried about the sex, aren’t you?”
I shrug slightly and look at the broken heart once again. Wow. He just confessed everything that went wrong in his life because of this damn tattoo.
“Look at me, Henley,” he demands.
I lift my head, and one lone tear travels down my cheek. God, here go the tears. The ones that have laid dormant for years and years.
My gaze meets his, and he wipes the tear from my face. Then his lips brush mine, before he says, “I told you I’m clean, and I would never lie to you. Never put you in danger. Please believe me. My only regret is that it took me so long to tell you about my past. And I’m sorry.”
I shudder at the thoughts racing through my mind. He’s apologizing to me, and I’m crying like a baby. This is his tragedy, not mine.
“Come here, baby. Don’t cry. I promise I’m good. It’s all gonna be okay,” he whispers as he pulls me into his body, wrapping me tightly in his arms. I’m ashamed of my secrets. Of my lies, but I’m not about to blurt them all out now. Not after his revelation. So I don’t speak. I just let him hold me while I cry for him and for his past, while I cry for me and my future. These tears are for us and for how bad I need us right now.
I fall asleep at some point, still wrapped in the warmth of the man who will, hopefully, one day, save me from my own demons.
Twenty-Five
Caleb
“She’s different. I can’t put my finger on it, but something changed after that night,” I tell Aunt Maria. I talk to her or text her almost every day. Aunt Maria is good at keeping me grounded with everything that involves Henley. And I’m thankful for her words of encouragement, because I know absolutely nothing about chicks. Especially somebody like Henley. She’s feisty and somewhat volatile. But I like feisty and volatile a whole fucking lot.
“Maybe she’s still processing everything. That’s a lot to take in at one time, Caleb. I’m sure she’ll be fine,” she says.
“I understand that it’s a lot to process, but it’s been almost a month since I told her about the accident and Vegas. She’s pulling away. I can feel it. I can’t spend every waking minute worrying about this shit—”
“Language, Caleb. You may be grown, but that doesn’t mean you can talk like that in front of me. Save that talk for work,” she cuts me off.
I chuckle softly, before saying, “I guess you think we stand around at work all day throwing around all of my favorite words, like shit, damn, fuck, son-of-a-bitch.”
“Not funny and no, I don’t think that. I have a lot of respect for your work. You know that. I need to run; there’s someone at the door. Don’t worry about Henley. I’m sure she’s fine. Just talk to her. She sounds like a smart girl. Love you. Bye,” she says before disconnecting the call.
At least Henley hasn’t run… yet. But it’s crossed her mind. I can see it on her face every time we’re together, which isn’t a lot lately. She blames work and that she misses performing. So I don’t say anything. I let her do what she’s always done, because I don’t want her to think I’m trying to change who she is. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I wish she would tell me more about her. I don’t know if that will ever happen. She still gets pissed off when I mention her past. So I’ve stopped asking.
I grab my keys and phone and shove them in my pocket before heading out the door.
* * *
I emerge from my station, walking my last client of the day to the lobby, when I’m greeted by the sultry voice that I know so well. Henley’s performing in front of the shop. And that makes me smile. I haven’t seen her in three days, and that’s three days too many.
I nod toward Smitty as I head toward the door. My shift’s over, and I can’t get out of here fast enough.
“If you hurt her, I will…. Let’s just say walking will be a challenge for you,” a deep voice echoes from somewhere behind me.
I stop before reaching the door and look over my shoulder. Smitty’s holding a clipboard, looking down studying something intently.
“Hurting Henley is not in my plan,” I tell him before I walk out the door.
That was so random. He’s never mentioned Henley to me before. I bet Rex has been running his big mouth. That guy just doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up.
Henley is truly beautiful. Her voice is much softer than normal, but the crowd is the same. There are always plenty of people gathered around my girl when she performs. Watching her doing something she loves makes me proud. It’s a strange feeling. And it’s something I’ve never felt before. Gaining comfort from someone else’s happiness. Fuck. This chick has definitely turned me into a pussy.
“Hey, handsome,” her voice is directed toward me.
“Hey, beautiful.” I wink before walking up next to her.
She reaches out for me but grasps at the air. She does it again, but this time I catch her hand midgrasp.
“You okay? I’m right here,” I tell her, as I pull her into me for a hug.
She nuzzles her face into my chest, before mumbling, “You were just standing in front of me, and then you were gone. I knew you were still here, but….” Her voice trails off as she buries her face deeper into my chest.
I take her guitar out of her hand, and she immediately wraps her arms around me. I gently kiss the top of her head.
“You can talk to me. About anything. You know that, right?”
I pull away from her and look into her big brown eyes. She nods slowly.
“Are you done for the day?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m ready to get out of here.”
I open the case and slide the guitar into the safety of its home. Once it’s locked and leaning against the brick wall, I look over at Henley and smile.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” I ask her, hoping she’ll say yes. Because I miss her. A fucking lot. And if all I get is walking her home, then I’ll take it.
“No,” she mumbles.
What the fuck is going on with her? I should have never let my guard down. Never told her the truth, because, as far as I can tell, I fucking ruined us. This is what I do best. Fuck everything up.
“Your Gibson is packed up and ready to go. Text me when you’re home so I won’t worry,” I tell her as I motion toward her guitar leaning against the wall.
“I meant no, because I want to stay here—with you. If it’s okay?” Her voice is soft and low.
This girl is all over the place—yes, no, maybe. I want you, I’m not sure if I want you, I need you, hold me, don’t hold me so tightly, let me go. I may be exaggerating some, but her entire outlook on us is fading into something different. What makes me so angry is that just a short time ago, when everything was so fucking great, I fell for her hard. And in these last few weeks, my original feelings haven’t changed, but a new emotion showed up. Fear. And I fucking hate it. Fear of her leaving me is not what I want to feel, but I do, and I don’t know how to make it go away.
I give her a slight smile and nod, because I can’t think of anything better than having her in my bed tonight. God, I’ve missed her. Three days may not seem like much, but to me, it’s a fucking lifetime.
She smiles back. Then turns and walks slowly around the corner of the building to the stairwell.
I draw in a deep breath and watch her until she’s com
pletely out of sight. And that’s when it hits me. Fuck. I love her.
Twenty-Six
Henley
I love him. This is not what I had planned for my life. Not even close. Now, the alone thing isn’t going to work for me. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say it out loud. At least not with Caleb in the same room. How in the hell did I go from being alone, to having amazing sex, to falling in love? I’ve tried for the last few weeks to step back. To see how it would be not having him around for every breath I take. But that just didn’t work out for me. I’ve become this needy person I don’t know anymore.
So here I stand, completely naked in front of my guy. He’s on the floor in front of me, breathing in every inch of my body, and it feels fucking amazing. His mouth moves up my legs, and his tongue juts out, teasing me with every lick. When he reaches my inner thigh, my entire body shivers. His breath is warm as he inhales my scent before he drags his tongue through my center, stopping at my clit. His suction is relentless as he pulls and sucks my clit over and over again.
“Caleb,” I moan. My fingers move through his hair, gently pulling and tugging. I know he likes my hands in his hair. It drives him crazy. He’s moaning against my most sensitive spot, so I know he’s more than ready to throw me down and give me what we both want.
My orgasm is hovering so close. My legs begin to shake, and I worry I’m not going to be able to keep standing as I chase my orgasm.
“Hmm… I’m so close, so close,” I breathe out.
The muscles of my inner walls contract and spasm. My breathing catches, and I feel slightly dizzy. If this is what it feels like to be drunk, then I fucking love it. My knees are weak, but not weak enough to stop me from getting what I so desperately want.
I press my center harder into his tongue, needing more friction.
Caleb latches onto my clit one last time before releasing it with a loud pop. My breath catches in my chest and I can barely breathe.
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